Name: Viewer Mail on Letterman, September 8, 1983
Uploaded: 2019-02-05T18:38:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman, September 8, 1983' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-02-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman, September 8, 1983' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-02-05. Transcript available.

Tonight we're going to look at international symbols, and of course, as you
know better than I, on Thursday as we respond to our viewer mail.
Leon, when Paul left, did he tell you I was having trouble getting cable?
You told me yesterday.
Oh, okay.
You told everybody yesterday.
Yeah, I know. Well, we still haven't got it, but as long as everyone
understands the problem there.
Okay. As I mentioned, just a little break there, that's all.
Thursdays, every Thursday we answer our viewer mail. Let's get right to it
tonight.
This is a very important part of our show. It keeps us in touch with you and
vice versa.
Our first letter tonight comes to us from Steve Finch, St. Louis, Missouri.
It says, Dave, I've just come from my doctor, and, well, Dave, it looks pretty
grim.
You see, over the past few weeks, I've become a mere shell of my former self.
Not able to cope with work, I wander the streets in a zombie-like state.
Good heavens, Steve, if you don't enjoy walking around in a zombie-like state,
for heaven's sakes, get out of Missouri.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, this is Missouri, perhaps one of the most beautiful of all, the 48,
actually 50 states now, I understand.
It was just a joke, just a play on words, Steve, and we certainly appreciate
your letter, even if it came from Missouri.
It's another joke, these don't mean anything, they're just jokes.
No, Missouri is beautiful.
Have you ever been to Missouri?
Sure.
Letter number two.
Dear Dave, I watch your show every night, and I think it's great.
Well, that's very nice, I appreciate that.
Since you first went on the air in the late 50s, I've noticed you enjoy
throwing pencils through the window behind you.
This is fine, Dave, but what about the people on the street below?
I've never been to New York, but I wouldn't appreciate being struck and killed
by a flying pencil.
My gosh, who would?
So please, Dave, the next time you throw a pencil out the window, look before
you do it.
You may save a life.
Sincerely, Darren Borgel, Nova Scotia, Canada.
Well, geez, Darren, you know, before I threw my first pencil out, I asked the
same question you're posing in your letter.
And I was told that because of the updraft around Rockefeller Center here in
New York,
an object as small and as light as a pencil would be harmlessly blown many,
many miles away.
So there's absolutely nothing to worry about, but thanks for your concern
anyway.
Hey, that's my letter.
Isn't my letter?
We go through kid actors just like that.
Letter number three, dear Dave, my future wife.
I was kidding about Missouri, by the way.
It's a fine state.
Fine state.
It's the show me state, isn't it?
Yep.
We don't believe yet.
No.
Getting kind of ugly here in the studio audience, so I'll just move on.
Dear Dave, my future wife and I will be honeymooning in New York City in
September,
and we were hoping to get a couple of tickets to see our favorite TV show live.
We would be grateful for tickets for September 8th, 9th, or 12th.
Hope to see you then, Dave.
Yours truly, Oliver Garris, also from Canada.
September 8th, which is today.
That's right.
Oliver.
Are you here?
Did you make it?
Oh, nice to see you, Oliver.
Nice to see you.
How are you?
Just fine, thank you.
Nice to have you with us.
Did your future wife make it to the show?
Yes, she did.
She's right here.
Oh, great.
Could we meet her?
Sure.
Sure.
Sure.
Excuse me.
What year in the future are you from, ma'am?
2078.
2078.
Well, nice to have you at the show.
I hope you enjoy things.
Mr. Letterman, we still are enjoying you on reruns.
Oh, great.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Make a charming couple, don't they?
Dear Dave, letter number four begins,
All my life I have had a serious problem which has caused me a great deal of
trauma and sleepless nights.
Oh, darn.
Perhaps you can help me solve this terrible enigma which plagues me.
Often on television I have seen police and cowboys fire bullets into the air to
frighten people.
My question is, where do they land and has anyone ever been harmed by one?
Sincerely, Matt Foley, Boston College.
This is a darn good question, Matt, and, you know, I've actually thought about
it myself.
Well, perhaps we should just try it and see what the result is.
I'll take my revolver here.
All of us at NBC carry one.
And I'll just fire this off into the air and we'll...
There you go.
Are you sure you're all right, Darren?
It's not so good, Mom.
It's all right.
Nothing.
Hiram, you want to explain to Leon that we're just pretending here and...
All right.
Letter number five.
Dearest Dave, why haven't you been using flashbacks on viewer mail lately?
That's true, we really haven't done much of those here recently.
And it signed a confused viewer, Ardsley, New York.
Well, you know, there is a reason that we don't have flashbacks on viewer mail
anymore.
And it all started with a trip I took to the doctor several months ago.
I remember it as if it were you.
I'm warning you, Dave.
One more flashback could send you over the edge forever.
You might never snap out of it.
Never snap out of it.
Never snap out of it.
Never snap out of it.
Never snap out of it.
Never snap out of it.
Never snap out of it.
I heard you the first time.
Sorry.
So that's, you see there, that's why we had to discontinue all of those
wonderful madcap zany flashbacks.
That concludes another installment of viewer mail.
We have a wonderful program for you.
Entertaining and fascinating folks to meet.
We'll do that right after you watch this.
Thank you, Dave.