Name: Steve Martin & Gay Vacation Remote on Late Show, Oct. 2, 1998 (full, st.)
Uploaded: 2018-04-28T21:27:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Steve Martin & Gay Vacation Remote on Late Show, Oct. 2, 1998 (full, st.)' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-04-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Steve Martin & Gay Vacation Remote on Late Show, Oct. 2, 1998 (full, st.)' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-04-28. Transcript available.

Our first guest is an old friend of ours and certainly one of the funniest men
we know.
He has written a brand new book right here.
It's called Pure Drivel and it's in stores right now.
Do me a favor, please welcome the always entertaining Steve Martin.
Wow, that's a great way to kill time.
It's a great ovation for a great guy you deserve.
Hey, thanks.
You said I was a friend of the show, an old friend of the show.
Well, I like to think you'd be in those terms.
Yeah, well, thank you.
You know, I was talking to some people and they said...
Oh, I bet you were.
As opposed to what?
Ants?
A door.
And they said that, and forgive me if this is inaccurate, it very well could be,
that they have seen you from time to time in Central Park on a bicycle.
Oh, yes.
Is that true?
Yeah, I love to ride a bicycle.
I didn't know that about you.
Yeah, I started riding a bicycle a long time ago.
I was, you know, I used to exercise and I would sit on a, I was on a stationary
bike,
you know, and I was pedaling and I thought, what am I doing?
Yeah.
So I got a regular bike and I love it.
I ride up hills for long ways and I ride up to the park.
It's good.
You feel it right here in your upper legs.
Yeah.
It really starts to burn and it's a great aerobic exercise as well.
And, well, I don't ride that kind of bike.
Well, you don't ride that kind of bike.
No, no, no.
I don't know.
I'm going nowhere.
But I, you get, what you do is you get out among the people.
Right.
You know, for celebrities, it's hard to be out among the people without sort of
being.
Is that trouble for you?
You know, some, on the bike day, you get to whiz by, like last, this, Labor Day.
Right.
You know, it was a beautiful day.
I was here, it was in Central Park, it was sunny, it was bright and people were
in strollers
and babies and happy families and people in Frisbees.
And I rode to the park and I noticed, like, three, like, 14-year-old kids and
they were
troublemakers.
Yeah.
And they were, like, swearing real loud.
And I was like, oh, no.
They were taunting people.
They were taunting people and riding up behind people and scaring old ladies,
you know, or
elderly ladies.
And he was like, yeah!
And I thought, oh, I hate these guys.
I just hate it.
It's so beautiful.
I hope they don't see me.
So, I keep riding and finally one of them, he doesn't know it's me and he comes
up behind
me and goes, yeah!
Like this.
And I look at him and I go, screw you.
Good for you.
Good for you.
And so, he looks at me and he goes, hey, it's Steve Martin, you know.
Now he follows me to the park and goes, it's Steve Martin, everybody.
That's annoying.
Yeah.
I'm like this.
So, now I go, now it's two days later.
It's night.
It's balmy night.
It's a beautiful night.
I'm walking around New York with a friend.
And this 15-year-old girl comes up to me and says, hey, remember the guy you
said screw
you two in the park?
I'm his sister.
You can't win.
Yeah.
You just can't win.
You know, let's talk about the book.
I'm very excited.
And I've been reading your book since I got a copy of you earlier this week and
it's very
good.
Oh, thank you.
It's little essays, little pieces of humor.
Yes.
Very, very funny stuff.
And it's, I guess, in stores right now.
Pure Drivel.
What?
Yeah.
Pure Drivel.
Oh, my God.
It was supposed to be Pure Drive.
I told them.
I should have proofread it.
You want me to, that's your copy?
Yeah.
Let me sign that for you.
You know, I didn't want to embarrass you.
Thank you very much.
I would love you to sign it.
I could see it in your face that you wanted me to sign it.
I did.
I actually did.
I'm really enjoying it.
Here we go.
So, dear Dave, I love being your friend because you earn so much money.
I would love it if you would buy me a car.
Would it be okay if I had sex with your girlfriend?
I'll sign it.
There you go.
That's very nice.
Thank you very much.
I'll treasure that.
It's okay.
That's very nice.
You don't have to treasure it.
Now, probably, to save the audience time, what I've done is, you know, I know
you want to buy the book and you want to read it, but to go to the trouble and
analyze it afterwards, which is what you have to do.
I've already broken it down for you.
So, we have a chart here.
I have a chart here.
I don't know what this is.
Thank you.
Now, this is like a reading aid, a reading aid.
A reading aid that will show you.
Do I hold this?
Here, I'll hold it up for the writer.
You know how to do that.
Sure.
It just has pages 312, 24 through 35 are hilarious.
Oh, I see.
That's because I was in a great mood when I wrote this.
And we have these pages.
They are pretty funny.
Uh-huh.
And that's because...
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
What?
I saw that.
Go ahead.
Yeah, I accidentally drank liquid paper.
And here we have some other pages that are so-so.
And that's because I was talking to Monica.
Ah!
And of course, these few pages here suck.
Because I wrote them while sitting naked on an oscillating fan.
Really?
Yes.
You do that when you're right.
Yes, but I'm not doing that anymore.
No, I wouldn't do that.
Because the pages suck.
Yeah.
So if they had been at the top, hilarious, I would have done that at the top.
But that's a technique you implored while writing...
Yes, absolutely.
It's, uh...
Hemingway did it, actually.
I didn't know that.
Sat naked on an oscillating fan.
Yeah.
I'll be darned.
You will?
Yeah.
You can hang around here a little bit.
We've got a lot of other stuff to talk about.
Good to see you, Steve.
Thanks for coming by.
We'll be right back here with our friend Steve Martin.
New York City at sunset, ladies and gentlemen.
Take a look at that.
My gosh.
Isn't that beautiful?
Oh, yeah.
That's nice.
The planes, of course, are now landing right there in Central Park.
Now, that's New York City or is that L.A.?
No, that was New York.
Uh-huh.
I don't get around very much.
Hey, boy, it's good to have you on the program.
And, you know, it's always nice to see you.
And the book is very, very funny.
Thanks.
I really appreciate it.
I must say, it is a little...
Well, it feels funny to be back, actually.
You know, it's been a while.
It's been about almost three years.
Yeah.
And, you know.
I know, I know.
But, I mean...
I think it's been okay, though.
Yeah.
I mean, I was jumpy as well.
Yeah, still.
But after what happened last time, I...
Yeah.
I mean, it was strange.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah.
I guess that's a way to look at it.
Yeah.
It was strange, I suppose.
That's one way to look at it.
But the important thing is that, you know, you've come through that and you're
back.
But...
That's good.
You remember what happened.
Oh, Dave.
Hey, Steve.
Good show.
Yeah.
You were great.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
You were good, too.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, you set me up great.
The audience loved you, I thought.
Yeah, they were a good audience.
Yeah, because of you, you know.
Seriously.
Well, um...
You doing okay?
I'm fine.
Yeah.
I'm fine.
Thank you.
Okay.
Thank you.
Well, I guess I better go.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, you know, I have to go, too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Tonight, tonight, tonight, we're going to know what's happening.
Tonight, we'll put all of the things aside.
This time, show me something, too.
We're going for those pleasures in the night.
I want to love you, feel you, wrap myself around you.
I want to squeeze you, squeeze you.
I just can't get enough.
And if you move real slow, I need to move.
I'm full-sided.
And I just can't hide it.
I'm about to lose control.
But I'm full-sided.
I just can't hide it.
And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.
I want you.
We shouldn't even think about tonight.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
And if we're still playing around for the night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
And we'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
And we'll have a good night.
We'll have a good night.
Well, that was something, wasn't it?
Yeah, that's how it went down.
Yeah.
Well, listen.
Okay.
I will.
Have a great holiday season.
We've got holidays coming up, I guess, right?
Name one.
Halloween.
Halloween.
There you go.
Hey, baby, we can go out.
The book is Pure Dribble.
This, of course, is Steve Martin.
Thanks a lot.
Thank you very much, Steve.
Nice to have you.
Steve Martin.
We'll be right back with Sophie Roberts.