Name: Chris Elliott as Marv Albert Collection on Letterman, 1986
Uploaded: 2018-06-06T08:47:56.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chris Elliott as Marv Albert Collection on Letterman, 1986' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-06-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chris Elliott as Marv Albert Collection on Letterman, 1986' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-06-06. Transcript available.

Chris Elliott as Marv Albert Collection on Letterman, 1986

they were all designed sort of to make Dave laugh Marv Albert was a regular
guest on the show and I used to see him walking around you know backstage and
what I would do what I would see backstage which of course the general
public would never see which he always had a styrofoam cup and he always
brushed off his pants as he walked around you know waiting to go on and and
so so I remember doing that coming out and before I said anything Dave was you
know on the floor because he recognized that too you know you know how did that
fucker think of that you know it's good to us you know I was just dying because
I
haven't seen that since like we were watching that clip we had no idea why
you were doing that no I know we hadn't seen him do that back yeah it's all an
inside joke bent over just like you know that's how and with his with his notes
he
would hold his notes and and a styrofoam cup and brush his pants for an
hour before he came on the show
all right coming up in this next half hour Tom Waits will be here and the
Monday now this is hard to believe that this is our show listen to this Billy
Crystal will be here and Gene Hackman Monday are you sure this is our show that's
unbelievable look forward to that it's always a pleasure to welcome my next
guest back to this program he's been with us for a long time
all right
Coming up in this next half hour, Tom Waits will be here, and Monday.
Now, this is hard to believe that this is our show.
Listen to this.
Billy Crystal will be here, and Gene Hackman, Monday.
Are you sure this is our show?
That's unbelievable.
We'll look forward to that.
It's always a pleasure to welcome my next guest back to this program.
He's been with us many times before.
He is the undisputed voice of the New York Knicks, the New York Rangers,
WNBC sports reporter, and NBC Network sports commentator.
Please welcome Chris Elliott, ladies and gentlemen.
All right, Chris.
How are you?
Thanks for seeing you.
Chris, thanks for being here.
I always like to point this out.
You're not only one of the most popular men in sports, but I feel in all of
broadcasting.
Well, thanks very much, Steve.
I'm not sure my co-workers would agree with you.
No, no, you're being too modest.
Now, Chris, what's the deal with the Knicks this year?
What's happening there?
Well, geez, they've got this great guy, Dave DeBuscher, who's doing pretty good.
He's about a...
I'd say he's about an 06 right now, which is a little higher than what his
average was last year.
It was about an 03.
So I think he looks pretty good.
I'll tell you, the Celtics, though, now, they're very hot.
They're at about a 0.9 right now.
So I think you want to look at them for the next season.
I'm putting my money on them.
So maybe they'd be in the playoffs, huh?
I don't know about that, but possibly.
You know, what really impresses me, Chris, is you always seem to have these
statistics right at your fingertips.
How do you remember all that stuff?
That's...
A lot of people ask me that.
I keep it all up here.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Dave, I just want to congratulate you on your anniversary.
What was it?
The second or the...
Fourth.
Third or...
Fourth.
The fourth anniversary.
That's terrific.
You know, before I got into this little sports game here, I did a little
something called The Fugitive Guy.
Oh, yeah, of course, we all remember, sure, we remember.
He was dead.
Yeah.
There, there's a picture of you right there on the monitor.
That's him right over there.
Yeah.
Thank you very much.
Oddly enough, though, we never had an anniversary, not even a one-year
anniversary.
Oh, that's too bad, yeah.
We were canceled.
Yeah, I know.
And we all miss the show, and that's...
Yeah, well, I guess, you know, I just didn't know how to water the daisies in
the old executive garden.
You know what I mean?
Probably not.
Probably not.
No, no, I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean.
What does that mean?
It means I don't kiss royal butt.
Like you.
I'm sorry?
Nothing, I sneezed.
I have a really bad cold, I'm sorry.
It's a cold and flu season.
Yeah, it's awful.
Let's see, so how did you like the Super Bowl?
I didn't see that.
Yeah.
Chris, I know, as always, you brought along some videotape of the strange and
the peculiar.
Wild and wacky from the world of sports, that's right.
Right, the Chris Elliott Achievement Awards.
That's right.
With the help of our ACE research team and our crack producer, Dave Katz, we
put together
what I think is a great bunch, and we can just go ahead and take a look at them.
Okay, roll it.
It's the Elliott Achievement Awards.
Watch your sets at home and enjoy them.
We start out from the world of boxing, and this is the Punch of the Monk.
It's Parker and Colbert.
If you take a look at Parker in the green there, watch, he's going to punch Colbert
here with
his right hand.
It looks like he's going to hurt.
Oh!
Oh, we got another look at it.
You can take another look at it right over here.
Here it comes.
Oh, that's got to hurt.
Wow.
Slow motion.
Punch of the Monk.
Next, we go to the world of the unusual.
Yeah.
I think this is basketball here.
Yeah.
It's the NCAA championship.
Notre Dame is down by eight.
He shoots three seconds left in the game, and yes, he misses it.
Notre Dame loses by eight points, which is too bad.
Wow.
Then we go to the world of the bizarre.
Now, this was awfully embarrassing.
Baseball game, top of the first inning, the first batter up, Ahern, the pitcher,
he walks the first batter.
It's got to be a horrible, embarrassing moment for Ahern, the pitcher.
Look at him.
Oh, yeah.
He looks terribly destroyed.
Oh, he's steamed.
You can see that.
It's his own fault.
Uh-huh.
This, I just put this in.
I thought it looked like this.
What is one of those?
It's sailboats.
Sailboats, yeah.
Well, that's a nice touch.
Finally, we go to the world of the strange.
And this is a golfer Don, Don, uh, January here.
Now, watch this.
He's made the putt.
He's missed it.
Now, look at this cheater.
He goes up.
He puts his back to the camera.
He knocks the thing in.
No one does anything about it.
What a cheater.
Oh.
Ah, I saw him.
Those were great.
Just a few.
Those were great.
Wild and wacky.
Wild and wacky.
I do want to thank, once again, my producer, Dave Katz.
Dave Katz and the crack staff, yeah.
This weekend, we have the NBA All-Star game coming up.
Any picks there?
Well, I got to tell you, this O'Neal guy looks pretty good.
Also, Danny Moynihan is about a .6.
The two of them, I think, could break their game point averages.
They also have a pretty good strong-armed team, so I'm putting my money on Yale.
Okay.
Now, I know you have to get back over live at 5, so thanks for coming by.
I do. Thanks very much.
Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Elliott, Mr. Sports.
Oh, yeah.
There's Chris right there.
Chris Elliott.
Thank you very much.
That's right, Chris.
Yeah, thank you.
We'll be back with Tom Waits.
Here now, with his year-end Albert Achievement Awards, is Mr. Marv Albert.
Nice to see you, Marv.
Come on, Albert.
Nice to have you here.
Marv, we have a year-long compilation of the best of the Albert Achievement
Awards.
We'll get right to them, and when we're done, I want to thank you for something
you did for us,
and we'll look at your little, your brother's promotional.
Yeah, we'll show.
We'll save that for a little later.
Yeah, save that for a little later.
Okay.
I'm surprised, but it has been a wacky kind of year.
A great year.
We don't have time.
Your brother is selling chocolate hockey puck.
This is the first appearance of a chocolate hockey puck.
My brother, Al, who's a famed sportscaster.
Thanks for getting us into the hockey game.
Can I do something, though?
I've never done this.
Here, toss it back there.
Yeah.
Unbelievable.
Marv, Albert, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be back with Bob Sarlock.
Are these things good?
That's Minnie and Goofy up there.
Speaking of hockey, before I forget, Marv had asked me if I would give this to
you.
Oh, these damn things.
I am so tired of these things.
Marv, Albert's brother, can't get a job in sportscasting, so he's marketing
these damn
chocolate hockey pucks.
And I'm telling you, don't buy them.
They'll rot your teeth.
It's inferior stuff.
Just forget this hockey pucker.
Oh, here it goes.
Kelly Sedalas record?
I have that.
Marv, Albert's got a brother who makes these chocolate hockey pucks.
You can have that.
Who's Marv Albert?
He does sports for NBC.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
You know, we're taking up all your time with this junk.
It's okay.
I don't have anything to say.
It'll be okay.
So we'll keep you posted if we get any more of those.
On the same subject.
Yes, sir.
My brother Al wanted to have a chocolate hockey pucks.
Has he sold any of these, Marv?
The business is flourishing.
I'm sure it is.
All right.
And he wants to thank you for all your help, all the nice things you've been
saying.
They're selling like hotcakes.
Too bad they're not selling like hockey pucks.
But, you know.
All right.
Let's get right to the tape.
Tomorrow on this program, folks, Grace Jones will be here and Max Headroom.
Do you know anything about Max Headroom, Paul?
He's a nutty, kind of an animated kind of kid.
Yeah, something like that.
Anyway, Max will be here tomorrow and also Todd Rundgren.
Do you know anything about Todd?
Yeah, him I know about, yeah.
Is he going to play with the band?
We're going to play with him tomorrow.
Oh, is that right?
Oh, that'll be good.
That is tomorrow night.
And later in this program tonight, comedian Paul Reiser will be here.
And right now, it's always a pleasure to have this man on the program.
He is the undisputed voice of the New York Knicks, the New York Rangers,
WNBC sports reporter and NBC Sports Network commentator.
Please welcome Chris Elliott.
Hi, Chris.
Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Nice to see you.
Good to see you.
Yes.
Yes, sir.
Great to see you.
As always, I'd like to say that you're not only one of the most popular
personalities in
the world of sports, but all of broadcasting.
Well, yes, preceded only by your own high, majestic majesty.
Thank you very much.
I appreciate that.
Yeah, bite me.
Okay.
I've got something for you, Dave.
My brother Al sells these.
And he wanted me to give you one.
What do we have?
Take a look at it.
It's a chocolate football helmet.
There you go.
This, uh, this, this one's been out in the lights a little too long, I guess.
Okay, I tell you what, we'll, uh, Chris, we'll dig into that a little bit later.
Do you have a towel?
Yeah, we have a towel.
Your brother?
Oh, my.
Yes, he does.
He makes quite a bit of money on those.
Okay.
Uh, now, you know, uh, Chris, every time you're on the show, you tell us what's
going on
in the world of sports, but I never got a chance to ask you, do you participate
in any
sports yourself?
Well, no, not anymore.
I've got, uh, the gout pretty bad now.
Uh, too much, uh, good wine and loose women, I guess.
Yeah, I guess so.
Boxing used to be my thing.
Boxing, I didn't know that.
I used to be into boxing until, uh, Hector the Macho Camacho knocked me out.
I think you have a picture of it over there somewhere.
Gee, I didn't realize, oh.
Yeah, there it is, right there.
Oh.
It's like a pretty nasty shot there.
Yeah.
I don't, uh, participate anymore after that.
I can see why, sure.
Now, uh, what's going on with the Knicks, Chris?
Well, the Knicks are about 0-5 right now, which, uh, doesn't really put them in
competing
position.
To be competing, uh, you've got to have at least a .9 average.
Yeah, that's right.
But, uh, we've got this big All-Star game coming up tonight, and, uh, I think
the National
League looks pretty good there.
Uh, they've got this, uh, they've got this Paul Winfield, who, uh, is batting
about 2.9
and, uh, has good kicking power, too.
That's right.
Now, Chris, the, uh, the All-Star game, of course, was last night, and Paul Winfield
was
in the motion picture sounder.
Yes, he's one of the only, uh, only people in the sports world to make that
transition from
sports into film.
Uh-huh.
I haven't seen it yet.
I hear it's