Name: Paul Shaffer's "Bermuda" Collection on Letterman, 1982–84
Uploaded: 2018-05-28T04:14:57.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Paul Shaffer's "Bermuda" Collection on Letterman, 1982–84' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-05-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Paul Shaffer's "Bermuda" Collection on Letterman, 1982–84' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-05-28. Transcript available.

Paul Shaffer's "Bermuda" Collection on Letterman, 1982–84

Say hello now to Paul Schafer and the world's most dangerous, let's go.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You know, David, I think it was Mahatma Gandhi, actually, who said it best when
he said,
good government is no substitute for self-government.
Or as I like to say, it's a gassy gig, it's a totally fresh kind of kick.
David Letterman, yeah.
Thank you very much.
Paul, why don't you introduce your friends there?
We don't get to introduce these gentlemen often enough.
And quickly, let's say hello to the men who make up that fine organization over
there.
I would be thrilled to, on bass, a guy who's wearing, I think, Mike Nesmith's
old shirt today.
But he's the finest bass player in the world.
Mr. Will Lee on bass.
On drums, a guy whose motto is, it's too, too funky in here.
Steve Jordan, who he'll have on drums with us.
And on guitar, over here, I'm going to introduce him the way Paul Anka might
introduce his dad,
who's also in the business.
That's an in thing.
We won't talk about that.
Steve Kahn, on guitar.
That's our band.
Thank you very much.
Paul Schaefer, ladies and gentlemen.
Well...
Thank you.
Hi there.
Well, hi.
Anything interesting happen while I was gone?
Welcome back to the show, ladies and gentlemen.
And just let me take a minute here to thank our guests, Jack and Elaine LaLane.
Let's all say that, shall we?
Jack and Elaine LaLane.
Something about those names, just plain fun to say.
Jack and Elaine LaLane, ladies and gentlemen.
Also, my thanks to...
You know him, you love him, you can't live without him.
A recent graduate of the Columbia School of Broadcasting.
Larry Bud Melman for filling in with...
And, of course, I guess we've introduced Paul.
Paul, how are you?
Did you have a nice vacation?
Oh, I had a lovely...
I was in Bermuda.
I don't want to hear about Paul's trip.
Maybe another time we'll hear about Paul's trip to Bermuda.
Coming up in this next half...
Coming up in this next half hour, we have a winner of the New York State Lottery.
Tony Creaney is here, and also the producer of a wonderful motion picture
entitled Gizmo, Howard Smith.
He will be here.
And now I'm going to do one of these, if you don't mind.
And also, we're going to talk more to Paul Schaefer about his vacation.
We'll find out a little bit more about that in a second.
Paul Schaefer, ladies and gentlemen.
David, I've got to tell you.
I've got to tell you, everywhere I go, people say,
What is he like to work with?
What's David like?
What's he like to work with?
And I say the honest...
I give him an honest answer.
He's a nutty case, a nutty case.
You know, and you are, but I love you.
Oh, I love you too, Paul.
And you're a nutcase, too.
Hey, Hiram's not wearing shoes tonight again.
He's not tonight.
Now, Paul, you had a vacation.
I went...
Yes.
I went to a land...
I was in Bermuda.
And, you know, I don't want to knock a whole island or anything.
So I'm not going to say...
But I wrote a little song while I was there, just to kind of express my
feelings.
Now, will we hear that one night, do you think?
Or tonight, maybe?
Any night.
Would you like to hear it?
I don't know, do we have time for Paul's...
It's just short.
Okay, I do this unaccompanied.
It's just, you know, sort of...
Okay, Paul Schaefer and his salute to an island in the Atlantic.
This is...
Bermuda.
It's just, I just do it without, you know...
Okay.
Bermuda!
It's a cuckoo place.
Nutty kind of place.
Bermuda.
I don't know, it's just, you know, my feelings.
Just how I felt at the time.
Well, it's nice to see that your time on the island wasn't wasted, Paul.
That's...
I'll be calling ASCAP in the morning.
That's nice.
That could become like their anthem.
They're the anthem for the island.
Welcome to the show.
What have I...
Oh, I've done that, haven't I?
Thank you.
Thank you.
Paul Schaefer, ladies and gentlemen.
And Mr. Paul Schaefer.
David, I gotta say one thing.
Last night, last night Bob Hope referred to me as your Les Brown.
And I just want to say that there's nobody who's Les Brown I'd rather be.
Oh, great.
And you're as David Letterman.
That's very, very nice of you.
I gotta say that.
Very nice.
You know, also, I don't know if you saw the show, but last night Paul sang a
song that
he had written about Bermuda.
And it's been haunting me all day, just running through my head.
And I don't know if we have time again right now, but maybe some...
Do we have time now for the...
Oh.
You told me to go there, too.
You said go there, you'll have a wonderful time.
I suggested you go to Berea.
That's right.
And this is not, you know, it's not a knock against the island or anything, but
this is
a song that I just, you know, some feelings that I had when I was there.
Excuse me.
It's more of an anthem.
It's like a hymn almost.
Thank you.
Yeah.
It's a hymn.
It's a teenage anthem.
I like to think of it as a teenage anthem.
Okay.
And it goes, this is it.
It's just, you know, it's just my honest...
Here.
Bermuda!
It's a cuckoo place.
Nutty, nutty, kind of place.
Bermuda.
That's just that.
I'm sorry.
It makes me want to phone my travel agent.
Well...
Everyone loves a good song, and the phone company supplies a new song every day
about a favorite
vacation spot.
Since it's vacation season now, today we're going to dial a song about Bermuda.
Dial a song about Bermuda.
Bermuda!
It's a beautiful place.
Nutty, nutty, kind of place.
Bermuda.
Yeah, I know it means nothing to most of us, but...
At this time now, please say hello.
You know him, you love him, you can't live without him.
Mr. Paul Schaefer, ladies and gentlemen.
Good evening, everybody.
David, I don't know, but I have a feeling that tonight something wonderful is
going to happen.
Oh, boy.
I'm glad you had that feeling, and since you brought up something wonderful
happening,
can I ask you to do it one more time, Paul?
Can we hear it just once more, because we're beginning our weekend, and it is
the vacation
season.
Do we have time for this?
Do we have time for it?
I think we have just...
Sure.
I don't know.
I was in...
David Letterman said to me, we have a week off, go to a wonderful island, Bermuda,
you'll
have a wonderful time.
I don't want to say anything more about it, you know, I don't want to knock a
whole island
or anything, but while I was there, I wrote a little song.
I'll just do it.
It's a simple thing.
I'll just do it.
All right.
All right.
Let's do it.
Here we go.
Bermuda!
It's a cuckoo kind of place.
Nutty, nutty, nutty, nutty place.
Bermuda.
Just the way I thought of it.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, Paul.
And now it is a wonderful show after that.
Thank you.
You are absolutely right.
You know, letter number three comes to us from Russ Dolly, Southington,
Connecticut.
Dear Mr. Letterman, I enjoy your show very much, and I think very highly of you
and that
bald guy in the band says here in the letter.
In fact, I think so highly of you, I would like your advice on where I should
spend the
rest of my summer vacation.
I heard somewhere that Bermuda was a nutty, nutty kind of place.
Perhaps you and Paul can help.
Signed, Russ Dolly, Southington, Connecticut.
What do you think, Paul?
Any hints for this gentleman here?
That hurt, that bald.
That wasn't really fair.
But listen, all bygones be bygones.
I got my slides back today.
Oh, great.
So I put together a little thing, and, you know, I think you'll find that it
fits very
well with the little song.
Sing it.
How about a little echo, Pam, for this one?
A little echo.
All right.
Here we go.
Oh, yeah, Bermuda.
It is a cuckoo, modified, American-planned kind of place.
Nutty, nutty, not just knee-deep nutty kind of dancing place.
Swingin' kind of limbo rockin' place.
Bermuda.
That's...
I don't know, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
It's like being in church when you do that, Paul.
That was very nice.
Please, now, at this time, say hello to Mr. Paul Schaefer, our musical director.
Thanks a lot, David.
I got a good feeling about this one.
I don't know what it is.
I don't know.
Thank you, Paul.
You know, man's scientific knowledge has doubled in the past decade.
Yes, doubled.
And technological advances continue at a bewildering rate.
Today's men and women who fail to keep pace with this profound transformation
of our society
will soon find themselves as out of place as a hippie in a hovercraft.
I'm with you, ma'am.
We don't know what it means.
It just got by in rehearsal, and here it is tonight.
And we're all just sick about it, frankly.
But now, back to our story.
To help our viewers prepare for the changes to...
Oh, I'm sorry.
I should have moved at that point.
Let me...
It'll be fine.
Don't worry about it.
To help our viewers prepare for the changes tomorrow, we'll bring...
Hi, Paul.
Hiram.
Will.
Lee.
Steve.
Let's now examine some of the wonders we can expect.
Here it comes.
In the world of the future, ladies and gentlemen.
Yes?
Here we are in the world of the future.
Well, first, there was the wrist watch.
Recently, they've developed a wrist TV.
Do we have a wrist TV?
I guess not.
But in the future, everyone now will be wearing one of these wrist toasters.
Let's try a piece of this toast here.
Actually, it tastes a little burnt now.
The problem, what do you do with a piece of burnt toast from a wrist toaster?
Well, you put it in the wrist wastebasket right there.
There you go.
That's exactly how that works.
All right.
Now...
Now, this is of particular interest to me.
The TV of the future.
Let's see what marvelous programming is in store for us 30 years from now.
Let me just push it on there.
The TV of the future, ladies and gentlemen.
What are you talking about?
Now, Arnold, try to understand the situation.
Yeah, Bermuda.
It is a...
Well, that's the TV of the future.
TV here, the old TV.
Okay, I'll tell you what we're going to do.
We're going to pause, hose down the audience and myself, and we'll return to
the show.
That Bermuda!
This and much, much more.
We'll be back with Jerry Lewis.
Thank you very much, Bill Wendell.
We're just about out of time.
First of all, I would like to explain that Herb Graf, the film historian who
was scheduled
to be on our program tonight, will be rescheduled sometime in the near future,
and we'll look
forward to his appearance on this program.
We're sorry he didn't make it out here tonight.
My special thanks to the studio audience tonight.
As always, you folks are terrific.
And a special thanks to Mr. Jerry Lewis.
It was great fun having him here.
Thanks to Bill Wendell.
And, of course, Paul Schaefer and the band.
And, by the way, if you pick up this magazine, a musician, the November issue,
there's a fine
little story about Paul and the group here in this magazine.
And I think prizes involved.
It's a very nice article, Paul.
Congratulations on that.
Also, tomorrow night, ladies and gentlemen, we will have right here actor Lou
Jacoby, comedian
Paul Mooney, singer, songwriter, oh, the heart, Anne and Nancy Wilson will be
here tomorrow
night, plus another look, fascinating profile at the people behind Late Night.
That's tomorrow night.
Jot this down on your TV guide.
You'll be glad you did.
Have a good night.
Thanks for being here.
Thank you.
Here it is.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, Paul.
Hello, and welcome back to the program.
Later on tonight, we'll have Bill Wegman is here, and also comedian Tom Sharp.
Now, tomorrow, this is a very special day for us.
Franken and Davis, the comedy team thereof, will be here.
TV critic Jeff Greenfield, and Carol Merrill, the woman who used to point at
fabulous prizes
on Let's Make a Deal.
And also, tomorrow, and also tomorrow, jot this down on your shoes somewhere.
Tomorrow will be safety day.
Don't miss it if you can't.
So, that's tomorrow.
Now, oh, and Paul, I understand you had quite a big day yesterday.
I had a very, very special day for two reasons.
First of all, I bought a house, bought myself a little house.
I have a picture of it right here.
I wanted to show everybody.
Can you get a picture of this?
There it is.
Whoa.
Gorgeous place.
About 20 miles outside the city