Name: Viewer Mail on Letterman, August 7, 1986
Uploaded: 2018-09-05T19:04:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman, August 7, 1986' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-09-05. Transcript available. By request. With the late Kevin Curran and Kathleen Ankers.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman, August 7, 1986' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-09-05. Transcript available. By request. With the late Kevin Curran and Kathleen Ankers.

And the number one upcoming episode of the new ABC Fall series, Life with Lucy,
Lucy Bites into Electrical Cable. That would be the last show in the series.
You know, that's amazing. You're terrific. You didn't know ahead of time that
that was the category, did you?
No.
And yet you jumped right in there and you had the theme.
It sounded pretty...
You're amazing.
It sounded just like...
Are you making enough money here?
We played it all...
Well...
If I were you, I'd go in and demand big dough from whoever pays the money.
Would you represent me? Would you like to represent me next time my contract...
I will. I'll take you right to wherever you need to go.
Okay.
Because you're worth it, and if you leave, I'm leaving. I wouldn't do the show
without you.
Well, where should we go?
I'm sorry?
Huh? Huh?
Here we go. It's viewer mail night. Ladies and gentlemen, actual letters from
actual viewers from all over North America.
Here we go. Letter number one.
Dear Dave, have you ever considered as an idea for your show randomly selecting
a member of your studio audience to come forward and participate in the show?
Maybe to answer a few questions, sing with a band, or tell some jokes.
Sincerely, John Proctor, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
Why not? That's how I got my job.
Here we go. Let's do one of these.
I think we have some music.
Wait a minute.
Hold it, hold it. Stop it. Forget it.
Now, where were you?
All that stuff. All that wonderful stuff you said.
You were supposed to be right there.
I know. I wasn't there.
Oh, brother.
If I leave, you can still do the show.
You have a black mark on the show.
I know.
We've barely done ten minutes here, and already we've had a faux pas.
Maybe I'll get another chance.
Letter number two.
Dear Dave, one thing I've noticed about your interviewing style, David, you are
always on top of everything.
You don't miss a thing.
You are an excellent listener, David, and would make a great therapist.
Or is that the rapist?
Did you ever think of it as a career?
Sincerely, Patty Ritzo, Thousand Oaks, California.
That's a really nice question, Patty.
You know, I actually, I have done some therapy work in the past, but, you know,
it never really worked out like I expected.
In fact, I remember it as though it were all on videotape.
So after my father left home, I began having a series of mind-numbing headaches.
Yeah, yeah.
Did you check your hat size?
Well, no, but I have these recurring dreams where I'm trapped in a tunnel.
It's damp and creepy, and all around me I hear this weird howling sound.
Sounds like a party at Wendell's.
Sorry?
Never mind.
Then I see my sister at the end of the tunnel.
She offers me a slice of pound cake, and then we fly off together.
Do you think I'm crazy?
Gee, I don't know.
Let's leave it up to the studio audience.
Folks, how many of you here think that Larry is not crazy?
Applaud if you think he's not crazy.
Okay, that's good.
All right, and now also with your applause, how many of you think he's just as
goofy as a loon?
Applaud if that's what you...
Oh, yeah.
There you go.
Thank you very much for stopping by.
We have some lovely parting gifts for you.
Take care.
Good luck.
Letter number three.
Here we go.
You ready, Paul?
Because I have a hunch this one may include you and the boys in the band.
Well, I have the script now.
You have the script now.
You didn't have it before?
I've got guys talking a lot in my ears.
Please come to the meetings.
Please, Paul, come to the meetings.
Well, I didn't get the call today.
I was, uh...
Dear Dave, letter number three begins,
Is it true that if you drop a penny off the Empire State Building, it will kill
someone?
Joy and Madness, Laurie and Lynn, Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio.
You know, Laurie and Lynn, when we got your letter, we were actually going to
do a little experiment
over at the Empire State Building.
But, you know, the people who now own NBC, General Electric, they were afraid
that we'd lose the penny.
Okay, here we go.
Comedy helper, comedy extender, for when the comedy's just not that damn funny.
Letter number four.
Dear Dave, what surprises you?
Now, this is a nice, thoughtful, kind of insightful...
I appreciate this question.
This comes from Janet Allison Hare, Downey, California.
She has that lovely Janet Allison Hare.
You know, Janet, in all seriousness, I am still surprised by many things.
The miracle of a baby chick cracking its way out of an egg.
The way a great symphony sounds so beautiful, no matter how many times you've
heard it.
The breathtaking majesty of the Grand Canyon at sunset.
The way the earth renews itself every springtime in the fall when the colors of
the leaves on the trees are so brilliantly beautiful.
Excuse me, Dave.
Yes, Paul.
Do you really mean all that?
Well, yes, I do, Paul.
Gee, that's, uh, that's really great.
Thank you.
Boy, what an incredible pansy.
See, Paul, I don't think that was, uh, where that's supposed to go.
No, I know, but I thought I needed a little comedy extender.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, well, maybe, maybe we all do.
But have that, have that standing by, though.
I like how that sounds.
Where are we now?
I've lost my place.
It's five, isn't it, Hal?
Hal?
Hal?
Letter number five.
Hal Gurney, ladies and gentlemen, our director.
Thank you very much, Hal.
Here we go, letter number five.
Letter number five.
Dear Dave, have you or Paul ever done the show while being drunk or having a
hangover?
Your major fan, Peter DePaul, Peru, New York.
Uh, well, Peter, uh, as far as I know, neither, uh, Paul or myself drink, and
we certainly wouldn't
do anything that might lessen the sharpness or intensity of our performances on
the show.
But I do remember a show recently when, uh, the darndest thing happened.
My, my arm fell asleep.
Hal, you know the one I'm talking about, don't you?
When my arm fell asleep?
Sure, here.
All right, let's show the folks what happened that night.
My arm fell asleep.
We don't know why.
The diet they had me on was abominable.
And I had three or four really nasty carbuncles on my back.
I'm not sure whether it was three or four, because they were very close
together and confused.
You know, I, I think my, uh, hand is falling asleep here.
Yeah, look at that.
Boy, that's nothing.
I don't, I don't feel a thing there.
May I try?
Oh, sure.
No.
Try, try the cup.
Nope.
You haven't been drinking, have you?
No, not a drop.
Nothing.
Anything?
You know, I, you know, I just kind of smell the hair burning a little, but I
don't feel anything.
Nope.
I think I must be asleep.
I have a drill press at home.
We could try that.
Oh, no.
I don't want to put you into that kind of trouble.
Really, you've done your best.
Why don't you just take off?
Thank you, anyway.
I'll just, maybe I need some sleep or something.
Bye-bye.
Oh, wait a minute.
Thanks.
Okay.
Bye-bye.
I'm full of sleep.
That's it.
Here we go.
I'll tell you what.
Let's do, I'll, I'll, I'll tell the folks who's on the show, and then we'll do
one
of those, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, one of those deals.
Right now?
Okay.
Well, yeah, and it'll, it'll get us all off to a good start in a festive movie.
Ready, ready.
On tonight's program, a man who stands on his head, Rick Eldon, a very funny
young woman,
Carol Liefer, and of course, Robin Williams.
All this and much, much more.
All this and much, much more.
We'll see you next time.