Name: LNwDL at the Milford Plaza, November 19, 1987 (full)
Uploaded: 2018-05-07T00:36:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'LNwDL at the Milford Plaza, November 19, 1987 (full)' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-05-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'LNwDL at the Milford Plaza, November 19, 1987 (full)' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-05-07. Transcript available.

LNwDL at the Milford Plaza, November 19, 1987 (full)

Hi, my name is Dave Letterman, and I'm standing on the 26th floor of the Milford
Plaza Hotel here in Midtown Manhattan.
And what exactly am I doing here?
Well, you know, ever since I was a small boy, it has been a lifelong dream of
mine to one day be able to do a network television show from a Times Square
hotel room.
Or at least that's what we told NBC to get the money so we could come over here
and screw around for an hour.
So that's what we're going to do tonight.
And this gentleman is Tom Keenan.
He's the head of security here at Milford Plaza.
Now, Tom, this is no ordinary hotel room, is it?
Absolutely not, Dave.
This is the Helen Hayes Suite.
That's right, ladies and gentlemen, the Helen Hayes Suite.
And remember, tonight's program has been sanitized for your protection.
From the Helen Hayes Suite, a couple of pretty good rooms.
26 floors above the jostling and shoving of Times Square.
It's late night with David Letterman.
Tonight, Carly Simon, Hunter Thompson, and podiatrist and shoe collector, Dr.
Ted Borges.
Plus, Paul Chaper and the world's most dangerous man.
And now, a man who's looking forward to an evening of laughter, song, and room
service food,
David Letterman.
Hi.
How you doing?
Well, this is the 26th floor of the hotel where we're going to be doing the
show.
This is actually the service area.
And I just thought we'd take a second here to look around.
This is the soft drink machine.
And I think Helen Hayes' favorite actual soft drink beverage is this orange
crush,
if the empty can's under the bed are any indication.
This is where they bring up all of the room service food.
This is a service elevator.
And this is neat.
They brought this up off the Titanic a couple of weeks ago.
And you know what's fun to do when they load this thing up with about a dozen
room service orders?
I'll come out here and give a fuck with those.
Those folks, seriously, get the ride of their lives.
All right, come on out.
That's the service area.
This is the hallway.
The other thing that I think you might find interesting, look at this wallpaper.
This is some kind of titanium alloy.
And you know, seriously, I think if the walls in this hotel could talk, you
know what they would say?
Get rid of that lousy wallpaper.
All right, what else do we have here?
Oh, there's various plaques and so forth.
Of course, the room service cart.
Why not?
Holidays are just around the corner.
And here we are at the actual Helen Hayes suite itself.
Let me see it.
Helen!
Helen, are you decent?
Come on in.
Here it is.
This is the...
Oh, here you go, Paul.
Hope you enjoy that.
Oh, thank you.
This is the Helen Hayes suite.
And I guess she used to come up here with her theater friends after a show.
And, you know, maybe like the Luntz or something.
Just turn the dump over and go nuts.
And the management of the hotel tolerated that.
Because, of course, Helen is now still working as a greeter downstairs in the
casino.
Let's take a look around.
What do you think?
Take a look at that.
Is that a fire hazard?
Of course it is.
What else can I tell you around about the room?
Hi, Paul.
How are you?
All right.
There's a band over there.
These beams, they're original.
They're from the 1700s.
This was an old Mennonite structure a long, long time ago.
Come on over here.
I'll show you the view.
This is very nice.
You get the feeling that this is like a real lousy sting operation here.
Look out the window there.
So this is heading right across the Hudson River to the Garden State of New
Jersey.
Now, that's beautiful.
You can see the lights twinkling, dancing.
Very nice.
Let's take a look downstairs, can we, Dave, and see the traffic on the streets?
Hey!
Hey, that's my car!
Hey!
All right.
Come on over here.
This will be our green room.
This is where the guests are going to be for the show.
Someone playing jokes on us.
Oh, thank you very much.
This is where they are.
Hunter Thompson, of course, Carly Simon, and Dr. Borges.
You know, this used to be a closet.
Be right with you guys.
This is nice for anybody who is running the Helen Hayes suite by the hour.
Let me show you the control room.
Hi, Tommy.
How are you doing?
You've stayed up here, haven't you, in the Helen Hayes suite?
Oh, yes.
Every other day.
Does this ring a bell, Tommy?
Vice squad!
All right.
Come on.
This is the control room.
Boy, we've just jam-packed it in here.
This is the nerve center of the show tonight,
and, of course, Hal Gurney is at the controls over there.
How are you doing, Hal?
Hi, Dave.
Hal, any word on that room full of stewardesses across the street?
They pulled the blinds down again, Dave.
Okay.
How many violations are we up to in here now?
Fourteen.
Yeah.
Okay.
I predict probably at least one accidental death in this room tonight.
All right.
Thank you very much.
So, before we begin the show, Paul, I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
We're going to order some room service here in a couple of minutes,
and I'm going to go down and meet some of the other hotel guests, all right?
All right.
All right.
You just do whatever you're doing.
I'm playing hotel wandering music.
Hotel wandering music.
All right.
So, we're on the 26th floor.
Does it make any difference which way I go?
Let's just go this way.
We'll start knocking on doors.
Try and get somebody.
Maybe order some room service for us.
Hello?
Hello?
All right.
We'll see.
Apparently, the hotel is full.
They do pretty good business, and we'll try and get somebody.
Hello?
I'm terribly lonely.
Hello?
Please.
All right.
Keep going.
Hello?
Oh, there's somebody in there.
They're watching TV.
Hi.
How are you doing?
Nice to see you.
My name's Dave Letterman.
How are you?
How are you doing, Dave?
What's your name?
John Godfrey.
Where are you from, John?
Albany.
Albany down here on business, are you?
Just come down to see if they really did dance down the stairway in the levee.
Uh-huh.
And do you have your wife or your girlfriend or...?
No, Dave.
I'm all alone.
You're all alone.
What do you do for a living?
I'm a systems consultant.
Systems consultant.
Kind of wraps it all up.
Yeah.
I'll tell you what.
Come on out here.
Since you're all alone, this will be perfect.
We're going to order some stuff from room service.
Just going down there.
I'll meet you in the room.
Don't lock yourself out.
That's what I was just looking for.
All right.
I tell you what, we'll do a commercial.
I'll try and get some more folks to join us.
We'll be right back.
Hello?
Please come to the door.
Okay.
Thank you.
Hi.
Welcome back.
We're in Milford Plaza.
You ever stayed in this hotel before?
One other time.
Nice place?
Oh, terrific.
How's the room service food?
Kind of small.
Rooms are a little small, but comfortable.
Comfortable.
Yeah.
How's the food?
I don't know.
I haven't eaten here.
All right.
Let's call room service.
We've got a good show here.
Carly Simon is here, and Hunter Thompson, and Dr. Borges, the podiatrist who we've
had
to held hostage for the last week from Arizona.
He'll be here.
Are you interested in podiatry at all?
It's one of my favorite subjects.
What do you do for a living again?
You're some kind of systems deal?
Systems consultant.
Paul, this is John Godfrey from Albany.
Hello, John.
Hi, Paul.
It's Paul Schaefer.
Nice to meet you.
Are you staying in the hotel?
Yes, I am.
Right next door.
How are you fighting?
Well, it was great, but I got a little...
How do I get a dial tone on this?
I don't have a dial tone.
Well, I don't have anything.
I don't get anything there.
Sounds like somebody's on the phone.
All right.
So we were going to order some room service, but the phone doesn't seem to work.
Is it me, or is it the phone?
Oh, now it's working.
By the way, over in the corner is production assistant Connie Plesko,
who is expecting a baby just any day now.
How soon is it going to be, Connie?
It could be any time now.
Yeah, yeah.
Have you thought about leaving work early, or are you going to just...
Well, I'm going to keep working this is...
Just going to work right through.
Okay.
What would you like to eat, John?
Whatever you feel like to eat.
Paul, what would you like to eat?
I'd love a steak sandwich.
Well, I can't get the phone again.
We have some kind of problem with the phone.
It keeps coming and going on us.
Yeah, we'll work on it.
You want to work on it?
Is it now?
We've got it now.
No, there it is.
Steak sandwich.
Steak sandwich.
John, pick up the menu for me, will you?
Oh, here's the menu right here.
So, where would you normally be eating dinner tonight?
Not sure, Dave.
Yeah, I'll tell you what.
This is Dave Letterman.
I'm up in the Helen Hayes suite.
Yes, sir.
I'd like to place an order for some folks.
What would be the easiest to get up here?
Well, anything you'd like.
Anything from the menu.
We could get very rather quickly.
Okay.
How about cheese and crackers for 100?
How long would that take?
Crackers for 100, no problem.
Okay.
And I think we'd like about 10 cheese beef burgers.
You want a beef burger?
Sounds good.
Is that all right with you guys?
Yes, Paul?
One steak sandwich.
One steak sandwich.
One steak sandwich.
Yeah.
Cappuccinos for the band.
A few cappuccinos for the band.
Cappuccinos for the band.
We'd like...
What about beverages, alcoholic beverages?
Can we...
Well, what would you like?
Some scotch, perhaps?
We'd like a case of scotch.
A case of scotch.
Yeah.
Do you have a house brand?
A house brand?
Sure.
The cheaper, the better.
No problem.
Okay.
And some ice?
Ice.
Some clean glasses.
Okay.
What else would you like?
And also, I think we're going to need some tweezers.
Tweezers.
Okay.
All right.
How long will that take?
Five or 10 minutes.
Five or 10 minutes.
Okay.
All right.
Great.
Thank you very much.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Thank you very much.
Okay.
Let me try one other thing here.
The phone just keeps coming and going.
So, I'll tell you what we'll do.
We'll introduce our first guest.
Is that all right?
Is that all right, Jeff?
Sounds good to me.
You're going to have to slide down, I think.
How long are you in town, by the way?
Just until tomorrow night.
Yeah.
And then you're back up to Albany?
Back up to Albany.
Our first guest tonight has written and recorded songs like You're So Vain, not
like, exactly
that song, and Anticipation and Nobody Does It Better.
This right here is her 15th record album called Coming Around Again.
Folks, please say hello to Carly Simon.
How are you?
Nice to see you.
You have to put this on.
You want to do that?
Here, just clamp it right onto something.
But by all means, be careful.
How are you?
Good.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
You know, we've wanted you to be on the program for years and years and years,
and now here
you are, and thank God for it.
Excuse me one second.
Perhaps it's somebody with some audio equipment that works.
So, how are you doing?
I'm doing really well.
Are you in a good mood tonight?
Yeah, sure.
When you check into a lovely hotel, you can't not be in a good mood, can you?
Do you like this better than your studio?
Yeah, I think so.
And you're actually going to sing here.
Have you ever sung before in, like, a hotel suite?
Yes.
In fact, that's where I sing.
It's the only place I sing.
You prefer this, actually, than appearing in front of a large group of people.
I like this kind of informal, funky atmosphere.
Oh, excuse me, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say funky.
Yeah, that's a couple of decades ago, isn't it?
Yes, that's right.
And it also doesn't apply to this ravishing suite.
That's right.
I don't think it would be fair to Helen Hayes, seriously, to call it funky.
You were going to be on Miami Vice?
Yeah, well, I was asked to be.
I was asked to play Don Johnson's wife.
Now, is that something that appealed to you when you heard about it or not?
It was so intriguing, because I'd never been asked to play anybody's wife.
On TV?
On TV.
Yeah.
And I really wanted to.
I mean, I wasn't able to because I live on Martha's Vineyard and my kids go to
school there and so forth.
But I thought I would probably be very good to him and 