Name: "Amerika" References on Letterman, February 1987
Uploaded: 2018-08-11T19:38:57.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Amerika" References on Letterman, February 1987' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-08-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Amerika" References on Letterman, February 1987' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-08-11. Transcript available.

Good evening, I'm Dave Letterman.
You know, last night, after months of debate and controversy,
a special television program aired in primetime,
the repercussions of which we're only starting to feel now.
Here at Late Night, we take seriously our responsibility as broadcasters
and have assembled a panel to discuss some of the issues raised by this unsettling
drama.
I'm speaking, of course, of the world premiere TV movie, The Facts of Life Down
Under.
With us tonight is Late Night Segment producer Robert Morton.
Morty, as simply as possible, what happens in the story here?
Well, David, The Facts of Life Girls find love and laughs on a visit to
Australia,
much in the manner of, say, family ties in London or any of the love boat cruises.
Well, that's good, Morty, but what exactly is it?
Is it fact? Is it fiction? Is it fantasy? Is it propaganda?
I would say fiction, Dave. Blair, Joe, Tootie, and Natalie, these are
characters.
However, there is a continent called Australia.
Well, I think we can all agree on that, certainly.
Dave, I think we're ignoring a far more fundamental question.
NBC, in its promotional material, is referring to The Facts of Life Down Under
as a movie.
Isn't it, in fact, a movie-length TV show?
Any thoughts on that, Iggy?
Well, I think Gerard's being a bit dogmatic.
I mean, what about McHale's Navy Joins the Air Force?
There was Batman.
Munster Go Home?
Munster Go Home, exactly.
Yeah, but those were made specifically for theatrical release.
He had to go to the movies to see them.
Okay, everybody, settle down now.
I think you can see why this program has provoked such a storm of emotion on
all sides.
Now, Mary Lynn, what did you make of the story, particularly the subplot
involving the jewel theme?
Well, actually, Dave, I didn't see it.
I'm at this, you know, I'm in this Broadway show at the Barrymore Theater,
Social Security.
It's a modern comedy.
Sorry I missed it.
Well, that's all right.
We're certainly glad you could join us anyway.
We wanted at least one fabulous babe on the panel.
Morty, Gerard, Mary Lou, Iggy, you know, I think we've only scratched the
surface on The Facts of Life Down Under a Problem,
but at least we've recognized the questions involved here,
and more importantly, we've killed a couple of minutes of airtime.
Thank you all.
You're welcome.
Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Hello and welcome from around the world,
and this, ladies and gentlemen, is our special President's Day show.
I got a waffle iron this morning for President's Day,
and I can't wait to get home to make some presidential waffles.
Let's get right to it.
Are we watching this thing on ABC, this America, this, uh, it's like a six-month
show.
It's a six-month, it goes on between now and August, right?
Yeah.
It's on nightly, it's like three hours a night, and it runs from now through
Labor Day nearly.
Now, did we see it last night?
Are we watching it?
Do we care about it?
You know, I think there's one thing that we can all learn from watching the
movie America on ABC,
and that is how tedious and boring life would be if this country were ever
taken over by ABC.
So you see...
What do you think, Paul?
Yeah, I...
We'll try, we'll try, we'll try one more.
Okay.
But be on alert.
Okay.
Paul is now officially on alert, ladies and gentlemen, so we'll try one more,
and we'll see what happens.
Well, controversy continues over the ABC miniseries America.
Are we watching this thing or not?
No!
All right, good, good.
And it's getting criticism from such high places as Mikhail Gorbachev himself,
and according
to the New York Times this morning, Mikhail was quoted as saying that he
thought the problem
with the ABC miniseries America was too many light beer commercials.
Paul Schaefer, ladies and gentlemen.
Put a little juice into the chair.
Go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah.
Okay, here we go.
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
All right, ho. I'm going to beat some time.
Oh, well, here we go. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
Paul Schaefer, ladies and gentlemen.
Paul Schaefer.
Did you stop a shell, Paul? Is that what happened?
I think so, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know how that happened.
Oh, gosh, I sure do.
Not right now, though.
What a show we've put together for you folks today.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
We're in there.
Yeah, yeah.
Here tonight is our top ten list from the home office in Scottsdale, Arizona.
As timely as today's headlines.
The category tonight, top ten questions raised by the ABC miniseries America.
Top ten questions raised by the ABC miniseries America.
Here we go.
Number ten.
Could the Soviets really achieve a bloodless conquest?
Number nine.
Can our country survive internal disunity and moral decay?
Number eight.
What's Chuck Norris doing while all of this is going on?
Number seven.
Will the Soviets still honor my unexpired McDonald's coupons?
Number six.
Isn't that the guy who played Dan Tanna?
Number five.
Do we still have any of those old board games in the closet?
Number four.
Some miniseries.
Where's Richard Chamberlain?
Number three.
If you win, how will you use your crown to help others?
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's a question raised on the Miss America pageant.
It's a mistake.
Number two.
That's not how you really spell America, right?
And the number one question raised by the ABC miniseries America.
What else is on?
No, we're not going to do this.
School cancellation.
Not on your life.
What?
What's happening?
Now, we have here a list of school closings, but we're not going to do them
tonight.
I'll do one.
There are some schools?
You mean there are some schools?
That's right.
Some schools are closed.
And we're going to tell the people where they are.
If you live in the Winston-Salem, North Carolina area, the Surrey County
schools are all closed.
And we'll remain closed until further notice.
I should have stayed in the Marine Corps.
We'll be right back here with Willie Nelson, folks.
Oh, on America tonight, the series America over on ABC also.
You folks watching that, following that, enjoying it, are you?
Well, tonight on America, Mariel Hemingway is interrogated about her eyebrows.
So you might want to...
Oh, there you go.
Oh, there you go.
Oh, there you go.
Oh.