Name: Calvert DeForest Live Remotes Collection on Letterman, 1983-96
Uploaded: 2019-10-14T22:44:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Calvert DeForest Live Remotes Collection on Letterman, 1983-96' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-10-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Calvert DeForest Live Remotes Collection on Letterman, 1983-96' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-10-14. Transcript available.

Calvert DeForest Live Remotes Collection on Letterman, 1983-96

It's great to have you here, and I want to tell you, we haven't had a swing.
It's a kind of a show.
Okay, folks, you know, New York City, without a doubt, is the most exciting
city in the entire world.
And every day, people from all points of the Compass journey to this fine
community.
Now, some people come here for fun, some people come here for business,
some people come here to start a brand-new life.
And we thought that why not have some sort of official spokesperson or greeter
to meet these fine folks as they get off their bus.
So what we've done tonight, we've sent our very own spokesperson, Mr. Larry Melman,
to the Port Authority Bus Depot here in New York City, located at 42nd Street
and 8th Avenue.
And he's standing by right now.
Can we go to Larry at the Port Authority Bus Depot?
There is the, well, there are all the happy passengers.
And, uh, boy, look at the...
My goodness.
And, uh, and there's, there's Larry with the banner that says,
Nelcom.
And, uh, Larry, can you, can you hear me?
Yeah.
How are you?
How are you, Larry?
Fine.
And, uh, how's the, uh, atmosphere there at the Port Authority Bus Depot?
Oh, it's just great.
Uh-huh.
We're waiting for the people to get off the bus.
Yeah.
What, what was the most recent bus arrival, Larry?
We haven't had any yet, but we have the bus driver.
You have a bus driver?
Yeah.
Let me ask you this, Larry.
How is it you have no buses arriving, but yet you have a driver there?
Yeah, well, I guess he got in from one of the other buses.
He's there.
Excuse me, what's your name?
Yeah, yeah, that's, uh, that would have been my explanation.
Did you hear that, David?
His name is Peter Webster.
I'm sorry, I didn't.
His last name is...
Okay, just a second.
Your name.
Peter Webster.
Peter Webster.
And where, where were you coming from?
Hartford, Connecticut.
And how was the trip?
Not bad.
Oh, that's nice.
Oh, welcome to the city.
I like to call the big apple.
How many seats?
47.
What color are poetry?
Blue.
And what's the best part of your job?
The passengers.
Do you get a lot of celebrities on your bus?
Won't you please enjoy a hot cow?
The hell was that?
Well, uh, Larry.
Yeah?
Uh, we, uh, I understand you're gonna be, uh, there all night.
And when you have a, uh, what, what's the next bus you expect into the depot?
How many, what?
Oh, I have a person here.
Hello there.
How, welcome to New York.
Sometimes called fun city.
How is your, and where, where are you?
From the eastern shore of Virginia.
Oh.
Do you have any questions about New York?
Do you have any questions about New York?
Well, easy, that's for sure.
Did you have a snack?
Well, who's your places?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, boy, well.
How was your trip?
Whoop.
This thing is out of control.
And where'd you come from?
New York, Maryland.
The eastern shore of Maryland.
Do you have a...
Oh, that's wonderful.
Do you have any questions?
Oh, that's wonderful.
Did you have a snack on?
Well, won't you please have a hot snack?
Oh, my God.
Okay.
Oh, Larry, Larry, Larry, can you hear me now?
Yeah, I can hear you.
Okay.
Do you know when the...
Thank you.
Do you know when the next bus is arriving and from where is it coming?
Do you know...
Where's the next bus coming?
It could be coming in from Philly.
He said it could be coming in from Philly.
Oh, great.
All right.
Now, you'll be standing by throughout the evening to keep us posted on all of
the activity.
Yes.
Okay.
All right.
Are you having a good time?
Oh, fabulous.
All right.
Well, you're doing a fine job.
Well, thank you very much.
Okay.
We'll be back with you.
All right.
Bye now.
It's like a ventriloquist in training, isn't it?
It's something not quite right there.
Even your Wences used to do that.
All right.
Well, that's what's on tap for us here tonight, Americans.
We'll be checking back at the bus authority, bus depot at the Port Authority
over on the
west side a little bit later with, you know him, you love him, you can't live
without him.
We're going to go away here for a commercial.
We'll be back with Andrea Martin from SCTV.
Thank you.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Actually, this half hour, Gaylord Perry will be here, baseball legend.
And also, we're going to meet the winners of the Harvest Moon Ballroom Dance
Competition.
Tomorrow on this show, B.B. King will be joining us, and also Andy Kaufman.
Now, I understand we have another interview from the Port Authority Bus Depot
with Larry.
Larry, can you hear me?
Welcome to New York City, the largest city in New York State.
How was your trip?
It was wonderful.
And where are you from?
I'm from New Jersey now.
Do you have any questions about New York?
No, I don't have any questions about New York.
Did you have a snack on the bus?
No, I didn't.
Well, will you have a hot towel?
There you go.
Thank you.
My pleasure.
Bye.
Larry.
Yes?
Larry, ask that woman what she does for a living.
Oh, he wants to know what you do for a living.
I'm a dance instructor.
She's a dance instructor.
Uh-huh.
Well, what is she doing in New York?
What are you doing in New York?
I'm going to a class to learn kinesiology, how to prevent injuries in dancers,
and if they
get injured, how to rehabilitate them.
Got that?
I don't want to repeat it.
No, there's some sort of a communications problem, Larry.
You're going to get to repeat that.
There's an interesting history behind the Port Authority, where destruction outstands
was at one time all pasture land.
My grandfather used to bring me down here to pick berries for Sunday dinner.
How are you going to love those berries?
In summing up, Dave, I believe that all of life can be likened to a bus
terminal.
I don't know why exactly.
It's just something I believe.
You have that on good authority.
Or should I say port authority?
Bye now.
Well, wait a minute.
Larry, Larry, wait a minute.
All right.
Welcome to New York City, the largest city in the world.
How are you?
Where are you from?
Do you have any questions about it?
No, I know about it.
Did you have a snack?
No.
Would you care for a hot towel?
Oh.
Larry, you nearly poked that baby in the face with me.
Oh no, well...
Welcome to New York City.
Wait a minute, hold it, hold it.
Larry.
Yes?
Uh, ask, where is this man from?
Uh, where are you from?
Philadelphia.
Philadelphia, what's he doing in New York?
Uh, what are you doing in New York?
Working in a movie.
He's working in a movie.
And what's the movie?
Oh jeez, I forgot the name.
I don't think I saw that either.
Yeah.
I don't know that one.
Oh, sweet Georgia Brown.
Uh-huh.
Oh, Ginger Brown.
I was close.
Well, go ahead and give him the hot towel.
Oh, alrighty.
There you go.
Now, now Larry.
Yes?
Now, what kind of things have people asked you about their potential stay in
New York City?
Haven't asked me that much.
Uh-huh.
Well, wait a minute now.
We've got to go here.
But seriously, this town can be a cruel mistress day.
But you know what gets to me?
The faces of the people as they bravely face this city.
There's nothing more rewarding than the rich tapestry of humanity that scurries
past here in...
Yaw, yaw, yaw.
And it's either in yaw.
And other places also.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
I've been alive with hopes and dreams.
Completely unaware of how soon the very spirits will be broken and destroyed.
Crushed, shattered.
Ha ha ha.
Back to you, Dave.
Okay.
Thank you very much, Larry.
We'll be right back with Taylor and Taylor, folks.
Thanks, Paul.
Welcome back here, folks.
Uh, we, uh, is, uh, Larry standing by?
Yes.
How are things out there now?
Oh, fine.
Uh, would you describe the atmosphere as not unlike Times Square on New Year's
Eve?
Okay.
Welcome to New York City.
They call it the back dead on the Hudson.
Ha ha ha ha.
How was your trip?
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thanks, Paul.
Welcome back here, folks.
Uh, we, uh, is, uh, Larry standing by?
Yes.
How are things out there now?
Oh, fine.
How was your trip?
Where are you from?
I was in Oregon, but I came by way of Washington, D.C.
Do you have any questions about the yard?
Very nice place.
Did you have a snack on the market?
No.
Won't you please enjoy a hot towel?
Thank you.
Larry?
Thank you.
Larry, can you hear me now?
Yes.
How long was that man actually on the bus?
He didn't tell me.
And, uh, what does he do?
Dave, while there's a lull in the action, I'd like to take just a minute to
express some
of my observations about the Port Authority.
You know, I'm a people watcher, and there's nothing more rewarding than the
rich tapestries
of humanity that scurries past you here, headed hither, thither, and yon, and
other places also.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
But seriously, this town could be a cruel mistress, Dave.
But you know what gets to me?
The faces of the people as they bravely face this city.
Guys alive with hopes and dreams.
Completely unaware of how soon their very spirits will be broken and destroyed.
Back to you, Dave.
Thank you, Larry.
Thank you.
Gosh, what a fine job.
Tomorrow night on this show, B.B. King will be here, and Andy Kaufman also.
Have a good night.
Thank you very much. Bye-bye.
That was really somebody, though, wasn't it?
Sure, it was Mickey Dolenz.
Mickey Dolenz, that's correct.
Later of the Monkees fame.
There you go.
Now, I want to talk to you in just a second here.
But before we do that, we're going to show you now a little bit of the view
from the Empire State Building.
Are we all ready to go up there?
Excuse me, Dave.
Yes, Hal.
Maybe you better talk to Paul just for about another 30 seconds.
I just changed the battery now.
Okay, we're changing it.
And this would be a good opportunity for the folks in the studio audience and
you folks at home to also change your batteries.
All right.
Now, Paul, doesn't it seem odd to you two days ago, in fact, maybe less than
two days ago, Paul Schaefer and I,
and other members of our cast and crew, were on the beach, the island of St.
Thomas, 85 degrees, beautiful sun, fluffy white clouds, light ocean breezes.
And then today, we're walking around in that awful gray slush.
It's a shame, but yet, you know, at least we got to go.
It was only two days.
It was almost like not going at all.
I was never saddering.
A lot of fun.
And that'll be coming up soon, our big Virgin Islands week.
Now you're back here.
We're here.
We've got all the problems of commuting.
You're a commuter, of course.
Yeah.
How's your car?
Well, you know, I got a new car before we left, and I had it for about 150
miles, and it quit running.
But today, it was running okay.
But I think I made a mistake.
When I got the car, I was looking for kind of a deal, so I got a less than a
real popular make of car, and I think that was a mistake.
What kind of car did you get?
I got a Henderson.
I see you didn't have time to load it up, did you?
I didn't have time to load it up.
All right.
You want to do it once more?
Yeah.
Okay.
Let's try it again.
I'll give you a little more time.
The battery's ready now.
Okay.
Okay.
We won't have time for another pass.
Let's go up there to the Empire State Building and show you the view.
Spectacular all day long, but especially so at this time of night.
There, of course, is the Chrysler Building looking, I guess, to the north of
the Empire State Building, the Pan Am Building.
Was that the Pan Am Building?
And there's the RCA Building where we are now, and beyond that, of course, up
the road apiece would be Central Park.
And off there in the glittering distance is the George Washington Bridge.
Yeah.
And in a few minutes, our very own Larry Melman will be up there greeting...
Greeting visitors from all over the world.
Before we go to Larry, I got an interesting piece of mail.
Paul, you k