Name: Tim Conway on Letterman, January 27, 1986
Uploaded: 2018-08-28T17:14:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim Conway on Letterman, January 27, 1986' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-08-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim Conway on Letterman, January 27, 1986' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-08-28. Transcript available.

Thank you folks. My first guest tonight is an extremely funny human being and
is probably best remembered for his 11 years on the Carol Burnett Show. He is
now starring in a major motion picture. It's called Long Shot. Please welcome
Tim Conway.
Nice to see you. How are you? Nice to see you. Thank you for being on the show.
We've never met before. I think we have met one time. Where? In the room? No,
no. Some awards thing I think we met. Didn't we? That's right. Yeah, I didn't
win and you did or something like that. I don't know. Really annoying. That's
right, you did. I'm sorry. I forgot about that. Thank you very much for being
here. 11 years you were with Carol Burnett. Now, you were a regular on the show.
Six years?
Yeah. And then as a guest star? For the last four. Yeah. No, does that make
sense? That would only be 10. They owe me for a year. Yeah. I better call them
up. Yeah, I was almost all 11 years. Yeah. And you had other shows? Several. A
lot of them. I remember one called, it was a Private Eye show, which was Ace
Crawford. Ace Crawford Private Eye. Then I had five shows that were called the
Tim Conway Show because obviously I was the only one in the room when we were
voting on a title.
And so I named those the Tim Conway Show. Then, of course, Rango, which was
very popular. I'm sorry, Rango? Rango. You probably didn't see that. No, I don't,
no, no. It was just on a short time. Actually, a guy came down from ABC, Vice
President, and said, don't do this anymore.
And that was while we were shooting. He said, stop doing that. And then a
series of big stuff. Yeah. And then, of course. What about Turn On?
Turn On is in the Guinness World Book of Records. Yeah. For being the shortest
show that was ever on.
That started in New York. And as it came across the country, it was being
canceled.
And actually, in Cleveland, they actually turned it off and went to a slide and
called out an organ player who hadn't played in many years, and he played for
15 minutes over a slide.
So it was actually like a funeral procession traveling coast to coast. Traveling
right across.
It was just the last viewing of the body as it went westward.
And it looked good in the coffin as it came across. They had a premiere party
in Los Angeles. George Slaughter did it.
What was Turn On? Tell us about the show. It sounded like it was something for
the kids.
Oh, it's hysterical. Yeah.
I looked back. I don't know what it was. It was certainly confusing, basically.
And it had a strange sound running through it, but it was a little ahead of its
time.
You had a strange sound running through it.
People talking. And me. And it went off. But the premiere party was out there,
and by the time it came out there, it was canceled.
So it was very economical because we had the cancellation party right there
along with the premiere party.
Yeah. Uh, well, that's too bad.
Well, these things happen, you know.
Yeah, they certainly do. I've lost a couple.
No, you haven't.
Oh, yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
How did you, when they come down and cancel it, did you find out from a stagehand
or something?
How did you not go there?
Well, no, I actually have a great story about how, I used to do a morning show
on this network in this same room, as a matter of fact.
Pretty much this show, by the way.
Ah.
I have a great story about that, but I don't want to take up your time.
Now.
I'm not going anywhere, honestly.
No.
I don't know, really. I have no friends or anything here in this city. I don't
know anybody or anything. Could you tell me after the show?
I'll tell you after.
Maybe we could get together afterwards?
Yeah.
Now, you started working in Cleveland on television.
I was a director.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Very important.
And what is Cleveland like?
Cleveland is real good. You know, people always say, why do you make fun of
Cleveland? And then Cleveland, once a year, will run an article and say why
people make fun of it.
And which kind of renews our acquaintances with Cleveland and why people do
make fun of it. They're the only city that actually had a river that caught on
fire.
And burned for three days.
Now, because of a lot of petroleum waste?
A lot of petroleum waste on the thing. And a guy calls up. I don't know how a
fire department would take news like that. Hello, your river's on fire. And
they had to go down and try to put it out. What do you put on a river? You know,
water. So for three days, they're out there.
And finally, I guess somebody suggested baking soda or something like that. And
out it went.
And what else? What else distinguishes Cleveland in this category?
Well, they had a little contest where if you, they were dropping baseballs off
the terminal tower and said if you caught, you know, a red one, you get a
season's pass to the Indians.
How tall is the terminal tower?
I believe it's somewhere in the 70 stories or something like that. So the
baseball, they figured, was doing about 1,800 miles an hour when it hit.
Yeah, a lady had a shoulder gone and a guy, you know, I got it. Oh, boy. And a
car went through a roof and everything. But, you know, that's Cleveland for you.
1,800 miles an hour.
Yeah. They also rented one year. I was in a parade. And they rented the, from
Detroit, had a Thanksgiving parade. But they were going to rent those helium
balloons that came down there.
Sure. The cartoon balloons.
Yeah. Funny parade and everything. And we had Bullwinkle and everything. And
they blew them all up. And the parade was ready to go. And they started walking.
And they just figured out then that the street lights are hung across the
street.
All suspended.
Yeah.
So the guy went, whoa. I can't get them through here. So they said, okay, stop.
They stopped the parade. And they let most of the air out of the balloons. So
they kind of just dragged them down the street.
Going down those little Bullwinkle's just being dragged under lights like that.
But festive nonetheless, I'm guessing.
Oh, of course. But it's a great town. I love it. But see, they have a great
sense of humor there. They take that all in fine spirit. And I'll get a letter
tomorrow.
Now, we're going to talk about this movie, The Long Shot. Now, is this a good
film? We're going to do a commercial. And when we come back, we're going to see
you brought some film from it.
Oh, did I?
Yeah.
Oh, great.
All right. We'll take a look at that. We'll be back here in a minute, folks,
with Tim Conway.
Tim Conway is here. And Sam Kinnison, Manute Ball. Have you ever seen Sam Kinnison
or Manute Ball?
I've seen Manute Ball.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's a very impressive gentleman, isn't he?
You're not kidding.
Yeah.
Yes.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Hello.
And Sam Kinnison is very funny.
Is he?
Oh, he's terrific.
I don't believe I have.
All right.
Well, I will, though.
Yeah.
Because I'm going to be here.
You're going to be right here.
Yeah.
Well, then where would I go?
Yeah.
You wouldn't want to leave early. That would be rude.
No, it would not only be rude, but I have no place to go, as I told you.
But maybe to take a TWA flight somewhere, and then where would I go, though?
Well, I know a hotel in Miami.
Really?
Perhaps they would send me down.
I mean, watch out for those chairs, because they will knock you unconscious.
Yeah.
It's a design flaw in those chairs.
I understand.
You would think that a chair is one of the simplest pieces of furniture, once
they came
up with a basic configuration.
That's true.
I mean, you only put part of your body in it. I mean, it's not like a whole
thing.
You don't have to worry about the back or anything.
You call it a stool.
Stool's a whole different category, really.
Well, that's different, because then you're taller.
Now, this movie, The Long Shot, is it a funny movie?
Not necessarily. No, no, no. It's supposed to be, but it's not necessarily.
We've had a lot of people look at it and go, no, it's supposed to be.
Who's in the movie with you? You're the star of the film.
Well, not really. No. I tried to be, but I'm not.
No, Harvey Korman's in it. I didn't want him to be in it, but he had his own
wardrobe, you know, murder.
Jack Weston, who lives here in New York, and Ted Wass, Ann Mare, Jonathan Winters,
and just a whole bunch of silly people.
All right, let's take a look now at a couple of minutes from the motion picture
starring Tim Conway,
entitled The Long Shot. Do you want to set this up, as they say on TV?
No.
All right, let it roll.
So it's kind of a Noel Coward kind of thing.
Noel Coward. It's a little bit of Shakespeare, a lot of Plato and Aristotle and
things like that,
with great psychological overtones and interwoven dialectics and everything are
right in there.
Yeah.
Yeah, no question about that.
Is it doing business, the film?
We only have the one print, unfortunately.
And that's here tonight, so I've got to rush this right out.
You've got to get it downtown, sure, people will be waiting on it.
Yeah.
So we take it house to house, which is even better than, you know, you get six
people.
You know, you don't get that kind of service these days.
No, sir.
No.
And that's how you assure your money.
You get in there with six people who are having dinner, and then you show the
film.
You're sure that you've got a buck and a half a head there.
That's right.
And afterwards, probably a Q&A session with you.
Oh, yeah.
Sure.
And I stack around sometimes for a week at people's houses, so I can get a TWA
flight out.
Yeah.
All right.
It's, uh, the name of the movie is called The Long Shot.
Right.
And it looks very funny from what we've seen here.
Well, that's the funniest part of it.
The rest of it.
No.
No.
No.
Uh, listen.
Listen, uh, now, we have to move on, but you're certainly welcome to stay and
take a
look at these other guests.
Well, I would sure love to.
Yeah, I have nowhere to go, really.
I'm seriously in town.
Tim Conner goes over to the world.
Thank you.
.