Name: Stupid Pet Tricks on Letterman, August 10, 1982
Uploaded: 2019-02-18T03:52:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stupid Pet Tricks on Letterman, August 10, 1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-02-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stupid Pet Tricks on Letterman, August 10, 1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-02-18. Transcript available.

A lovely gift. Thank you very much, folks. I know you're very busy. I
appreciate you being here.
Frank Moon, nice meeting you. Thank you very much.
Well, now it's time, ladies and gentlemen, for a segment of this program that
we like to call Stupid Pet Tricks.
And let me introduce now Stupid Pet Tricks, participant number one.
This would be John Tendi and John's dog, Bucket, ladies and gentlemen.
John and Bucket.
How do you do, John? Nice to meet you. Thank you very much for being here.
This must be Bucket. Yes.
Hello, Bucket. What a fine-looking beast we have here.
Now, what will Bucket do for us tonight?
He's going to say his prayers.
Bucket will say his prayers, all right?
Okay, I'm going to get one of these.
Sure. Let me hold this for you, John.
You ready?
Bucket, say your prayers.
Say your prayers.
Very nice, Bucket.
There we are. Let's take a look now through the miracle of slow-motion instant
replay.
Once again, all the drama of...
Very nice.
Thank you very much, John. Nice to meet you.
Thank you, sir.
Come on, Mark.
Oh, sure.
John and his dog, Bucket, ladies and gentlemen.
Stupid Pet Trick, participant number two.
Scott Tate and his dog, Sam.
Oh, I'm sorry.
This is...
Lindo Scala.
Fine. Come on out.
You're Lindo?
Yes.
Oh, I'm sorry. I got the wrong card.
Lindo, and this is your dog, Blackie.
Hello, Blackie. Nice to see you.
And what will Blackie do for us?
Well, Blackie, he's a self-taught singer.
He loves to sing all the time.
Uh-huh.
I didn't have to teach him.
Uh-huh.
Okay, Bump, you ready?
Now, Blackie is going to sing with you?
Yes.
Okay.
Blackie and Lindo.
I want you to throw your head back, and I want you to...
Let's have all the high notes, okay?
No, I don't want you to kiss me.
I want you to sing.
Come on, let's go.
Ow, ow.
Ow.
Ow, ow.
Ow, ow, ow.
Thank you very much, Blackie.
Come on.
Oh, here's once again the instant replay.
Oh, my.
And now we have Mr. Scott Tate and his dog, Sam.
Ladies and gentlemen, Scott and Sam.
Oh, my.
Oh, heavens.
Who called the cab?
Good heavens, Scott.
What, this is a...
Part St. Bernard, part Collie.
My Lord.
What a...
How big a dog have we got here?
125 big pounds.
Good heavens.
Sam.
How old is Sam?
About six or seven.
How old are you, Sam?
And how often do you milk him?
No, no, no.
And what will Sam do for us tonight, Scott?
Sam will do a very elaborate trick.
I'm going to throw the ball in the air, and Sam is going to clasp it with the
mouth.
Okay, great.
Is there anything I need to do for you or Sam?
Just help me get Sam good and angry so that he comes back to me.
Sam only eats dogs.
He doesn't eat dogs.
Okay, I'll just stand over here and sort of watch.
Sam.
Oh, don't go away now.
Come in.
No contract in this one.
Here we go.
Scott and Sam, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh.
Close.
Very close.
One more, Sam.
Come here.
One more time.
Come on, Sam.
The crowd wants another shot.
Get it.
Sam.
It's amazing.
Unbelievable.
I really have the slow motion instant rate line.
Thank you very much.
Here are your tennis balls.
Scott and Sam, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you, sir.
Boy, oh, boy.
I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.
And finally, Jack Wilkinson and Lucy Keeble.
Oh, I thought that was the dog's name.
Jack and Lucy and their dog, Milton, ladies and gentlemen.
Lucy, how are you?
Pleasure to meet you.
Thank you, too.
Jack, thank you very much for being here.
Now, what will Milton do for us here?
He's going to check out a book from the library.
Oh, very educational for the kids watching in tonight.
Milton will check out a book from the library.
Check out a book.
Check out a book.
Check out a book.
Well, he's...
Got a whole mouthful, didn't he?
Very nice.
Very nice.
Oh, my.
Here's the instant replay of Milton.
And I understand there's another part to this trick.
Is that correct?
Which involves you.
Which involves me.
Okay.
What do you want me to do?
We'd like for you to sit on the edge of the chair.
I'll sit here on the chair.
Now, what will Milton be checking out this time?
I'll sit here on the chair.
Oh, my.
And now, a word from the Kidney Foundation.
Well, that was some trick.
Let's take a look at that in slow motion, instant replay.
Now, it's all right, Milton.
I've done that myself here.
What do we...
Okay, now, is there another trick, or what are we doing here?
Oh, we're going to do the hat trick.
Show you the hat trick.
Like, the hat trick will get a better laugh than this.
Aren't you glad he relieved himself before you did that trick?
Okay, the hat trick.
Now, again, I just sit down over...
Take the books off.
All right, take the books off.
Books over here.
There you are.
Thank you, Steve.
Okay, Milton.
Okay.
Come here, Milton.
Come here.
Come over here.
Put the hat on.
Come here.
Come over here.
Okay.
Sit down.
Okay.
All right.
Milton, do I need...
Get the hat.
Get the hat.
Get the hat.
That's a good job.
Very good job.
Very nice.
Lucy, thank you very much.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, it's quite all right.
Now, we have the instant replay on that.
There he is, Milton removing the hat.
Jack, Lucy, and Milton.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Nice meeting you.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
We're going to pause for a commercial.
We'll be right back.