Name: Meg Parsont Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 3: 1991
Uploaded: 2019-04-07T16:31:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Meg Parsont Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 3: 1991' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Meg Parsont Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 3: 1991' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-07. Transcript available.

Meg Parsont Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 3: 1991

The New Year of the Year
All right, go ahead.
Well, this is a year that excites me to no end because this year has a very
unusual characteristic.
And what would that be, Paul?
That is that this year is a palindrome.
And I have it right here.
As you can see, it reads the same forwards as it does backwards.
That's the definition of a palindrome.
Wow, nice going, Paul.
And you know what?
This hasn't happened in 110 years, Dave.
Not since...
When was the last one?
Well, not since 1881.
As you can see, I have 1881 here.
Yeah, there it is right there.
And before that...
Oh, I don't know when was the last time it happened.
Thank you very much, Paul.
1771.
I have it right here.
Yeah, okay.
Before that, you guessed it.
It was 16...
1661.
Of course, the crazy thing was that before that, it hadn't happened in, oh,
over 100 years.
Yeah.
1551 was the...
Okay.
Before that...
How many cards were printed up, Paul?
Yeah, 1441.
1441.
Okay, fine.
No, it comes after that.
Yeah?
You know, the next time it'll happen, I have it right down here.
Two thousand and two.
Oh, good.
We'll look for that.
That's crazy.
Yeah, there you go.
Did I mention...
Did I mention...
Yeah, third...
Yeah, okay.
All right.
Now, Paul, do we have some dialing music?
Yeah.
Before that...
No.
1221.
What was that in the hall?
Somebody dropping...
Somebody's making soup in the hall.
Okay, here we go.
We're calling...
Hal, turn on the external camera.
There it is.
We're going to call over there to Meg Parsant.
She works across the street at the Simon and Schuster building.
Sure, we'll do that.
All right.
See, do I have that number here?
I have it right here.
All right.
If you want to make a call, please hang up and try again.
Okay, this should be Meg.
If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator.
Okay, everybody in the control room screaming,
hang up and dial again.
Okay, here we go.
There's Meg.
We'll call over there to Meg.
Works for a book publishing company.
She publishes books and...
There, she's reaching for the phone.
Hi, Meg.
Hello, Publicity?
Hi, Meg.
It's Dave.
How are you?
Hi.
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year to you.
How you been?
I'm fine.
Everything okay?
Yeah.
Good.
Nice to see you.
You don't sound so great.
Who is that guy that just walked down the hall there?
That was John from my department.
John, put down the phone and scream John as loudly as you can.
As lovely?
As loudly.
As loudly.
And, of course, as lovely as you can, too, Meg.
John?
John?
Try this, Meg.
John, get in here, you little cross-eyed weasel.
Try that.
Oh, he's not cross-eyed.
Try that.
Well, I called his name and now he's saying what?
Oh, well, just get him in here.
Please come back.
Hurry up.
He's refused.
Come back.
Meg, you're going to have to learn how to push these people around.
I'm being very, very demanding right now.
He's coming back.
Tell him to stand right there until we're done with him.
He's right here.
All right.
Tell him to stand right there until we're...
Don't sit down, John.
He's more comfortable sitting down.
All right.
Listen, Meg, how was your New Year's?
It was very nice.
Did you enjoy a whole host of bowl games?
A whole...
Yeah, oh, yeah.
Yeah, which one did you watch?
Actually, I didn't watch any that weekend.
I watched them this past weekend.
Yeah, oh, the big playoff games.
Yeah, the wild card.
Who the hell is this?
What?
Who the hell is this?
Who is this right there?
What's her name?
Kristen.
Oh, tell Kristen I said hello.
David Lerman says hi.
Oh, she nearly died, didn't she?
Yeah.
Okay, so, and everything's good?
You had a nice celebration, a nice quiet New Year's?
Well, it was nice.
I saw fireworks.
There were fireworks over the Hudson River.
Oh, yeah, and they have them in Central Park, too.
It's very nice, isn't it?
Oh, I didn't see them on Central Park.
Well, what do these people want?
What do these people want?
Tell her to go somewhere else and fix her hair.
Oh, now, and yet we got another guy.
Doesn't anything go on over there?
There's no...
Who's this guy?
Bring him in here.
This is Will.
Will, come on in.
All right, Will, come on in.
They seem to think that you wanted them here.
I know, I didn't want them here.
I'll tell you what, the guy sitting down, I'll get him...
Oh, man.
Somebody's phoning in a bomb threat, apparently.
Now, listen, Meg, I'll give that guy 50 bucks if he takes off his shirt.
You'll give John $50?
No, no, I'm just teasing.
I'm just teasing.
But from what I hear of things at the office, he'd do it in a second.
I'm sorry?
Meg, you know you have lovely hair, by the way.
I guess I mention that every time we chat, don't I?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Look at this, people.
It's like we're in an ant farm.
Thank you very much.
Well, it's a novelty, you know.
And you like me pretty well?
Yeah.
Yeah, well, I'm crazy about you.
You know that.
Well, thanks.
Well, I mean I'm really crazy about you.
Well, really, thanks.
Okay.
How's your boyfriend?
He's doing very well.
Listen, can we paint your office?
I think that probably wouldn't be such a good idea.
How come?
Because I don't think it's really my property to have painted.
Well, what difference does that make?
This is New York.
That's true, but I don't really know if that would be a great idea.
Now, people are always painting things that don't belong to them.
I know, but do we want to become part of that group?
Oh, man, a life.
Good point.
Good point, Meg.
A point well taken.
Can we get some more people in here, please?
Do you want me to get more people in here?
Oh, that's what's her name?
That's Tara, isn't it?
No, that's Mona.
Mona.
Hi, Mona.
Say hello to Mona.
Hi, and there's Lori.
Yeah.
And, oh, yeah, you're right.
There's Tara.
This really is your busy time of year, isn't it?
Actually, it is.
All right.
Do you want us to paint your office or not?
I think I'd rather not.
Okay, Meg.
Thank you very much.
Here's what I'm going to do.
You put the phone down and think about it.
You talk it over with your friends there.
I don't think I should do it.
Because we can paint it for you in, like, 20 minutes.
We'll have the office painted in a lovely shade of your choice.
But you know what?
Even as much as I'd like to do it.
Tell that girl to mind her own business.
I'm sorry?
Never mind.
Yeah, okay.
You think it over.
We'll do something else and come back to you.
All right, don't hang up.
I'm going to put you on hold.
Okay.
All right.
I asked you, you know, I asked you if you wanted to do that.
Yes, yes, yes.
Yeah.
Here it is.
The category tonight.
Top ten things overheard at the Baker Aziz meeting.
Ah.
Okay.
Well, Meg's making up her mind, and we'll do this, and then if she wants it
painted, we'll
paint it.
Here we go.
Top ten things overheard at the Baker Aziz meeting.
Number ten, no, it's Garfield.
He's very popular in our country.
He'll stick right to your windshield.
Number nine, what the hell is Buddy Ryan doing here?
Number eight, so if we get out by Friday, we get the subscription to Sports
Illustrated
and the football phone.
And the football phone.
Let's see.
Number seven, is somebody frying baloney?
Ah, let's see.
Number six, is Saddam as funny in real life as he seems on TV?
Number five, I'm sorry, Mr. Aziz, I can't explain Norm Crosby.
Number four, Yahtzee.
Number three, are those bugle boy jeans?
Number two, cut the crap, camel boy, or the 101st Airborne drops down your
chimney and
feeds you your own socks.
And the number one thing overheard at the Baker Aziz meeting in Geneva,
Mr. Gotti says, get out of Kuwait now.
All right.
So on the program here, we have Marv Albert, Jacques Pepin, Pepin, Pepin, Pepin,
Pepin.
Uh, one of the original Pep boys, one of the original Pep boys, Manny, Moe, Lou,
and Jacques.
And, uh, all right, let's see if, uh, Hal, turn on that camera, let's see if,
hello, Meg.
Hey, uh, oh, look at that brain trust.
Now, what do you think, Meg?
Can we paint the office?
We'll get, we'll get painters in there.
We'll put a big drop cloth over everything.
Oh, it's a kitty, someone has a kitty.
Someone has a kitty?
Yeah, look, a little kitty, isn't it?
And that's, um, a little stuffed animal from my office.
Yeah, I understand.
Yeah.
Yeah, so can we, can, can we paint the, the daycare center or not?
I don't think that would be such a great idea.
All right, thank you very much, Meg.
Good night.
Nice chatting with you.
We'll talk to you again soon.
Okay.
All right, take care.
Give my best to those kids there.
I sure will.
All righty, bye-bye.
Bye.
There's, uh, Meg.
Okay, we'll, uh, we'll do a commercial.
We'll be right back here, and, uh, Marv Albert will begin the show, so come on
back, folks.
I thought, I thought an emissary from the staff was going to talk her into
letting us paint
her office.
What happened to her?
Well, apparently an emissary from the staff did not talk her into letting us
paint her office.
I see.
I see.
Well, you can't really blame her.
Oh, you can't force, in this day and age, it's the '90s.
Hey, you know what was a nutty year, though, really?
This one.
Crazy.
There's, there's another good idea.
David, it's nice to see you.
I am your musical director, Paul Schaefer, and is everything all right over
there?
Everything I get, uh, Will, uh, during the warm-up, hops up on the chairs.
It is nice to see you.
I am your musical director, Paul Schaefer, and is everything all right over
there?
Everything I get, uh, Will, uh, during the warm-up, hops up on the chairs.
It is you, isn't it, Will?
Yes!
Well, I, there's not much around here I don't know, and you get the little, uh,
footprints
on the chairs, and I'm just dusting them off, because in, in a couple of
minutes, uh, Jane
Pauly will be out here, and, and we want the, uh, everything to be just so for
Jane Pauly.
Now, don't, don't step on it again.
They're gone.
All right.
Have a nice weekend.
I feel great.
You know, so far, I've lost 76 pounds on the Richard Simmons Deal Meal program.
Congratulations.
Good for you.
I feel terrific.
How are you feeling?
I'm all right.
Now, tell me, did I dream this, or is this actually happening?
You're tuned in this morning, the Good Morning America program.
Do you watch that show, ladies and gentlemen?
I say, do you watch that show?
No!
No!
No!
It's, uh, it's a popular morning show here in the United States.
I catch it every once in a while.
Huge, huge audience, and then they have the, the lovable morning characters.
They have the Charlie Gibbons.
They have the, uh, Joanne, uh, the Joan, uh, London.
Joanne Worley.
That's right.
So, I'm watching this morning, and it's very early, and you don't know whether
you're
sleeping, and kind of half dreaming it, or you're watching it, and it's for
real, or
somehow you've distorted what is fact, what is reality, what is fantasy.
So, they're, they're talking about, uh, some report about berries, and they're
talking
about, uh, strawberries, and blueberries, and all kind of berries.
So, call out your favorite berries here, by the way.
Raspberries!
Raspberries!
Thank you.
That's enough, that's enough.
Hey, there are no prizes, okay?
And, and so they, they're talking about how the berries don't taste like, hey,
it's over,
all right?
Man, we got a Donahue audience tonight.
So, uh, you know, everything's changed here.
They used to have a department here at NBC that took care of the audiences for
you.
They're gone.
Oh, by the way, if you need any office furniture, hang on.
There's going to be plenty.
Hang on.
Whatever you need, I understand there's going to be a wide variety to choose
from.
I see.
Cutting back on something.
In the next couple of months, just anything.
It'll be like shopping.
Going on a shopping spree.
All the office furniture you want.
Uh-huh.
So, anyway, they're talking about berries, and, uh, I don't know, the, the
berry something,
something.
Now, they go to the weatherman after the story, and he's, he's sort of half
laughing, and he
says, well, you know, today it's going to be berry, berry cold.
Uh-huh.
See?
This is, this is the weatherman.
Now, I don't know what you think of Willard Scott,