Name: Pee-wee Herman Collection on Letterman, 1982-85
Uploaded: 2018-05-16T16:32:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Pee-wee Herman Collection on Letterman, 1982-85' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-05-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Pee-wee Herman Collection on Letterman, 1982-85' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-05-16. Transcript available.

Pee-wee Herman Collection on Letterman, 1982-85

We have a keen, honestly, here is a, I'll give you a second to wake up the kids.
We have quite an interesting combination on the show tonight.
We have two gentlemen, both of whom, well, maybe you don't know so much about
one.
A comedian who is, you're not going to see anything like this gentleman
anywhere in the world.
Pee Wee Herman is here tonight.
And if you don't know much about him, you're going to.
And also a gentleman who you probably know a little bit more about.
I think this is the first time he's appeared with Pee Wee Herman.
The commissioner of baseball, Bowie Kuhn, is here tonight.
Welcome back to the show, ladies and gentlemen.
A fine program it is tonight.
We have the commissioner of baseball, Bowie Kuhn, will be joining us later.
And also, oh, a rare behind-the-scenes glimpse, a profile of our audio man,
Howard Vinitsky, sound effects man, Howard Vinitsky.
So that'll be coming up soon.
My first guest tonight is the host of his own children's program.
And he is also, he also has a large and enthusiastic adult following.
Please hang on to something.
Welcome Pee Wee Herman.
You look great.
You look terrific.
You brought, uh, you're not nervous, are you?
Not a bit.
No.
You have your own show.
So do you.
Yeah, that's right.
Now, you brought some toys along.
I know you have a lot of props that you use for the kids' show.
You know what, Mr. Leonard, but I wanted to just tell a story first, if I could,
that happened to me yesterday.
This is a surprise on him.
He doesn't know I'm going to do this.
Okay, well, I came yesterday.
I came a day early.
As most of you probably don't know, I come from Los Angeles.
It's where I make my home.
And so the summer just ended there, and I run a lemonade stand out in front of
my house there.
And that's how I kind of, you know, make my money when I'm not doing big stuff
like this.
So I came out here a day early, and I came in, and I was hanging out here in
the writer's room yesterday.
And we met a couple of years ago, remember, when we met?
And so he came in, this guy, Mr. Letterman, came in yesterday, and I was
sitting there, and he goes,
Hi, P.B., how you doing?
And I said, fine, Mr. Letterman, how are you?
And he goes, good.
And then he goes, while you're in New York, why don't you do the show?
I couldn't believe it, because that's what I was here for.
I mean, what else would I have even been doing here?
He cracked me up yesterday.
I didn't even get to tell you, so I thought I'd, you know.
That's darn nice.
You like New York City?
Yeah, I love it.
Crazy about it.
It's exciting, isn't it?
I'm going to try Quebec and be one of those green beret guys here.
No, those are the guardian angels.
It's actually a red beret.
Red beret.
Yeah, yeah.
Those are tough gentlemen.
You don't want to wise off to those fellas.
No.
No.
Now, you have some toys, huh?
Yeah.
You want to show us?
Yeah, I have a whole bunch of toys.
I have this pirate sword right here.
No, laugh or you'll get it.
Okay.
I have this boomerang right here.
Watch this.
Ah!
This I just got right here.
Look at this.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Nice.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
I have this right here.
This right here is a real cool toy.
I used to use this on my show.
It's a little guy.
He goes like a...
Ah!
Okay, wait.
Wait.
This is not all of them.
Look.
Okay, you see this one right here?
Okay.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Look right here.
Look.
Here's this little baby.
Look.
Ah!
We have some film.
I understand you brought with us, Pee Wee.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Who told you all this stuff?
Well, it's right here on the notes.
See, I understand you got a film about lunchroom manners.
Yeah.
Yeah, and I'm going to be able to get right inside the film.
You're actually going to appear in the film.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Now, what do we need to do by way of setting this up?
Well, all I need to do is just get up and go be in it.
All right.
Are we all set for Pee Wee to get up and go be in it?
All right, Pee Wee.
Yay!
Pee Wee Herman, ladies and gentlemen.
Pee Wee was getting to the last room when Phil got there.
He saw some boys he knew at the front of the line.
I know.
They waved for him to go up to the front with them.
But Phil didn't want to break into line as Mr. Bungledale.
So Phil went to the end.
That was the fair thing to do.
He put his knife, fork, and spoon neatly on the tray.
And then he slid his tray along.
That's my tray.
He always enjoyed looking at the good food in the cafeteria.
It tasted good and was good for him, too.
A hamburger.
Instead of having a sandwich today, Phil decided to take the hot lunch.
Mm-hmm.
Phil took some bread and butter, too.
And he knew what else he wanted.
Some milk.
Some milk.
The last carton on the tray.
Maybe there was more milk.
So he said,
May I please have some milk?
Phil remembered to say,
May I?
And please.
That was very polite.
Yes, there was more milk.
Night of the living dead.
Phil remembered to say,
Thank you,
when he took the carton of milk.
Phil had good manners.
He didn't want to be like Mr. Bungledale in the lunchroom.
Phil didn't want to forget his dessert.
The cake looked delicious.
At the end of the line,
the lunchroom supervisor said she had noticed how polite Phil was.
And she smiled at him.
She wouldn't smile at a Mr. Bungledale.
Phil went to the table where his friends were.
Very nice film.
Very nice.
You know,
the thing that I liked about that,
was entertaining as well as informational.
Well, thanks.
It was a lot of fun for me to do, too.
Yeah, yeah.
And you have some more toys
that we're going to take a look at now?
Yeah, I have a whole bunch of toys right here.
I have a little,
let's see, right here.
Hand grenade off!
Okay.
Oh, that's nice.
Yeah?
David Leonard, David Leonard,
please pick up the right courtesy telephone.
Do you want to try it or anything?
No, that's all right.
We have the boys now.
We'll get to Pee-wee some Darvon.
We'll be right back,
ladies and gentlemen,
with Pee-wee Herman.
Oh, hi there,
and welcome back to the show.
Pee-wee Herman is here,
and later,
the commissioner of baseball,
Bowie Kuhn,
will be joining us.
Now,
we didn't plan any of this,
but you dance.
I remember you as being
a very good dancer.
Is there any way,
without throwing everybody here,
that you could show us
a little of that?
Well,
pull my leg a little.
Can I?
Sure, sure,
I can do it.
I think this is what
you're referring to.
It requires a lot of concentration,
so if you just be quiet
for just a minute.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
You are a...
I have another one, too,
I've been working on.
This is my devil dance.
It's sort of closing us.
That's a new one.
It's kind of a combination
of the donkey and the devil.
I think I'm going to call it
the devil donkey dance,
but I'm not sure.
Now,
in addition to
showing us
all these wonderful toys,
you have some thoughts
as to how you can have fun
without toys.
Yes, I do.
I'm glad you asked me that.
I have some stuff
that you can kind of do
right around the house
if you don't have toys
of your own,
like this,
you can play disguise,
you know,
you can just,
you know,
do stuff like this.
Where's Pee Wee?
You know.
Okay, don't laugh.
Okay.
And then there's this.
If your mom or dad's fat,
and she...
Okay, shut up!
Okay.
If you have some big underpants
laying around the house,
you know,
you'd be surprised
how much you could do
with this.
I mean,
you could fill up
a whole hour
just playing
with big underpants,
you know?
Like, look,
you can do kind of...
See, you can, like,
you can do this
kind of thing
where you can make,
you know,
you can make kind of
a vest or an arrow
kind of work like this.
Or you can, like,
pull them all the way
down like this
and, like, you know...
You know,
you can make a...
You can make a turban
out of it.
There's so many uses
for them,
you know,
besides wear them.
I can see where
the hour would just
fly by with those.
And also,
this is something
that I figured
everybody could do this.
I kind of like
to think up stuff
to make people
go, you know,
go crazy,
you know,
kind of obnoxious
kind of stuff
to do around the house.
Like, if you have
a younger brother
or a younger sister,
you want to make
them go crazy.
So I have this can,
you know,
it's just a nut can.
Any kind of can
will do it.
It's just got some
nuts inside of it.
Put the top back
on it like this.
Okay,
now this is to make
somebody go crazy,
okay?
And it works
every time.
What you do is,
see how it makes
this noise right here?
Yeah.
Okay, well,
suppose that I wanted
to make you go crazy,
okay?
You're the one
since you're right here.
Okay, so we'll use
your name just
because you're here,
okay?
So David Letterman's
his name,
so that's what we'll use.
You'd substitute
your brother or sister
or mom or dad
for this, okay?
so you go like this.
David Letterman,
David Letterman,
David Letterman,
David Letterman,
David Letterman,
David Letterman,
David Letterman,
David Letterman,
David Letterman,
David Letterman.
Now, you're going to sing,
in addition to all
of these other things,
you're going to sing
for us tonight.
You know why
I'm going to sing?
No, why is that?
Because I've always
wanted to be on a show
like this and just
be calmly sitting here
and have that view
or someone else
going, you know,
I know you have
a song for us.
Okay, you know,
I know you have
a song prepared for us.
I sure do.
So Pee-wee,
if you want to go
on over there,
I'll introduce it
for you.
Okay.
For everyone.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Pee-wee Herman.
In 1814,
we took a little trip
down the Mississippi,
down the mighty
we took a little bacon
and we took a little pizza
and we fought the bloody
British at the town
of New Orleans.
Well, we fired our guns
and they began running.
There wasn't as many as
there was a while ago.
We fired once more
and they began running.
very nice.
Very nice.
We have to pause for commercial
and we'll be right back.
Pee-wee Herman,
ladies and gentlemen.
All you have to do is just put it on your head.
Just put your head out like, you know,
kind of like that
and just stick your head in it.
This is moist in here.
Why would this be moist?
I don't know.
I don't know either.
I don't think I want to be in there.
Look, look, look, I brought this.
This is a toy shaver.
It looks just, look, look.
Yeah.
It doesn't really do anything, though.
You know.
I'm shaving just like daddy.
La la la la.
Now, I know that in addition to your kid show
that there is talk now,
or I guess there is going to be
a Pee-wee Herman movie.
Well, there might be a Pee-wee Herman movie.
We just spent,
me and the guy who designed the set
for the Pee-wee movie,
we wrote this script.
It took us about seven months
and we sat in this room
and we went,
okay, what do you do now?
What's the next thing?
Okay, what happens next?
And we wrote it every day
and it came out really great.
It's an epic adventure story.
It's called Pee-wee's Big Adventure.
It's sort of like,
like the Wizard of Oz kind of thing.
And it's really swell.
We turned it in to the movie studio,
Paramount Pictures,
and we turned it in and they went,
well, what have you been doing
for seven months?
You haven't been doing anything
but writing.
Nobody knows who you are.
You haven't been out there
doing anything or anything.
So I go,
well, yeah, I was writing the script.
What am I supposed to be doing?
And they go,
well, I don't know
what you're supposed to be doing,
but nobody's heard of you
or anything.
So I go,
well, what if I go on David Letterman?
And they go,
well, that would be helpful,
you know, because
so the thing is,
now I have this whole film script
written for Pee-wee's Big Adventure
and it's a really swell film
and it'll probably be better
than E.T.
And I don't even know
if they're going to make it now
because now they go,
well, you're really a nobody
and nobody really knows
who you are or anything.
So, you know,
if you know who I am,
then I don't know what.
Yeah, that's too bad.
That's too bad.
You went to the meeting
with the executives yourself?
Yeah, I sat in there
and pitched it,
you know, as you say.
How about your folks?
Are your parents pro