Name: Richard Simmons Remote on Late Show, December 30, 1994
Uploaded: 2018-11-14T21:07:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Richard Simmons Remote on Late Show, December 30, 1994' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-11-14. Transcript available. Another pre-show audience warm-up favorite.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Richard Simmons Remote on Late Show, December 30, 1994' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-11-14. Transcript available. Another pre-show audience warm-up favorite.

You know, it was a late autumn day.
It was kind of rainy, kind of drizzly.
One of those days where you could tell that the summer was over
and winter was ahead of you about a week or two.
And I had the afternoon off, and I said,
you know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to take a video camera crew.
We're going to go out to New Jersey and spend the day
in a neighborhood there in New Jersey,
just going door to door, visiting with people in New Jersey.
And I took along a very, very special friend.
Go ahead and roll that, Hal. Here we are.
We're going to be going door to door,
talking to people about various things,
and look who I brought with me.
Come on.
Hi.
There you go.
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
If this doesn't bring the cops, I don't know what will.
Hello.
Richard, you're going to get shot. Don't do that. Come here.
You know, Richard is a fitness guru.
I know.
That's why he has his little guru outfit on.
Richard collects Dalmatians.
I have six Dalmatians.
What do you think his house smells like?
Oh, yeah, I would think so.
There's probably dog hair on everything.
He's starting.
He's starting.
Hello.
He's even squirrelier than I thought.
You know, by the way,
he was bothering Barbara Streisand.
Did you hear about this?
I'm totally serious about this.
Let me finish.
David ruined my chances of ever meeting Barbara,
and I waited 30 years.
Richard, your ass is hanging out of those shorts.
David, stop it.
You know what?
Maybe you just never really had somebody
that you really idolized before.
Maybe you've never been in love.
How deep is your love?
It's your time.
Hi.
Hello.
Look at Jeremy.
Isn't that interesting?
You and Jeremy are dressed alike.
See, I'm getting a little outfit on.
You didn't get her because you got Barbara Streisand.
Come on out, Barbara.
Don't do that.
See, there you go again.
It's just like a big funny joke to you.
Walk back to town, Richard.
Walk back to town, buddy.
It's raining men now.
Hallelujah.
It's raining men.
Don't sing again, or I have to go back to town.
When you talk to Richard,
do you feel your stomach kind of tightening up a little?
He's a little heavier.
Don't you think he's a little heavy for a fitness guru?
Look at how he's kind of puffed up to those shorts.
He just says these things.
You're a member of a satanic cult, though.
I read that.
Yeah, yeah.
You can see it in the eyes of the people who answer the door.
Don't say it, David.
No, no.
They're frightened.
They think there's some kind of creepy puppet show going on out there.
I'll get him some pants.
I'm done talking to you about Barbara Streisand.
But two things here.
First of all, you brought it up.
You brought it up.
I did not bring it up.
You brought it up.
Talking about today.
You brought it up today.
I didn't bring it up today.
Yes, you did.
You brought it up.
You brought it up.
I did not bring it up.
You brought it up.
So we're going to go get him pants.
We'll put him in some, like, jungle fatigue, that kind of thing, you know?
I'm not going.
Look like a tough guy.
You want to look like a tough guy, don't you?
Now, if we could go to the Donna Karan boutique.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Donna, please.
What was that bleeding noise?
Do that again.
We'll go to, like, an RVD place.
How long have I been doing your show?
Is there a surplus store?
No, I don't buy surplus.
My friend Richard here wants some pants.
I'm not putting on those dickies.
Just try on a pair.
Try on a pair.
Look, if you try on a pair of these, I'll get you the new Barbra Streisand CD.
Here, David.
Oh, God, help us all.
Damn it, hold on.
Drop those.
Drop those.
Drop them.
Here, put this on.
All right.
Oh, my God.
I am a lineman for the county.
Come on.
Here we go.
I don't want to go out dressed like that.
I don't care.
Let's go.
You can make me the happiest man alive if you tell me you have the new Barbra
Streisand CD.
Yes, I do.
Oh, thank God.
They got it.
They got it.
What do you think?
Oh, no.
We want to be treated like regular people, don't we, Dave?
That ain't going to happen in your lifetime.
What's your favorite song on that?
People.
People who need people.
Bye, Richard.
Bye-bye.
There you go.
That was my afternoon in New Jersey with a very, very special friend.
We have to do a commercial and when we come back, Dave Patel will be out here
to entertain
the folks.