Name: Brush with Greatness on Letterman, June 24, 1992
Uploaded: 2018-08-11T00:56:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Brush with Greatness on Letterman, June 24, 1992' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-08-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Brush with Greatness on Letterman, June 24, 1992' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-08-11. Transcript available.

Ladies and gentlemen, how about a nice hand for the Bleach and Starch boys
sitting around here.
There they are.
Yes, there is.
They never looked brighter. They never looked whiter.
They're old buddies, Bleach and Starch, kids.
Ah.
Oh, my gosh. I completely forgot about this tonight, ladies and gentlemen.
We are going to be cooking right here in the studio.
The gentleman's name is Bobby Flay.
Ow!
Bobby Flay.
Exactly.
And we will be cooking Southwestern cuisine. Is that correct?
Oh, now the crucial question, did he bring enough for all of us?
We'll find out.
We'll see if maybe there isn't a little something left over we can pass out to
the audience
and then maybe mail off to the home viewers as well.
Also from the program Saturday Night Live, what is it?
Yes.
Yeah.
Also from the program Saturday Night Live, Julia Sweeney is here, ladies and
gentlemen.
Now, the friend Paul Schaefer is right over there.
Oh, boy.
We'll be there in about an hour.
Thank you very much.
We'll be able to have a beer.
And you're a knucklehead.
I just, as I came up here, I had to remind an audience member we'd be done in
about an
hour and he can get out and have a beer before he knows it.
Kids, we're up here because we're going to spend a couple of minutes talking to
the audience
members.
It's a little something we call, Paul, do you have music for this?
Brush with Greatness.
Where is the thing that flies up that says Brush with Greatness?
We used to have a thing that would fly up.
We don't have it?
We never had it?
We'll try and get one tonight.
This is where people in the audience tell us about their experiences with
famous people.
There we go.
Jason Bell.
Is there a Jason Bell here?
Jason.
Oh, hi, Jason.
Nice to see you.
Jason, how are you?
I'm fine, thanks.
Where are you from, Jason?
I'm actually living in Manhattan right now.
Manhattan.
Where about in Manhattan?
Right down by Gramercy Park.
Oh, and how long have you been in town?
Oh, about a year and a half.
Originally, where are you from?
Originally, I'm from Iowa.
Iowa.
Oh, the heartland of the United States.
What's sitting in Iowa?
Iowa City.
Uh-huh, Iowa City.
And what brought you to New York?
Ah, the wonderful world of acting.
Oh, so you're an actor.
Well, do a little something for us.
There you go.
It's an actor.
And you now, well, so being in, is it theater?
You're working in film?
Theater is, yeah.
Then I would guess that you have had many brushes with the greats.
Is that correct?
Is that safe?
Some, some, yeah.
Okay, why don't you tell us about one of those?
Tell us your brush with greatness.
Here we go.
Well, I was serving as a bodyguard for the Dalai Lama of Tibet, and my job was
to unlock...
A lot of people inclined to rough this guy up?
Is he get a couple of beers in him and wise off to somebody?
Is that what he's doing?
All right, so you were his bodyguard.
I was on the group of bodyguards.
My job was to unlock, open, and close the door to his residence whenever he
would arrive
or depart.
And he would stop every time he came through and try and shake my hand.
But I had the door in one hand and my radio in the other, so there was nothing
I could
do.
Nothing really there for him to shake.
Just stare at me for a while and then pat me on the shoulder and laugh and go
about
his merry business.
Yeah.
Well, that's quite a story.
Now, Jason, let me ask, is there more to this story we haven't heard so far?
Yes, there is, Dave.
Oh, thank goodness.
Here we go.
After my last day on the job had ended, I finally shook his hand and was jolted
by an
electric joy buzzer.
That Dalai Lama is a real card.
Yes, sir!
Thank you, Dalai.
Jason, we have something for you.
Where?
Thank you very much.
Thanks, Bill.
Thank you.
Look at this.
This is a very nice gift.
This is an assortment of Tom Brokaw, NBC stationery.
There you are, Jason.
You're welcome.
Nice meeting you.
Thank you very much.
Yeah, I like to tell that Dalai Lama thing or two.
Is there a Kelly Wilcoxon?
My God, what a lovely name.
Did I say it right?
Yes, she did.
Kelly Wilcoxon.
Let's all say it.
Kelly Wilcoxon.
Okay, Kelly, nice to see you.
Where are you from, Kelly?
I'm from Largo, Florida.
Largo, Florida.
Is that down in the Key?
No, it's by St. Pete on the West Coast.
You know, I have relatives in that part of the world.
Good.
Yeah, it's very nice down there, isn't it?
Yes, very nice.
How long have you lived down there, Kelly?
All my life.
Kelly, and what do you do for a living?
I'm a student.
So where do you go to school?
Largo High.
Largo High?
Yeah.
Yikes.
Are you old enough to be in here?
Yes, yes, yes.
How old do you have to be to be in here?
How old are you, Kelly?
I am 16.
Oh, thank goodness.
Kelly Wilcoxon.
My gosh, I didn't realize you were quite so young.
Thank you.
All right, so Kelly, now what?
Guess my weight?
Is that what we're doing?
What is she trying to do?
No, no, no, no.
Oh, no, no.
Kelly.
Yes.
I don't know.
I'm confused.
I'm still thinking about the Dalai Lama being in a situation where he might
really upset
somebody and they take a swing at the guy.
Hey, you can't pull that here, buddy.
Kelly, tell us about your brush with greatness.
What is your middle name, by the way?
Robin.
Kelly Robin Wilcoxon.
That's right.
It gets better and better.
It's a little, it's sonnet-like, isn't it?
Kelly Robin, Wisconsin.
No.
Are you telling me your last name was Wisconsin?
All right, Kelly, tell us about your brush with greatness.
Okay.
We were vacationing in Aspen and I was at the Hard Rock Cafe.
Of course you were.
Yes.
Because then, what were you, 14?
14?
Tossing back shots with the Dalai Lama.
What the hell is going on here?
Anyway, the lady in front of me in the bathroom line asked if I knew who was
behind me.
I casually looked around.
I said, no.
She goes, well, it's Mary Hart from Entertainment Tonight.
I said, what?
I turned around and I said, Mary, oh, I love you.
I watch you every night.
Can I have your autograph?
Were you lying?
No.
No, no, no.
All right.
And is there more to this story?
Well, Dave, actually there is.
As Mary Hart's voice droned on and on, I became distorted and went into some
kind of a trance.
When I came to, Mary Hart was gone and so was my handbag.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, another true life story from the crime logs of
Austin, Colorado.
From the desk of Tom Brooker, we have the stationery, the envelope.
Kelly, nice meeting you.
Thank you very much for talking with us.
Kelly Robin Wilcoxon.
Kelly Robin Wilcoxon.
That's a lovely, lovely name.
What kind of name is Wilcoxon?
No idea?
No clue?
German.
German name, is it really?
All right.
Hey, here's another great name.
Is there a Lou Jones with us tonight?
A Mr. Lou Jones.
Hi, Lou.
How are you?
Hey, nice windbreaker.
Good to have you here.
Lou, where are you from, sir?
Boston, Mass.
Boston, Massachusetts.
It's the hottest city.
Yes, sir.
Hey, Lou, how about them broons?
That's a sad story.
Yeah, I know what it is.
Are they tearing down Boston Garden, putting up a new one?
That's what they're supposed to be doing.
Where is the new one going to go?
Right behind the old one.
What are they going to do with the old one?
I don't know.
Tear it down, I hope.
Hey, okay.
Well, that's progress, Lou.
Lou Jones.
Lou, what is your middle name?
David.
Oh, congratulations.
Bill, what do we have for him?
Tell us, Lou, what do you do for a living?
I work for the Boston Globe.
Boston Globe.
Well, it's a fine newspaper, isn't it?
It's very good.
You enjoy working there?
Are they nice to you?
Very good to me.
Okay, good for you, Lou.
Let's see.
Tell us about your brush with greatness.
Well, there was this time in Boston.
Bill Clinton was in for a fundraiser, and I got his autograph.
And when I went to put the autograph in my pocket, Secret Service came up to me
and started patting me down because they didn't know what I was doing.
And you're sure it was Secret Service?
Well, I'm absolutely sure.
They were grabbing me and grabbing my hand and making sure there was nothing
else in my pockets.
Uh-huh, okay.
They didn't want anything to happen to me.
You're completely satisfied they were with the government as Secret Service
agents.
I hope so.
All right, Lou.
Then what happened?
Well, a whole new world opened up to me that day.
Ah!
Now I routinely go to airports, government buildings, or any other place with a
security checkpoint just to have my trousers padded by strange men.
It's another ugly story.
Lou, pleasure to meet you.
Here, here's your con board call stationary.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Have a lovely visit.
Okay.
Here, Kelly, that's for you.
Thank you very much.
Kelly Robin Wilcoxon.
We'll be right back with Paul Reiser.
Thank you very much.
I just want to tell you something.
One of the great things about doing this television program night after night
is the wonderful studio audience.
Because, you know, I don't need to come in here night after night after night.
You don't have to.
I'm a fabulously wealthy man.
Right.
But when I think about the wonderful audience members, I say, yes, what the
heck, let's do another show.
And then, like tonight, we meet a wonderful person, Kelly Robin Wilcoxon.
And the more you think about Kelly Robin Wilcoxon, it sounds like something you
might hear in an old pirate movie.
How do you mean?
Take my word for it, matey.
Kelly Robin Wilcoxon.
It doesn't mean anything.
It just has that sort of cadence that you can't quite understand.
Ah, Kelly Robin Wilcoxon.
When the crow flies, Kelly Robin Wilcoxon.
She's a bit bemused.
Yeah.
When the brine burns, Kelly Robin Wilcoxon.
When the brine burns.
I don't know.
Wilcoxon.
I'd wedge her a solid gold doubloon.
Kelly Robin Wilcoxon.
Wilcoxon.
You would now.
Huh?
You would.
Yeah.
Hello.
We have a wonderful program.
Who the hell's on this damn thing?
Paul Reiser, a very funny man, getting his own program right here on CBS.
We have Chef Bobby Flay.
Flay.
What did I say?
What did I say?
CBS?
I'm sorry.
Yikes.
What the hell could I have been thinking?
The lovely Julia Sweeney from Saturday Night Live.
It's a fine, fine program.
Fine program.
Fine program for Kelly Robin Wilcoxon.
If you don't get your oars up, Kelly Robin Wilcoxon.
Ah.
From the home office in Tahlequah, Oklahoma.
Bless you, ma'am.
Top ten things H. Ross Perot found out about the Bush family.
Charges now that Mr. Perot has had the Bush family, the sons, the daughters,
the aunts,
the uncles, under surveillance.
Top ten things now Perot has found out about the Bush family.
Here we go.
Number ten.
George ran over first wife with writing mower.
Number nine.
Even at the White House, whole family sleeps inside RV and driveway.
Number eight.
Use tax dollars to send out for Chinese food.
Number seven.
At home, they all speak with thick Mexican accents.
Number six.
Naked George Bush, often surprised by tour groups.
Number five.
Neil Bush is hooked on phonics.
Number four.
Like most Americans, the first family still hasn't signed up for NBC's Olympic
telecast.
Number three.
Barbara is thinking of voting for Perot.
Number two.
Japanese have them on the payroll just to screw things up.
And the number one thing Perot found out about the Bush family.
Quail was Millie's suggestion.
By the skinnier gizzard, Kelly Robin Wilcoxon.
Grog!
Everyone here gets grog!
What the hell is that accent I'm doing?
Let's bring out our first guest and see if he can't make order out of this mess.
Thank you.