Name: Viewer Mail on Letterman, June 19, 1986
Uploaded: 2018-04-11T04:10:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman, June 19, 1986' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-04-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman, June 19, 1986' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-04-11. Transcript available.

Okay. Viewer mail. Let's get right to it. Letter number one begins, Dear Dave,
I've recently
read that one episode of Miami Vice costs NBC in excess of $1 million. That's
true. How
does this compare to one episode of your program? Just wondering. Your pal Ray
Hathaway lands
down Pennsylvania. Good point, Ray. As we've pointed out, our show does cost
much, much
less than a million dollars an episode to produce. But I think if you take a
close look
at both programs and compare the quality and what you get, we hold up pretty
well. In
fact, we've put together this little chart. Here now is Miami Vice. Here's what
you get
for a million dollars an episode on Miami Vice. It has the look of a rock and
roll video. That's
certainly true. Our program has the look of public access phone-in shows. Miami
Vice has
their set that reflects state-of-the-art interior design. Our show reflects
what was left over
from Tic Tac Doe. On Miami Vice, they have expensive catered meals for cast and
crew. On
our program, first cup of coffee for guests is On the House. Miami Vice has
Philip Michael
Thomas. Our program does not have Philip Michael Thomas. Dedicated audience
numbered in millions
that watches regularly for Miami Vice. Our program does not have Philip Michael
Thomas.
How are we doing, Gaines?
It's right there. She's going to get it in a second, isn't she? Okay. It's all
right, Barbara.
Don't worry. Relax. We're all right. All right. Letter number two, ladies and
gentlemen, begins:
Dear Dave, where is Hus? Sincerely, Gary Schrock, Kelowna, Iowa. Gee, thanks
for reminding me, Gary.
Hus? Little J, where are you guys? Come on out here.
You boys get back up to the ranch and finish your chores now. Okay, Bob. Okay.
Take care.
Letter number three. Dear Mr. Letterman, the other evening you had Bernadette
Peters on the program. You omitted
mentioning her most recent honor, the Drama League's 1986 Distinguished
Performance Award. Since we have
been receiving phone calls axing why the Drama League Awards were not mentioned,
and we don't know,
we are going to the source and axing you. Sincerely, Julia Hanson, the Drama
League of New York.
Well, Julia, I was certainly aware that Bernadette Peters had received the very
great honor. The reason
I did not mention it, I didn't want to draw attention to myself. You see, I too
was awarded the Drama
League's 1986 Distinguished Performance Award, and well, thank you. Thank you
very much. Stop it.
I'll read anything they put on the card. So you see, if I mentioned her award,
it would come out that I
had won and I didn't want to blow my own horn. So here, let me show you the
award. It's right here.
There it is. It's a lovely piece of, it's the Drama League. Very nice. Dave.
Yes, Paul. Excuse me.
You know, I wasn't going to bring this up, but you see, I too was recently
honored by the Drama League
with this Distinguished Performance Award. Congratulations. Very nice. Thank
you very much.
I was wondering, where are you, where were you going to display your award? You
mean keep
it around the house, geez? I don't know. I hadn't really thought about it.
Tommy,
Tommy, where are you and the guys going to keep your Drama League awards?
In the boiler room with the ones from last year. Oh, in the boiler room. Okay.
Thank you,
Tommy. You're going to put them in the boiler room. All right.
Yeah. All right. You got it right there, Barbara? Thank you very much.
No, that's not it.
Letter number four. Dear Dave, have you recently lost weight or is it some sort
of camera trick?
Wondering Dave Morum, Mauston, Wisconsin. Actually, Dave, that's a good
question. All of our NBC
cameras are now equipped with the new RCA Slimtech lens, which makes everybody
on television appear to be
about 10 to 15 pounds lighter than they actually are. And tell you, how can we
get a shot of me through one of
those old lenses that we keep around here just for laughs? Okay. I think you'll
see the difference
here. Okay. Thank you very much, Hal.
Paul, we'd like you to be there tomorrow. We're playing the Today Show. I'll be
there. I'm going to be
there. At 5:30. 5:30, I'll be there. The softball team. Softball, I'll be there.
I don't know whether I'll
play. I understand they scouted our last contest, the Today Show people. Really?
Spies. Yeah,
they really did. They had somebody come out to the last game we played and look
us over. Yeah. Wow.
So be there. They're going to bring in any ringers from the morning news or
something? No,
I don't know what they're going to do, but we're very concerned about it. So
please be there. I'll be
there. Letter number five begins, "Dear Dave, my roommate Harriet does not like
to watch your show
because she says you don't have a romantic bone in your body. Please convince
her that this is not
true so I can keep the TV on until 1:30 a.m. Thanks, Yvonne L. Wright, Atlanta,
Georgia."
Well, that's interesting. Not a romantic bone in my body, huh?
Yeah. Okay. All right, Harriet, get a load of this!
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold on. I can explain. Wait a minute. No. No. No.
Look,
I'm just answering my letters. Wait a minute. We'll go on. No, no. No, no. We'll
just...