Name: Art Donovan Collection on Letterman, Part 2: 1994-2000
Uploaded: 2019-03-11T18:56:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Art Donovan Collection on Letterman, Part 2: 1994-2000' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-03-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Art Donovan Collection on Letterman, Part 2: 1994-2000' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-03-11. Transcript available.

Art Donovan Collection on Letterman, Part 2: 1994-2000

The Car Quest Bowl
Hey, how are you? Nice to have you back.
Now, when I was talking about the Car Quest Bowl,
I did not mean to diminish the achievement and accomplishments
of the two schools that participated in the Car Quest Bowl.
Certainly not.
Boston College in Virginia, I believe.
And I believe Boston College won.
And, coincidentally, that's the school of our first guest,
our second guest here tonight.
So congratulations to everybody who participated in the Car Quest Bowl.
Here's a proud history behind the old Auto Parts Bowl there.
Our next guest got into the Football Hall of Fame
by putting moves on guys like New York Giants star Frank Gifford.
And now that Kathy Lee has that job,
I just read the cards, kids.
Art has moved on to other pursuits.
Please welcome NFL Hall of Famer and former Baltimore Colt,
Art Donovan.
Art!
Happy New Year, welcome to the show.
Did I have that right?
Boston College, is that where you applied your College Bowl?
Right, right.
Did you watch the Car Quest Bowl?
I watched it for a quarter, and I figured B.C. was going to win.
Yeah.
Of course, Virginia really didn't have anything.
They really shouldn't have been in the game.
What, 7-4?
And you're in a bowl game.
Well, the Car Quest Bowl.
The Car Quest.
But how about Boston College, toward the end of the season,
defeating Notre Dame?
Well, they got a great, I'll tell you what,
they got a great team, and they got a great coach.
Yeah.
And it's a great school, and I have to say that,
because I'm trying to get my daughter in there.
And, you know, I don't know how much it may cost me, but...
Did you graduate from Boston College?
Oh, yeah.
You know I sound like a linguist?
Hey, David, I want to tell you,
I may be the only native New Yorker on the show.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, good for you, Art.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I know, and we've established in the past,
that one of the things you do with your life now,
out of football, is you and your family
own and operate a country club in the Baltimore area.
Right, right.
Is that correct?
Yes, right.
So, I think, from what I know of country clubs,
the New Year's Eve is like one of your big nights.
Oh, yeah, I had a real big night.
I had a lot to do New Year's Eve.
Right.
I, when we were getting the meals up,
I had to put the mushroom on top of the prime rib.
And then I had to put a potato on the plate,
and if the potato was small, I had to put two on it.
So, you had your hands full then, huh?
That's a tough job.
Was it a success, New Year's Eve?
I guess so.
They all got drunk.
My wife put some flowers in a bowl.
I think at the end of the night,
they were drinking water out of the bowl.
Oh, you hate to see that.
Oh, we don't.
We have some pictures of the celebration.
Do you mind if we show them?
No, and in fact, some of those people are here.
Really here in the audience today?
Yeah, they're in the audience.
Okay, let's take a look at this.
I don't recognize the shorter of the two women,
but of course, the redhead is Jane Meadows.
Behind that is the Christmas tree.
Yeah, I know.
But now, do you know those people?
Oh, absolutely.
That's not really, of course, Jane Meadows.
And then here's a group shot.
It looks like everyone is very civilized,
very nicely dressed,
enjoying a celebration of the old and the new.
Yeah, well, I wasn't...
Oh, there you are, Art.
There you are right there.
Yeah, but I wasn't really enjoying myself.
I had a shirt and tie on.
Yeah.
I told my wife, Dave,
if she buries me with a tie,
I'll haunt her.
I'm serious.
Well, if she buries you with that tie,
you'll be haunted.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
You can use that one.
I left myself wide open for that one.
I know.
But, Art, now, there's the game,
I guess it was the Houston Oilers,
and were they playing the Jets?
The Buddy Ryan episode?
Yeah, yeah.
Buddy Ryan, I guess it was the defensive coordinator
for the Oilers,
takes a punch at one of his staff members
on the sideline.
Did you happen to see that?
I happened to see it, yes.
What's wrong with a coach punching another coach?
What the hell?
The players don't punch anybody anymore.
In fact, some of them wear their face masks now,
you can't even get your fingers in there.
And then,
maybe,
I wasn't going to pull a Terry Bradshaw.
Yeah, Terry Bradshaw actually struck me.
Well, why didn't you hit him with a chair?
He's not that tough.
What can I tell you?
I'm a ninny.
That's why.
No, no.
Now, when you played, Art,
did you have a face mask?
Oh, yeah, but look at my face.
Yeah.
You know.
Well, you look pretty good, actually.
Thank you.
Well, you know,
for the first time I put a face,
I got kicked in the face,
and I got 58 stitches.
I lost some teeth.
Oh.
And I went to put a face mask on,
and the guy said,
what are you putting on for?
You're not Raymond Navarro
or Rillo Valentino.
So, he says,
you're a sissy.
So, I didn't put it on.
The next game,
I got 25 more.
Oh, I went the face mask.
I would like to see the guy
who could stand in front of you
looking right into your eyes
and call you a sissy.
This is a guy I would like to see.
Hey, David,
I played against a guy for 10 years,
and I met him up in New York
at one of the banquets up here,
and he says,
you're Donovan?
I figured, yeah.
I figured he'd say how good I was.
He said,
I didn't recognize you standing up.
I didn't even know
what that means exactly, yeah.
My jersey was dirty on the back.
I was like,
I see, I see.
Can you, can you,
I know Don Shula,
an old teammate of yours,
an old friend of yours,
this season became
the NFL's winningest coach.
Right.
You hung around with him,
you paled around with him.
Well, we lived together
when we were single.
Tell us a story about Mr. Big Shot.
Oh, sure, he won't like me
telling stories about him.
Tell us a story, come on, come on.
Because, you know,
he says,
my players think I'm legitimate,
but we were playing one time,
after a game,
we had a meet at the hotel
to get the bus
to go to the airport.
There's no Shula
in a guy named Tassif
who was backfield coach now.
Well, anyhow,
about five minutes
before the bus leaves,
here comes Shula
driving a cab.
He stole the guy's cab.
No.
Oh, yeah.
And he had Tassif in the back.
He was so drunk,
he didn't know
where the hell he was.
And he'd go out
and wanted to pay Shula
money for the cab ride.
Now, they made me say that, Shula.
The winningest coach
of all time,
Mr. Don Shula.
We're going to do
a commercial here.
We'll be right back, kids.
Art Donovan is with us tonight,
ladies and gentlemen.
Why don't you tell us
a little bit about 1958.
It was the Baltimore Colts,
the then Baltimore Colts.
Right, right.
and the New York Giants,
the then New York Giants.
Right.
It's interesting.
Since that time,
both teams have moved
out of their original location,
really.
Yeah, well,
the Giants have moved too far.
But they're not really in New York.
You understand that.
Yeah, David,
I could care less.
That's where they don't go.
Art, that's no attitude.
And the Colts,
they're gone to your hometown.
The Colts are in Indianapolis.
Yeah, did not have
a very good year.
As bad as they are,
they should stay there.
If they came back to Baltimore,
I wouldn't even go
and see the game.
Is that right?
Do you think a lot of people
feel that way?
Oh, yeah.
Even if they got a free ticket,
what do you want to go
and see a loser for?
I think one of the problems
in the NFL,
there are just too many
NFL teams.
I think you're right.
And who has any real interest?
I liked the league
when it was like
8, 10, 12 teams.
And when I was a kid
in Indianapolis,
every Sunday,
regardless of whoever
else was playing,
the game that we got
on TV in Indianapolis
was always
Chicago-Green Bay.
Right, okay.
They must have played
like 14 times a season.
One week in Chicago,
one week in Green Bay.
Hey, David,
run that by me again.
You lost me on that one.
Anyway, 1958,
the game was played
at Yankee Stadium.
Is that correct?
Right, right, right.
And it was, you know,
they say it's the greatest
game ever played.
Well, if they say,
it's okay with me
because I played in it.
Yeah.
But I don't think
it was the greatest game
that the Colts ever played.
We played better games
than that.
It was in the Yankee Stadium
and I played against
another guy on that team.
I'm not going to have
told you his name,
but he's got me stuck
for $10,000.
He sold me shares
in a gold mine.
I can't find him.
I can't find the gold mine.
And I can't find
the status in.
Now, I'm not too smart.
I hope he doesn't have
a brick for sale.
So this is a guy
that you're playing opposite.
Yeah, right.
And what was the outcome
of the game?
Well, we won the game
and it was the first
overtime game.
First overtime, yeah.
And being in New York,
you know, they played it up
and all that.
And believe me
when I tell you this,
this is the only thing
the people in Baltimore
talk about
is the 58 championship game.
There were 74,000 people
at the game
and two millions
say they were there.
Well, that's the way
that goes.
But that must be
a source of pride
to you, another highlight
in your wonderful career.
Well, I don't know
how wonderful it's been.
I wouldn't want to do
it all over again,
but I certainly,
I've enjoyed it.
Well, you don't have to.
You don't have to do
it all over again.
No.
Why was there talk
of a comeback, Art?
Oh, no.
The guy told me,
the guy told me one time,
he said,
how would you like to die?
I said, I don't know.
Like to sit under the tree
at the Valley Country Club,
think about two cases of beer,
eat about five pizzas
and about 10 pounds
of kosher hot dogs
and blow up.
Arden, you're a very
spiritual man, Art.
We'll see if we can't
have a videotape crew there
the night that you decide
to do that.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we've got to do
one more commercial
and then we'll be
right back here.
gentlemen, I want you
to say hello
to Drew Carey
who is going to be
on the program
and is on the program
but we ran out of time
and by the way,
that's what Art Donovan
looked like in the 1958 game
right there.
Drew, I'm sorry
we ran out of time
but your big show
premiered tonight
and then I guess
it'll be on
what night regularly?
Tuesday night at 8.30
after saving the bill.
All right, good for you.
We'll look for that
and please come back
another time.
Love to, thanks for having me.
My thanks to, of course,
the lovely Jane Pauley.
All right, well,
he'll be in the lobby
telling jokes.
How's that?
Tomorrow night,
Sandra Bernhardt
for non-blondes
and Bo Bridges.
Thanks for watching.
Good night, everybody.
Thank you very much, Art.
Good night, everybody.
Worldwide Pants
Hey, hey, hey.
We're trying to do a show here.
Okay.
Man, you're going to like this guy.
If you don't know this guy,
you're going to like him.
He's just a terrific man.
He's a football great.
He played the game
not for the money
and not for the fame,
not for the women.
He played the game
for the pre-game
all-you-can-eat buffet.
I like to tell that one on him.
It's a little bit.
Ladies and gentlemen,
here he is,
the lovable Hall of Famer
Art Donovan.
Art, come on out, buddy.
Hello, Art.
How are you?
I'm fine, Dave.
Welcome to the program.
Welcome to be here.
Thanks for it.
You came up from Baltimore
where you played
for the Baltimore Colts
in their glory day.
Who was the quarterback
when you played?
A guy named Unitas.
He wasn't going to make it,
but he did a little bit.
Did all right.
How long was he the quarterback?
I don't know.
For maybe about 15 years.
15 years.
Now, these are the days
when there were only
like three teams in the NFL.
Yeah.
Four teams.
It was the Chicago Bears,
the Baltimore Colts,
the New York Giants,
and the Green Bay Packers.
And that was it.
And you guys played
each other every weekend.
Well, yeah,
but they had the Rams
and the 49ers
and some other teams.
But you know
what I'm talking about.
It was Johnny Unitas
and Y.A. Tittle
and those guys
and yourself.
And it was Sam Huff.
Did you ever play
with Sam Huff?
No, I never played with them.
I played against them.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I'm sure he might do it.
What's the mat