Name: Conan, Jay, and Dave, April-June 1993
Uploaded: 2018-07-29T05:37:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Conan, Jay, and Dave, April-June 1993' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-07-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Conan, Jay, and Dave, April-June 1993' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-07-29. Transcript available.

Conan, Jay, and Dave, April-June 1993

Time now for a preview of some of today's front pages along with the associated
press
photos you might find inside. And let's go first to a few of the pictures here
that are
interesting this morning. NBC last night announced its replacement for David
Letterman. He's
there with Jay Leno on the left. He's Conan O'Brien, a comedy writer. I have to
admit few people have ever heard of him before. Actually, I think this picture
is going to be published on a milk carton. Anybody ever seen this guy before?
Coming up next. Conan O'Brien, actually. NBC hopes to turn this relatively
little-known writer-comedian into a household word. He will be taking over when
Letterman jumps to CBS this summer. The announcement was made last night on The
Tonight Show.
Nobody knows this guy. Nobody's seen him. I thought you might want to say hello
to him. It's Mr. Conan O'Brien. Come on out here. How are you doing? Good to
see you. Thanks a lot.
How old are you? What, you're 29? I just turned 30, actually. Well, that's
pretty good. I was still at Chuckles when I was 30, so that's good. See, I'm a
geek. Are you excited about this? Is it fun? Yeah, well, I found out about
eight hours ago. I was, like, eating a big sandwich, and they called me on the
phone and said, "I had this job. This is seriously true." And I'm thrilled. I
mean, this is -- it's something I've wanted to do all my life. And I'm thrilled.
I mean, this is -- it's something I've wanted to do all my life. And I've been
ecstatic. And, like, right here tonight is, like, your first time on TV. Well
--
Well, that's pretty good. I was still at Chuckles when I was 30, so that's good.
See, I'm a geek. Are you excited about this? Is it fun?
Yeah, well, I found out about eight hours ago.
I was, like, eating a big sandwich, and they called me on the phone and said,
I had this job. This is seriously true, and I'm thrilled.
I mean, this is something I've wanted to do all my life. I'm ecstatic.
And, like, right here tonight is, like, your first time on TV.
Well, and you know, you know, Dave Letterman is a legend here at NBC,
and if there's anything that's fun to do, it's replacing legends at NBC.
I know. Oh, yeah. It's... Oh, man.
Jay knows. O'Brien is a 1985 Harvard graduate.
His past experience includes writing and producing for Fox's animated The Simpsons
and writer for NBC's Saturday Night Live.
He also wrote for HBO's Not Necessarily the News
and performed with The Groundlings comedy troupe in San Francisco.
The Groundlings turned it down.
The new show will debut on August 23rd.
Now, Al, you were on the Conan O'Brien search today.
I talked to a couple of people up at Saturday Night Live
who all say he's a very funny man.
Not a lot of, again, on-camera experience, but he's a very funny guy.
And David Letterman, his response, Dave?
David Letterman just said, I was watching him tape, and he said,
well, I don't know anything about him, but I hear he killed a guy.
That's what Letterman said.
No war is on.
And they also, tonight, I won't divulge it, but they've got top ten tips for
the new late night host.
Uh-huh.
It's worth the wait, I'll tell you.
Great.
Anyway, let's see if our weather's worth the wait.
Check it out.
Like a great big hat that's used as a satellite dish to pick up psychic
readings.
This is Talk Soup.
Greg Kinnear back with you.
Monday, NBC announced David Letterman's replacement to host the network's late
night show.
Speculation had been brewing for a long time that it'd be taken over by either
Gary Shandling or myself.
Shandling couldn't do it for logistical reasons.
I, on the other hand, had already committed to a whole lineup of Flobie infomercials
that'll be airing this fall.
So, look forward to that.
The man who got the coveted job is a relatively unknown writer-comedian named
Conan O'Brien.
On Monday's Tonight Show, Jay Leno introduced him to America for the very first
time.
Here now is the new owner of the nightly 12.30 p.m. slot on NBC.
We found a gentleman.
He just signed a contract like, what, a couple hours ago?
Hours.
Hours ago.
Just found out about this.
The gentleman who is a writer on Saturday Night Live, won an Emmy.
Right, won an Emmy on Saturday Night Live.
Works on The Simpsons.
Lauren Michaels, who you know from Saturday Night Live, will be producing the
show.
Well, I thought, come by.
Nobody knows this guy.
Nobody's seen him.
I thought you might want to say hello to him.
It's Mr. Conan O'Brien.
Come on out here.
How you doing?
Good to see you.
Thanks a lot.
How old are you?
What, you're 29?
I just turned 30, actually.
Oh, that's pretty good.
I was still at Chuckles when I was 30, so that's good.
See, I'm a geek.
Are you excited about this?
Is it fun?
Yeah, well, I found out about eight hours ago.
I was, like, eating a big sandwich, and they called me on the phone and said,
I had this job, this is seriously true, and I'm thrilled.
I mean, this is, it's something I've wanted to do all my life.
I'm ecstatic.
And, like, right here tonight is, like, your first time on TV.
Well, and you know, you know, Dave Letterman is a legend here at NBC,
and if there's anything that's fun to do, it's replacing legends at NBC.
I know.
Oh, yeah.
It's, oh, man.
It's okay, Greg.
Maybe a game show will open up.
O'Brien is a 1985 graduate of Harvard University.
And, actually, that was really stupid.
Also a good writer.
Thursday on the Tonight Show, the rap group Wreck Wrecks in Effect will perform
a song.
All right, ladies and gentlemen, next.
Welcome back to the program.
Yesterday, NBC announced that, I guess in, is it August?
The new host of this show will be a young man by the name of Conan O'Brien.
I don't know the man.
I've never met the man, but we certainly wish him all the success and happiness
doing this show that we've had over the last 11 years.
Conan O'Brien, and the show begins with Conan.
When does it begin, Paul?
Sometime in August.
And I'll be leaving the show.
It's not like we're co-hosting it.
You are going elsewhere.
Conan O'Brien taking over.
Paul and I will be going to...
We ought to get a flow chart.
Because there's so much activity now in the talk show world.
Oh, boy.
And, ooh, isn't it fascinating?
Paul and I are taking the show over to CBS.
And then this young man, Conan O'Brien, will be coming in.
I don't know the man who ever met him.
And I just hope he has everything that we have had and much, much more.
And more.
Yeah.
Seems like a nice one.
I'm going to tell you something.
That was pathetic.
And I know you didn't mean it.
So, when you don't mean it, and it's that obvious, don't waste our time.
So, the audience doesn't mean it, but on their own they applaud.
Now, to make it worse, Bill Wendell, who doesn't get it anyway, decides what he
really wants
now is some kind of standing ovation.
Complicating and compounding the mistake.
No.
That's very nice.
I heard the new guy.
The only thing I do know about Conan O'Brien, I heard he killed a guy.
No.
No, you're making that up.
I heard he killed a guy.
No, you didn't.
That's all.
I don't know.
You're making that up.
You don't know him.
You've never met him.
You wish him more of what we've had.
I'm just telling you what I heard.
Some guys.
A lovely guy.
No, that's not true.
You can't say that about a guy.
You know, but other top stars on TV have done time.
Well, like who?
Well, like that, the Home Improvement boy.
He's been away.
He went away.
He went up the river?
Yeah, he was gone.
And now he's, he paid his debt to society, and now he's back, and he's on, like,
next to
the Roseanne show, it's the most popular show on television.
Yeah, well, what was in charge with him?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm not, I'm not here.
It doesn't make any difference because he went away, he paid his debt to
society, and
now he's got a big hit show.
That's wonderful.
Only in America, I guess.
You're making it all up.
Okay, let's see.
Anyway, oh, so that brings us back to the top ten category.
Now, don't do it again, because I know you don't mean it, and don't, just have
Wendell
stand in the hall until he can get himself under control.
Wendell comes to and senses a standing O.
Come on, everybody!
Get back!
Come on, everybody!
The war's over!
Let's go!
Maybe Mr. O'Brien would like an announcer.
Now, see, see, I know you don't mean that either.
Anyway, top ten tips, no, top ten tips for the new guy.
Oh, great!
Conan O'Brien, yeah, yeah.
Top ten tips, beginning whenever he begins in August.
Yeah, and as I guess I've pointed out, I won't be here.
You will not be called.
I think there's some confusion hanging in the air, people, confusion or indifference,
certainly.
Top ten tips now for the new late-night host, who is Conan O'Brien.
You're not staying with him, are you, Paul?
You're going with him.
No, I'm coming with you.
Okay.
Here we go.
Top ten tips now.
Number ten.
A drugged guest is a well-behaved guest.
You know who else was in prison?
Was that guy, Rock, on Fox.
He did, Tom?
I think he was away, too.
That we know.
Wasn't he, Bob?
Yeah.
Most, a very high percentage of your TV stars have been in prison.
How about that?
Is that right?
Is that the kind of country we want?
I don't know.
Number nine.
Proper gratuity for Marv Albert, Nicola Blooper.
Marv Albert is a sportscaster.
He's a frequent guest on the show, and he shows sports bloopers.
Number seven.
Willard's insane.
That's Willard Scott, the Today Show weatherman.
Oh, wait a minute.
Number eight.
Kids will look up to you.
Don't let them think it's cool to smoke.
Number seven.
Willard's insane.
Willard Scott, he's the Today Show weatherman.
Who, by the way, has never done time, but beat a cue card boy to death with his
bare hands.
That's the truth.
I got off scot-free.
That's exactly right.
I can't believe it.
That's right.
Beat.
What kind of a country?
I just got it myself.
How's your new baby?
Paul Schaefer has a brand new baby girl.
Yes, thank you.
How is she?
Thank you for asking.
She's great.
Everybody's doing great.
Thanks a lot.
Have you had a chance to take the baby?
You and your wife take the baby outside?
Because it's been lovely spring weather.
Yeah, it's beautiful out.
We were thinking of taking her out.
All right.
Why do you ask?
I want to caution you one thing.
Why?
Before you take your baby outside, watch this.
What?
Just think about this.
You just think about that.
Be very, very careful.
Yeah.
You can't be too careful these days.
I'm surprised they didn't show you that at the hospital.
You didn't see that.
I didn't watch any of the stuff they were going to show.
No, you should be very cautious.
This time of year, you just, like Central Park, be careful.
That's all I'm saying.
Oh, no, you're right.
Man.
Let's see.
Number six, top ten tips for the new late night host.
Number six, if you ever have a baby,
look out for giant birds.
There it goes.
Ow.
Number five, GE executives are pinheads.
NBC executives are boneheads.
It's a very...
Number four, no one cares about Walter Cronkite's lunch.
Number three, don't panic if you find a strange woman in your home.
Number two.
Number two.
Number two.
When all else fails, just say,
Buttafuko.
And the number one tip for the new late night host,
two words, laugh track.
There you go.
Anyway, all kidding aside,
we certainly wish the new kid a lot of luck.
We sure do.
Yep.
Our...
I say we sure do.
And a lovely actress and a fine woman
and very active in her community.
I just...
I've run out of things to say about the guests.
Well-groomed.
Mary Stewart Masterson, kids.
Mary Stewart Masterson, kids.
Mary Stewart Masterson, you're doing everything.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hey, David.
Hey, buddy.
You know me, you know that sometimes I think about my name, Paul Schaefer,
I feel it doesn't really have the proper show business ring.
Sometimes I like to give myself a new show business name.
Yeah.
I got one I want to try out on you.
Maybe it'll give me more credibility with the kids.
Yeah, what do you get?
See what you think about this.
Conan O. Schaefer.
I like it.
What do you say?
Very n