Name: John Waters on Letterman, Part 3 of 3: 1987-1992
Uploaded: 2018-02-23T05:32:54.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'John Waters on Letterman, Part 3 of 3: 1987-1992' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-02-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'John Waters on Letterman, Part 3 of 3: 1987-1992' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-02-23. Transcript available.

John Waters on Letterman, Part 3 of 3: 1987-1992

Our next guest is a strange man who makes some strange motion pictures like
Pink Flamingos
and Polyester. He has written a strange book entitled Crackpot. Right here it
is. The
obsessions of John Waters. Folks, please welcome John Waters.
John, how are you doing? Good, how are you? You spent some time, I read some
things you wrote
about California. Yes, I've just been in Los Angeles again. What was the
magazine? You put
together a tour of LA. Yeah, that's in the book. That's also in the book. But
there's even
new great things to do there. I mean, did you realize that Fredericks of
Hollywood opened
a bra museum. A bra museum? Yeah, it's really good. You go and it's all like
bullet bras
and you stand and look at them. It's a great experience. What is the charge to
get in there?
It's free. Free. Yeah. And you can just remember all the girls in high school
that wore bullet
bras and had mosquito bite ankles on their legs. You know, they're good
memories. What other
things do you like about going to LA? Well, I love the fact that every but
earthquakes, that's
one great thing. I mean, I was in the earthquake. The October one? Well, the
aftershock. So wake
up in the middle of the night. So all I did was just put on my underpants
because I knew I was
staying in an expensive hotel that was a landmark that if it collapsed, the
press would be there
filming the ruins. And I didn't want bad enough to be dead in the paper. But
nude to boot, you know,
it's kind of worse. Yeah. No, that's ugly. You can't tolerate that. No.
You want to talk about the new movie? Well, I understand this now. There's a
lot to hate in LA too.
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I jump the gun? Well, if I'm going to say love, I got to say
hate at the same time. Oh, what do you hate about LA?
Well, I hate the fact that everybody's in the business. You know, I long for-
Well, I hate that
about it myself. I long for a conversation with a waitress that hadn't been in
three Sam Shepard
plays. That's right. You know? It's also the no smoking capital of the world.
And I know
you're a non-smoker. I'm more than a heavy smoker. I am a cigarette. And
basically-
I am a cigarette.
So when you fly there, there are no smoking seats in where you're going to sit
in the last
row next to the bathroom and make small talk with the internationally, you know,
incontinent.
You know, so it's-
You just sit there and you have no choice for that. Yeah. Yeah.
You know, I went to visit a friend in jail and they said, I'm sorry, you can't
smoke here
anymore. Now, wait a minute. Hold it right there. Hold it right there. You went
to visit a friend
in jail. Yeah. Don't you have any friends in jail? No.
I don't trust anybody that hadn't been in jail at least once in their life. Is
this something ugly or-
No, it's not something I want to talk about. It's a personal thing. But I
actually got there-
Let's just keep moving. Yeah. I got there and they, you know, I love to smoke a
cigarette in
jail. It's like having a tattoo. You want to do it, you know? And I got there
and they said suddenly
that you couldn't smoke anymore in jail. I said, what, the jail's gone yuppie
even? You know?
Is- how long will your friend be incarcerated? Oh, um, life.
So, more than a traffic violation, I'm guessing. Yeah, right. Everybody has a
bad night.
Yeah. We, uh- God. Yikes. We'll, uh, we'll do a commercial and be back here
with John Water.
So, the neighbor's dog comes over last night, takes a dump on the carpet. Oh,
God. Yeah. Yeah. Subject I can never escape. No. Uh, let's talk about the new
movie now. Okay. I think this would be great. They're calling this John Water's
Car.
This is your breakthrough into mainstream cinema. Well, who knows? Uh, it's, it's
certainly, the only shocking thing I can do is make a PG movie, which it is. It's
called Hairspray and it comes out in February. It's about, uh, takes place in
1962 Baltimore when kids couldn't decide whether they wanted to dance their
lives away to these gimmick dances.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Like, the bug. Have you ever seen that when you get a disease
and you go like that and then on a beat you throw it to the other person and
then they have it.
Or kill that roach where you go squish, squash, and then you spray your partner.
Yeah. These are real dances. Or throw caution to the wind and join the
integration movement that had started at the time.
So, this is the plot of the movie. It's a civil rights comedy, yeah. And, uh,
but it stars, you know, we have a great cast, of course, Divine, who plays a
woman and a man. We have Sonny Bono's in it. And, uh, you know, you can't
imagine the thrill of waking up every day and having Sonny Bono in your life. I
mean.
Well, he's a fairly funny fellow, isn't he? Well, I think he's great. No
casting agents say, get me a Sonny Bono type, you get Sonny Bono. That's right.
And, uh, he's running for mayor, which I would vote for him in a minute.
Imagine the thrill of going into a voting booth and pulling the politically
correct Bono lever. I mean.
Now, has that, has that election taken place? Did that happen? No, it's coming
up. With this last? It's coming up. Maybe the film will help him. Ha-ha.
This is for, uh, Palm Springs. Yeah, yeah. Debbie Harry. Debbie Harry. Piazzadora.
Yeah.
And, uh, she was great. She thought the Slums of Baltimore was a set we had
built. And I said, "No, Pia, these are people's homes." And she said, "Oh."
Oh, God.
But, Pia was a great sport. Yeah. Great. Rick Ocasek from the Cars are in it.
Now, is this a big budget deal, or? For me, I knew it was a big budget the day
it rained and somebody handed me a new raincoat and I thought, "Ooh, we have a
big budget this time." Yeah, yeah.
It was two and a half million for me. Two and a half million, yeah. That's like
Cleopatra budget. Right.
Yeah, but still by, by Hollywood standards, I guess two and a half million is
just a split in the bucket. Very little, yeah.
So, but you're accustomed to working literally like, uh, thirty, forty thousand,
you get a feature film out of it, right?
Well, "Polyester" was three hundred thousand. Three hundred thousand. This one,
uh, cost a lot more, but there's eleven hundred people in it. Yeah. Yeah.
And it was Screen Actors Guild, so it was hard to do. I think it would be great
if this movie turns out to be the runaway hit of the decade. Oh, me too. Yeah,
that would be a lot of fun.
Great. Then I can finally, you know, maybe finance the movie I want to make the
Don Knot story starring me, you know?
Nice to see you, John. Good luck to you. Thanks. We'll be back.
Thank you, Eva. Nice job. I have a program reminder. You brought up Sonny Bono
in your film.
Oh, right. Sonny Bono will be on this show Friday night with his former wife,
Cher.
Oh, that would be interesting. My thanks to Tom Snyder, Tanya Abbey, and of
course, John Waterston.
Join Dave tomorrow on an all-new late night with Earth, Wind, and Fire.
Well, good night. Thanks, everybody. Bye-bye.
What's going on? What's all this running around? Huh? What? You got a what?
What?
Hey, who are you? What is this? Now, wait a minute. Somebody explain this to me.
John Waters is doing Live at 5:00. Can we see Hal punch up Live at 5:00?
John Waters is supposed to be our first guest. He's at Live at 5:00.
And they're in their late-inning stall, I think. So, how much time do I have to
kill out here, Hal?
35 seconds. 35 seconds. How you doing, Paul?
Well, I'm just fine, Dave. How are you? Pretty good. Pretty good. Nice to see
you today.
Did you see Ozzie and Harriet last night? I didn't see it. What happened?
I'm telling you, this is a great show. You don't get it here in New York, do
you?
No, I don't think we do. But, of course, I remember it very, very clearly.
Yeah. Very entertaining show. Now what, huh? He collapsed in the hole?
Oh, my God. He is ready. I'll talk to you a little bit later, Paul.
Okay, we'll get back to this.
Another one of those practice shows we do from time to time.
Now what do you want?
Oh, come here. Well, what are you doing out here, then?
Come here. Hey, hey, Gaines, come here. Hey.
Come here.
Hey, come here.
Hey, come here. Where'd she go?
Back into her little burrow?
What?
What?
Our first guest is a very funny and strange author, actor, and director.
His films include Pink Flamingos, Polyester, and the current hit, Hairspray.
Folks, please say hello to our old friend, John Waters.
John, come on up.
John, nice to see you.
Oh, I don't know.
This is pretty stupid.
This is like open house when you were in school
and your parents would just go down the hall from room to room visiting
teachers.
I know.
You're right across the hall doing an interview.
How was that?
Oh, I feel like Don Ho at the height of his career.
And what did Sue Simmons ask you over there?
I forget because I can never remember what I say when I'm on television.
It's like you're in this sort of weird situation.
You come off and it's -- who knows?
Yeah, you never have any real perspective on what takes place, do you?
No, no.
So the film, Hairspray, which we've been talking about
for at least the last two times you were on the show.
No, just the last time.
Last time.
It's out now.
And it opened in Baltimore.
How was the big opening?
Oh, the world premiere was great.
You know, it was live on television there.
The governor proclaimed a John Waters week.
Right.
And I -- but I was never home.
I was on the tour.
So I wanted to, you know, wear my imperial margarine crown and clomp around the
apartment
giving orders.
Yeah.
But it was fun.
A lot of the stars came.
It was an exciting night.
A real movie premiere.
They don't have them anymore.
You know, it was fun.
It was fun.
It was fun.
As I recall, some of your earlier films, at one point you had a struggle with
the local
film review board there.
Oh, yeah.
But they got rid of her a long time ago.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She's not there.
Even the Baltimore Museum of Art let us have the hair hopper ball afterwards.
You know, my film is about hair hoppers.
No, I didn't know that.
I don't know what hair hoppers are.
A hair hopper is basically someone that pays too much attention to their hair.
Uh-huh.
There's even hair hoppers in the '80s.
Right.
I mean, Cher is the ultimate celebrity hair hopper.
She really goes nuts on her hair.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And people on soap operas by definition are hair hoppers.
They always have really big hair on soap operas.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, that's a good look, I think, teased hair.
You know, I hope it comes back.
Right.
So it's not really a holdover from the '50s.
It's an ongoing preoccupation.
Well, the hair hopper term came out because they had such big hair to do.
They called them hair hoppers.
But hair hopper is a state of mind.
We still have them today.
Yeah.
And there was the dance you alluded to.
Was that a big hit?
Uh, which dance?
You said the hair hopper is bald.
Oh, the bald.
Yeah, that was after the premiere.
Oh, it was great.
You know, especially in the museum around, you know, all these old masters.
Do we have a clip of this film?
Yeah, I think.
Do we have it?
Or did he leave it across the hall?
No, no.
It's a different clip.
Okay.
So this is it.
Now, this is, people are saying that this is your, and forgive me if you're
offended by this,
your first sort of crossover film, your first sort of mainstream.
I'm not offended by that.
Although polyester was pretty much that.
Polyester was rated R.
You know, my films are about surprising people.
So I was amazed when I got a PG rating too.
I wanted to put in the ads, bring the whole family.
But you're not allowed to do that.
Now, who all is in the film?
All the real movie stars.
You know, Debbie Harry, Divine, who plays two roles.
Sonny Bono, Pia Zadora, Rico Kasich, Ruth Brown, Jerry Stiller.
And on, and on, and on.
Oh, yes.
And are you in the film as well?
Oh, yes.
I play an evil psychiatrist who shocks girls with electric cattle prods.
Oh, yeah.
Now, this is a PG film.
Yeah.
PG was never like this.
Right.
And, you know, Screen Actors Guild has given me all this