Name: Network Television Debut Collection on Letterman, Part 2: 1983
Uploaded: 2018-02-24T20:06:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Network Television Debut Collection on Letterman, Part 2: 1983' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-02-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Network Television Debut Collection on Letterman, Part 2: 1983' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-02-24. Transcript available.

Network Television Debut Collection on Letterman, Part 2: 1983

Welcome back to the extravaganza, ladies and gentlemen.
My next guest is a very funny young comedian
who's making his national television debut along with me here tonight.
He's played at clubs and colleges all over the country
and by the country I mean the United States, ladies and gentlemen.
That's right.
And that's why we're so delighted that he's here with us tonight.
Please welcome Rob Bartlett.
I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking Bartlett, because that's my name.
You're thinking Bartlett, you're now, you're today, you're a happening kind of
a guy.
Why do you look like you just stepped off a wedding cake?
The reason's very simple.
I'm getting married at the end of September,
and I was kind of rushing around getting ready for the show today,
and I also had to look for a tuxedo.
I didn't really get a chance to have my fiancé take a look at it,
so I wanted her to get an idea.
What do you think?
You know, I've been in love with this great big world.
I've been to Detroit.
I've been to Cleveland.
I've even been to Newark.
Thank you, you're beautiful.
And everywhere I go, people, they tell me the same thing.
They say, Bartlett, because that's my name.
They say, Bartlett, life is like the dentist's office.
It's excruciatingly painful, but at least the music's nice.
Thank you, you're beautiful.
Sometimes people come up to me and they say, Bartlett,
because that's my name.
Bartlett, life is just a bowl of cheese.
Thank you, you're beautiful.
It was my grandmother's birthday last year, and...
And she said to me, Debbie, because she's senile.
And I said, Grandma, because that's her name.
Boo!
Grandma's not having a birthday this year.
But I'll be driving a BMW.
Next week, my other grandmother with a pacemaker's coming over,
and we just got a new microwave.
Going for a Jaguar this time.
Thank you, you're beautiful.
I'd like to do an impression right now,
which has skyrocketed me to stardom.
I started out in a small club right here in New York,
known as the International House of Pickled Beats.
And this is the impression that got me here to the big time
on the Dave Letterman Show.
Ladies and gentlemen, a beagle
at a cocktail party.
Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof,
woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof,
woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof,
woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof,
woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof
Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof,
woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof,
woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof,
woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof,
woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof,
woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof,
back back back back back back back back back back back back back back a chihuahua
at a cocktail party
a boxer at a cocktail party
and last but certainly not least a black labrador retriever at a cocktail party
i said whoa
well bow out your mama
thanks a lot
rob bartlett very nice sir you're getting married
yeah getting married september 19th and that would be the official dress of the
day this is the exact tuxedo that i will be wearing
uh... let me just guess here a rental
yes yeah what does that go for this uh... i think with taxes sixty one forty
three not a bad deal
yeah uh... and what does somebody mention sneakers well i couldn't arrange footwear
so i knew the footwear
i think it was a specialist was going to be on the show
but i did get color coordinated sneakers for the occasion
they look very nice
that this is your first appearance on first network appearance um... the i was
a finalist in a big laugh off
competition which has been taped for cable network
on showtime
yeah and uh... that will be actually that's airing in september so this is it
this is actually the first
first person and but circle those tv guides for september yes that's right now
uh... what did you do before you got into a comedy here
um... i had a variety of jobs i uh... out of college i took a leave of absence
from from college and uh... worked as an elevator operator
uh... interesting uh... and uh... kind of a hiatus there yeah kind of a hiatus
uh... just time to kinda get my act together and chill out
yeah uh... and uh... i ran an elevator for a while and uh... decided that
comedy was it and uh...
from the elevator that's where i went
now you uh... you work in a lot of clubs around this great land of ours you've
worked in detroit newark and uh...
on around detroit newark on the whole bit and uh... yeah matter of fact
tomorrow i leave to go to uh... ocean city maryland
uh... uh... two people have gone to ocean city maryland uh... at a place called
gunnings crab house which is not we would
think comedy would be but uh... gunnings crab house gunnings crab house in
ocean city maryland
but it is a restaurant and it's a restaurant and they have comedy upstairs yeah
uh... i think the bill is me
uh... another comedian larry ragland and uh... a stuffed flounder
oh that'd be great that'd be great so you must be must be very excited it's my
first time working with seafood so
uh...
uh... how long have you been uh... doing stand-up comedy doing stand-up about
four years yeah just
about four years terrific well you're off to a good start i appreciate you
coming by tonight thank you
mr rob bartlett ladies and gentlemen thank you sir good luck with your uh...
marriage
we'll be right back
thank you
thank you very much
uh... we have to unplug this sucker i want to thank my guest tonight of course
mr rob bartlett very nice thank you for being here rob
also uh...
my thanks to fran lebowitz and of course to jerry lopez uh... professor howard
taylor
uh... paul schaefer in the band ladies and gentlemen
bill wendell our announcer
and you the studio audience tomorrow night director and screenwriter paul mazurski
spaceship viewer timothy james and comedian marcia warfield that'll be tomorrow
night thank you good night
this has been a melman production
thank you
this guest is making his television debut tonight he is a talented comedian
magician and spy it's a
pleasure to welcome joel hodgson
joel hodgson
age 22 minneapolis minnesota white human starting now
all right will you think of a card
okay is this
that's not it
what was your card
ace of diamonds
okay this is as close as i could get
how much time have i got left
i guess we've all got about five minutes
this is what we call in the magic fraternity a candle
what i'm going to do is make the candle change color but as you all know before
the candle can really
change color
he must first believe
he can change color and to do that i'm going to bring a friend of mine out do
you remember who we had out last week
gang
we have a little skit worked out for you it's an excerpt from the film godzilla
versus megalon
what is a big fella
dad
he's trapped
under a rock
down in dead rock canyon
in tokyo
okay
now the lizard king will scare the candle into believing he's a different color
okay to finish the process i need you the audience to blow on the candle on the
count of three
one two three blow
okay since we blew on the candle what color should it be
since we blew on the candle what color should it be okay right now that i've
established the color
of the candle is blue i snap my fingers and it's back to red again
it's back to red again
well really the candle's gone
oh really the candle's gone
oh really the candle's gone
oh sure these two are a lot of fun to have around the house but i like to erase
them
okay
okay
oh when harry houdini was alive he did a trick that was known as the fake
spirit seance i'd like to recreate
that now because harry's dead
okay i've set a place for my ghost friends um some breakfast of ghost toasties
and evaporated milk
hope this works
of course harry didn't have a microphone to use like i do but the same thing
can happen if you're not
okay are you getting any of this okay it's not that big of a deal why would
somebody do a trick with
three hands well i've got three hands
thank you out of all my audiences i'd have to say you've been the most recent
i understand in addition to your um many talents uh displayed what's the matter
nothing uh i understand that you uh are also a ventriloquist
right
hey it's my good friend danny oh danny
danny loves the minuet the ballet rouge and crepe suzette but danny loves to
rock and roll a hot dog
makes him lose control what a wild duet when dummies identical dummies are
connected by the spine
a genealogist could lose his mind because they're dummies but they're cousins
and they're connected by this
spine
ebony
ebony and i believe
very nice
tell you what uh joel we're gonna go away for a commercial but we'll be right
back
thank you folks for that i want to thank you the studio audience you were
terrific as always mr joel
hobson my thanks to you sir peter regert monique van voran and her shoes ladies
and gentlemen paul in
the band tomorrow jane paulie billy christle and staff writer and crime fighter
george myer good night
Thank you.
Thank you, Paul.
My next guest is a talented young comedian
who originally comes from Minnesota.
Ladies and gentlemen, he will be appearing May 25th
at the Comedy Underground in Seattle,
making his network television debut.
Please welcome Mr. David Wood.
David.
Well, thank you very much.
Thank you. It's good to be here.
It's my first time in New York.
I went looking around the city today.
I got lost.
I made a big mistake.
I got on a bus.
You ever ride buses in New York?
Whoa!
As far as I can figure out,
these buses have no specific routes.
I don't think they do.
I think the bus driver goes in,
8 o'clock in the morning,
they give him a bus and just tell him,
hey, be back by 5, huh?
But I just flew in from Minnesota.
I was home in Minnesota.
I read something great on the plane.
I was reading an article
and had the list of the people
that made the most money in the country last year,
all the people.
Number one guy was Steven Spielberg.
He had two at movies,
Poltergeist and E.T.
Last year, he averaged
a million dollars a day.
One million every day.
Now, this is a reason
to get up in the morning.
You don't sleep in
if you're making a million a day.
And you don't yawn in the morning.
You yodel.
You get up,
this guy must do the rumba
down the mailbox.
Let's get that check
and have some lunch.
Let's go.
And he must love those months
with 31 days.
You get that extra million there?
I'm sure February's a drag.
Only 28 million.
Probably take in a roommate
and make ends meet.
A million a day.
You could spend like
400,000 on breakfast.
Hey, keep the change.
I got six left.
I don't need it.
And I'd get it all
in million dollar bills.
Wouldn't you?
How much is that coffee?
50 cents?
Can you break a million?
Smallest I've got.
I finally saw Gandhi.
That's a great movie.
No, if you think about it,
so far,
the two big stars
of the 80s
are E.T. and Gandhi.
Now, is it just me
or do these guys look alike?
It's like the look of the 80s.
Small, brown, and bald.
You're this tall,
but you're cool.
You know who else
is making big money
these days?
Our athletes.
They're making all the money.
Baseball players,
basketball players.
And my favorite sport,
hockey.
Any hockey fans?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I like hockey.
It's one of the few sports
where ethnic groups
get to pay to see
white people
beat each other up.
But hockey's so violent.
That's because
if you do something wrong
in hockey,
if you foul somebody,
all they do
is put you
in the penalty box.
That's it.
I mean,
you hit somebody
in the head
with a hockey stick,
which is like
attempted manslaughter.
They put you there
for five minutes.
I don't think
they come out
reformed
in five minutes,
you know?
While they're in there,
teach th