Name: Elayne Boosler on Letterman, March 2, 1982
Uploaded: 2018-09-28T15:09:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Elayne Boosler on Letterman, March 2, 1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-09-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Elayne Boosler on Letterman, March 2, 1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-09-28. Transcript available.

Welcome back to the show.
Elaine Boosler, my next guest, a very funny woman who will be featured on a new
NBC comedy series this fall.
She is also an extremely popular nightclub performer and opens this Friday
night at Resorts International.
Take a bus, go on over there.
That's located in Atlantic City, Atlantic City, New Jersey.
Please welcome Elaine Boosler.
Thank you, thank you. I'm real happy to be here. I love this show.
And David said I'll be in Atlantic City Friday.
I like going there. I think it's so fascinating to watch people gamble.
I noticed that women seem to like the slot machines a lot more than men do.
I don't know why. I think it's something about being able to do this for an
hour and a half without having to say I love you.
Well, you know, it's hard doing comedy. When you start out, you have to do a
lot of different jobs.
And I was a waitress for a while. I didn't like it at all.
I never liked when women would order through the man.
You know, he ordered. She wouldn't talk to you. She wouldn't even look at you.
I used to put both plates down in front of the man.
The lady will have soup. The lady will have biscuits. Are those ladies'
biscuits?
Yes. Up, lady. Up, up.
Well, you know, it makes it seem like there can only be one lady.
The lady will have coffee. Okay, the slut will go get it.
When you work around food, you get very sensitive to it.
And it's a problem for me because I live alone.
And with those expiration dates, I have not beat a quart of milk to the
deadline yet.
It's awful. I don't know. I like living alone because you never have to clean
up.
Well, it's true. I find things in the refrigerator. I have to figure out what
they used to be.
Last week, I was throwing out this lime. And I said, I don't even buy limes.
And I realized that used to be a head of lettuce.
It's fun. Now you clean the kitchen floor when you live alone.
Just walking there barefoot, whatever sticks to your feet. You take off, you
throw away.
Make up your own rules when you live by yourself.
You could throw half a cake in the garbage so you won't eat any more cake when
you wake up in the morning.
You could wake up and have breakfast right out of the garbage.
Oh, I'm so glad I didn't take this out to the big can last night.
Sometimes you get a little bonus.
Oh, M&M's, and they stayed in the bag.
You think I'm disgusting?
Hey, look, I clean up sometimes.
You know, if company's coming, oh, I'll wipe the lipstick off the milk
container.
You ever do this when you're vacuuming? You ever go for a match 50 times?
Then you pick it up and look at it, but you don't throw it away.
You put it back, give the vacuum another chance.
I think I don't clean up.
I mean, I do clean up a little.
I'll do laundry.
And laundry's wonderful when you live alone.
It's real easy.
You know, 15 minutes before a date, I wash out a pair of underwear, put them on,
and dry them with a hair blower.
But I don't like clean up because my mother cleaned up so much.
She was so proud of it.
You know, she would say things like, look, you could eat off my floor.
You could eat off my floor, too.
There's thousands of things down here.
I'm not too good in the kitchen.
I take vitamins.
When they drop, they always roll under the refrigerator.
Everything you drop rolls under the refrigerator.
You could be in another room.
It'll find its way under there.
You don't clean under there.
Jimmy Hoff is probably under refrigerators someplace.
I have five years of vitamins under my refrigerator.
Ooh.
I'll probably come home one night, find a six-foot roach in Adidas saying, I
feel good.
I'm actually very happy that I can afford my own apartment.
If you read the newspapers, you know that there's a lot of people sleeping in
the streets these days.
Economy's not too good.
And New York, like every city, has its very good newspapers and its very sleazy
newspapers.
I was walking past Washington Square Park last night, and there was a shopping
bag lady sleeping on a bench, really shivering.
I felt awful.
I picked up a nearby newspaper.
I started to cover her with it, and she started to mumble.
And I couldn't hear her, so I kept wrapping the newspaper around her tighter,
and she went like this.
And so I leaned down to hear what she was whispering, and she said, not the
Post.
You know, the Post is a weird newspaper.
Front page today of the New York Times said, Congress debates Reagan budget.
Front page of the Post said, bizarre ceremony, Brooklyn woman weds cheese
Danish.
No shame.
Reagan's budget is not working.
You know that if you're old.
It's just too much.
Well, it was interesting that Stockman told us last year the budget had no
chance of working to begin with.
I think the next time President Reagan is given a math problem,
he should be forced to show all work on a separate piece of paper.
Aren't you glad the Reagans aren't Jewish?
Do you know what it would have cost to buy Nancy two sets of those dishes?
Now all the conservatives in Congress are trying to pass the Human Life
Amendment.
Do you know what that amendment says?
It says an unborn fetus becomes a human being as soon as the mother lights up a
cigarette.
Why don't they just make birth control easier?
That would be wonderful.
There's no easy way, especially for women.
They're having a lot of trouble with IUDs now.
Starting to pick up CB radio signals.
Middle of crowded supermarket.
Strangers here.
Come in, good buddy.
It's amazing, but people are breastfeeding everywhere now.
I don't mind it, except if I'm in a restaurant with my boyfriend,
and he sees somebody breastfeeding at the next table,
he can never find anything that looks good on the menu after that.
He always says, uh, I'll just have what he's having.
Elaine Boosler, have a seat if you don't mind.
Oh, I don't mind.
Yeah, how you doing?
Good, how are you?
Fine, nice to see you.
Thank you, I love your show.
Thank you very much, I appreciate you being here.
You're from this neck of the woods, as they say when they mean neck of the
woods.
Yeah, I grew up in New York, Brooklyn and Manhattan, and I love it.
You started your career here?
Not right here.
I was, it's not too black from here.
Yeah, I started out when the improvisation was owned by Bud Friedman,
and it was the improvisation in those days.
What is it now?
It's now the improvisation owned by someone else.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, well, you know, you can fly in from the coast for five hours
and ask to go on for free, and they will give you 12 minutes,
so I don't go there too much.
But it's still a good club, and there's lots of good acts there.
Yeah, was it from the beginning, is that what you wanted to be?
You mean when I was real little?
Yeah, when you were young, you wanted to be a comic?
Well, I don't think any girl, like at five years old,
sees Dangerfield on this night show and says,
that's it for me!
You know, I think I basically got fired from everything else,
and then this was left, and I was singing, I was a singer and a dancer,
and then I just fell into this, I was waitressing at the improv,
the old improv.
The old improv, the one that Bud Friedman owned,
not the one that Tom Carvell now owns.
It's a whole different operation.
With the whale and Santa being the same mold, I know.
And you'd be in New Jersey Friday night?
Yeah, and Saturday and Sunday.
Great, I'm glad you were here.
Thank you.
Elaine Boosler, folks, we'll be right back.
Paul Schaefer, you know, it's a...
Oh, I have to say something here.
Do we have time to do this right now, Mr. Sand?
A couple of months ago, a young woman by the name of Elaine Boosler
was on this television program, and sure, go ahead,
the same people applauded Pittsburgh, now applauding Elaine.
Obviously, just hoping to win prizes.
Well, forget it.
Elaine, a very talented young comedian, was on the program,
and she talked about working at a club here in New York City
called The Improvisation.
The owner of that club phoned and said,
one, the club is not now, nor was it ever, owned by Tom Carvell.
Two, the people who perform in her club are paid performers.
Thank you very much.
That takes care of that.