Name: Martha Stewart's Gift-Wrapping Tips on Letterman, December 19, 1990
Uploaded: 2018-12-07T03:19:51.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Martha Stewart's Gift-Wrapping Tips on Letterman, December 19, 1990' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-12-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Martha Stewart's Gift-Wrapping Tips on Letterman, December 19, 1990' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-12-07. Transcript available.

Ladies and gentlemen, a judge has recommended that Neil Bush, the president's
son,
Neil Bush, be restricted in any jobs pertaining to future savings and loan
activities.
Restricted in any future jobs in savings and loan activities.
Hey, no, no, I do this. I work alone. Hey!
All of a sudden, after nine years, I'm Laurel and Hardy.
I'm Abbott and Costello. I'm Steve and Edie.
I'm working alone, buddy.
I'm Wayne and Schuster. I'm, I'm, who else?
Allen and Rossi.
Yeah, Nichols and Meg.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
So, uh, they now have, uh, suggested that in the future, uh, Neil Bush be
restricted in jobs in the SNL, uh, industry.
Yeah, like there is a future for the savings and loan.
And it's, and it's your fault, too, pal!
You, you get a lame joke, you, you see what you do, you blame it on the
audience. That's what you do.
You make a kid up there in the fourth row feel bad about it. Mm, like that.
Wait, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Like that.
Our, uh, next guest is a best-selling author who, uh, now has a magazine
devoted to her, uh, lifestyle right here.
Look at that. It's called, uh, Martha Stewart Living.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Martha Stewart.
Oh, Martha!
How, how often does, uh, the magazine come out? It's all about you, uh, your
likes, your dislikes, your ups, your downs, your highs, your lows, and, uh,
what you do for fun, and, uh, your family, your friends.
And it's a lot about a lot of other things, too.
That's a, that's a lot of responsibility to have a whole magazine just about
you.
Well, the next issue will be out in March, and that's, that's all about Easter
and Passover.
Oh, so it's not like a weekly. It doesn't come out like Time or Newsweek.
No, no, not yet, not yet.
There, because if it did, there would be a gal on the go, am I right?
Uh, all right, Martha, uh, you were here a year ago for the big holidays, and
tonight you're gonna show us what exactly?
Well, that's where we spun sugar.
This year, we're gonna teach you how to wrap the presents that you're, you've
bought already, right?
You have them all ready to send out.
Oh, wrapping presents.
Yep.
Elegant holiday living on a budget.
And I think you should, uh, make some paper.
I'm gonna show you how to make your own.
Make your own paper.
But first you must put your...
The way the Egyptians did.
Put your protection.
All right.
Why, why do I need these exactly, Martha?
You'll see.
What the hell do you have in mind?
It's time for someone's physical.
No, no, you have to put mine.
What?
Oh, you're not gonna put mine.
I have to put...
Oh, paint.
I'm sorry.
I'm gonna slip this off, if you don't mind.
Okay.
Uh, Martha, do you, uh, how many, how many times a week do you actually go to a
Kmart?
Um, I go as often as I can.
I really do.
And there's such great stuff there.
You can buy the paint there.
Oh, are they a little small?
Yeah.
Oh, that's all right.
I'll get them on.
Oh, yeah.
That's good.
The circulation has stopped completely.
Yeah, it's just dead as a carp now.
Okay, are you left-handed?
No, I'm actually right-handed.
Oh, okay.
Well, use your left hand.
No, no, leave it on.
Leave it on.
Uh-huh.
Oh, jeez, I ripped it.
A little like my honeymoon.
All right, now.
So you actually do go to Kmart.
You don't need the, I don't need this because I work alone.
Yeah, all right.
Yeah, see?
Hey!
Good for you.
Martha, Martha was watching the show.
Yeah.
All right, listen.
Now, sponge.
All right.
And you make, like, beautiful marks on there.
Does that look good?
Oh, yes.
And you can alternate colors.
There.
There.
Very nice.
Now, use some copper.
This really dresses up a package, doesn't it?
Got a little copper in it?
Excellent at this.
Yeah, okay.
Excellent.
All right.
Wow.
Those are a little bit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
This will dry around Easter, I guess.
All right.
Okay.
So that's your first technique.
Yeah, this is the cut down on the cost of wrapping paper.
Yes, this is, if you went to buy this, it would cost about $15 a sheet.
$15 a sheet.
So wrapping paper has gone right through the roof.
It's really expensive.
Hand-painted wrapping paper.
That Persian Gulf thing has screwed up the price of everything.
So now, you can also do it on cellophane.
Cellophane.
Let's do a little on cellophane.
Okay.
Do, do, uh, well, do the brush strokes on cellophane.
Do I need the glove for that?
Uh, yes.
I think you're a little messy.
Okay.
Have you, have you been to any big holiday parties this holiday season?
I'm starting to, um, go to some.
Yeah, do you host a lot of parties?
What am I doing exactly?
Anything you want.
See, this is what's fun about it.
Oh, but, oh, okay.
Juvenile, juvenile.
Oh, that's very nice.
These are my NBC programming friends.
Very nice.
You can do the, you can do the Jackson Pollock stuff.
Very nice, all right, yeah.
Your drips and drops and all of that stuff.
And this is, this is what it looks like, David.
This is what it looks like completed.
When, when, after you've practiced, you get these great, look at that.
Doesn't that look?
Yeah, yeah.
But it's, it's a little more time-consuming.
Give her a break.
She drove in from Connecticut.
Come over here.
Come over here.
She's being, being hip-checked out of the way by Martha Stewart.
Coing.
I want to teach you how to.
How we doing?
How to wrap some presents, okay?
Do you know how to tie a bow?
Of course I know how to tie a bow.
Quickly, you tie a bow there, and I'll tie a bow here.
I'll get it.
There, look.
Perfect bow.
See?
Look, David.
I know, I know.
This is, this is the greatest ribbon, do you know?
You can try to unravel it.
It comes like this.
Try to unravel that, and then I'll show you.
It takes a long time.
See, it's hard to even start.
But if you stick it in a drill, look.
This unravels it.
Oh, it unwinds the, the twine.
Isn't that great?
Wow, that's it, yeah.
So this is just another little, for all of you who want to know how to unravel
this ribbon.
Would this, would this be available at a K-Mart?
Absolutely.
So that's how you make these wonderful paper bows.
Martha, we have one minute left to dazzle the audience with holiday wonder.
Okay.
There's certain things I wanted to wrap.
You could wrap this.
Oh.
This is a mortadella.
This is a big, what is this, a big ham?
Is that what it is?
That's a big mortadella salami.
A big salami.
And.
You know, you know, you know, you knew, you knew that was my nickname in
college.
No, I don't know.
But you can wrap this like, you know, with this beautiful handmade wrapping
paper and then
people would never guess that it was a salami.
You know, salami, not a bad gift for the holidays, is it?
No, and you tie these ends up.
Or just for, you know.
That doesn't even need to be a special occasion, I guess.
Okay.
And you tie some beautiful bows around the sides.
You tie these beautiful bows around it.
Oh, man.
I bet you get paper cuts all the time, don't you?
You would never know.
Martha, we have to go now.
Oh, my gosh.
Look at this.
But look what she's done there.
The homemade wrapping paper.
The homemade wrapping paper is gorgeous.
All right.
Well, we'll be back here, Martha.
We'll be back.
All right.
Where was that kid that was yelling at me earlier tonight?
Come here.
Come here.
You get the salami, son.
Here he is all the way from.
There you are.
The lovely salami.
Merry Christmas.
Thank you very much.
Martha, see you.
Enjoy that.
Oh, all right.
Get out of here.
We have to go.
Good night, everybody.
Good night.
We'll be right back.