Name: "How's the Weather" Collection on Letterman, 1990-91 + '92 Extras
Uploaded: 2019-02-01T15:33:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"How's the Weather" Collection on Letterman, 1990-91 + '92 Extras' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-02-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"How's the Weather" Collection on Letterman, 1990-91 + '92 Extras' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-02-01. Transcript available.

"How's the Weather" Collection on Letterman, 1990-91 + '92 Extras

So, Paul, we believe we'll be back what time?
Were he later in the week?
Yeah, just a bit under the weather.
In the meantime, taking his place at the keyboards,
we have the lovely, the talented Bette Sussman.
Bette, nice to see you.
Where are you?
Where are you?
In the meantime, she's over there, but who's actually leading the band?
Is she leading the band tonight?
Will, you've been deputized.
You're leading the band.
Paul's leading us from afar.
That's right, in a kind of a mystical sense.
Paul's on the phone here.
We're talking to him by way of the PL tonight.
But you know the real truth, ladies and gentlemen?
I fired him.
He's gone.
I fired the little bastard.
He's out.
No, no, he's not.
He's just a bit under the weather.
He'll be back Thursday or Friday.
Yeah, boy, speaking of weather, I don't know what it is.
Hasn't it been very peculiar, very strange weather here in the northeast
section
the last couple of weeks, last couple of months?
I'm telling you, it's very hot in my house,
and when it gets to be this temperature, the timbers start to kind of quake.
They kind of make noise.
Wait, normally I tell this to Paul.
Come on, you have to play along.
You have to pretend like you're paying attention here.
So this morning, I'm fixing my breakfast,
and this thing is now hanging from the kitchen ceiling.
And it's just a thing.
And I look on the end of it, and it's one of those flying worms.
Now, I had a bout with these flying worms like a year ago.
Guess what?
They're back.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, man, alive, is it me,
or are the pigeons in New York City getting bigger?
I'll get a shot of...
Now, we...
Look at this pigeon back there.
Yeah.
That one right there, that right there, that is about a four-story pigeon, that
one.
Gaines is our production coordinator, Barbara Gaines.
Gaines, do we have any phone books back there?
Yeah!
Yeah!
Man, alive.
Do me a favor.
Can you bring out a fistful of them?
Well, oh, there you are already.
Look, it's Bette Sussman.
She's taking Paul's place.
You heard I fired him, didn't you?
Yeah, I fired his ass.
He's gone.
All right, Barbara, we have here, this is a phone book from where?
Wichita?
Wichita, Kansas.
Wichita, Kansas.
All right, do me a favor.
I'm going to riffle right through there.
We're going to play How's the Weather out there.
You understand?
Sure.
I'm going to riffle right through there and point to a number.
Okay, got it down.
This is Andrew Scheit.
Oh, no, wait a minute.
He's at the McConnell Air Force Base.
We'll never find him.
All right, let's riffle.
Let's riffle again.
Here we go.
There we go.
This one right there.
This is...
Who is that?
Oh, okay.
Gary Laswell.
All right, write his name down.
Got the area code?
Did you hear about the big flying worms at my house?
All right, I'm going to play How's the Weather.
What do you think, Paul?
How's the Weather?
Okay, no, it's too late for that.
Here we go.
Here's the number.
Who are we calling, Barbara?
Gary Laswell.
All right, where does he live?
I say...
He lives the...
Well, I don't know where.
I mean, just what town.
He lives in, uh...
I don't know.
Which of all counts is?
All right.
Jeez, it's too bad Paul had to miss tonight.
All right, this will be Gary Laswell.
All right, and if this doesn't work, if he's not home, we can't get anybody
there.
He won't talk to us.
We jump right to the next phone book.
All right, you understand that?
Okay.
Okay.
Put that over there.
Gary Laswell, we're calling there in Wichita, Kansas, the heartland of the
United States
of America.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
I can't hear anything on the phone.
Hello?
All right, Barbara, let's go to another phone book.
I couldn't hear anything on that phone.
Was it a machine?
Was it saying something?
And you heard something.
This is, uh, Holly Springs, Mississippi.
There we go.
I'm riffling, I'm riffling, I'm pointing.
Thomas McKee.
That's right.
You know, you just kind of crossed it out.
Yeah.
You're supposed to underline it.
May I have the number for Thomas McKee?
We're playing How's the Weather.
What's the area code, please?
601.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
Right?
Looks like Gary Laswell's number.
All right, this really is a mess.
This is a two, and that's a four.
Okay.
Thomas McGee, down there in Holly Springs, Mississippi, and we're going to be
playing How's the Weather.
There's the first ring.
We're sorry.
Let's go.
Let's go to the next book.
This one is in Bowling Green, Kentucky.
Here we go.
I'm riffling, I'm riffling, I'm riffling, I'm pointing.
There you go.
John Jacobson.
That's crossing him right out, too.
You're very good at this.
May I have the area code, please?
502.
502.
I feel like Kreskin.
Mm-hmm.
Right here.
Okay.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
All right.
Yes, and his name is John Jacobson.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Your call cannot be completed in dial.
Chee.
Chee.
Oh.
Oh.
Here we go.
We're now down to our fourth book.
This one is in Rhinelander, Wisconsin.
Huh?
You dialed one first.
Did I dial one first?
You don't think I did?
I thought I did.
How many of you think I dialed one first?
How many of you think I didn't dial one first?
Yeah, well, let me tell you something.
The next time you're dialing long distance, I'm coming to your house and heckle
you, okay?
All right.
I riffled.
I'm pointing.
There we go.
Ray and Helen Nice, the Nice family.
Well, this will be the call that goes through.
All right.
Here we go.
Area code, 715.
Mm-hmm.
Hmm?
Hmm?
Hmm?
Hmm?
Piano is driving me insane.
Yes, this will be Helen and Ray Nice, the Nice family.
Ray, by the way, used to play third base for the Mets back in 86 when they won
the World Series.
Went up to, went down to Baltimore.
This will be Helen and Ray Nice.
We're playing How's the Weather.
Here we go.
That's our second ring.
Hello, hello.
Is this Helen Nice?
Hi, Helen.
My name's Dave Letterman.
I do a little TV show here in New York City, and we're actually on the air
right now, and
I was wondering if I could put your voice on the program.
Would that be all right, Helen?
What do you mean, no?
Well, there's not going to be a problem.
I'm just calling to find out how the weather is there in Rhinelander, Wisconsin,
and I think
people around the country would be interested in hearing your voice and having
you tell us
a little bit about, besides Helen, Paul's not here tonight.
Well, he's our piano player.
So, Helen, my name is Dave Letterman.
We do this little TV show in New York, and this will take like two minutes.
All we want to do is find out how the weather is.
Would that be all right?
Okay, Helen said it would be all right.
No, you stay right there.
Excuse me.
Hi, Helen.
First of all, where is Rhinelander, Wisconsin?
It's in the north central part of the state.
Wait a minute.
Northwestern.
More northwestern.
Northwestern.
Is it anywhere near Racine?
About 250 miles north, and I got a feeling I'm being put on real good.
No, no, Helen.
Everything's fine.
Please, do me a favor.
Just relax.
You're among friends.
Now, what do you do there for a living in Rhinelander?
We're retired.
I see.
And you know Wisconsin is America's dairy land, isn't it?
Yes, sir.
Yeah, it's a very beautiful, beautiful state.
I used to go up there when I was a kid.
I'm from Indiana.
And that's also a beautiful state.
That's right.
Have you ever been to Indiana, Helen?
No, I haven't.
Okay.
Helen, have you ever seen my television program?
No.
No.
Okay.
Now, Helen, all we now need for you to do is tell us how's the weather there in
Rhinelander?
I already told you it's beautiful.
Is it warm?
Yes.
Like 80?
Yes, in the 80s.
And the sun is shining.
And whoever you are, you better...
I'm really being put on by somebody.
Helen is busy trying to form some kind of threat.
Right.
No, Helen, it's me.
I'll get Geraldo after you.
Okay.
Helen, I hope the rest of the week is as lovely for you as today is.
Thank you very much for chatting with us.
And maybe we'll talk again in the future.
Thank you.
All right.
Bye-bye.
Give my best to Ray, by the way.
Fine.
Okay.
Bye-bye.
I'm going to talk your ear off, wouldn't I?
Oh, yeah.
We're too late.
Would you come back and do it later?
Okay.
We have to do a commercial.
Then we'll be right back to beginning the show.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
May I say, in all seriousness, you make me feel like dancing.
Oh, that's...
And I really mean that.
I guess that's very nice of you.
Are you a little sad today, Paul, or are you just a little bit sad?
I'm kind of sad.
Why are you sad?
Well, the Goodwill Games are over.
And I know how you were following them to a letter.
What the hell is that?
Excuse me.
What is...
What's going on?
There's something over here.
What's over there?
We're looking over there at the Hudson.
There's something going on in New Jersey.
Where the hell are the glasses?
Oh, here they are.
Let me just take a look quickly and see what that is.
Oh, yeah.
Man.
I don't know.
I think...
It looked like the Iraqis were moving again, but...
Hey, you know, forget the car phone.
And by the way, this is the last time I'll say anything about the damn car
phone.
I'm just done.
Humans, we're not meant to drive, first of all.
We prove that on a regular basis.
Yeah, well...
And moreover, if we're not meant to drive, we're certainly not meant to drive
and talk on the phone at the same time.
What's happening now?
Well, I have the ultimate car phone.
I have the car phone that astronauts use.
I don't know.
It's like a $40 million car phone.
We got one from Houston.
This is the one they take with them to the moon or something.
So we got that installed now.
And now, last night, I'm talking to somebody on the way home, and I hear them
say,
Uh, do you hear that?
And I say, Mmm, what?
She says, Calliope music.
Yes, I do.
I hear Calliope music for 30 minutes in the car phone on the way home.
Calliope music.
Here's my impression of a guy using a car phone.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Are you there?
Hello?
Is any, is anyone there?
Yeah, then the Calliope music comes in.
That's the car phone.
Let me guess.
Let me guess.
You folks don't get out much.
Uh, what are we doing first here?
Oh, oh, oh, do you know what we're doing?
We're going to play How's the Weather.
Is that what we're doing?
Hey, Gaines.
Hey, look at this.
Wow, that looks pretty good.
Gaines, do you have any phone books back there?
Paul, do I sound like I have a cold?
Yeah.
Do I sound like a little horse?
A little fox.
Yeah.
You know, I was in the fifth grade, and my family gave me a little horse.
Gaines, bring it.
Oh, here she is.
Barbara Gaines, ladies and gentlemen, our lovely, uh...
Barbara, how are you?
Fine.
We have phone books.
We have an assortment of phone books around the country.
Let's see.
What's, oh, let's do this one.
This one is, uh, this is Oregon, California.
This is Klamath Falls, right on the border there, I guess, in Northern
California.
Oh, yeah.
Is that it pretty much?
There, there's a map.
Right there.
Can you see it?
Okay, so, now I'll riffle, I'll riffle, and you point.
Is that how we do this?
No, you point, I'll pick.
Well, who riffles?
You riffle.
I riffle and point?
Yeah.
Am I licensed to do both?
Okay, here we go.
Riffling and pointing.
Here we go.
Oh!
All right, who'd we get?
Jerry, a guy named Jerry.
Can you be, can you just be in the phone book with your name Jerry?
There's a guy in here named Jerry.
What name?
Can you do that?
I don't know.
Can you do that?
I don't think so.
I think that's, I think it's probably a joke.
Let's try another one.
There.
Okay, I like the sound of that.
Cecil Fletcher.
Okay, now, is he in, is he in Oregon or is he in California?
Do we know?
Huh?
Do we know?
Oregon, I think.
You think?
All right, well, let's dial it up.
We'll try Oregon.
It says Klamath Falls.
That's Oregon.
Okay?
Do you have the area code for Klamath Falls?
Okay, right there.
You're not saying much.
Oh, yeah, I hear this area code.
All right, here we go.
Paul, a little dialing music.
We're going all the way to the West Coast.
By the way, we're playing How's the Weather.
There you go.
There's the one.
There's the