Name: Heather Matarazzo on Late Show, June 7, 1996
Uploaded: 2018-06-04T00:13:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Heather Matarazzo on Late Show, June 7, 1996' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-06-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Heather Matarazzo on Late Show, June 7, 1996' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-06-04. Transcript available.

-
-So, thank you very much, Paul Schaefer,
your CBS Orchestra.
Our next guest is making her big-screen debut
as the star of "Welcome to the Dollhouse,"
which won Best Picture Honors
at this year's Sundance Film Festival.
Do me a favor, folks.
Please welcome the young, the talented,
Heather Matarazzo.
Heather.
Welcome to the Dollhouse.
Welcome to the show.
-Thank you very much.
I'll have to be here.
-Well, it's a pleasure to meet you.
You know, I saw your film this afternoon.
You did a wonderful job.
-Thank you so much.
-And the film, without giving it all away,
it's just heartbreaking.
You know, you break people's heart
because you're just a sweet, young girl
trying to get through life.
And it's difficult, isn't it?
How is your actual life?
How old a person are you?
-I'm 13 years old.
-13 years old.
-Yes.
-You go to school.
-I go to school.
-How are you doing in school?
-How am I doing in school?
I'm doing okay.
You know, I've gotten in trouble a couple of times.
-What kind of things get you in trouble?
-Well, when I was in -- -Smoking, drinking, chasing boys?
-I'm doing all of the above.
No.
When I was in sixth grade,
we had assigned a teacher named Mr. Newman.
-Mr. Newman.
All right, fine.
Let's keep it anonymous
for the purposes of this discussion.
-And me and my friend Christy,
there were a lot of beakers,
and we had to do the job of scrubbing them.
-Scrubbing the beakers.
-Yeah.
So we would scrub them, and then we would drop them.
We would drop them, and we would see if they would break,
which they would.
And we would see how much trouble we could get into.
-Well, now, why?
Well, for what reason?
Why would you want to get in trouble?
-Well, because we were -- You know, Dave,
you were young, and we were being rebellious.
-Oh, yeah.
I don't think so.
-We were being rebellious, and we never got in trouble.
-Right.
-And we were -- Sometimes we broke two cylinders,
but we didn't have many of those.
-And why do you think you didn't get in trouble?
Because Mr. Newman thought it was an accident,
or he just liked you so well?
-Yeah, he thought it was an accident.
-Do you get good grades?
-Um, yeah, I get good grades.
-Uh-huh.
What kind of grades do you get?
-What kind of grades do I get?
Um, okay, I get a couple of B's, a couple of A's,
one or two C's.
-Oh, C's, well, that's not bad, right?
-Yeah, that's not bad, but --
-All my life, I get nothing but C's and D's.
-Oh, no.
-Yes, that's true.
The audience feels crazy.
The audience thinks that's just fine.
Well, yeah, that's Dean's List.
That's honor roll, Dave.
My -- attaboy.
Um, how are your, uh, family --
how are your friends reacting to the fact
that you're like a movie star and stuff?
-Oh, they've been totally great about it,
but there are always gonna be those one or two kids
that are gonna be like, "I don't want to see your movie.
I think it's gonna be so bad."
-Oh, they're jealous.
-Yeah, well, screw them.
Just screw those kids.
-
-Those are the kids that ought to be breaking beakers.
Those kids right there.
-I can't say it, so --
-No.
Are you all gonna go to see the film, you and your classmates?
-Um, yeah.
I don't want them to go see the film, but we're gonna see it next week
because I know, Dave, the whole summer, they're gonna be calling me
Wiener Dog and Dogface, 'cause that's what I get called in the film,
and they're gonna be calling me that.
-Yeah, that's no good, is it?
-No, it's not.
-Was it fun making the movie?
Do you like being in films?
-This is the -- it's the best experience you could ever have.
-Mm-hmm.
-You got this adrenaline rush every day that you're on set.
-You know, I was in Cabin Boy.
-I have to go check it out now.
-How about your family?
How about your parents?
How do they feel about having an actress?
-Oh, they think it's great.
They're really excited for me, and my mom's still back in the sun
dance, she's like, "You won Grand Jury Prize."
But I think now she's moved up to Siskel and Ebert,
'cause they reviewed my film, and we were watching it.
My mom's like, "Oh, my God, they reviewed your movie!"
And she was buggin'.
Dave, she was buggin'.
-She was buggin'.
Mom was buggin'.
Manny's still out there.
-Now, when you go to the Sundance thing,
that's Robert Redford, Pretty Boy, Robert Redford.
And he has this big film festival,
and all his big Pretty Boy friends get together.
And your film won the big deal prize.
-It's-- when they told me about it, I was like,
"Okay, I won Grand Jury Prize."
-Yeah, what do you get for that?
-Oh, my God, I won Grand Jury Prize.
Someone had to explain it to me.
I'm so spaced out.
-Do you win anything for that, Heather?
-I don't know, I did not get a certificate.
-Like coupons to the Red Lobster or anything?
Nothing like that?
-No, I got it for Sizzle.
-Sizzle, all of it, Sizzle.
That's no good.
So, now, you're just a regular kid, right?
-Yes, I am.
-You gotta finish school.
I mean, it's a lot. -I'm gonna finish school.
There's no tutors.
-But you wanna be like a big-time actress the rest of your life?
-Yes.
-You enjoy it so well?
-Yes.
-And how are you spending the summer?
-I'm doing two films, called "Resting Gina" and "The Deli."
And otherwise, I'm just gonna be hanging out.
-You're gonna have some fun?
You and your family planning a trip?
-Yes.
-Where would you like to go?
-I would love to go to New Zealand.
-Oh, yeah, New Zealand is beautiful.
It's a lovely country, I would like to go there myself.
-Yeah, but my mom's not accustomed to flying.
-We're not accustomed to flying.
Yes, well, it's still a very new thing.
-Do you have a boyfriend?
-No, I do not.
All the guys in my school are very immature.
I'm waiting for Brad Pitt.
-You're waiting for Brad Pitt.
-What if you have him now?
-Manny?
-Right, ladies?
Right?
Right?
What if you can have him now, but, you know.
-You know, I wanted to say something about Manny.
Even if he weren't on the show tonight,
there's a good chance he would be sitting on the sidewalk.
-Hey, Manny!
-So, is the big prom tonight, is that what it is?
-Yeah, and Dave, I don't have a date,
so do you want to go with me?
-To the prom tonight?
-Yeah.
-You know, I would love to go.
-Graduation dance.
-I would, it's the graduation dance.
-Yes.
-I would love to go, but I, I, I'm sorry.
-He rejected me!
-No, no, no, sorry.
-Oh, that's great, thank you, thank you very much.
-Don't be hard on him, it's okay.
-Oh, that's nice.
Hissing, thank you.
Very adult, very mature, very supportive,
considering what you paid to get in, thank you.
I can't go, Friday, of course,
is when I work on my wrestling scrapbook,
but I have, I have a little something for you, Heather.
-Do you?
-And I want you to enjoy this
and take it to the dance, all right?
-It's one of those, it's like a thing.
-Oh, thank you.
-It's like something we got off a Christmas tree a lot,
I don't, I'm kidding.
-Thank you.
-Very nice.
Now, Heather, I know, I know
I've mispronounced your name all night.
One more time, Heather, Matarazzo.
-Matarazzo.
-Matarazzo, I said Matarazzo, Matarizo, Matarazzo.
-Yes, people have called me mozzarella.
You know, this film, I think, is going to change your life.
Don't you get that feeling?
-Yeah, and sometimes I'm really scared.
I get so scared.
-You shouldn't be scared.
Just continue to be yourself and everything will be fine.
Don't you think?
-Yes.
-All right, well, it was a pleasure meeting you.
Have fun at the dance.
Thank you, Heather.
-Thank you, Heather.
-Heather Matarazzo, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back with Cracker.