Name: Paul Shaffer's "Yeah!" Collection Plus More on Letterman 1982, 1985
Uploaded: 2018-05-24T16:21:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Paul Shaffer's "Yeah!" Collection Plus More on Letterman 1982, 1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-05-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Paul Shaffer's "Yeah!" Collection Plus More on Letterman 1982, 1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-05-24. Transcript available.

Paul Shaffer's "Yeah!" Collection Plus More on Letterman 1982, 1985

Thank you very much.
Welcome to the show.
My name is David Letterman.
We have a fine program for you folks tonight,
or this morning, depending on where you're watching.
First of all, let's check about this near-dangerous mix-up
back there in the band.
What happened, Paul?
Everything's all right.
We got a little excited for a minute.
Something fell over.
It was no big deal.
Everything's okay.
Okay, and the article which did fall over was?
It would be that symbol, the stage right symbol.
Ladies and gentlemen, this accident could have been prevented.
But everything is all right.
Everything's fine.
Got a little nervous for a minute.
Everything's okay.
Should we go ahead with the show, or take a break and hose down?
Charlie?
Isn't that amazing, ladies and gentlemen?
Our drummer, Charlie, says,
let's go ahead with the show.
Oh, boy.
I tell you, you don't see spirit and heart and soul like that anymore on
American television,
huh?
You think Love Boat would go on if they, well, lost a life raft?
No.
Uh-uh.
Just got carried away there for a minute, and it's a darn shame I wasn't.
Well, welcome to the show, ladies and gentlemen.
We have a wonderful group.
What a handsome group of humans we put in this building every day.
Now, before I tell you about the show, let me explain something that happened
out here just
outside the RCA building this morning, right there at 6th and 50th.
Unbelievable confusion.
Started out, a couple of people spotted it, didn't know what it was, and then a
crowd grew
bigger and bigger, and traffic stopped.
And before you knew it, a couple of thousand people staring at this thing right
there by
the sidewalk.
Nobody knew what it was.
And finally, a tourist from Omaha came up and correctly identified it as a
parking place.
So that was a, uh...
I enjoy a good laugh.
How about you?
Well, we, uh, I can't tell you what a wonderful show we have.
Yes, I can, and I'm going to right now.
I'm babbling.
I'm still a little nervous because of that symbol tipping over earlier, but we're
all set
now.
Uh, Joe Frazier, former heavyweight champion of the world, will be here tonight,
along with
his son, Marvis.
Marvis.
We have a woman who, um, is a psychic.
She also works with many police departments in the United States, and I guess
she probably
knew that the symbol was going to go over.
We'll find out about that from, uh, Dorothy Allison.
She'll be out here in a while.
And a gentleman, um, whom I met a couple of years ago, a fascinating talent.
He's an actor, uh, a songwriter, a singer, and an all-around fascinating guy.
Loudon Wainwright, the third, ladies and gentlemen.
And also, we're going to be taking another look at the world's cheapest motion
picture
studio, Vespucci Films.
That's later in the program.
Please, once again, say hello to the hardest working man in show business, Paul
Schaefer.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Let's do a show!
Yes!
I'm going to be known, from now on, I want to be known as Paul, yeah, Schaefer.
Paul, yeah, Schaefer.
It's Paul, yeah, Schaefer.
Um, and Charlie, we're going to talk to Charlie a little later in the week.
Charlie is very young, isn't he?
He's a kid.
He's only a kid.
How old do you think Charlie is?
Sixteen!
How old do you think Bill Wendell is?
No.
Why, you, we got a show to do.
I'm just kidding.
How did they know you were sixteen?
Psychic.
Oh, I get it.
I didn't need to come in tonight.
Is that the deal?
As usual, the world's clothing designers.
Let me come, uh, what do you say?
Uh, compose myself.
That's what I did.
Thank you very much.
That's it.
No, no, no, no.
Thank you very much.
That's awfully nice of you folks.
Welcome to the show.
My name is David Letterman.
And boy, have we put together a power-packed histrionic extravaganza for you
folks tonight.
We have quite a show.
Uh, I'm going to tell you all about that, uh, in a minute or two.
But before I do that, let me explain something to folks viewing from all over
the nation.
New York City now is in a full burst of spring and the conventions.
I guess a lot of you folks are in for the big convention.
One of the biggest conventions ever in the Big Apple.
Uh, they officially begin tomorrow.
People who have been fired by George Steinbrenner.
It's, uh, hundreds and hundreds of, uh...
Thank you very much for that response to an obviously cheap joke.
We, uh, what...
Uh, this guy, uh, my first guest has sold, uh, more, uh, books, uh, than, uh,
other people.
Uh, and, uh, we're going to have to start writing these introductions out.
Uh, Mickey Spillane, uh, world famous mystery writer.
And, uh, a gentleman whom I've met a couple of times, and if you don't know of
him, I'm sure
you do know of him, but I think you're going to find this guy to be a
fascinating individual,
former, uh, baseball great, one of the greatest outfielders to ever play Major
League Baseball
for the Boston Red Sox.
Currently with the Chicago White Sox, Jimmy Pearsall is here tonight.
And, uh, we're going to take a look at some viewer mail and, um, a few other
things.
Just, uh, trust me, we've got plenty of fun packed away somewhere, as they say
when they've got the fun packed away somewhere.
Uh, please now say hello to Paul, yeah, Schaefer.
Yeah.
That's all I can say.
Hi, Derek.
Hi, Paul.
It's too, too funky in here.
For those of you who, uh, weren't with us last night, we learned, among other
things, that Paul, uh, would like to be known from here on out as Paul, yeah,
Schaefer.
And it was a, it was a, uh, well, kind of a significant announcement for us.
And thank you very much, Paul, for sharing that with us.
Thank you.
I have another announcement, I'm leaving the business.
You're leaving the business?
Yes, I'm retiring from the business.
No, no, Paul.
Thank you.
No, why, you show business, or?
The whole business, yes.
I'm getting out while I can.
Tonight is your last appearance anywhere?
Yeah, anywhere.
Gee, well.
So, and now, the end is near.
Good night, everybody.
Now, wait a minute, Paul.
I have to get together and maybe a little, uh, party upstairs afterwards.
Paul Schaefer retiring, ladies and gentlemen.
Who knew?
Well, it's Thursday, isn't it?
And, uh, kind of, kind of put it, kind of put a damper on things, Paul.
This, uh, this announcement.
I, I hope it's not illness or a trouble.
No, I'm coming back from the business.
I'm back.
Oh, thank God.
I'm going to do the show and I'm back.
Thank you.
I couldn't stay away.
I'm back.
I learned it's not so great out there.
It's better here.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
That's a load off my mind.
Thank you, Paul.
I think Americans will breathe a little easier tonight.
I know I will.
Uh, yeah, Paul Schaefer is, uh, out of retirement.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Welcome to the, uh, show, folks.
We have a, uh, you know what the problem is.
Now, if you're trying to fly anywhere, it's going to be difficult because, uh,
the Pan American Airlines mechanics are on strike.
And I saw an interesting press conference this afternoon, a spokesman for the
airline says, okay, what do you want us to do, fly without mechanics?
And, uh, and another reporter says, well, that's what People Express does.
Is that even a joke?
I'm not even sure that's a joke.
Was it, Paul?
Well, yes, it's a joke.
Thank you very much.
A, uh, there's a study, uh, study published by Rand McNally, the, uh, most livable
cities in the, in the world, or in the United States.
Uh, do you, take a guess, Paul.
What would you think would be voted the number one livable, most livable city
in, in this country?
New York City.
No.
You got another guess?
Take another guess.
Will says Pittsburgh.
It was Pittsburgh.
Unbelievable.
Pittsburgh is the most livable city in the United States of America.
And, uh, no, that's congratulations to the folks in Pittsburgh.
New York City, where do you think New York came in, Paul?
Uh, number two.
No.
They finished way out of the money at 25th.
Really?
25th.
But don't you feel, ladies and gentlemen, that deep in their hearts, the people
of Pittsburgh realize that our city can beat the hell out of their city any
time we want?
Thank you.
We have a, uh, look at this show.
My gosh, we got a great show.
I'll tell you about it in a minute.
Now say hello to our good friend, uh, Paul Schaefer.
Paul, how you doing?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, good evening.
Yeah, good evening.
Yeah, good evening, David Letterman.
I'm so excited about a crazy show.
I'm excited about a nutty show.
I'm excited about a show called Late Night with David Letterman.
Look at this.
Here is the new issue of a magazine called Interview Magazine.
This is the March edition of Interview Magazine on page 142.
Look at this.
Look at this.
Size of that picture.
That's unbelievable.
Boy, they put a big picture in, don't they?
Yeah.
It's a cute little article that Terry Tereba wrote on me.
Am I?
Is my name, does my name come up at all?
Your name comes up, yes.
I mention you.
Anything good?
I said, are you guys really friends?
Now, wait a minute.
You don't own this jacket.
No, I was worried about that.
They put a jacket on you for the picture, but I do own those kaleidoscope
glasses.
So, you know, I wanted to offset that whole interview styling concept.
So, and the magazine is two bucks.
How are you doing?
How's my cold?
I'm doing good.
How is your cold?
Oh, it's horrible.
I've got a terrible cold.
Well, you sound fine.
Do I sound all right?
You sound fine.
It's from getting up early in the morning, I think.
You know, last night we did a program and we used a helicopter with Larry Bud
Melman in the helicopter.
We saw Larry in the helicopter for, I guess, maybe an eighth of a second
because of transmission difficulties.
Yeah.
$15,000.
Thank you.
Yes, we all feel pretty proud.
We got our money's worth.
It was about that much money, wasn't it?
Thirteen.
Thirteen, well.
And for less than, I'm guessing, what, a half a minute of, uh...
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
But that's not your problem, ladies and gentlemen.
Tonight is, uh...
Tonight is viewer mail night.
This is the, uh...
A recent study from the Nielsen company indicated that our Thursday night
program is the most watched television program since the beginning of time.
So...
Do you remember the, uh, the miniseries Roots, a huge audience?
We have doubled that figure with our first time.
Uh, let's get right to it.
Paul, are you ready for these?
Some of these involve you.
Yes, sir.
I have your support.
I'm all ready.
You have my total and complete support on this viewer mail.
All right.
Well, let's get right to it, shall we?
I'm ready.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, folks.
Welcome to the, uh, program.
My name is David Letterman.
You know, this morning, I get up, uh, drinking a little coffee, going over the
morning...
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh...
Morning edition.
See, here's the problem.
I didn't know whether to say the morning issue or the morning edition, and now
I realize it should have been, uh, left in the dressing room.
No.
The morning copy of the New York Times.
Americans' three favorite forms of gambling.
One, lotteries.
Probably would be an easy, easy thing to guess.
Putting your money in a lottery.
The second one would be, uh, horse racing.
And the third one is putting your money in an Ohio savings and loan.
Oh, damn good.
This was kind of sad.
Earlier this week, the last episode of the, uh, hit television show, Alice, was
on CBS.
They have been on the air nine years, and, uh, so they had a final show.
Someone at CBS went through nine years of videotape from the show Alice to put
together highlights of the show.
And, uh, and you think you have a lousy job.
Well, it was only, only a joke.
I didn't, I didn't mean that.
I was only kidding.
U.S. News and World Report, uh, had an interview with Secretary of State George
Shultz.
And they said, George, what do you think, since you've been the Secretary of
State, is your greatest accomplishment?
And he said he thought that his greatest accomplishment was winning the office
pool on Andropov and Chernyinko.
So, yea