Name: "Sun" Reporter Richard Dominick Collection on Letterman, 1987-89
Uploaded: 2018-05-29T04:35:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Sun" Reporter Richard Dominick Collection on Letterman, 1987-89' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-05-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Sun" Reporter Richard Dominick Collection on Letterman, 1987-89' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-05-29. Transcript available.

"Sun" Reporter Richard Dominick Collection on Letterman, 1987-89

You know, if you spend any time waiting on checkout lines in the supermarket,
you've
probably seen my next guest's work.
He is a writer for this newspaper right here.
Yep, it's this baby.
It's The Sun.
And he has reported on stories such as the three-month-old baby who revealed
that he was John Wayne
reincarnated, the man who exploded after drinking 168 cans of beer in one
sitting, these and
many other stories.
Please welcome Richard Dominick.
Richard.
Hi, Richard.
How are you?
Nice to see you.
Nice to see you.
Have a seat if you want, Richard.
Now, this is, what kind of circulation do you have?
How many people buy this, do you suppose?
Oh, it's a weekly magazine, close to $600,000 a week.
$600,000 a week, and that's pretty good, I guess, for a publication.
Oh, yeah, for a weekly publication.
$0.59 is the price.
And who buys it?
Who are the folks who read this magazine?
Oh, it's a big, a lot of people.
Housewives.
About $600,000?
About $600,000.
You know, women in supermarkets, it's big with college students.
College kids buy it, why?
As a goof?
Probably, yeah.
Yeah.
They get a kick out of it.
But it's not intended as a goof, is it?
Oh, no, they're true stories.
And you take it seriously?
Oh, sure.
And you, not only do you write, you write the headlines, you also do some
reporting, as
we mentioned.
Right, sure.
Okay.
Well, let's just go through some of these newspapers, and you tell me about
them, and we'll see what
we can learn from these.
All right, this first one right here, it's an article about John Wayne.
Let me get the clips off of that.
Doctors are stunned as baby speaks and reveals, I'm John Wayne.
Right there.
That's it, yeah.
There it is.
A three-month-old baby, there's the baby, shocked the world by revealing in a
loud, let
me see the rest of it, clear voice, I'm John Wayne.
All right.
Now, this is not true.
Oh, yes, it is.
This is true.
In fact, I've met the baby.
You met the baby.
Where was the child born?
The child was born in England, outside of Manchester.
You traveled to Manchester.
Yes.
Visited with the baby.
Visited with the baby.
Three months old, the baby speaks.
Yes.
When I saw the baby, it was about three and a half months.
And what did the baby say?
The baby spoke in John Wayne's voice.
The baby asked if I saw True Grit.
Now, you're kidding about this, aren't you?
No.
The baby said, I'm John Wayne.
I'm John Wayne.
Did you see True Grit?
A three-month-old baby.
Yes.
Did you see True Grit?
Did you think I deserved the Oscar?
It was the exact thing the baby said.
His mouth moved, and out of his mouth came John Wayne's voice.
Yes.
Now, why didn't we see this story in the Washington Post?
Probably because the Washington Post wouldn't send anybody out there to
investigate it, thinking
it is some sort of a hoax.
That's why...
But babies don't talk at three...
I mean, let alone...
Normal.
All right, I'll give you...
It may be John Wayne.
I'll give you that.
You can have that one.
Okay.
But three months, babies don't talk at three months.
Do they?
Do babies talk at three months?
No.
No.
Well, you see, this is how we investigated the story.
Psychics believe that when a baby is born, they are fully aware of their past
life.
And by the time they reach maybe six, seven months, it starts to fade away.
They become a new person.
If the identity is a strong one, like John Wayne...
Let's go on.
Okay.
By the way, what are you doing Monday night?
Watching Don U.
Here we have another one.
Another one dealing with John Wayne.
John Wayne's ghost haunts the Alamo.
His spirit fights on for American ideals.
Now.
Yes.
Tell me about this.
The Alamo in San Antonio?
Is that where it is?
Yes.
John Wayne's ghost is haunting the Alamo.
You've seen it.
No.
No.
But I did send my wife, Eileen, to investigate.
Your wife, Eileen, went down to the Alamo.
And she saw the ghost.
She did see the ghost.
All right.
We'll talk about Eileen's findings after we do a commercial here.
We'll be right back.
So, you see, your wife, Eileen's at the Alamo.
She sees what?
What does she see?
John Wayne in a coon skin hat, a fringe suede jacket, and a rifle.
Yeah.
And now, how do you hear about these things?
Oh, people call me.
They call the son.
They contact...
Do many of them turn out to be hoaxes?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
A lot of them.
Yeah.
Not like these things, which are...
Oh, not like that.
No, no.
These are all on the level here.
All right.
We have another one.
Psychic barber cuts hair without scissors.
Now, how did...
Did you follow this one up?
Yeah, I got a haircut from him.
Uh-huh.
How did he do that?
He sits you in the chair, and he rubs his hand over your head.
Right.
And your hair cuts out and layers.
So, it's a layered cut, then?
It's a layered cut.
Uh, schoolteacher fired for eating desk.
She was suffering from a disease called pica, which makes an individual eat
certain things.
We had one about a lady who just could eat mice.
And this lady, she eats wood.
She ate the desk in front of the class, and the principal came in, and she was
fired.
Now, do you ever exaggerate any of this stuff?
Oh, no.
Of course, we're really not under oath here, are we?
Uh, let's see what we have here.
Yep, a woman gave birth in class.
Oh, no, this is a good one.
Elvis seen aboard UFO.
Now, how do you run this one down?
Okay, well, this is simple.
Elvis...
This one's simple.
Oh, yeah.
In a matter of a week, about nine or ten people from across the United States
spotted Elvis in the UFO.
So, there is...
Wait a minute.
Let me stop you right there.
Nine or ten people spotted Elvis in the UFO.
Well, this is what's going on.
There's 240 million people in this country.
Right.
Well, that's not a very good percentage.
Right, but nine did.
I can't make it more.
It was only nine.
All right.
These nine people living all across the country?
Various parts?
Yes, various parts of the country.
Well, apparently what's going on is people believe that Elvis was tired of his
fans, tired of everybody wanting to touch him, get his autograph.
And he decided that he became very psychic.
He wanted to contact...
He decided to become psychic.
Yeah.
The way he did karate, he did his psychic abilities.
He learned it.
He then set up a UFO airstrip, and the UFO came down, took him away.
Well, now that you explained it, it makes perfect sense.
We'll be right back here.
Thank you so much.
It's the Sounds Orchestral, ladies and gentlemen.
Richard, thanks for being here, for helping us clear some of these up for
ourselves.
Here's an interesting one.
Man marries himself, and now he's pregnant.
Richard Dominic, ladies and gentlemen.
Nice to meet you.
Come back again, sir.
Thank you.
Hi.
Hi.
Welcome back.
Our next guest.
Who needs a newspaper?
Who needs stories about the Iran-Contra hearings when you can read about stuff
like this?
Lightning turns a woman into a man.
Well, our next guest is the guy who actually writes these headlines.
Folks, from the sun.
Not the newspaper.
The planet.
That's right.
Please welcome Richard Dominic.
Richard.
Hi, Richard.
Nice to see you again.
How are you?
You know, I was making a joke about the paper, the planet, not the paper.
First of all, the sun's not a planet anyway, is it?
No, it's not.
It's a big star.
Isn't that what they call it?
Yeah.
But where exactly do we publish the sun, and who gets to read this stuff?
It's published out of Florida, and it's sold throughout the nation, in Canada
and Europe.
And what is the circulation?
About 600,000.
Does it seem to sell more here in the United States or more in Europe?
No.
I guess here.
More here?
More here.
All right.
Do people have subscriptions to it?
Can you get this mailed to your home?
You can get it mailed to your home.
And how is this regarded with other tabloids?
How do you compare this to, like, The Inquirer or U.S. News and World Report?
How would...
Where would it be in that spectrum?
About the middle.
All right.
You write the headlines.
Yes.
And you can swear to me, unequivocally, that everything in here is true.
Absolutely true.
A hundred percent true.
A hundred percent.
Beyond a shadow of a doubt.
Beyond a shadow of a doubt.
All right.
With that in mind, let's take a look at some of these.
I guess these are recent stories that you have personally tracked down and
written.
That I investigated.
If not the article, at least the headline.
And you've done some investigation.
All right.
What does this one say right here?
Get a nice tight shot of this.
This story here.
Toaster is possessed by the devil.
Satan burns every slice with a sign.
Yes.
Where did this happen?
In Canada.
Mm-hmm.
What part of Canada?
Up by Michigan.
Up by Michigan.
Now, what happened here...
Do you have a name of a town, Richard?
Yeah.
It's one of the small villages out there.
Small village.
Yeah.
All right.
Where they have no names for towns.
Yes.
All right.
How did you hear about this?
Well, we have contacts in all over the country and all over the world.
And anything strange like this happens, we get a call.
Mm-hmm.
And I went and investigated it.
Mm-hmm.
And what did you find?
A toaster possessed by the devil.
How do you know it's possessed by the devil?
Well, when I went there, I first investigated.
I checked to see if there was any hidden microphones or wires or anything like
that.
And there wasn't.
Right.
And first, they put in a piece of toast and it came out with a sort of a pentagram,
I think it's called.
And then the toaster spoke.
What did it say?
Would you like butter or jelly?
That kind of thing?
No, it was...
No, it spoke in...
The devil spoke through the toaster.
What did it say?
It basically told me to go to hell.
Oh, man.
Now, you don't for a second believe that.
Well, there was no hidden microphones or anything like that.
No, no, no, no, no.
Nobody said anything.
Yeah, the toaster did.
The toaster...
It's...
We work with a priest, uh...
Oh, of course you work with a priest, huh?
And, uh, performed an exorcism on a toaster.
Uh-huh.
And then it was fine.
He specializes in possessed appliances.
It was probably just one of those defective GE models, you know?
It was just...
Um...
Now...
See, I know that that's not true.
No, it is.
And you must know that that's not true.
But it is true.
Well, then you're goofy.
Our next item.
Here we go.
Two...
Two-headed man sings in stereo.
Dual-domed wonder set to tackle the show business world.
Yeah, he'll be touring Europe.
Oh, get out of here.
Get out of here.
It's okay.
Uh, now this...
Tell me about this.
You got a call...
Where in Europe did this...
This happened in Poland.
Warsaw, Poland, right?
It happened in Poland, right.
Okay.
And, uh, we got a call about a two-headed man.
Mm-hmm.
And, um, that he was singing and wanted to go on tour.
And we investigated.
Mm-hmm.
And, uh...
He's gonna go on tour.
Mm-hmm.
Now, let me ask you about the, uh...
I guess this is, uh...
An untouched photograph here, right?
No, what's going on here is he wants to...
Sort of have a big, uh, opening.
And he doesn't want anybody to see how he looks until he actually appears.
Well, he looks great in a turtleneck.
I gotta tell you.
I don't know.
Two-head.
Two-headed man.
Two-head.
All right.
Skip that one.
That's even a little strange for us.
Okay.
All right.
Here we go.
Now, this one I might...
I think I can believe this one.
800-pound honeymoon couple crashes through hotel floor.
I can actually believe that that might happen.
Where did it happen?
That happened in Yugoslavia.
A lot of these things seem to happen out of town, don't they?
Doesn't seem much to be going on in Queens with possessed toasters or...
Uh, okay.
What do we have here?
Circus midget flushed down toilet.
Oh, I don't know about that.
I don't know.
Yeah, he was hiding in the toilet.
He was going to surprise the bearded lady at the carnival.
Yeah.
And she didn't know he was in there, and she flushed the toilet.
I just love that circus humor.
Those kids carry on like that.
Uh...
Oh, now, this...
Now, some of this stuff is really pretty grisly, isn't it?
Yes, it is.
This is not so muc