Name: Harry Anderson Collection on Letterman, 1982-87
Uploaded: 2018-04-17T04:15:56.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Harry Anderson Collection on Letterman, 1982-87' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-04-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Harry Anderson Collection on Letterman, 1982-87' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-04-17. Transcript available.

Harry Anderson Collection on Letterman, 1982-87

Well, now would be a good time to call the kids and wake the neighbors,
because in a few minutes we'll have guys from mainland China shopping food.
My next guest, that's right, my next guest says that since he was born a liar
and a cheat,
he had no choice but to go into show business.
A very amusing and talented magician, comedian, and self-proclaimed hustler,
please welcome Harry Anderson, ladies and gentlemen.
Go, Harry. All right.
Is this correct or is this just something silly to say about yourself?
Born a liar and a cheat?
That's silly.
That is silly.
Now, does that reflect negatively on your folks?
How does Mom and Dad feel about that?
Well, they were liars and cheats, too.
So it came as no surprise to them.
No, I got out and started working early, so I think they appreciated that.
Yeah.
What did your dad do?
He was a salesman who occasionally sold things that weren't for sale.
And Mom?
What did Mom do?
Mom started as a housewife, and then the folks split up, and she hit the
streets.
It happens, and I followed her out there, and that's where I learned.
Well, when I was a little kid, I was a drop-off point for a pickpocket.
That was fun.
Now, a drop-off point for a pickpocket?
I held the wallet.
Good heavens.
So you're lucky to be unincarcerated.
Yeah, yeah, so is he.
But now you're a grown-up guy.
You're working in clubs, television, and films, and you're doing all sorts of
other wonderful things.
Yeah, I am.
For example, I wanted to tell you about, I have a little consultation company,
and last week we made history.
We made the first 3-D videotape, commercial tape, for the company is going to
release movies from the 50s on cable.
And so we made a little film explaining to folks how to wear their glasses.
Here, I brought you a pair of glasses.
There you go.
3-D movie glasses, or TV glasses.
These look like Bausch and Lomb.
This is high-quality stuff.
I have a theory that people watching 3-D movies at home will not have
conversations, see,
because you will not turn and look at the person next to you as long as they
have these glasses on.
Anyway, more protein surrogate, Dad?
How long do I have to leave?
Oh, you don't have to leave them on.
They're for you, though.
Oh, thanks, Harry.
That's very nice of you.
What they wanted were some special effects that would kind of sell 3-D to the
home viewers.
So we came up with these.
Now, this first one, I have to set up, so everybody look over there.
Everybody.
Okay.
Everybody, don't peek.
Don't peek.
It'll ruin it.
Look over here.
That's it.
Okay, now, here we go.
All right?
This was to show that 3-D makes the scary stuff scarier.
You've got to have the glasses on.
It looks great.
You've got to have the glasses on, of course.
And this was to demonstrate that 3-D would make the funny stuff funnier.
Look at that.
Whoa!
Whoa!
Yeah.
And then, that was a good one.
I call this a retract-o pie.
Oh, yeah.
Is that actual, could I have been hurt?
That's shaving cream.
Oh, so it's not really a test.
This was the real thing.
That was the real thing.
Now, this is, now, you remember these.
You had some in the fondue.
We lost one over there.
No, yours worked better than our fondue did.
Yeah, well, guns don't kill people.
Snakes kill people.
Use a snake, go to jail.
That's the law.
Here.
This is for 3-D.
Now, that'll look great.
Every day.
Good heavens, Terry.
I didn't think that's to do that.
It's truly amazing.
Just unbelievable.
You do all kinds of magic?
Do you have any specialties?
I do.
You do card tricks?
I do card tricks.
Yeah, I do.
There are good card tricks, and there are bad card tricks.
You want to see a card trick?
Was that like a lead-in?
I got cards.
Well, you want to do a card trick?
Sure, I'll show you a bad card trick.
Or you can help the guys from China chop food.
Are they here already?
I believe they've been here all day.
Here's a...
Whoa.
Look at that.
Here's a bad card trick.
Pick one.
Pick a card.
Hold on to it.
See, that's all right.
I've never been so embarrassed in my life.
That's a bad card trick, but they're a good card trick.
Well, this is nice.
I like that.
You like that?
It's yours.
No practice required.
Thank you very much.
Confound your friends and baffle your enemies.
Here's a regular deck of cards now.
All the cards are different.
We don't need that joker.
Here.
Just say stop.
Stop.
Look at it and remember it, okay?
Now...
Can I tell anyone?
I always...
Nothing here.
Nothing here.
Oh, they didn't see it?
I don't know.
I saw it.
Did you all see the card?
Okay, go ahead.
Go through the deck.
Pull out the card and show it to everybody.
I'll turn away so I don't see.
I feel like a stoop.
I feel like a stoop.
You got it?
Wait a minute, Harry.
You got it?
What was it?
It were the Seven O' Clubs.
It's not there?
Not?
No.
The Seven O' Clubs?
The Seven O' Clubs is not in here.
What is the Seven O' Clubs?
I'm sorry.
Seven of Spades.
Seven of Spades.
Harry's right.
It was the Seven of Spades.
He's right.
It was the Seven of Spades.
Was it that one?
Well, it might have been.
Yes.
Ah.
Hmm.
Do you ever reveal how you do that?
Do you ever...
Oh, tell how it's done?
Yeah.
Well, no.
I'll give phony explanations.
But not the real one.
No.
You'd be disappointed if you knew.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Most people, they ask and they think they want to know.
But if you tell them, they're really disillusioned.
Really.
Truly.
Now, you're also writing a book on con games or...
The Shell Game book.
Yeah, I'm writing the Encyclopedia of the Shell Game.
That's how I started.
It's a hustle like the three-card money that you have here.
You have a great photo of a three-card money that you use as you go to
commercial.
Right, right.
Yeah.
Now, I don't know that that's played anywhere else in North America.
Somebody said on the staff that it is played in other big cities.
I've never seen it played anywhere.
Well, not the way it is here.
Not on the streets.
You see it in L.A. in the back of the bus.
Yeah.
There'll be a fellow back there throwing cards.
In New Orleans, where I worked, and in San Francisco, the game was a shell game.
Three shells and a pea.
Yeah.
And I ran it as a hustle for a couple of years, and I got my jaw broken.
I was in the wrong line, really.
I was rough hustling.
I was working on my own without a shill.
Yeah.
It's also dumb hustling.
Yeah.
We have one minute here.
Do you want to do some three-card money?
Or in Indiana, it's three-card Larry.
I don't know why.
No, I'm not ready to do the money, I think.
But I do have one thing I want to show you.
You got a dollar?
Real quick.
I have a dollar.
You got a buck?
Got a dollar right there.
Holy s**t.
You're tall.
That's okay.
That's okay.
It's okay if you tear it, because I'm going to tear it, too.
Okay.
All right.
Now, this will kill you.
I love this.
Here.
That's illegal, isn't it, to be shredding tender like that?
I don't know.
A fellow from trades and practices came up, and I told him it wasn't, and he
believed me.
Okay, now.
Watch.
Watch, watch, watch.
The scraps won't leave your sight.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Completely.
That's not tape.
That's a single piece of paper, right?
Now, how does this happen?
I don't know.
Now, can you make this back into the real deal?
Can I make it back?
Yeah, turn it back into the...
Okay.
Here, throw it in here, and...
Hocus pocus, fish bones chokes.
Look at that.
Look at that.
Whoa.
That's much closer.
- Harry Anderson, ladies and gentlemen, we have to take a break. We'll be back
to "Chop Food" with the gentlemen from mainland China.
- Thank you very much. My next guest is a self-proclaimed swindler who's gone
more or less straight and who's appearing in current episodes of the NBC comedy
"Cheers."
He's here tonight to show us some of the tricks of the trade. Welcome, please,
Harry Anderson. He's right here, Harry.
Nice to see you again, sir. What are we doing here, Harry?
- Well, you know, one of my favorite things about New York is the street life.
All the people selling the meat-like things and the...
- Meat-like?
- The E.T. underwear and the... And the best is the... For me, it's always been
the money workers.
The fellas out there... Yeah, yeah. The fellas out there throwing cards. I used
to run a money which was a shell game. Three shells and a pea.
- Yeah. For people who have not been and lived in New York, that's essentially
what it is. It's just you've got to pick something. It's a card game.
- Right. Amati is any guessing game where money is involved. - Okay.
- In... Now, Amati is always a money game. In New York, the game is played with
cards, but it's still a money game.
Now, I'm going to demonstrate it. So, for a demonstration, we could use pieces
of paper for money so that you can have something to bet with.
We could use paper, but that's not really as dramatic as using cash. - Mm-hmm.
- So, we'll use... Will you take... You take... Take that money. You're going
to do a little betting here, all right?
- Okay. I have $35. - $35. That'll do. Have you ever played the money?
- No, sir. I never have. - You haven't? - No. I'm frightened by those people.
- Are you really? Well, there's no need to be. It's a... It's a game of chance
and skill. - Uh-huh.
- Now, a lot of people lose money at the game, and they don't have to. If they
know a little bit about the game, they don't have to lose money.
So, I'm going to kind of review the game for you, all right? - Okay.
- You can go out and be prepared when you meet Amati Tosser. He's a fellow
standing on the street behind some cardboard boxes or a table, and he's got
three cards.
Now, one of them is different from the other two. That's the odd card or the
money card.
What you'll see is the fellow standing there behind the cards, tossing them
back and forth onto the box,
and he's going to ask you to watch. He's going to ask you to pay attention and
guess and eventually bet where the money card lies.
Simple enough. - Yes, sir.
- But what you don't know, because he doesn't show them to you the way I am, is
that he doesn't always throw the same card.
You see, he can throw either card onto the table, and it's a little tough to
know which card. Do you follow that, Toss?
- So, yeah, you have the ace of clubs and a red two and a red three. - Ace of
clubs is the money card.
- That's okay. - Right. Now, if I use just two cards, because the third card is
a misdirection, if I use just two,
it's a little easier to follow here, David. Follow the money card, the ace. -
That would be the ace. Okay.
- Which one? Make your first bet. Where's the cash? - Right there. How much do
you want?
- We'll take the five. It's your first one. - Okay, five. - All right. Which
one?
- This one right there. - You say right there. - That's the ace.
- That's why a lot of people lose the game, because they cannot follow that
money card.
- No, no, no, no. Wait a minute. See? - Now, it's the toss. It's the funny toss.
Now, if all the tosser had going for him was the toss, he wouldn't get people
to play.
- Do that again. Just do that again. - I'll do something even better, all right?
A lot of folks won't play a game that is that tough to follow. So, in comes a
shill. Now, a shill is a guy standing in the crowd, who seems to be part of the
crowd, but actually he's working with the tosser.
Now, he'll say something like, "I see a cop." And the tosser, getting nervous,
will turn around to see where the cop is.
Then the shill steps up, and he puts the work in the money card. He bends the
corner up like that, very obviously.
Now, the tosser turns back, and he doesn't seem to notice the bend in the
corner.
- Okay, so the people on the sidewalk think that the shill is on their side. -
Exactly.
- But he's actually working for the tosser. - Exactly. Now, see how the game
has changed. Now, the funny toss isn't going to help. Watch.
Logically, from the toss, the money card should be here. But, of course, nobody
will bet here, because we've got a bent corner here.
But this is funny. When the real money hits the table, bring out your cash.
When the money hits the ta