Name: Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts Collection on Late Show, 1998-2011
Uploaded: 2018-09-15T02:21:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts Collection on Late Show, 1998-2011' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-09-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts Collection on Late Show, 1998-2011' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-09-15. Transcript available.

Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts Collection on Late Show, 1998-2011

For a transcript of today's Oprah Winfrey show,
please send $5 and a self-addressed stamped envelope to
Oprah transcripts PO Box 7 Livingston New Jersey 07039-0007.
Please include episode date and the topic.
Now if you watch any of your popular shows, for example the Oprah Winfrey show,
if you're interested in the show, any particular show,
they will send you a written transcript of that show.
So that then you and your neighbors can get together and reenact the show in
your living room.
You can just, you can Xerox some copies and believe me, I have no money in Xerox.
Use any kind of copying service you want.
Go to that Kinko's if you want.
You Xerox the transcript and then you can do the show.
So we thought, well, what the hell, let's try it here tonight.
So we set off a couple of weeks ago to get a transcript from an Oprah Winfrey
show.
And tonight, a transcript, an excerpt is going to be read to you by a couple of
our stagehands, Pat Farmer and Kenny Sheehan.
Now, in this episode of the Oprah Winfrey show, Oprah is visited by a celebrity
guest.
My next guest is a real designing woman who's created a very own clothing line
for women size 14 to 28.
Please welcome Delta Burke.
Thank you.
You look good, girl.
Thank you.
I knew I couldn't do those diets anymore that I did in my 20s.
Of course you have to find the space spiritually, emotionally and physically
best for yourself.
It's all in the journey, yeah, to get to the place where you feel good about
you.
And you're finally there.
I'm finally there and I love it.
It's still good.
It's still good.
Either way you look at it, it's still good.
Here's tonight's top 10 list, ladies and gentlemen.
You know, when you watch the shows like your daytime shows and most of your
shows,
you can, for a nominal fee, send into the show and they'll send you a written
transcript.
You know, if you send a self-addressed stamp envelope, in return you'll get a
written transcript of any
particular show you might be watching and they do this so that you and your
friends who are sitting
around all day can then, you know, act out the show in your living room.
You can just pretend like you're Oprah and you can have your little Oprah show
right there in your house.
So we thought, well, this will be fun.
We'll send in and we'll get some of these Oprah transcripts and that's what we've
done here tonight.
And they'll be acted out for you by a couple of our stagehands of Pat Farmer
and Kenny Sheehan.
And the Oprah transcript they'll be reading from tonight is an episode in which
Oprah is visited by a celebrity guest.
Boys.
My first guest has a new book called Tyra's Beauty Inside and Out.
Please welcome supermodel Tyra Banks.
Now, why did you write this book, girl?
Every woman still has look still looks in the mirror and says, oh, I hate this.
I hate that.
Mm hmm.
And you've got to love yourself when you look in that mirror.
Mm hmm.
Everybody has one fine thing on their body, whether it be your beautiful nose
or your long eyelashes.
You've got to find something.
And work that.
Work it.
Work that.
Exactly.
Now, now, Tyra is tired of the media in general being obsessed with her breasts
once and for all.
Are they real?
They are mine.
I'm a 34 C.
You know, uh, talking about all of the other talk shows, if you want, you can
send in, uh,
it's a nominal fee to the talk show and they'll send you a written transcript
of that show.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
In hopes that you and your friends will get together and reenact the show.
You know, in your home, you know, because not everybody, not every member of
the family
will get to view the show at the same time.
So this is like the next best thing where everybody has a part and you read and
you recreate
the excitement of that afternoon's, uh, Oprah right there in your living room.
So we did that.
We sent away to, uh, the Oprah Winfrey show and we got a transcript, uh, from
an actual show
that was broadcast recently.
And tonight, a couple of our stagehands, Pat Farmer and, uh, Kenny Sheehan are
here to perform
a part of that transcript from the Oprah Winfrey show right on our program.
Now, in this episode, Oprah welcomes a celebrity guest.
Boys?
She's found true love for the very first time and she feels like her life is
starting
over.
Please welcome an all-new Madonna.
Thank you.
Do you feel like you're a different kind of person now?
It's like everything changed when I had my baby.
I think that two years ago, I was mostly concerned with more money and more boyfriends.
But why are we on this earth?
We're here to love, we're here to share.
You look gorgeous, girl.
Thanks.
I love clothes and I love shoes.
I bet you don't have these shoes.
Oh my goodness, you know I love some shoes, girl.
By the way, just a reminder, we're not changing a damn thing here.
Oh, why should we?
We know it's tired, we know it's old, we know it stinks.
We don't care.
That's by a cue card boy.
Thank you, Paul.
Kenneth Branagh is on the show, the Goo Goo Dolls.
You can't behave that way in 1998, you know what I'm saying?
No more of that.
Do you understand the mistake you made?
You won't do it again, will you?
Dave.
All right.
Yes, what is it?
Oh, yes, Kenny, what can I do for you?
Instead of you just killing time by reading tonight's guest again,
you think Pat and I could read some Oprah transcripts?
Oh, well, yeah, this brings up a good point.
That's Pat and Kenny and their stagehands here at The Late Show and what they're
talking about.
You know, when you watch The Oprah Show,
you can send in and they'll send you back the written transcript of that show
and then you and your friends can act out The Oprah Show right there in your
house.
You can take turns being Oprah or you can, you know, you can always be Oprah,
whatever,
the neighbors and the kids and so forth.
And that's what Pat and Kenny do and they want to, you have one you want to
read tonight.
So, ladies and gentlemen, Pat and Kenny are going to read Oprah transcripts.
Okay, boys, go ahead.
Dave?
Yes, Pat?
Well, we decided to do something a little differently.
No, well, what is it?
Well, you know how Oprah has a brand new opening to her show where she sings
her own theme song?
Um, well, no, not exactly. I don't know that.
Well, why don't we take a look then?
Okay, here we go.
I believe I'll run home. See what the end will be. Believe I'll work home. Find
out what waits for me. I see 10,000 stories and glories and dreams. See angels
rise.
Okay, that's just great.
All right, Dave, tonight, uh, Kenny and I are going to be singing our own theme
song also.
Wow. Dan and Kenny singing their own theme song. All right. Here we go.
I believe I will run on. See what the end will be. Leave a work home. Find out
what waits for me. I see 10,000 stories and glories and dreams. I see angels
right here on earth.
Our hearts are open wide and new like shining stars.
See what tomorrow will be. Cause I like what I see. Come on and run with me.
Pat and Kenny.
Leave a work in school.
Thank you.
Okay, boys, go ahead.
If you haven't seen Titanic yet, I don't know where you've been. Please welcome
my first guest, Kate Winslet.
Thank you.
Miss Kate.
How was it shooting those steamy love scenes with Leonardo DiCaprio?
I thought to myself, Oh, how am I going to work with this beautiful man?
We were all sweaty.
Leo had my makeup on him and I had his makeup on me.
Who, girl?
It was green light. It was so magical.
If you'd like to order a written transcript of Pat and Kenny read Oprah
transcripts, write to us at 1697
on Broadway "New York, New York, New York 1001."
Thank you, boys. Nice job. Thank you, Pat. Thank you very much.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for tonight's top 10 list. Let's try that.
You know, when you watch the Oprah Winfrey show or you watch any of the daytime
television programs,
they always have a thing that comes up, a sign at the end of the show.
If you're interested in getting a written transcript of that show, you send
like a hundred bucks someplace
and they'll send you like the script of what that show, what they were doing
that day on Oprah.
So then you and your family can, you know, recreate the Oprah show, right?
You know, invite your friends over, some of your ya-ya sisters, invite them in.
And recreate your favorite television talk show. So we do that whenever that's
available.
We write in and we get the Oprah transcripts. And then a couple of our stagehands,
Kenny and Pat,
they recreate the Oprah Winfrey show. So we're going to do that for you tonight.
Boys, take it away.
I believe I will run on. See what the end will be.
Leave or work home. Find out what waits for me. Our hearts are open wide.
Got a blue light shining inside. Pat and Kenny. Read Oprah transcripts.
The film will be "Meet Joe Black" opens on Friday. Please welcome the
delightful Brad Pitt.
Thank you.
Brad's here. Woo hoo. We're all so excited.
Bring it on, baby.
Now, Brad, everyone wants to know, are you very romantic?
Love is a mystery, Oprah. Love is intuition, instinct. Love is freedom.
No, really, Brad. Are you flowers? Are you little notes in the morning? Are you
phone calls late at night?
You need to find someone who you can truly be yourself with. I'm not just like,
"Hi, I'm Brad Pitt. I have a nice ass."
This boy's charm melts my heart.
If you'd like to order a written transcript of Pat and Kenny read Oprah
transcripts, write to us at 1697
Broadway, New York, New York, 10019.
That's Farmer, Kenny Sheehan, ladies and gentlemen, reading the Oprah
transcripts. Here's tonight's top 10 list. Let's do this.
Ladies and gentlemen, what are we doing, huh? We doing the top 10 thing? What
are we doing, huh? We do the what? Oh, no, no, we're not doing it.
If you watch the Oprah Winfrey show every afternoon, you know that you can
write in. At the end of the show,
Oprah will tell you how to write in and get a transcript, a written transcript
of the Oprah Winfrey show,
so that you and your loser friends can come over and recreate the Oprah Winfrey
show.
You know, one of you can take turns being Oprah.
You can recreate the Oprah Winfrey show, you know, even when it's not on the
air, so you don't have to be
without Oprah for a minute. And so we do that. We send away for the transcripts
and our stagehands,
Pat Farmer and Kenny Sheehan, then put them together and they read the Oprah
Winfrey transcripts. Here we go,
boys. Take it away. Pat and Kenny read the Oprah Winfrey show.
"I believe I will run on. See what the end will be. Leave or work home.
Find out what waits for me. Our hearts are open wide. Got a new light shining
inside.
Pat and Kenny read over a transcripts."
Kenny, Kenny, Kenny, Kenny, knock the, come on, knock the ash off there. People
won't be able to concentrate. Come on, butt that thing.
God.
I'm going to get a call from the fire marshal for heaven's sakes. All right, go
ahead. I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to interrupt. And that looks much better, by the way.
Thanks, Dave. Yeah. I've been waiting for this my whole life. Please welcome
the goddess of rock
and roll and roll, Miss Tina Turner.
Thank you, Oprah.
Tina, you're over 50 and fabulous as ever.
Thank you for this moment.
Oprah, you are simply the best.
I love your hair so much, Tina.
I asked my stylist to make it look like yours.
She did a fantastic job.
How did you get those million dollar Hanes pantyhose legs?
They're amazing.
It never even worked out.
I think it took having children for everything to get into the right place.
Woo-hoo, girl.
If they do this for you, then get me some of those Hanes pantyhose.
If you'd like to order a written transcript of Pat and Kenny Rito for
transcripts,
write to us at 1697 Broadway, New York, New York, 10019.
You can write in and we'll send you a transcript of them. See how that works?
It's like the Hindu Wheel of Life. You know what I'm saying?
Yes.
Here, ladies and gentlemen, is tonight's top ten list. Let's throw this.
You know, when you watch "The Oprah Winfrey Show," as I know you do,
at the end of the show, they run a little t