Name: Tom Waits Collection on Letterman, 1983-2015
Uploaded: 2019-04-20T13:24:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tom Waits Collection on Letterman, 1983-2015' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tom Waits Collection on Letterman, 1983-2015' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-20. Transcript available.

Tom Waits Collection on Letterman, 1983-2015

Welcome back to the show.
My next guest is truly one of the most original music talents working today.
His latest album right here is called Swordfish Trombones,
and he describes it as being made up of journal entries from an exotic odyssey.
Please welcome, it's a real delight to have this man with us tonight,
Mr. Tom Waits.
Well, Frank settled down out in the valley,
and he hung his wild years on a nail that he drove through his wife's forehead.
He sold used office furniture out there on San Fernando Road,
and he assumed a $30,000 loan of 15.25%,
and he put a down payment on a little two-bedroom place.
Well, his wife was a spent piece of used jet trash.
She made good Bloody Marys.
She kept her mouth shut most of the time.
And they had a little chihuahua named Carlos
that had some kind of a skin disease and was totally blind.
And Frank drove a little sedan.
They had a thoroughly modern kitchen.
They were so happy.
One night, Frank was on his way home from work.
He stopped at the liquor store.
He picked up a couple of Mickey's Big Mouse,
and he drank them in the car on the way to the Shell Station.
He got a gallon of gas in a can,
and he drove home.
He doused everything in the house.
Torched it.
He parked across the street laughing,
watching it burn,
all Halloween orange and chimney red.
Then Frank put on a top 40 station
and got on the Hollywood freeway headed north.
Never could stand that dog.
Tom, nice to see you.
Terrific job.
Thank you very much.
We're going to do a commercial.
We're going to pause here for a second.
We'll be back.
Tom's going to sing another song.
Very nice, man.
Enjoy that.
Hi.
Tom Waits is here.
Later, we'll take a look at our giant late-night Christmas card
and Dr. Charles Levy,
the dangerous animal expert,
is going to be here.
Congratulations on the album, Tom.
I was reading.
What is that you're brushing off here?
I don't know.
I ran into a Christmas tree in the hall.
They're everywhere this time of year, aren't they?
They're out of my room.
Yeah.
Anyway, I was going to say congratulations on the album.
You're getting, it's getting terrific reviews, isn't it?
Yeah, some people are recognizing it.
And it's really kind of an odyssey journey.
The songs interrelate.
There's 15 of them.
I think you get more for your entertainment dollar.
Well, that's good.
If you play some of the songs backwards, it says dirty things.
Oh, that's great.
So you really are, for the price of one album,
getting all kinds of entertainment there.
Yeah, I'm looking for some new consumers
and attempting to cook my dinner on your stove, possibly.
Sure.
Well, that's what our stove is here for, Tom.
Speaking of stoves,
are you still living in the motel on Santa Monica Boulevard in California?
You must have me mixed up with somebody else.
Didn't you spend some time there at the Tropicana?
I did spend some time at a, well, I don't know, motel.
I'd call it a palatial estate.
Uh-huh.
Right on Santa Monica Boulevard there on the other side of La Cienega.
This is where Duke's Coffee Shop is?
Yeah, that's right, beneath the hotel.
You had your piano in the kitchen.
You've been reading my mail.
Yeah.
But you're not there anymore, huh?
No, no longer.
Travel has become an important part of my life.
Yeah, yeah.
You lived in a house trailer for a while?
Just for a brief period.
Now, what was that like as an experience for a man of the world like yourself?
It's small.
It's close.
But you can always pick up and move the next day.
Yeah, that's true.
You also, for a while, years ago, lived in a car?
Well, not for an extended period of time, Brad.
You know how those accommodations can be.
Yeah, yeah.
What kind of car was it?
It was a 62 wagon, black interior.
Yeah.
Did you do much entertaining in those days?
You mean nightclubs, that type of thing?
No, no.
I mean friends drop over, you know?
No, no.
I know where you're trying to take this.
No, no.
I just think it's interesting.
But also, and correct me if this is not the truth, you were born in a piece of
modern transportation,
weren't you?
According to my Uncle Robert, yeah.
But I don't know.
People say a lot of things.
Was it a cab you were supposedly born in?
It was a red and white with the, you know, meter running.
With the meter was running.
And where was this?
In Indiana.
No, really?
What part of Indiana?
It's a place called Valparaiso.
Oh, sure.
I know where that is.
Yeah.
No, I do.
I'm from Indiana myself.
So I know that.
Well, and that's been a lot of time in California, North Dakota, Minnesota,
Florida, Guam.
All right.
Now, for a man who started life in the backseat of a red and white cab, last
year you were
nominated for an Academy Award.
This is a long trip.
You actually, you went to the award ceremony, didn't you?
For the, it was for the music for One from the Heart.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now, what was that like for you, being there?
Well, you know, I went back and forth as well.
I mean, I'm going to go.
I'm not going to go.
I couldn't make up my mind.
In terms of fashion, I don't know.
I would have to classify it as a cotillion.
It's a lot of 1959 prom formals and that type of thing.
Yeah.
And so...
Did you have a tuxedo?
As a matter of fact, I did, yeah.
An old clothes horse like myself was in the right place.
Yeah.
Did, what was the, what made you decide to show up for the presentation?
Well, you know, I mean, you really are, are nominated by, by people who are in
your field
and, uh, a lot of, uh, composers and songwriters and musicians, uh, uh,
recognize the score
from, uh, the Coppola film.
Yeah.
And, uh, so it really is, uh, is flattering.
Yeah.
But, you know, there was a time when people would think, well, it's not really
chic or hip.
You're nominated, sure, but I'll be busy that night.
But I'll, you know, but you decided to show up and...
Well, we were living, like, three, four blocks from the place.
So I just drop in, what the heck?
It's really, it was very simple.
Now, you, you mentioned earlier, Tom, about the, the concept of the album, uh,
Swordfish
Trombones.
Go into that a little bit.
This is, uh, uh, a combination of sounds you just hear around you all the time,
that,
uh, music ought to be more what you're accustomed to hearing on the streets and
in your house
and so on and so forth.
Is that close?
Am I getting warm there?
Well, let's see.
Frank really is the central protagonist, uh, who really kind of came to me in a
dream
and he spoke to me of many things.
Uh, and, uh, so it's really, uh, I was trying to find, uh, uh, musical
instruments that were
more nightmarish or, you know, dreamlike.
There's some unusual things on here as far as instruments go, aren't there?
Uh, break drums?
Yeah, that's the ones that, uh, you can find just about in any automobile wrecking
here.
Yeah, yeah.
And you used it for, for percussion, those things?
Yeah, you hit them with, uh, something that, uh, you hit them with anything,
you hit them
with a rock.
Uh, Tom, we got to, uh, we got to do another commercial and then you're going
to sing another
song for us.
Do you mind?
Sure.
Oh, terrific.
It'd be our delight.
Uh, we got to pause, folks.
We'll be right back.
Thank you.
Hey there.
Do you, do you get, uh, do you get a lot of strange, uh, mail, Tom?
I don't get as much mail as I used to.
Um, every now and then I get a letter that, uh, that, uh, catches my attention.
Do you have an example, uh, from a recent batch that you could share with us?
I got a letter from a little kid that was, uh, was from, uh, somewhere in the
Midwest who,
uh, had been, uh, suspended from school for bringing one of my records into a
share class.
Share.
Got a show and tell deal?
Yeah, it was that type of thing.
And, uh, so it interrupted his curriculum temporarily.
What was the, uh, what was the particular record in the song he was playing for
the kids?
I think, uh, um, I think it was something, uh, some reference to, uh, underwear
in the song.
And, uh, and so the teacher thought it was inappropriate.
He's seven years old, so I wrote a letter and, uh, did what I could.
He's trying to, trying to get him off the hook.
A lot of these things are out of my hands.
That's true, that's true, but it's nice that you made the effort.
I mean, without that, he might have gone on to a life of crime.
Someone's got to stand up for it.
You never know, sure.
Uh, the name of the song you're going to do here?
On the Nickel?
Yeah.
Is that the song?
Yeah.
All right, terrific.
Uh, we're very happy to have you here tonight.
If you want to go on over there, Tom.
Oh, and, uh, oh, introduce your bass player when you get over there.
Thank you.
Okay, Tom Waits, uh, ladies and gentlemen.
Now, unfortunately, the late night piano.
The song is On the Nickel.
I'd like to introduce George Duvivier on bass now.
This is a song called On the Nickel, uh, a bit of a holiday, uh, feeling to it.
And, uh, uh, it's from, uh, a film by Ralph Waite.
And it's, uh, downtown Los Angeles on, uh, 5th Street.
And all the, uh, hobos, uh, affectionately refer to it as, uh, the Nickel.
And, uh, so this is dedicated to all the little boys who've run away from home.
Sticks and stones will break my bones.
And always will be true.
And when your mom was dead and gone, I'll sing this lullaby just for you.
And what becomes of all the little boys who never comb their hair.
And wind up all around the block on the nickel over there.
And if you chew tobacco, wish upon a star.
Find out where the scale crosses, just like punchlines between the cars.
And I know a place where a royal flush can never beat a pair.
Even Thomas Jefferson is on the nickel over there.
So you better bring a bucket.
There's a hole in the pail.
If you don't get my letter,
well, you'll know that I'm in jail.
What becomes of all the little boys
never say their prayers.
Sleepin' like a baby
on the nickel over there.
On the nickel over there.
So ring around the roses.
You're sleepin' in the rain.
And you're always late for supper.
And you let me down again.
Well, I thought I heard a mockingbird.
And Roosevelt knows where.
You can skip the light with a gritty tug
on the nickel over there.
So let's climb up through that buttonhole.
We'll fall right up the stairs.
I'll show you where the short dogs grow
on the nickel over there.
through the road.
Through the road.
Terrific, Tom.
Just wonderful.
Thank you very much.
Have a good day here.
Tom Waits, ladies and gentlemen.
Glad to be right back.
Thank you.
on very short notice, didn't you?
Special request.
Did a very nice job.
Thank you very much.
Do you like that song?
I love that song.
Young Americans.
Well, thank you for doing that.
I love David Bowie.
My next guest is probably
the only person we've had
on this program
who was born in the backseat
of a taxi.
He is without a doubt
one of the most original
musical performers
making records today.
And this is his latest
right here.
It's called Rain Dogs.
Here singing tonight
a selection from this album
Tango Till They're Soar
Tom Waits.
Tom!
Thank you.
This is about a guy
that fell out of a window
on New Year's Eve
and the only thing
that broke his fall
was the fact
that he had a little
confetti in his hair.
Needless to say,
he doesn't go anywhere
without a little
confetti in his hair.
Well, they play that
teller and teller
all the hounds
and stocks roar.
The boys all go to hell
and then the Cubans
hit the floor.
They drive along the pipeline
They tango to their soul
They take apart their nightmares
They leave them by the door
Fall out of the window
With confetti in my hand
Get out, Jackson
Or a blanket by the stairs
I tell you all my secrets
But I lie about my past
So send me off to bed
forevermore
Just make sure
she's all in calico
And the color of a doll
Wave the flag on Cadillac Day
In a skillet on the wall
Cut me a switch
Hold your breath
till the sun goes down
Write my name on the hood
Send me off to another town
Or fall out of the window
With confetti in my hand
Till our tracks are bound
On a blanket by the stairs
I tell you all my secrets
But I lie about my past
Send me o