Name: Merrill Markoe Collection on Late Show, 1994-98
Uploaded: 2018-10-07T00:51:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Merrill Markoe Collection on Late Show, 1994-98' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-10-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Merrill Markoe Collection on Late Show, 1994-98' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-10-07. Transcript available.

Merrill Markoe Collection on Late Show, 1994-98

From New York, assembled in Mexico, it's The Late Show with David Lederman.
Tonight John Travolta, singer Barry Manilow, and author Meryl Marko, plus Paul
Schaefer and the CBS Orchestra, and now exiled Haitian President David Lederman.
Thank you very much ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you very much ladies and gentlemen.
How are you? Thank you so much. Oh my goodness.
Thank you. Thank you very much. That's very nice of you folks, very generous of
you. Welcome to the program.
My name is Dave. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm telling you something. We got us a
blockbuster show here tonight. Oh my goodness. You know about this new movie,
Pulp Fiction? Have you heard about Pulp Fiction?
In the first act, it features an inflatable doorman. No way. One of the stars
of Pulp Fiction, John Travolta.
Squealing!
A woman actually squealing with delight. I heard her.
Also on the program tonight, a musical legend, Barry Manilow.
And, and, and, and, and, and to say the least, an old friend of mine, a very
funny woman, and a fine author in her own right, Meryl Marko is on the program.
And right over there in the front row, at the end of the front row, we have a
woman with a busted fibia.
Right over there. Can we get her? Let me, there, where is it? Yeah!
You know, the bad thing is, she busted it in the lobby of this theater, and we're
trying to kiss up her to her tonight to talk her out of suing.
Now! If you can, kids, do me a big favor, say hello to our good friend, Paul
Shaver. He's standing right over there tonight.
Jack, how are you? Good. Nice to see you.
Thank you very much, Paul. How was your weekend? Did you have a nice weekend?
Oh, it was a beautiful weekend. Now let me ask you a question. There's no
reason you should be, but are you a little nervous about tonight's program?
I can feel the tension in the air. I'm a little nervous. Why is that?
Well, because of Meryl. Meryl Marko.
Meryl Marko, who, she and I, I don't even know the word, how do you, what are
the words I'm looking for here?
You were an item at one time. Yeah, we were, yeah, we were, she was then
together like that.
The two of you were... Well, not exactly like this, but...
The two of you were involved. That's right, and worked together also for a long,
long time.
And she was the head writer on this show. That's right, thank you very much.
Do I need an interpreter? And anyway... I thought you might.
So I haven't seen this woman in quite some time. Yeah.
And tonight will be the first time I've seen her in quite some time. Did I
mention that?
Yeah.
And as a result, as a result, it's, I'm a little, it's a, you know...
Understand.
And it's good to hear that you're a little that way yourself.
Of course.
And, and John Travolta, and of course, Barry Manilow. And you know...
Come to think of it, I haven't seen Barry Manilow in quite some time, either.
See, I'm a little nervous.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
What's that? You don't know how to play that.
No, you're right, I know.
You don't know, you don't know what you're doing.
You're right.
And I was talking to Barry Manilow, in addition, he's on a tour right now, in
addition to playing with all of those musicians.
By the way, who's paying for those tonight?
Your tax dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen.
Uh-huh.
In addition to traveling with that huge band, he's also doing a few select
dates with the actual Hoots of Joy.
No kidding, the oral gospel group.
That's right.
The actual Hoots of Joy.
The actual Hoots of Joy.
Fabulous.
Ladies and gentlemen, our next guest and I shared a very long relationship
during which she helped create the first version of this very television show
right here.
Tonight, she is here with a brand new book she has written.
It's very entertaining, entitled, "How to Be Hap-Hap-Happy Like Me."
It's more than a pleasure to welcome Meryl Marko.
Meryl.
"How to Be Hap-Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"How to Be Hap-Happy Like Me."
"Wow."
"You look great."
"Thank you."
"You look terrific."
"Do you have a show or something now?"
"Yeah, kind of a show."
"Yeah."
"Well, not tonight so much, but other nights we have a show here."
"You know, I'm a little jumpy. I'm a little nervous."
"Really? Why would that be?"
"Well, because I haven't seen you in a long, long time."
"That's so odd because ordinarily you're so rarely jumpy."
"You're like a zen state of calm around you."
"We're like a minute into the round and she's tagged me already."
"I'm very happy you're here."
"Well, thank you."
"You know, let's just mention, we mentioned that you were responsible to help
create the old shows at NBC."
"Many at the old shows at NBC, Lucy."
"Is that right? You know, I had no idea."
"All our old favorites, Life of Riley."
"But in addition to creating those shows specifically, you're responsible for
Stupid Pet Tricks."
"That's right."
"Now, is that something you're still proud of today?"
"Well, I have very many Stupid Pets on my own today."
"And also Stupid Human Tricks."
"That's right."
"And many of the things that we still do today, you are directly responsible
for."
"I was responsible for you doing this."
"I came up with this."
"Is that mine?"
"Is that right?"
"Yeah, it works out pretty well for me."
"This one was mine."
"I know you have a picture of us. Do you want to show that now?"
"I do. I brought a picture of us because I thought people would like a little
glimpse into it when we were a happy couple."
"All right."
"Yeah, this was a picture of the happy couple that I found."
"All right, let's show it right over here."
"It's hard to believe there'd be any problems with a couple like this."
"Do you remember the occasion for that?"
"I actually do remember the occasion, but it doesn't have a music anecdote
attached to it."
"Then let's just keep moving."
"So you're traveling the country, by the way, I'm reading the book."
"Traveling the country is what I'm doing."
"Traveling the country, promoting your book, and I'm reading the book, and
there's some wonderful stuff in here."
"Thank you."
"You must be very proud of this."
"I must be."
"Oh, suddenly it's like old times."
"Oh, my goodness."
"Oh, by the way, I brought this for you. It came to the house."
"What is that? Oh, some mail."
"Yeah, I don't know if it's important or not."
"All right, fine. I'll take care of that."
"So when you go out on tour now, what kind of things are people talking about?"
"Well, you know, yeah, I brought this. People, of course, hound me about you."
"They hound me about you."
"You get tired of that?"
"Oh, no, I never get tired of it."
"I love to talk about you, darling."
"So, anyway."
"What do you have there in the paper?"
"You're just as goofy as a loon."
"That's what you loved about me."
"Yes, I know."
"So, anyway."
"So, anyway, I was on this goofball show."
"I read a column for a magazine called Buzz."
"And they called me up and they asked me would I go on some goofball cable show
to promote my column."
"I wrote a column where I compared and contrasted the three O.J. Simpson quickie
books."
"Which are all excellent, by the way. Read them all. Don't read just one. Read
them all."
"And so, anyway, I'm on this interview show and I'm talking to some guy I can't
see on some weird thing called America's Talking. I've never even heard of it."
"I'm on for around two and a half, three minutes talking about O.J. Simpson and
then the guy says to me out of nowhere."
"So, tell me about David Letterman. What's he like? Is he funny all the time?"
"And I said, just like this. That's right. He's funny all the time. 24 hours a
day. It's unbelievable. He never stops being funny."
"The first you know is true."
"Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah. I can't help it. I can't turn it off."
"No, no, no, no, no. So, anyway, what do they do? So, I'm thinking, this guy's
gonna be mad at me. I'm being such a smartass. I really should watch it."
"And instead, this guy goes, 'Oh, boy, a scoop' and he phones it into the post.
It's that parallel universe of stupid people."
"Well, now, now, wait just a minute here."
"So, he phones it into the..."
"Well, no, seriously. So, he phones it into the post. This is the article that
appears in the post the next day."
"No joke. Dave's a real-life barrel of laughs."
"Under your picture, Mr. Funny."
"Yeah! I'm Mr. Funny."
"And under my picture, under my picture, ex-gal pal."
"And then, in the article, they quote me. Off camera, she revealed, Letterman
is a barrel of laughs in real life."
"He's just incredibly funny. 24 hours a day. He never stops being funny. It's
really incredible, day and night."
"Yeah."
"It's a gift. It's a blessing."
"That's pretty good. That's a pretty good thing."
"You know, we're gonna do a commercial here, and we haven't even really talked
about the contents of your book."
"No."
"So, hang around. Stick right there. We'll see what we can do."
"We'll do a commercial, and we'll come right back with Mr. Funny and ex-gal pal."
"Come on back, folks."
"Okay, ladies and gentlemen, the book is entitled How to Be Hap-Hap-Happy Like
Me."
"Oh, please buy it, won't you? It's a tell-all book about Dave. It's got
everything you ever wanted to know about Dave in this book."
"It's actually very, very amusing."
"All the secrets I never would reveal anywhere before."
"It's that real kind of funny that actually makes you laugh when you read it."
"Congratulations, you did a great job."
"Especially the stuff about you."
"Now, you have a little something there. Quickly tell people what that is."
"I do. Well, I have a dog named Lewis who has a greeting disorder. He greets
you and then he knocks you down and makes you bleed.
And he also eats everything in the house. And this was a gift. Someone brought
him a lovely squeaking porcupine.
And then the next day I had to have it removed from his intestine. Cost to me $1,100."
"Oh, my."
"This is what it was removed from his intestine."
"I think if you're going to have something removed from your intestine, you
hope it looks like this, don't you?"
"And then the fun begins. Well, my best to Lewis. Good luck with the book. And
please come back and we'll talk more about the book."
"All right."
"It's great fun to see you again. Thank you very much, Merrick."
"My thanks also to Barry Manilow and John Travolta. Tomorrow, Bruce Willis, Boisdomen,
and Gary Marshall."
"Good night, everybody."
"World Wide Pants."
Ladies and gentlemen, we've got a big-time television program for you tonight.
Academy Award nominee, a fine actor, a nice man, Andy Garcia is joining us.
Also, a terrific writer, a very nice person, and a woman who played a rather
important role in my life for many, many years. A fine author as well.
The lovely, the talented, the gifted, you-know-or-you-lover, Merrill Marko is
on the program as well.
And, and, everything I said about Merrill also happens to coincidentally hold
true for this guest, Tracy Chapman, ladies and gentlemen.
"That's right."
"That's right."
"I know."
"Exactly."
"How are we doing on time? We have enough