Name: Top Ten Snafu on Late Show, November 24, 1993
Uploaded: 2018-09-25T03:59:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Top Ten Snafu on Late Show, November 24, 1993' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-09-25. Transcript available. For reasons never explained, this stayed in the broadcast.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Top Ten Snafu on Late Show, November 24, 1993' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-09-25. Transcript available. For reasons never explained, this stayed in the broadcast.

Welcome back to the program. I hope you're getting ready to have a lovely
Thanksgiving.
You know, when you think about it, Thanksgiving here in New York City is a bittersweet
time
for me because I think it was about five years ago. I think, you know, CBS
carries the Macy's
Day Parade and NBC also carries the Macy's Day Parade and they kind of race to
see who
finishes first. I don't know what that's all about. But the person anchoring
the coverage
over at NBC is Willard Scott, the Today Show weatherman, the beloved Today Show
weatherman.
Well, it's no secret. It's been no secret for a long time that Willard, as nice
a guy as
he is, is just nuts.
I was a spit tank. I didn't know what you were going to say.
Can we get you some gas X?
And I guess it was about five years ago tomorrow, while covering the parade and
it was bitterly
cold and drizzle coming down. Willard Scott went nuts and beat a cue card boy
to death.
It's a true story.
All right. Let's get on with the show, ladies and gentlemen. So you can see how
it would
be a bittersweet time for me. Oh, I have here tonight's top 10 list. Let's get
on with it.
Wow. Sounded like a bulletin coming in from the embassy.
Well, it is, sort of.
But you know they hushed that Willard Scott deal up.
I never heard about it myself.
You never hear about it. You never read about it. And the guy goes to work
every day like
nothing happened.
Shocking.
Beat a cue card boy to death with his bare hands. Just went nuts and creamed
him.
Okay. The category tonight, you know, that's a question we can ask Brian about
because
Brian has to work with that maniac every day.
I bet he's scared every minute Willard's in the studio.
I don't care about that.
From the home office in Sioux City, Iowa, top 10, the category tonight, top 10
Senator
Packwood's dating tips.
Senator Robert Packwood in a great deal of hot water now and controversy.
Senator Packwood's
top 10 dating tips. Here we go. Number 10, use the word alleged a great deal.
Number 9, two words. Transparent pants. Well, I don't know what that would do
for you.
Number 8, practice before date by groping a sack of potatoes. Well, that's ugly.
Number 7, gerrymander her constituency, if you know what I mean.
Number 6, surefire holiday gag. Offer her a Christmas goose. Thank you very
much.
Number 5, always wear thick rubber gloves when fondling radioactive material.
I don't know. What were we looking at there?
I'm sorry. Did I just get here?
What are all you people doing in my living room?
Well, thank you.
Well, now I'm scared. Do I just keep going?
Just read it, Hal.
Oh, fine, Hal.
Easy for you. You're hidden away in that bunker.
Why don't you read it, Mr. Big Shot?
Oh, there he is. There's Hal Gurney, ladies and gentlemen, racing legend and
the award-winning
director, Hal Gurney.
So I just continue there with number 5?
Yeah, just read it now.
Yeah, okay.
Fixed up later.
Yeah, this list of 10 items is very, very complicated.
It's a good thing they're in numerical order.
Because randomly, we'd be here all night.
Number 5, always wear thick rubber gloves when fondling radioactive material.
You know, Hal, if I knew where that control room was, I'd come down there and
start cutting
coax.
Wait, down the street.
Yeah, okay, fine.
Oh, we'll put up the, here, push it up here.
We'll go.
We'll read it again, Chad.
Oh, yeah, you fixed it up just great, Hal.
Nice going.
What do you, what do you need, a mallet down there, for God's sakes?
Number 4, great opening line.
How would you like to be in my diary?
Hal, you're a genius.
Number 3, I'll tell you what, Hal, let's just do this like we're on radio.
Just go to black, I'll read the rest of it.
It'll be like radio.
Just fade it to black.
Fade the whole damn, there you go.
Number 3, pretend to get phone call, tell her it's the president and he says it's
vitally
important that I put my hand on your thigh.
Number 2, always make Lorena Bobbitt walk through metal detector.
And the number 1, Senator Packwood, top 10 dating tip.
Chicks dig senators.
Okay, there you go.
You know, I think we learned a valuable lesson here tonight.
If this were radio, we'd have fewer mistakes.
That's true.
It was fun.
You had to pretend there, didn't you?
Half as many mistakes.
Yeah, exactly.
Use your imagination with the radio.
All right, ladies and gentlemen, let's get on with the show.
If it's okay with you, Hal.
But you got raccoons in the control room?