Name: Siskel and Ebert Remote on Late Show, July 29, 1994
Uploaded: 2018-11-14T18:44:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Siskel and Ebert Remote on Late Show, July 29, 1994' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-11-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Siskel and Ebert Remote on Late Show, July 29, 1994' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-11-14. Transcript available.

Last week, ladies and gentlemen, I realized a lifelong dream of mine.
We had an afternoon off, and whenever I have any free time, I think to myself,
what can I do that will be fun, productive, and entertaining?
And it just so happened that our good friends, Siskel and Ebert, were in town
from Chicago.
So I said, what the heck? I'm going to call up Siskel and Ebert, we're going to
get the camera crew,
and the three of us are going to go door-to-door in a neighborhood in New
Jersey and just visit with folks.
That's exactly what we did. Here we go. Me, Siskel and Ebert, going door-to-door
in New Jersey.
Roll it, Hal.
Look, it's Siskel and Ebert. Let me ask you a question about that E.T., and
forgive me if I've asked you this before,
but you know E.T., when they're at the house there, and the monkey has come
down already,
and there's a pizza, they find a pizza in the backyard.
Now, is that the pizza from outer space? Is that a space pizza? Do you know?
When was the last movie you went to? What was the name of it?
Jurassic Park.
But I think that Jurassic Park is a waste of money, really. I wouldn't go see
it. I haven't seen it yet.
But you know the movie that you did that I really enjoyed was that Jurassic
Park.
That's a great movie.
Can we do anything for you? Siskel and Ebert and myself, anything? Any kind of
cleanup? Any kind of spring clean?
Spruce the place up? Raking? That kind of thing? Clean out the garage? Any of
that?
The gutters could use the cleaning.
Is this your truck here?
Yes, it is.
Let me guess. Do you have some kind of wacky horn in the car?
Roger can play the William Pell Overture on just like a surface with his hands.
Oh, really?
Want to hear me?
Yeah.
Okay, here we go.
Well, Jean here can name all 22 of the helping adverbs.
Good. I'll put the flag out for him.
Go ahead, Jean.
Am is our was, were we been, dood as did, have as had, shall, should, will,
would, can, could, may, might, must, ought.
Who do you like better, Siskel or Ebert?
We've been out here all day, outside in the summer, having a pretty good time.
You know, I think what we ought to do now, take a minute or two to check
ourselves for ticks.
Not bad. I can do better than that on the organ.
Do you have the organ in it?
Oh, let's hear it.
No, not really.
Oh, come on, play with it or something.
Just on my way out. I go to a funeral home.
Oh.
Can we go with you?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you like action pictures?
Yeah.
Speed is real good.
Yeah, go see that speed and the bus blows up.
We'll give you a hundred bucks right now.
No questions asked.
Each, you a hundred, you a hundred, if you'll let Jean and Roger shave your
mustaches off.
There you go. Congratulations.
Well, thanks a lot.
I hope you enjoy that.
There you are. That's for you.
Thank you.
Nice going.
Roger, am I dreaming or have you lost a few pounds?
I'm no expert. I'm no Siskel. I'm no Ebert.
Right.
I mean, three of me wouldn't be an Ebert, but...
Who's your favorite actor?
Tom Cruise, I guess.
Hey, he's good. I like Tom Cruise.
You want to play some two-on-two, you and me against Siskel and Ebert?
Sure, why not?
Great.
Take it back, Roger.
There you go.
Yes.
Two-nothing, Chicago.
How do you think the little piece went?
I haven't seen it.
It's pretty good, though, don't you think?
Looking forward to seeing it.
Had a pretty good feel about it, though, didn't you?
And if you, you know, had to give it like...
Oh, I know.
Huh?
Yeah, you want us to give it the old two thumbs up?
Yeah, what do you think?
We're not doing any of that thumbs up.
That was our big day in New Jersey with Siskel and Ebert.
We're going to do a commercial when we come back.
The host of Late Night, Conan O'Brien, will be here.
Come on!
Yeah!