Name: Selections from The David Letterman Show, Summer 1980
Uploaded: 2018-11-13T05:01:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Selections from The David Letterman Show, Summer 1980' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-11-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Selections from The David Letterman Show, Summer 1980' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-11-13. Transcript available.

Selections from The David Letterman Show, Summer 1980

Good morning. I'm William Qualls, Security Officer at NBC for five years. I'm
supposed to welcome
the David Letterman show to NBC and to remind you all to carry your NBC
identification with
you at all times. I don't know who David Letterman is. I don't care who David
Letterman is. If he
doesn't have his ID card, I'm going to have to shoot him. It's the David Letterman
show live with
Valerie Bromfield, Edie McClure, Bob Sarlacc, Edwin Newman with NBC News, and
Frank Owens and the
David Letterman Symphony Orchestra. Plus David's guests, Jeff Greenfield,
Esther Satterfield,
John and Keiko Alpert, and Hester Mundes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the man for whom NBC canceled three game shows, David
Letterman.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, thank you very much.
I'll just take a minute here to let you folks applauding at home settle down.
Okay.
And you're saying, how do they get such a wonderful spontaneous response for
this guy?
Well, I guess drugs would be the answer to that, huh, folks?
My name is David Letterman as...
Oh, this is so embarrassing.
Could we have a shot of this?
Like something you'd see on the freeway, only bigger, you know?
Welcome to the television program.
I'm up here in the audience.
I guess that's fairly apparent.
I got to say something to you people at home who may be saying to yourselves,
what's the deal on this guy's haircut?
I'm the kind of guy, I always look for a bargain.
You know, for example, you go to a baseball park.
Some nights it's helmet night.
Some nights it's bat night.
Some nights it's like camera night.
Over the weekend at Yankee Stadium, they had haircut day.
And I went out there and took advantage of it.
I've been assured that it will grow in moments from now.
I want you to meet some of the people who make up this fine audience.
What is your name?
Donna Hayes.
Donna, do you mind standing?
Oh, she's trembling.
Where are you from, Donna?
Texas.
What part of Texas?
San Antonio.
San Antonio.
What are you doing in New York?
Visiting.
Visiting, and where are you staying?
With my parents.
I had to think there for a second, didn't you, Donna?
Ladies and gentlemen, Donna is staying with her parents, okay?
So, if Donna's husband or boyfriend, or both, are looking in, she's staying
with her parents.
What do you do for a living?
I'm a nursing instructor.
Nursing instructor.
And you're here on vacation, having a fun time.
What other wonderful things have you done besides come here and let me humiliate
you for a minute or two?
Well, I've run around New York City.
Fleeing for your life?
No, we don't want to start that.
It's a wonderful place to be.
And you know what's exciting?
Have you taken the tour of this building?
Yes.
Would you enjoy it?
Mm-hmm.
I used to.
Another satisfied tourist, ladies and gentlemen.
Actually, I used to be a guidette here.
A guidette?
Mm-hmm.
When they had tours.
Yeah.
They don't have tours anymore?
Not that I know of.
I think they have somewhat of a tour.
No tour.
No tour?
No tour.
Well, by the way, we'll get you folks a tour.
Don't worry.
If you are wandering through the halls in this building, this morning I saw,
you know who Willard Scott is?
No.
He's the weatherman on the Today Show.
Kind of a big guy.
So I'm in his shorts in the hallway.
So look for that.
Keep plenty of film on hand.
Thank you for chatting with me, Don.
Go ahead and have a seat.
That's Donaldson.
What is your name, sir?
Alvin Stroller.
Alvin, do you mind standing up?
Yes, sir.
Where are you from, Alvin?
I'm also from Texas.
Do you know Donna here?
No, but I don't live but about 85 miles from her.
Well, good.
Maybe.
Yeah.
Fat chance, Al.
No, no, no.
Are you here on vacation, I guess?
Yes, sir.
Sure, Al.
And have you eaten breakfast yet, Al?
Yes, sir.
What do you do for a living?
I work for Rural Electric Cooperative.
Rural Electric Cooperative.
Yes, sir.
That's difficult to say.
Let's all try that.
Rural Electric.
Joke.
We don't all have to do that.
I have not eaten breakfast.
Would you mind going out for a little something?
I'll do it.
Okay, Al.
Stay right there.
Who would like a little something?
What do you want?
Eggs over.
No, no, no.
Nothing.
Coffee.
Black?
Fine.
Okay.
Anybody else?
An orange juice.
An orange juice.
One coffee.
Black.
One orange juice.
Two coffees.
How do you want it?
Can I get a cheese day?
Wait a minute.
One at a time, son.
Regular.
Regular coffee.
Okay.
So, orange juice.
Coffee.
I'll take coffee.
Bob, you want something?
Yeah, like a hot steaming cup of coffee.
Okay.
So, that's...
What is that?
Five cups of coffee.
Cheese and bagel.
One orange juice.
No.
That's it.
The contest is over, sir.
Thank you for...
Now, can you handle that for us?
I'm down here very soon.
No, you can do this.
You ever been here before?
No, sir.
I haven't.
All right.
Well, there's a cafeteria up on the seventh floor.
We're on the sixth floor.
Hold this, Al.
I should do.
I have some money.
How much do you think that'll run?
What do we have?
Five?
I feel like Monty Hall.
I already went to the door, which Carol Merrill is pointing to now, Al.
How many coffees did we have?
Four or five?
Five?
Five coffees, one orange juice.
All coffees were black.
There you go.
Ten bucks, Alvin.
If you don't mind.
And get a little something for yourself.
Do you mind?
I'll try.
Which direction?
This man is trembling with apprehension.
I'm going to point you that way.
Go on up there, Al.
How about a nice hand for Al, ladies and gentlemen?
I have a very definite feeling that Al is going up there against his will,
ladies and gentlemen.
But he'll be back with coffee moments from now.
Good morning and welcome to the show.
My name is David Letterman.
You know, before this television program actually begins, I'd just like to take
a minute or two
to share something very special with you.
That something special is two words, Alan Ludden.
For years now, Alan Ludden has been a mainstay for millions of television
viewers just like yourselves.
Alan has charmed us on College Bowl, Liars Club, Password, and currently Password
Plus.
Other stops along the way were Stumpers and my personal favorite, Sentimental
You.
It's no secret that the man has long been identified with quality television
program entertainment.
However, there is another side to Alan Ludden.
Alan Ludden, the recording star.
On this masterpiece, Alan sings it all for me.
Some of the selections, of course.
The Rolling Stones big hit, Satisfaction.
Surfer Girl, and of course, side to the Chuck Berry medley.
I thought a fine way to start our day here together would be with Alan singing,
a selection from Your Password is Entertainment.
Ladies and gentlemen, here now, Alan Ludden singing, Call Me Irresponsible.
Ah, yes, dancing has broken out here in the studio, ladies and gentlemen.
This is just a sample of the remarkable work contained on Alan Ludden's album,
Your Password is Entertainment.
Good news, one of you folks here today will take this keepsake item home with
you.
The first person to ask me for this collector's item takes it home.
Who would like the Alan Ludden record album this morning?
Go ahead.
Don't be bashful.
Tomorrow, we're going to be featuring the music of Peter Marshall.
Join us then, won't you?
It's the David Letterman Show, live with Valerie Bromfield, Edie McClure, Bob Sarlott,
Edwin Newman with NBC News,
and Frank Owens and the David Letterman Symphony Orchestra.
Plus David's guests, Esther Satterfield, Rich Hall, Paul Raley, Arnold Roth and
the Karkov family.
It's Wednesday, June 25th, and the star of the show is still David Letterman.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, folks.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you very much.
And first of all, I would like to thank Alan Ludden for his permission for us
to embarrass him on national television.
And, you know, the thing about a guy singing like Alan Ludden, you could go on
listening to him all day, and I thought there for a minute we'd have to.
Anyway, thanks to Alan for giving us his permission to goof around with that.
On today's show, a wonderful show, we have a group of people, actually a family.
Well, that is a group, isn't it?
It's a specific kind of group.
It's a family.
Yes, I'm babbling.
I'm sorry.
A family, the Karkov family, they spent five years sailing around the United
States.
It's mom, dad, and they have a son, David, and we'll be talking with them about
where they went, why they came home, and so forth.
Edwin Newman will be here with the news updates.
We also have cartoonist Alan Roth and a lot of other peculiar, unusual items.
Let me just take a second here to introduce a gentleman who's been playing the
music for us all week.
What is today?
It's Wednesday.
Frank Owens.
Frank, do you have time to introduce everybody over there or not?
And the gentleman playing the drums, his name is?
Frank.
Frank Dury.
I see the qualification to get in the group.
Your name must be Frank.
I didn't realize this.
Frank, nice to have you here.
My name is Jay Linhart.
Jay Linhart, how do you do, sir?
Guitarist Bob Rose.
Bob Rose.
Ladies and gentlemen, the symphony orchestra.
Frank Owens and the...
This is NBC.
Good morning.
I'm David Letterman.
You know, before our fun actually begins today,
I'd just like to take a second to share my secret for starting the morning
properly.
I like to spend a few quiet moments listening to my favorite recording artist.
I guess I don't have to tell you who, huh?
I'm talking about Jack Palance.
In addition to being a gifted motion picture star, he's also a fine singer-songwriter.
I find if I don't hear a few bars of Jack Palance in the morning, frankly, I
stay cranky all day long.
This particular work of art contains all my favorites.
Here we have the Motown Medley, Light My Fire, Hotel California, and a song
that Jack himself wrote,
The Meanest Guy That Ever Lived.
Ladies and gentlemen, let's take a listen now to Jack Palance singing,
The Meanest Guy That Ever Lived.
You're going to love this.
Well, I grew up mean and...
Wait a minute. Hold on.
Wait. Just a moment, please.
Good heavens.
I've never seen anything quite...
Hold it.
All right.
If you could just come back for a minute.
We have an Alan Ludden record.
Thank you very much.
This is NBC.
Good morning.
My name's David Letterman.
You know, my favorite way to start the day is with a nice hot cup of coffee.
Maybe a donut.
Show him the donut.
There's a donut.
Thank you very much.
And one of my favorite song stylists, Dwayne Hickman.
Or as some of you may remember him, Dobie Gillis.
No getting around it.
In his day, Dwayne could do it all, and for my money, still does.
Yes, a hit television show and two sides of solid gold music right here.
Well, Dwayne has moved on to other frontiers.
He's now a high-level executive for CBS.
But that doesn't mean we can't still enjoy his music.
Let's listen now to the magic of Dwayne Hickman singing, Don't Send a Rabbit.
Don't send a rabbit to the store to bring home carrots and put them on the
shelf.
Oh, no.
You send a rabbit to the store to bring home carrots, he'll eat them all
himself.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I am a gal and I am a pal.
As true as he could be.
Yeah, yeah.
No ass in my cell.
What a way to start the day, huh?
It's the David Letterman Show Live with Valerie Bromfield, Edie McClure, Bob Sarlacc,
Edwin Newman with NBC News, and Frank Owens at the David Letterman Symphony
Orchestra.
Plus, David's guests, Loud Wainwright III, Judge Morris Ford, PJ Rails, Dr.
Karen Blaker, Rich Hall, and the latest fashions for pets.
Wow.
And now, a man who doesn't mind runny eggs, David Letterman.
Thank you very much.
Oh, yes, oh, yes.
Thank you, and welcome to the show.
Let me just let you in on an inside show business secret.
You know, we were going to have a few minutes of music there from Dobie Gillis
or Dwayne Hickman,
and then we thought the audience would all pretend to be asleep.
Now, how many of you actually pretended to be asleep there?
Three.
Yes.
It just didn't work.
You folks are going to have to come in a little earlier for these re