Name: Phil Hartman Collection on Letterman, 1989-1996
Uploaded: 2018-11-15T09:11:48.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Phil Hartman Collection on Letterman, 1989-1996' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-11-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Phil Hartman Collection on Letterman, 1989-1996' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-11-15. Transcript available.

Phil Hartman Collection on Letterman, 1989-1996

Our next guest, a talented writer and performer who you see every Saturday
night on Saturday
Night Live right here on NBC.
Here now we have some videotape of this man in action.
Ladies and gentlemen, here's Phil Hartman.
Nice to have you here.
Thanks, Dave.
Thank you very much for your time.
By the way, Paul, I do know the Canadian handshake.
When you meet a Canadian, you're supposed to back up to him or her and slap beaver
tails.
Well, that's the silliest thing I've ever heard.
We're a nutty group.
Look at all the nutty group.
Did you, I think I saw you a long time ago in Los Angeles with a group called
The Groundlings.
Is that correct or not correct?
That's right.
I performed with The Groundlings for about 10 years.
Who else was in that group?
Very funny show.
Well, there were some great people.
Paul Rubens, who went on to become Pee Wee Herman.
Right.
We collaborated on the original Pee Wee Herman show, and I co-wrote his first
movie, Pee Wee's Big Adventure.
And, let me see, Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.
Yep.
With a lot of great stars and actors who work regularly, like Edie McClurg,
Doug Cox.
Yeah.
People you would recognize.
And, no, I'm serious.
When you see them a lot, and you would, that's not, I meant that seriously.
And, then you worked in Germany, you worked in Europe for a while?
Well, I went through a period about five years ago where I was searching for
myself.
I'm doing that tonight, Bill.
We're pulling for you, pal.
Thank you very much.
You know, I was inspired by the miniseries Roots, which they went on to make
into a book, I understand.
But, I wanted to, you know, get to the root of my family tree, and so I, my mom
worked out a little family tree.
I went to Ireland, and England, and France, and ended up in Germany where I ran
out of money, and I decided to put an act together.
Germans really love American culture.
In character, they're very much like the American people, except they build
better cars, and we don't invade Poland every 40 years.
We, I put together an act to raise some cash, and, uh...
And you would go around to what, little cabaret clubs?
To two local clubs in Stuttgart, Düsseldorf, Berlin.
Yeah.
And, uh, it was a monster sensation, and in Stern Magazine, they voted me the
funniest man in Germany.
Really?
Yeah, and, uh, it was mainly just, uh, doing impressions and reflections on
American culture.
What kind of things would you do?
Well, can I do just a minute of it here?
Please do, yeah.
Okay, let me just stand up and do it.
And, uh, the David Letterman Show, my name is Philip Hartman.
Uh, does this have a great impression of you?
And, uh, the David Letterman Show, my name is Philip Hartman, my name is Philip
Hartman.
And, uh, the David Letterman Show, my name is Philip Hartman, my name is Philip
Hartman, my name is Philip Hartman.
And, uh, this is Philip Hartman, my name is Philip Hartman, my name is Philip
Hartman.
Oh, the David Letterman Show, my name is Philip Hartman, my name is Philip Hartman,
my name is Philip Hartman.
And, uh, the David Letterman, my name is Philip Hartman, my name is Philip Hartman,
my name is Philip Hartman.
And, uh, uh, the David Letterman, my name is Philip Hartman, my name is Philip
Hartman, my name is Philip Hartman.
And, uh, uh, the David Letterman, my name is Philip Hartman, my name is Philip
Hartman, my name is Philip Hartman.
examiner the will neck waffen meter flying target dogger und und wie zaden
meine fabrik stich jack
nicholson und chinatown jack nicholson in schuldigen sie frau moray though bist
du inter
course and mit du fatter der vil nick dine a pregnancy mit du sister robin
thanks thanks a lot but i i came back here and you know if you're not rich
little they don't care did
you ever run into uh jack nicholson you ever do you know him at all i did run
into jack nicholson um
i you know i don't know if people realize this but the people on our show
really get along great and i
hang out with dana carvey and uh uh john lovitz a lot and we were golfing
together now this seems like
very strange day to begin with well golfing with the liar and the church lady
yeah you know uh
hey john what'd you get on that score a double eagle yeah well isn't that
special come on fellas let's
hold on and um but well we go to this little place out in studio city and it's
it's the only driving
range out in the valley where my wife and i live and uh so we we got to the
first hole and who walks
up behind us but jack nicholson and we were just we didn't know what to do we
didn't know what to say
we were so overwhelmed because you know we're obviously great fans so uh we teed
off and we
played to the second hole which is the longest hole in this particular course
and as a courtesy
you're supposed to wave uh the players yeah so we we we got to the green and uh
and jack played to
the green and he came up and finally lovitz broke down and went over to him and
said hey you know my
friend phil hartman uh actually uh replaced some dialogue for you in the movie
the border which is
true they used your voice in the film yes it was uh oftentimes they have to
replace dialogue in a film
and um jack wasn't there to do it for the border i think he was off doing reds
in new york and so
i auditioned and and and got to do his voice for some lines in that that's
right in some of the lines
and uh so i went up to him and i said oh yeah um i did your voice it's that
scene where you leave the
clothing store with harvey keitel and you turn to him and say i want to thank
you and your wife for
all your help and uh he smiled and said no wonder that movie was my only loser
words of encouragement
from jack uh we gotta go away we'll be right back
the funniest man in germany phil hartman phil good to see you thank you very
much for being
here nice job and uh tomorrow night ladies and gentlemen mike and the mechanics
have a good night
uh our first guest is a writer and actor and comedian who is part of the cast
of characters
on saturday night live ladies and gentlemen here he is welcome back phil hartman
you know uh we were talking about you this afternoon before your appearance
here and it didn't i didn't
i wasn't aware of the fact that you were or were a canadian that's right and
the place goes nuts
and soon to become an american to be an american citizen i applied for
i applied for u.s citizenship and i'm i'm i'm very excited about it how long
have you lived in this
country 33 years really 33 years as a canadian living in this country that's
right what you call
a permanent resident of the united states and and what uh what uh finally
changed your mind to become
a citizen well when the vietnam war finally ended i thought no uh uh actually
you know when you get
older i i have a family now and i'm starting to think about the importance uh
of a vote and uh i feel
especially strong about environmental issues and i i really i want the vote so
in los angeles i applied for
u.s citizenship and you know it's really funny i got an immigration attorney uh
he gave me all these
pamphlets and things to study for the test because the way it works is you
apply and then you your big
test is a is an oral interview and so i learned everything i learned the
amendments to the constitution
the the checks and balances the three branches of government uh how many people
are in the house
of representatives how many senators from every state everything here are the
questions they ask me
let me give this test to you and see how you do who is the president of the
united states
that's a question yeah all right i know that one
george bush excellent thank you excellent because people get this wrong as my
attorney tells
people get get these now they must get more difficult the questions they do get
more difficult
what are the three colors of the american flag
red white and blue now see that's correct but my attorney told me don't say
blue white and red
or red uh blue and white that's wrong has to be red has to be white white and
blue okay how many of
these can you get wrong and still become a citizen i i don't know i i know i
got them all right
i i think it's a arbitrary choice of the person who's uh interviewing you okay
the third question
what is the purpose of the executive branch of the federal government what is
the purpose of the
executive branch yeah to uh just hold a nice party once a year that's exactly
right that would be close
enough yeah but the big question was what is the best car made in america and
do you have an answer
for that i got it right it's the honda accord so if i'm cleared by the fbi i um
i will be a u.s
citizen well congratulations and you do you feel of course you don't feel any
different but it must be a
some i don't know sense of pride for you all i know is i'll never have to go
back to that oppressive
canadian regime uh things are going well for you up there saturday night live
this year things are
going great you know um it's just a thrill for me just to come into this
building the beautiful ge
building well you know it was the rca building for 66 67 years but it's the ge
building now soon to be
maybe partly the mitsubishi building bishi building yeah the rockefeller sold
off a chunk of rockefeller
center to pick up some ready cash what do you think they want that i don't know
but i think it's part
of that deborah norville deal somehow mitsubishi and norville got together and
they're taking over
the show and the building yeah yeah i think there's a there's a second female
anchor theory too i hadn't
heard that i've been out of town let's uh let's do a commercial here and we'll
be right back with
you set your clock back
that's that's very nice more woman's work then is what you're saying sorry
honey uh now do you live
you have a home here and a home and uh where or maybe just live here i have an
apartment in new york
and uh we make our home in los angeles so it's back and forth a lot you're
traveling a lot yeah in
fact flying to new york from l.a last time you know we went on this mgm grand
air right i've heard of
that yeah it's it's it's all first class 40 people on a 727. supposed to be
very luxurious yeah it's
kind of like a flying las vegas kino lounge ah good a lot of brass etched glass
burgundy velvet
we were very anxious because uh we have a 16-month-old and he tends to get a
little hyper kinetic
on takeoffs and landings you know you remember that warner brothers cartoon
character the tasmanian
devil oh yeah whirling around let me show you a picture you got a close-up
camera right here he's
he's a little green one and basically a good kid he's obsessed with the
telephone i hope in a few
years i'm not getting those one thousand dollar porn and bills you know but uh
does he actually phone
people around the country no he he just he just cradles the phone and works on
his typing any any
talks in chinese so it's you and uh your wife and your friend and i and lo and
behold we're
seated in a private cabin with elizabeth taylor and we're so nervous because of
sean but actually
everything went beautifully uh takeoff was smooth sean had a bottle he was fine
um soon we're having
lunch we weren't talking didn't want to disturb her she said how old your son
you know a little small talk i
apologized when he threw a fork into her hair but but we thought we were doing
fine and then it began dave
honestly this stream of obnoxious well-wishers who impose themselves on this
woman bren and i were just
in shock watching this parade and the first guy was the worst he was he was uh
50-ish ponytail aviator
specs jeans big concho belt those cowboy boots with the silver cap toes dave
why do i hate those i don't
know what those are for it's like am i a cowboy am i a robot i don't know you
know i just hate that
he had from his elbow to his wrist about a dozen of those massive silver turquoise
bracelets that went
out of style in the in the 70s right he plops down next to her kind of like a
drunken hippie halston going
i just had to talk to you you know take your pick just e