Name: Liza Minnelli on Letterman, July 5, 1988 (stereo)
Uploaded: 2019-07-14T18:48:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Liza Minnelli on Letterman, July 5, 1988 (stereo)' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-07-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Liza Minnelli on Letterman, July 5, 1988 (stereo)' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-07-14. Transcript available.

I've lost a lot of blood, but in his defense, it must be very nerve-wracking to
come out here and
shave in front of this group of people. I guess so. His hand was like that, and
he got me a couple of...
Did he nick you? Yeah. I don't think we need a head tourniquet, per se.
Do you have that great feeling that you get after a professional shave, though?
It's just, I want to go out and conquer the world, kind of feeling clean.
No, I don't have that feeling right now. This is my first professional shave. I've
only
had amateur shaves prior to this. I see.
But it's, I think if I were to go down to the shop, I'd probably get a...
Yeah, this is... This is... This looks like almost anybody you'd see... Ah,
never mind.
Never mind. Ah, nothing, no. Just a reference that I thought I'd spare you all.
Our first guest has won... This is the kind of guy I always end up sitting next
to on the train.
Ah, our first guest has won an Oscar, three Tonys, and an Emmy, and also a
handful of Golden Globe Awards.
Her latest film is called Arthur II, and it opens Friday all across this
country.
Folks, please say hello to Liza Minnelli.
Hi, how are you? Nice to see you. Thank you very much for being here.
You know, I saw you earlier in the hallway. I've never seen you before, and
thank you very much.
Oh, honey. I mean, what we do, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
This is...
I feel badly for him, because he's a very nice man, and obviously does a great
job, but...
Usually, yes.
Anyway, so I...
Well, it's true. It's nerve-wracking being on this show, you know.
Oh, yeah. It's almost impossible.
See?
The proof is...
I saw you in the hallway earlier. I'd never seen you in person before, and then,
as now, you just looked great.
Thank you.
How did you celebrate the 4th of July?
We went out on a boat. You went on a boat, too, didn't you?
No.
Where did you go? I went on Peter Max's boat. I think it was his boat, or he
rented it or something, and we went out into the middle of the Hudson and
watched the fire. It was fantastic.
Oh, see, that sounds like a great time.
Well, it was great, except it was long.
Yeah, what time did you leave?
It was 6.45. We got back at 11. That's a long time. Also, the Hudson looked
like the expressway. I've never seen so many boats.
Yeah. But that's a nice way to celebrate the holiday.
It was lovely.
Well, what was the last time you went on vacation? Where'd you go? What'd you
do then?
I went to the south of France, and it sounds swell, doesn't it? Actually, it
was swell. And my husband and I went on another boat, and we stopped at all the
little ports and just shopped and just relaxed, you know, got out of the runway.
Who was your husband?
My husband's Mark Jarreau, and he's a sculptor.
Sculptor?
Yeah.
And you've been married to him for?
We've been married for almost nine years.
Yeah. And what kind of things does he do?
You mean his sculpture?
Yeah.
Well, his last exhibit was called Tits and Horns.
Mm-hmm.
It was.
That's true.
And it was basically a...
But he's a legitimate artist, isn't he?
Oh, yes.
I mean, this is not novelty shop stuff.
This is not like rubber vomit and things like that.
No, this is the real deal.
No, this is the real thing.
It's abstract stuff, but I still thought it looked like Tits and Horns.
I see.
Well...
It's true.
No, he's a wonderful artist, and he sells out at the Weintraub Gallery.
Yeah.
But he's brave, and he does kind of unusual things.
Now, you mentioned, I mean, your life from this little discussion that we've
had here.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
You're welcome.
I may need a transfusion.
From what you've just mentioned here, you're out in the Hudson looking at
fireworks.
Your husband is an artist.
You go to the south of France.
It sounds to me like you have a very dreamlike life.
Is that a safe assumption?
No.
No, that's not a safe assumption.
How do you describe your daily existence?
I guess a lot of it is pressure, you know, which in some cases is terrific
because it
makes you come up to par in other places, and at other times it's just nerve-wracking.
So you deal with it kind of on a daily basis.
What kind of pressure?
Now, you're not talking about the kind of pressure that you get from shopping
in the
south of France.
No, I'm not talking about that kind of pressure.
I guess I'm talking about it's like you.
I mean, you live under enormous pressure every day.
No, I mean, to make sure that the show is right and that people laugh and that
you're
entertaining.
I mean, that's a lot of stuff to do with.
How many days out of the year do you work?
Are you working pretty much around the calendar?
Yeah, pretty much.
And would you like to work a little less?
No, I'm happy.
I mean, evidently I groove on the pressure.
I wouldn't be doing it, right?
Let me ask you here a show business question.
Okay.
This is a talk show kind of question.
And what better place for it, come to think of it.
So you've been in show business, I guess, since you were in your mid-teens.
You've been around show business all your life and you're continuing in it now.
Is there any aspect of it that you're just fed up with, aside from tonight,
perhaps?
No, because I think you can't ever, I don't know, I just keep wanting to get
better at
what I do.
So it's like there's no boundaries of where you would stop.
I think you'd have to really stop liking what you do to stop doing the whole
thing.
But you're talking about the actual performance part of it.
I've never spoken with a man who's bleeding.
That's not what I've heard.
But, you know, you're talking about actually getting out there and doing the
show.
I'm talking about the, you know, getting to the show, the traveling, staying in
hotels
and stuff.
Is there any of that you just think to yourself, if I have to check into
another hotel and unpack,
I'm just, I'm going to quit.
No, I like it.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You spent a lot of time in hotels as a kid, too, didn't you?
Yeah, I grew up mostly in hotels.
Now, was that fun?
Did you think it was unusual that you were living in hotels as a child?
Yeah, I thought it was unusual, but I thought I could get away with murder, and
I did.
You know, I mean, you get away with what you can get away with.
Now, did you get to go to school while you were traveling in those days?
Yeah, I went to 22 schools.
22 schools?
Yeah.
Some I just ran through.
I didn't even see anybody.
Meow.
And these were public schools, private schools, tutors?
You name it, I've been there.
You've been there.
And did you end up getting reasonable degrees?
Oh, no.
I ended up getting zip.
You got nothing.
I got nothing except what I learned later.
We, uh, what are we doing?
We have to do a commercial, and then you're going to sing for us.
Okay.
All right?
We'll be right back.
I have a feeling that you and I are almost identically, uh, the same age.
I have a feeling we are.
I was born in April, uh, 47.
No, I'm older than you are.
I'm 41.
I'm older than you are.
I was born in March of 46.
Oh, so you're just like we are, virtually the same age, then, aren't we?
If you say so, that's fine with me.
Well, no, what is March of 46?
That means you're what, 42?
Yeah.
Well, I'm 41.
So I was right.
I mean, if I were...
You are, we're very close.
If this were at a carnival, you wouldn't get a prize.
This is true.
I would have guessed your age.
Um, what are you...
Now, the movie is coming out in, uh, two weeks, or this week, whenever.
When is it coming out?
I don't know.
I think it's this week.
Friday.
It's coming in, uh, Friday.
Was it turned out all right?
I think so, yeah.
Now, now, would you ever do this?
Would you ever go look at the original Arthur?
Which you probably thought turned out just great.
Right?
I thought it was funny.
Yeah.
Now, would you ever look at that and then look at this one and think,
Mmm, yeah, I'm not sure.
No, I haven't thought of that, but maybe I'll do it now.
But how do you think the sequel stacks up with the original one?
I think it's good, because what they did was they continued the story.
They didn't try and just rehash the first one.
Yeah.
You know, they tried to put a plot to it and make things happen,
and I think they succeeded.
Yeah.
And Dudley's wonderful in it.
I think it's very fun.
And what else are you doing?
You're working...
The film is coming out, and you're working with Frank Sinatra, is that right?
I haven't done that yet.
With Sammy Davis Jr. and Frank Sinatra.
When does that begin?
I don't...
I'm not sure.
It starts...
No, it starts in September.
A car comes for you in the middle of the night.
Talk about challenging.
And tonight, you're going to sing with Paul and our band.
Now, Paul and the band is very, very good.
I know they are.
Now, but are they going to be all right for you?
They're perfect.
Yeah, okay.
All right.
Perfect, sir.
You're perfect, Paul.
What are you going to sing?
I'm going to sing, God bless the child that's got his own.
God bless the child.
Little Billie Holiday.
All right.
Whatever you need.
Thank you very much.
God bless you.
Rise of the Mellor.
Them that's not shall lose, them that's not shall lose.
Them that's not shall lose, so the Bible says, and it still is news, Mama may
have, and Papa may have, and Papa may have.
But God bless the child that's got his own.
And the strong, yet more, while the weak ones fade, empty pockets don't ever
make the grave.
Mama may have, and Mama may have, and Papa may have, but God bless the child
that's got his own.
And when you've got money, and when you've got money, you've got lots of
friends all hanging around your door.
But when the money is gone, and all your spending hands, they won't hang around
anymore.
No, no, no, no, rich relations may give you a crust of bread and such.
Saying help, go on, help yourself, but don't take too much.
Mama may have, and Papa may have, and Papa may have, but God bless the child
that's got his own.
Mama may have, and Papa may have, and Papa may have, and Papa may have, but God
bless the child that's got his own.
Papa may have, and Papa may have, and Papa may have, and Papa may have, and
Papa may have, but God bless the child that's got his own.
Mama may have, and Papa may have, but God bless a child who can stand up and
say, I've got my...
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Thank you.