Name: Penn & Teller's First Appearance on Letterman, June 26, 1985
Uploaded: 2018-11-23T20:52:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Penn & Teller's First Appearance on Letterman, June 26, 1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-11-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Penn & Teller's First Appearance on Letterman, June 26, 1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-11-23. Transcript available.

Thanks, Paul.
My next guests have written and starring, currently starring in an off-Broadway
show
here in New York that is getting terrific reviews, but it also seems to defy
description.
Please welcome Penn and Teller.
Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen.
How do you do, sir? Nice to see you.
How do you do, sir? Nice to see you.
Let me have a seat. First of all, who is who?
I'm Penn, and this is Teller.
Teller, nice to have you here, gentlemen.
And I mentioned that the show is getting terrific reviews.
It's been here in New York how long?
We've been playing about three months now.
Packed houses every night.
Yeah, packed houses every night, sure.
The Friday night late show.
We got this late show at 11.30, and, like, nobody but David Bowie comes.
And we get stars there, but no, like, real people.
So we're moving that to a Tuesday night to have less days off.
Oh, good.
Now, when I say defy description, is that an accurate way to explain the show?
Well, it's certainly safe, right?
Yeah.
I don't know.
See, we get blamed for doing magic an awful lot.
We started out with a magic background.
When you're, like, a kid, do you, like, read a biography of, like, Houdini or
anything?
I was very intrigued by the notion.
And he'd, like, pick up needles with his eyelids and swallow stuff and barf it
back up and get out of chains and things.
And that's what we thought magic was, you know, when you're kids growing up.
Do people call you guys magicians?
Sometimes, sometimes.
Do you like being called magicians?
Not at all.
Because now magicians always seem to be, like, you know, greasy guys in tuxes
with lots of birds and aging hippies who shove women into boxes or something.
I don't know.
And you don't do any of that?
We don't do any of that, no.
Everything that we do is always to ourselves.
And you're pan again.
I'm pan again, still.
And you're telling.
And you obviously don't speak.
You're the one who, but no, but you're the one who I understand in the act that
you don't say anything.
Is that right?
Well, I'm asking him, but he doesn't.
Not much.
He says very little, and I don't think he's going to talk to you, so you can
give up right now.
If you want to draw him out, maybe.
Actually, you can work on him if you want.
Get a stuttering iron.
Get him really make some noise.
And how long have you gentlemen been together?
Eleven years we've been doing shows.
That's how long it took us to get on Late Night.
Eleven years of plugging and struggling and all those dumps.
Now, where did you start with this show?
Did this just evolve out of those eleven years?
Not really.
Teller was a high school Latin teacher, and I was a high school student.
And we decided that we didn't like live theater any more than we liked magic.
And we met and decided to put a show together that we kind of liked.
And so it has turned into this dependence.
This mega hit that's filling up 240 seats every night but the Late Show Friday
night.
All right.
And we're going to, I guess, we have something planned.
We'll be right back.
Don't worry.
We'll be back here.
We'll be right back.
All right.
We're here with Penn & Teller.
I mentioned that you get great reviews.
Now, what is it that you do, and does everybody like it?
Right.
Well, we got great reviews.
I mean, New York Times and all those guys, they loved us.
And then as soon as we did that, you know, like, magicians kind of liked us.
Then as soon as we got all these good reviews, the magicians just turned on us.
It was a backlash.
Yeah.
It was awful.
It was really not.
I consider myself, I don't consider myself a magician, but Teller's got that
background.
I want to show you, regular people don't see these.
These are magic magazines.
I don't know if you can see that.
A picture of Buddy Ebson.
Buddy Ebson on the cover with Eric Lewis.
And this magazine, I was showing you this during the break, has a little, The
Genie Speaks is the name of this article.
And they call us, they call Penn & Teller the worst slap in the face ever given
to magic.
And they also say, how can they sleep at night?
This is just because the big babies are all upset because they give away a few
of their tricks.
Here's a great one, though.
A pair of nauseatingly nasty hypocrites.
At least the adverb is used properly there, which is always important to me.
But that's Richard Dolman.
And Teller decided that this would be a great...
He's upset by this.
He's torn apart.
I mean, we will never work the magic castle again.
I mean, we just kiss that goodbye.
I mean, Bill Larson wrote one of those things.
So Teller's decided to get back to his roots.
His roots?
His roots.
This is our big break, Dave.
This means a lot of us.
He's going to do a card trick for us.
All right, good.
And I can help.
You can help.
I'll look forward to this.
He's going to do a...
What do I do?
I would suggest you pick a card.
This is the international symbol for pick a card.
Okay.
No, he wouldn't let me pick the one.
No, no, you pick...
Just pick a card and shut up, okay?
Yeah, thanks.
Well, this was sort of shoved on me.
This was actually forced on me.
The man more or less shoved it on me.
Well, no, he was trying to time it, and then you looked over at me, and he
couldn't get to do it.
Okay, I have it here.
I have it.
Now what do I do?
Well, you should show it to the...
What do you got there?
I have the...
That.
You forced an ace on it, right?
You're on TV.
That was a card for us, and I'm sorry about it.
In the theater, you want to force an ace so the people in the back can see it.
Sure.
So you force an ace, even though it's not part of the trick.
But when you're in TV, you shouldn't force it.
You shouldn't force the ace.
No, no, no.
I didn't know.
Well, it was very nice of you to speak up and say that, because a lot of people
in our
audiences, they don't give a damn about the responsibility of the audience.
They'll just play along and nod.
All right, well...
This is the kind of honesty you can expect.
Thank you.
I feel I've done something then tonight.
Well, actually, let me just...
I'll take care of this and just have them.
Why don't you just pick any card you want?
Don't let me force a card, okay?
Okay.
Act as though this wasn't just picking a card, but this was actually like we
would kill
children if you picked the wrong one.
This one, I feel like it was my own selector.
And now wait until it completely turned around and show it to the monitor.
You know how to do that?
I think it's this camera.
Okay.
Just show it there.
And then remember that card.
And please, people at home, try desperately to care about that card for about
two minutes
or so, okay?
Okay.
Do we all have it?
You all done?
Show it around.
Okay.
We didn't see it.
Honest, did we?
Now, you would say something.
Yeah, you didn't see it.
No.
Okay, go ahead.
Put it back on the deck here.
Okay.
Let's see how he's...
Did you...
Okay.
Did that look okay to you?
Fine with me.
Okay, good.
No, we'll just...
Wait, did he have his thumb in there?
Is that what happened?
I think he had his little finger in there.
The card seems lost in the deck to you?
As far as I'm concerned.
Okay, good.
I think...
Just make sure that...
There it is, ladies and gentlemen.
You put the card right on top.
Now, that's...
The forest...
No, that wasn't...
He put it right back on the top?
Yeah, all he did.
Take the card back.
All he did was he cut the cards like this.
You put the card back in.
He closed the deck up like this.
Yeah, it looks fairly natural to you.
No, I didn't see that one.
No, I didn't see that one.
My stomach were to have a monitor,
they'd be able to shoot right in there and see that.
I see.
That's how that's done.
Then you just cut it back.
Okay, now, if you really want the card here lost in the deck,
you want to cut it about halfway down.
Yeah.
Then give the cards a shuffle,
and now that card's lost in the deck, right?
Okay, it's gone.
No, David.
Use your head.
No, it's not buried.
No matter how nice I pretend to be to you
and how mean I am to this man here,
my first allegiance in the world is over here.
So if he wants the card on top, it'll be on top.
So the only way you can actually lose the card in the deck
is take the deck yourself
and actually lose the card in the deck.
Would you definitely, David?
I can't even find the deck.
No, I palmed it off, David.
Oh, there you are.
I want you to know that.
No, David, see,
now this isn't even part of the routine.
I'm just being malicious here.
I just levered it off
and handed it to you with the same hands.
It's right in this hand.
Yeah.
Hand it to you.
Now, you were checking out this hands, okay?
Only a goofball palms with their hands, okay?
Now, just take the card back,
actually lose the deck,
and then we're going to walk over here.
This is where it gets good, David.
It is built right there.
Lose it in the deck.
Really lose it in the deck.
So we have something over here.
Well, we have something wonderful over here, David.
Why don't you bring the cards?
I'll bring the cards, sure.
That's why you brought the cards out, you know,
and shuffle them a little bit.
That doesn't make any difference.
You already did it next week.
You're all set here.
Now, the major problem with card tricks,
and most of them are so wimpy,
but we're going to fix that.
Okay, go ahead.
Just spread those out there.
Now, see, this is kind of nice,
because you see,
Teller was so prissy over there,
but now with the buck knife and everything,
he's really butch.
He's laying it all out there.
Get a look at those
when you pick them up, gentlemen.
Now, Teller, what do you do?
You just look at the backs of the cards,
and you're going to just stick the knife in?
Seems like he could.
Yeah, he's good.
He'll put a blindfold on.
A blindfold on.
Kind of all the trappings of a real magic act.
He's making good in the races.
Almost seems to me, David,
like he's peeking down there, doesn't it?
No, I think that's right.
I would go with that.
I'll just go like this.
Let me just move these around
so you don't remember any of them more.
Kind of an existential kind of...
Just go.
Just go, Teller,
and you look like the elephant man.
I'm not a man.
I'm a magician.
Okay, here we go.
We got your card there, David?
Is that your card?
Was it the six of hearts?
No.
No, it wasn't that at all.
And I know damn well it wasn't, too,
but you will remember your card.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Is that your card, David?
Is that your card again?
The, uh...
Come on, it's safe.
Is that the card?
Nope.
I've always filmed that.
That was great.
All right, let me do this.
We'll be back here for this commercial.
Cannon Teller, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you.
That was terrific.
Well, thank you.
That was very nice.
And I, uh, I know you guys are doing very well over there,
and good luck in whatever comes after this.
I know you have other plans and going on to bigger and better things,
but you're terrific.
And thank you very much for being here.
Penn and Teller, folks.
Also, my thanks to Lisa Eilbacher, who is here,
and Sandra Bernhardt will be with us tomorrow night.
This is her new album.
Remember, it contains the hit single,
Everybody's Young.
Uh, we have to go upstairs and say goodnight to Grant Tinker for a second.
Grant, are you still up there, buddy?
Yes, Tom.
Okay.
Well, Tom, we've had a lot of fun tonight.
I certainly dropped a lot of cash, too.
But all for a good cause.
Here's the NBC promise.
Our programming, like our institutional meals,
will remain fresh, wholesome, and available at low cost.
Goodnight, and please leave the studio in good order.
Okay.
Thank you very much, Grant.
Now, tomorrow, folks, Eddie Van Halen will be here.
Also, actress Valerie Bertinelli.
Oh, stop whining.
This was a fine show.
Hi to the folks in Washington.
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
Goodnight.