Name: Viewer Mail on Letterman, September 25, 1987
Uploaded: 2018-11-21T22:16:50.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman, September 25, 1987' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-11-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman, September 25, 1987' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-11-21. Transcript available.

It's Friday night, boys and girls, moms and dads, and kids of all ages, and
that means one thing and one thing only.
It's time to turn our attention to our voluminous viewer mail. Let's get right
to it, shall we?
Letter number one.
Letter number one begins,
Dear Dave, I would like one 12-piece chicken McNuggets, a large fry, one large
Sprite, McDonald's land cookies, and a Hamburglar blow toy.
Thank you, Ed DeFalco, Mass Path, New York.
Nice letter, Ed, and thank you very much.
I think we've learned a lot about you from this note.
I'd say by the amount of food that you have ordered, it's obvious that you have
a hearty appetite,
and by requesting the Hamburglar blow toy, I'm guessing you're also between
girlfriends, huh?
I didn't steal the gas.
You put the money where again?
Right up there where you put your nozzle.
I'll be going by there after the show.
No, I'm sure the attendant woke up sometime around two or three this afternoon,
took the money, and put it in the register.
And now he knows it was you.
Yeah, yeah.
But there were a lot of people standing around doing this.
So it may very well not be there.
Yeah, I will admit it probably looked like a crime, but it wasn't.
I put the money up there.
I'm sure the money's not there.
It's gone.
No, it's gone.
Letter number two.
Dear Dave, when Paul and the band play You Really Got Me, who do they picture
in their minds, the Kinks or Van Halen?
Just wondering, Kathy McKissick, Lost Creek, West Virginia.
Oh, good question, Kathy.
Paul, who do you and the band think of when you play You Really Got Me?
Well, I'm not exactly sure about that.
Why don't we just give it a try and see what happens.
Two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
So, you know, it's a little bit of Van Halen and a little bit of Kinks, and we
kind of add our own sound to it.
Thank you very much, Paul.
Letter number three.
Dear Dave, how come everybody is funnier than you?
Sincerely, Matthew and Jeff Norton, Mount Venyan, Illinois.
Well, you know, I think I know what the Norton brothers here are talking about.
Hal, do me a favor.
Run that videotape that we made specifically for this letter, and we'll pretend
it's from an earlier show, okay?
Sure, yeah.
Okay.
All right.
This should clear that up.
So, Joe Biden announced today that he's giving up plagiarizing other speeches,
but he insists that he will not, absolutely will not give up his little dog,
Checkers.
Paul, am I doing something wrong here, do you think?
I don't know, Dave.
Maybe, uh, maybe your mic isn't on.
Oh, I get it.
Apparently, Paul Schaefer has relatives in the audience tonight.
Well, boy, is it, is it, uh, is it hot in here, Biff?
Does it seem hot to you?
No more than usual, Dave.
Uh, Hal, could we do something about the air conditioning?
Uh, sorry, Dave, uh, what'd you say?
I wasn't listening.
See, this way, when we edit the whole thing together,
people at home will think that that was really very, very funny.
And that I was celebrating my joy by getting the thing there.
I don't think you...
This is our second actual lull in the show tonight, right?
Huh?
They are getting bigger.
Well, we better keep moving if they're getting bigger.
Oh, my God, the lulls are coming closer and closer together.
Boil some water, Paul.
Uh, letter number four.
Dear Flunky, I am an autograph collector for, from Wilmington, Massachusetts.
I am also a big fan of yours.
I would be deeply honored if you would send me personally
a signed 8x10 DeGlossi of yourself
to add to my collection of great entertainers.
Thanking you very much, Harold Arsenault, Wilmington, Massachusetts.
Well, Harold, we're always glad to honor the requests of a home viewer,
especially when all it takes is trotting out a guy
who's hanging around back anyway.
Folks, please say hello to Flunky,
the late-night viewer mail clown.
Flunky, come on out here.
Hi, Flunky, how you doing?
Good to have you, buddy.
So, Flunky, how you doing?
Well, uh, not so hot.
You know, my prostate's on the blink again.
Oh, gee, I'm awfully sorry to hear that.
Now, we got a very flattering letter about you.
The guy calls you a great entertainer.
Yeah, right.
That's why I'm handing out balloons at a car wash.
Uh-huh.
Well, anyway, uh, anyway, Flunky,
uh, did you bring along a photo
for the gentleman who wrote the letter?
Oh, that's, that's great.
Wait a minute, this is, this is not you, is it?
Well, no, but, you know, I, I don't get a lot of photo requests,
and I, I figure a clown's a clown.
And, you know, the jerk won't know the difference.
Uh-huh.
Um, so, so who is this?
Well, it's a guy I used to know, uh, Ed Belsky from Detroit.
Uh-huh.
Pardon me, Peepo the Clown.
Peepo the Clown.
Yeah, and he won't mind, you don't think?
Well, no, he's been, uh, dead since 73.
Uh-huh.
That's too bad.
He, uh, had too many one night,
and, uh, walked into the wrong cage.
Uh-huh.
Uh, pretty ugly, uh, demise.
So, uh, uh, Flunky, I understand that you're, uh,
there's talk about you being on Saturday mornings here at NBC.
Well, yeah, they'd have me, uh, introducing the cartoon shows.
Oh.
And, and how would that work, exactly?
Well, if the Smurfs are on, you say,
now here's the Smurfs.
If, uh, Alvin and the Chipmunks are on,
you say, now here's Alvin and the Chipmunks.
And if the Gummy Bears are on,
you say, okay, now here's the, uh, Gummy Bears.
And, you know, if Kissy Fur's on,
you say, here's Kissy Fur.
Yeah, okay.
I, I, Flunky, I think,
I think we pretty much understand it.
And, uh, we'll get this letter in the mail.
Oh, that's cute.
You signed it.
Uh, have a clown-tastic day.
Oh, that's nice.
Clown-tastic.
That's really cute.
Yeah.
Uh, okay, Flunky, listen.
Thank you, uh, thank you for dropping by.
Have a good weekend, huh?
Yeah, right.
Okay, Flunky.
We'll, uh, be right back here
with the stupid human tricks, folks.
Thank you.