Name: Quentin Crisp Collection on Letterman, 1982-83
Uploaded: 2018-03-11T03:24:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Quentin Crisp Collection on Letterman, 1982-83' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-03-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Quentin Crisp Collection on Letterman, 1982-83' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-03-11. Transcript available.

Quentin Crisp Collection on Letterman, 1982-83

Thank you so much.
Good morning and welcome back to the show.
My next guest is Quentin Crisp.
By his own admission, he is a most unusual person.
He gained notoriety in writing his autobiography,
The Naked Civil Servant, which recounted his life in London,
living openly as a homosexual.
He has toured this country in a one-man show
and has been very candid in talking about his life.
Would you please welcome Quentin Crisp?
Thank you very much for being here.
Tell me, you're working on a new book.
What is the name of the new book that you're writing?
That book is called How to Become a Virgin.
How to Become a Virgin.
It's quite easy.
You just go on to television.
All your sins are wiped away.
It doesn't matter what you've been on television for,
even if it's because you've murdered your mother.
The next day, no one is going to walk by saying,
don't look now, there's that terrible man.
They will cross over the road at the risk of losing their own lives
to say, we saw you on television.
Yeah, so celebrity then becomes more important
than whatever crime he or she may have committed.
Exactly.
Yeah.
You toured in a one-man show,
and I understand that the second half of the show
usually was questions from...
What was the question most frequently asked you?
Well, quite often I'm asked about my hair.
Is it a wig?
Mm-hmm.
But of course, if it were a wig,
it would look more natural.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It is, it's interesting hair you have.
Thank you for these kind words.
When you lived in London,
you lived in an apartment for a very long time.
You didn't, you're not much for house cleaning.
No, it's a great mistake.
To clean a house.
Yes.
In fact, this is a message of hope.
After the first four years,
the dirt doesn't get any worse.
It's just a question of not losing your nerve.
You get it?
All those years you wasted
dusting all the rails under the chairs
with people saying,
if you go on living like this,
heaven knows what will happen.
I'm still here, and I'm 73.
So it's a waste of time?
It's a complete waste of time.
Isn't that off-putting to people
who might want to come over and visit?
Oh, no.
No, that's quite untrue.
People say no one will visit you
if you live in this way.
It becomes a pilgrimage
to see how anyone could do that.
You maybe print up bumper stickers.
I saw his room.
Yeah, that's right.
Now, you're living in New York now.
Yes.
Same thing goes?
The same thing goes,
but I shall be 112
before I've got my room
into the same state.
Just stuff cluttering about.
Yeah.
In London,
your name was printed
in the phone book.
Yes.
Now, you're a gentleman
of certain notoriety.
That seems to be a risky thing.
If you don't have your name
name in the phone book,
you're stuck with your friends.
How will you ever
enlarge your horizons?
But I suppose you get
a lot of calls,
people looking for the pizza place,
wrong number.
So, they don't become
your friends, do they?
They don't.
They might.
But, you know,
this is a very frightening thing
to have your privacy
put on the line like that.
Did you ever have
any nasty experiences?
Oh, yes.
They ring me up
threatening to kill me.
I say,
do you want an appointment?
Have to wait in line, do they?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now, you wouldn't do that
in a city like New York,
I would guess.
Well, my name will be
in the book
when I've been here
long enough
to have that
Quentin Crisp edition
of the phone book.
Yeah.
So, you're serious
that this is a good way
to meet friends?
Oh, yes.
Have you made
lasting friendships
this way?
Well,
as far as I know,
all my friendships
are lasting.
I never give anybody up,
gladly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know,
in the book
Naked the Civil Servant,
in a time
when it wasn't popular
to do so,
you lived openly
as a homosexual
in London.
And, of course,
I would guess
a question you must
be tired of
is, you know,
why subject yourself,
what year is this,
the mid-40s?
The mid-30s.
The mid-30s.
So, why subject yourself
to this abuse?
And it certainly
was abuse, wasn't it?
Oh, it was indeed.
But I never really
had any alternative.
I didn't come out.
I was never in.
I could never have
disguised myself
as a human being.
Well, that makes sense.
I mean,
you were certainly
making no pretenses.
That's what you were.
It would have been
living like a spy.
I would have had to
watch every step
I took,
every word I uttered,
every movement
I made,
if I was going
to pass myself
off as a heterosexual.
It simply isn't worth it.
Yeah.
Are you thought of
by the gay community,
whatever those two words
happen to mean,
but are you thought of
now as a pioneer
or a barrier breaker
or a champion
of the cause?
No, I'm considered
to be rather a nuisance.
Oh, really?
Why is that?
Well, they want to be,
they want to pass
themselves off
as members
of the community.
They want to take
their place
in society.
Never do that.
Stay right where you are
and wait for society
to form itself
around you.
Now,
what exactly
does that mean?
That means
that if you stay
with it long enough,
it will become
a fashion.
I'm like a stopped
clock.
I write once
every 12 years.
But you also,
haven't you advocated
that gay people
vacate their lives
of secrecy?
Oh, yes.
Whoever you are
don't live a life
of secrecy.
What is the point
of that?
Tell it all.
Yeah.
You've only one thing
to offer the world
which nobody else
can give
and that's yourself.
So you tell everybody
what it is.
Yeah.
Well, that certainly
makes sense.
That's to thine own self
be true
as they say.
Now,
how long have you
lived in this country
now?
I've only been
a resident alien
for the last few months.
I came here first
in 1977
and then I came back
in 78
and I worked
in MacDougal Street
and then I worked
in Los Angeles.
An earthly paradise.
Do you like
the Los Angeles?
Everybody is beautiful.
Everybody is rich.
All the women
are actresses
and all the men
are lawyers.
They're either
out surfing
or they got
a party going.
I thought we were
I thought Mike Love
was singing there
for a minute.
Anyway,
whom of the
Americans
do you admire?
Oh, all of them.
But particularly
people whom
I would consider
to be stylists.
People like
Mr. Warhol.
For what reason?
Never did anyone
do less
to gain more
acclaim.
What was your
ambition as a child
when you were
a young fellow?
When I was a
child at a time
when my brothers
wanted to be
wonderful things
like engine
drivers
and the captains
of iron ships,
I wanted to be
a chronic
invalid.
I had a certain
flair.
My mother said
it would be
too expensive
to take up
as a career.
Now I could
get a gram.
You showed
tendencies though
in those early days.
It might work out
for you.
Things good for you
generally?
You treated all right
walking about
in New York City now?
Oh yes,
in New York
everybody is
your friend.
You mean that
legitimately,
not facetiously?
Oh,
absolutely.
Bus drivers
shake your hand.
Taxi drivers
will carry you
across the city
without charging you.
Really?
Restauranteurs
will give you
free drinks.
It's amazing.
You know,
I have not
experienced that.
I generally,
when a cab driver
takes me downtown,
I have to pay
or they rough me up.
I wonder
what you did wrong.
I don't know.
I should read
the instructions
on the back
of the front seat
I guess.
You're a fascinating
individual
and I appreciate
you coming by
here this evening.
It was a pleasure
chatting with you,
sir.
Thank you.
Nice meeting you.
Quentin Crick.
We'll be right back
with Dr. Armin Broder.
My first guest,
Quentin Crisp,
hit the public's
attention with his
autobiography,
The Naked Civil Servant,
which recounted
his years in England
living openly
as a homosexual.
The book was made
into a successful
television program
which aired on PBS.
here in the United States.
Mr. Crisp is now
a transplanted New Yorker
and this is a repeat
visit for him
on Late Night.
A welcome, please,
Mr. Quentin Crisp.
Quentin, how are you?
Nice to see you.
Thank you.
Thank you for returning
to the program.
When you were here
before we really
didn't get to talk
about the book
and the television show
The Naked Civil Servant
but it refers to
what aspect of your life?
The title.
The title refers
to the time
when I was a model
and a journalist
came to ask me
if I was a famous model
but there isn't
such a thing anymore now
because no artist
draw from figures.
all their work
is abstract
so you work
in the schools
and the romance
of it
and the scandal
have gone.
You go to the school
you sign on
you take your
insurance cards
with you
you work
for a definite
number of hours
a week
you sign off
and you are paid
by check
and the check
comes from
the minister
of education.
Oh I see
because you were used
as part of
you were in art classes
I guess.
That's right.
You go to the schools
only.
Did you model
well naked?
Sure you did.
That's the title
of the thing here.
It's self-explanatory
isn't it?
Well in most classes
you wear a loincloth.
The women are naked
the men wear a loincloth.
Now I don't think
they do.
I think
nakedness
is here to stay.
Was that
difficult work
for you?
It's a
constant strain.
The work
is a constant
you're uncomfortable
whatever you're doing.
If the art master
says
that's fine
stay like that
that's the way
it is boys and girls
for the rest of the day
by the evening
you will be
absolutely worn out
and you won't be able
to lift your elbows
off the desk.
Yeah people
I would not guess
that it's exhausting work.
Is there a trick to it?
A secret?
Did you have any secret?
No there's no secret.
You force yourself
to do it.
And what constitutes
being a good model?
Well I suppose
you could
have various things
to offer.
You could be handsome
or you could have
a magnificent physique.
But as I didn't have
any of these things
I decided
to make it
a triumph
of the will.
So I took
the poses
that most
models
will refuse
to take.
They will say
it's too much strain.
I can't do it.
Did you ever
go look at the work
after it was completed?
No I think
that would be
unwise.
The first duty
of the model
is to look like
the work
of the students.
It isn't easy.
So you make it
sound like
they draw something
and then go looking
for somebody
who matches up.
More or less.
More or less.
That's right.
Now the last time
you were on this program
it was brought
to everyone's attention
that you were listed
in the Manhattan phone book.
That's right.
And it didn't occur
to me at the time
that perhaps
you might be
plagued with a call
or two
after your appearance.
Did that occur?
Yes indeed.
They were still
ringing me up
at quarter past four
in the morning.
And by they
you just mean
people.
The world.
The world.
And what did they
generally have to say?
They liked the program.
Yeah.
And you spoke
with them at length?
Yes.
As long as they
wanted to speak
I spoke.
And this
of course
this is your purpose
in having
your number listed.
Yes.
Yeah.
No threats?
No nastiness?
Are people
pretty polite?
No.
In England
they threaten you
when they ring you out.
They say
you're queer
I'll kill you.
That's a threat.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a...
I can only say
do you want
an appointment?
You mean
to kill you?
Yes.
Yeah.
This is an awful
awful line of discussion
we've fallen into
here isn't it?
Yes.
Ignore it.
Yeah we should.
but generally
Americans seem
to be more friendly.
Yes.
Well that's a note
I think suitable
upon which to pause
and we'll do so
right now.
We'll be back
with Quentin
Chris.
Hi there and welcome
back to the show.
Quentin Crisp is here
again.
Nice to have you back
as I mentioned earlier.
You live here in New York City?
Yes.
Pets?
Pets have pets?
No pets.
We've got enough
dumb friends
without them.
Have you ever had pets?
Never.
Not interested in them,
huh?
You have to feed them.
You have to look after them.
It's hard enough
for me to feed myself.
Yeah.
And you like being...
You mentioned
that you get cab rides free.
I'm a little interested
in that procedure.
Oh yes, you do.
From time to time.
And explain to me
how that happens
exactly.
I don't really know.
You get out of the cab.
You offer to pay
and they say
no, just sign
this piece of paper.
Never for themselves.
Will you sign this
for my wife?
Oh, I see.
