Name: Dentist Remotes Collection on Letterman, 1987-93
Uploaded: 2018-03-18T21:30:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dentist Remotes Collection on Letterman, 1987-93' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-03-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dentist Remotes Collection on Letterman, 1987-93' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-03-18. Transcript available.

Yeah, yep, yep, yep.
Thank you very much, Paul.
You guys sound quite well, as always.
Thank you very much.
Quite good, as always.
Thank you so much.
Coming up in this half hour, we're going to see about this flea circus deal.
Eddie Dijon is the man's name, and he'll be out here with his entire flea
circus.
Tomorrow on the program, singer Ima Sumac, and from New Heart, Peter Scolari,
and Stupid Human Tricks.
That will be tomorrow on the program.
There's nothing wrong with tonight's offering, okay?
This is a fine show.
This is your blue-chip TV show tonight.
Until now.
Regular viewers of this program know that there is no part of my private life
that I haven't shared openly and generously with the curious public.
That's why when I recently cracked a filling in a rear molar and had to go to a
dentist,
we brought our camera crew along, and here now are highlights, if you can call
them that,
of my visit with dentist, Dr. Kathy Morris-Albert.
What is your degree?
You're a DDS?
Yes, I am, DDS, general dentist.
Yeah.
Then maybe you would know this.
You know what, that striped toothpaste, is the stuff striped in the tube,
or does it stripe when it comes out of the tube?
I mean, if we were to cut it open and look at it, would we see the toothpaste
striped, or what?
I think that it's striped in the tube.
Oh, okay.
And preferably, please, it's striped toothpaste.
Give me a pair of gloves, if you will.
A pair of gloves for you?
Yeah, if you don't mind.
You can't be too careful these days, Kathy.
I mean, who wouldn't know better than you?
I will need you to remove the cigar.
All right.
All right.
Do you have a special tool to remove that with?
I'm sure I could find one.
I'll just put it right here in this ashtray.
And if you could open it.
Very good.
Okay.
Oh, jeez.
That's a nervous reaction.
I'm sure.
What the hell is this?
This is the x-ray image.
And this will be taking our film.
Turn it down to real low.
Don't, you know, just put it on stun.
Okay, David, this is the tooth where you have broken the filling.
This is the broken filling in here.
You can see this is possibly some decay underneath the broken filling.
Oh, there's not much decay there, really, to speak of.
Before we begin, can I put my fingers in your mouth just a little bit?
I really would rather not, unless you have a license for treatment.
I will need to keep this out of the mouth.
Well, that's what Molly is here for.
Molly, will you hold the cigar for us, please?
Okay, we're going to administer the injection.
Give me a shot.
Where do you do that, in the forehead?
No, we do it, uh, in the...
Ah, jeez, don't sneak up on me with that damn thing.
What is that?
In the rear of the mouth.
Now, you're hiding.
Now, let me see the thing before you stick it into my, uh...
Fine, okay.
David, this...
You sense I'm a little jumpy, don't you?
Yes.
Yeah.
This is the syringe, and this is what, in fact, holds the lidocaine and the
needle.
Wow, look at this boy.
Gee-mini.
And this is what it looks like.
That's for putting goats to sleep, isn't it?
God.
And I need a carpule.
Let's see.
A carpule.
A carpule contains the...
That's how I used to get to work, by the way, in the carpule.
And the gas problem hit a few days ago.
Had to go work in the carpule.
Okay, are you ready to begin?
Yeah.
Okay.
Give me your hand, Molly.
And if you could open...
That's fine.
Now, wait a minute.
What if the lidocaine hasn't worked yet?
You will tell me.
Um...
Okay.
I guess I will.
Yeah.
Up and wide.
Very good.
Fine.
You're doing very good.
Ah, ah, ah.
You're going to feel me tugging on your cheek.
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
Ah, ah.
You're going to feel a lot of tugging.
Ah.
You're experiencing some discomfort.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Oh, show me some of the stuff.
What's this do?
Oh, God.
I'm sorry, Molly.
Oh, jeez.
I didn't feel...
I'm sorry.
Ask me about the carpool again.
I kind of enjoyed that.
There'll be about eight of us in a van coming down the hutch.
Oh, brother.
If you have any sensation or any discomfort, you let me know.
Okay.
Okay?
You don't need to jump out of the chair or to do anything dramatic.
What should I do?
Let's establish a signal.
What would be a good signal?
All you have to do is raise this hand.
I'll raise this hand.
Yes.
And if you could keep this hand in position.
All right.
So I just...
Discomfort?
The hand comes up.
All right?
Okay.
We're going to go ahead and begin.
Fine.
Okay.
You're having discomfort?
No, it's a joke.
Okay.
I just custom the system.
Okay.
Good.
We're now going to use the low speed.
You're going to feel some vibration.
Oh, good.
That's why I came.
Any pain?
We're about done, aren't we?
Yes.
We're just about done.
When things are slow, do you guys work on each other's teeth?
I'd like you to rinse.
All right.
Oh, sorry, Molly.
You've got to think about boots or something.
You ever consider it galoshes, maybe?
Let me take a look at the tooth that we filled today.
Did you just thin it up a little up here?
That's not my specialty.
Just because I think it's a little out of...
Okay.
And this is the tooth.
Uh-huh.
The lower right first molar.
Hey, that's not the one that I busted.
The one I busted, like over here.
Thank you.
We're done?
Yes, we're done.
Now can I put my fingers in your mouth?
Okay, that was my tip to the dentist.
We'll be right back with Eddie Dijon and his Free Circus.
Hey, boys!
You know, I think that Batman's going to be a big hit.
And I'll tell you why.
Two reasons.
People like, of course, they like the Batman character.
But I think also, and more importantly, I think they like Michael Keaton.
Don't you?
I think so.
Very nice.
Let's see.
Let's see.
Roger Daltrey will be out here in a couple of minutes, ladies and gentlemen,
playing a song, which, by the way, is great.
Yeah, it sure is.
Very, very exciting.
I heard this on the...
He did it on the radio live a couple of days ago.
Great song.
Is that the one?
The same one?
What's the name of it?
I think so.
Days of Light.
Yep.
That's it right there.
Roger Daltrey will be out here in a couple of minutes.
Monday on the program, ladies and gentlemen, Arnold Schwarzenegger will be here.
And the group Damn Yankees will be on the show.
That'll be Monday.
What's his name?
I remember them.
What's his name?
Why can't I think of his name?
Ted Nugent is in it.
You can't think of anyone's name tonight.
Tommy Shaw.
Blunt force to the head.
Last week, ladies and gentlemen, when I broke a tooth and actually cracked out
a filling while enjoying freshly popped corn at the cinema,
I did just exactly what anyone else might do.
I screamed like an infant until I was removed by an usher.
So, on Monday, it was off to the dentist to have my mouth put in proper working
order.
Here now, enjoy that visit with us.
How are you today, Mr. Letterman?
Good.
How are you?
Dr. Estrada?
Dr. Estrada.
Estrada.
That's it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ah!
Oh, jeez!
Oh, my God!
Why didn't you tell me?
Can you give me some kind of warning?
Oh, I don't want no x-rays.
No x-rays.
No x-rays.
Here we go.
Please, no x-rays.
Well...
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
It's gagging me.
I don't want to gag on my own television show.
You leave that to the home viewers.
I think we need to anesthetize his poop now.
Before we do anything else, I want you and Rose to see if you can recite the Crest
Pledge.
Crest has been shown to be an effective decay for that's been a risk that could
be a significant value.
Oh, is that the one?
That's right.
Is it all loaded up and ready to go?
All right.
Do you think it's safe to have it that close to my face when I'm jumping around
here like
an orangutan?
Is it going to make me sleepy?
No, it's not going to make you sleepy.
Okay.
Because of...
All right, now, this would just be a check to see if the Novocaine is taken.
Here we go.
That's too soon.
I can't feel it again.
I can't, I can't feel anything.
Let's go.
Let's begin the procedure.
And, uh...
Do we have the x-rays back?
How do those go?
What do you think?
I think it's great.
How long have you known Dr. Estrada?
I've been with Dr. Estrada for four years.
Yeah.
Were you with him on that chip show on NBC?
Maybe that would be an excellent time to shave.
Rose, are you keeping bees in the office or something?
It's like every party I attended in college.
Hey, I'll be right down.
I'm okay.
Where's my date?
Where is she going?
Huh?
Thank you very much, Rose.
Rose, you're in the light.
Here, let me get that for you.
You have a quarter.
Doctor, do you mind if you show us your teeth?
You're quite an attractive man, Doctor.
I had time to reflect on my life while you were working there on my mouth and
curing and screwing and whatever the heck you were doing.
And I think the reason I'm having trouble with my teeth now as a middle-aged
man can be traced back to my days as a circus performer.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Stay away from the x-ray machine.
Bye-bye.
I want one of them masks.
Taxi!
Cat!
Don't be alarmed.
I've just come from the dentist.
All right.
We're going to do a commercial.
We'll be back here with Roger Balfrey.
Thank you very much.
Welcome back to the show, ladies and gentlemen.
Rita Rudner will be out here a little bit later.
Jackson Brown was just here.
Great song, and it's a great album, and I saw one of his guys playing this.
That's right.
And you're going to try and tell me this is a musical instrument, aren't you?
That is it.
The guy was trying to walk away with this.
He was stealing this.
This is a vase.
It belongs in the prize wonderland.
There you go.
I caught the guy stealing.
When you have a talk show like this, you've got to keep your eyes open for pilferage.
The guy was going to steal the prize wonderland vase.
Glad you caught it.
Oh, excellent, excellent, excellent piece of detective work on my part, don't
you think?
Let's see.
Tomorrow, it's another great program, ladies and gentlemen.
If you have a job, quit, or get a nap, or call in sick or something.
Tom Selleck will be here.
Also, Pete Townsend.
Man.
You know, it's hard for me to believe, night after night, that this really is
my show.
These people are too good for my show.
No, no, no.
Also, actress Carol Kane, she will be here tomorrow.
That'll be a great program tomorrow.
How's it matter?
You know what I'm thinking of?
You know, it's odd how sometimes right in the middle of something, you'll get a
thought,
something will hit you, and you can't shake it.
What are you thinking?
I'm thinking...
That looks pretty good, doesn't it?
I'm thinking it's been like six months since I had my teeth cleaned.
Oh.
I don't know, I'm just in that mood.
It would make me feel a lot better if I just could get my teeth cleaned now.
Hey, go ahead.
Anybody else want to go for a teeth cleaning?
Well, not me.
Anton, you want to go?
All right, Anton.
Anton feels like that.
Barry, you want to get your teeth cleaned?
Anybody else?
Oh, Lori, Barbara, do you want to go?
Biff, how about you?
You want to go to the dentist with me?
All right, cover us, Paul.
We'll be right back.
Let's go.
Hurry up, Anton.
Let's go.
We'll be right back.
Right this way.
Why waste any time?
If it doesn't get funnier if it's slow.
What are we doing here?
Oh, here.
Oh, thank you.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
How are you?
Hi.
Hi.
I've heard an ice cream.
I feel like a million bucks now.
Sharp-eyed viewers may have noticed that sometime in the van on the way to the
dentist, I took off my socks.
It's just what I do when I go to the dentist.
We have to pause for a commercial announcement.
We'll be right back here with Rita Redner, folks.
We'll be right back.