Name: Warren Zevon Collection on Letterman, 1982-1993 + 2002 Recut
Uploaded: 2019-11-01T01:40:57.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Warren Zevon Collection on Letterman, 1982-1993 + 2002 Recut' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Warren Zevon Collection on Letterman, 1982-1993 + 2002 Recut' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-01. Transcript available.

Warren Zevon Collection on Letterman, 1982-1993 + 2002 Recut

The Day of the Day
Hello, boys. How do you do?
It's so incredibly nice to see you.
Well, Dave, I understand that it was one year ago today.
Is that correct?
No, no, no. We were talking about this earlier.
No, it was seven years ago.
It was actually seven years ago this very day.
This very day.
And a lot of times, anniversaries don't exactly fall on the day they should.
But this represents, unless I'm incorrect,
seven years of 365-day years?
Or did we have a 366-day year in there?
I believe we did. There was a leap year.
Whatever it was, it was seven years ago tonight that the show went on the air.
It went on the air.
You were here.
I was here.
Sid was not here.
Sid was not here.
Will was here.
Will was here.
Anton was not here.
Anton was not here.
Doc was here.
I did not join the show until the fourth year.
That's true.
Doc was here.
And only for a brief period.
I'm gone now.
But it's odd to believe, isn't it?
Bill Murray was a guest.
Yes.
Mr. Wizard.
That's correct.
Who else?
That was our opening lineup.
And the Peacock Girls from the...
That's right.
And there's somebody else.
Was there someone else?
Calvert de Forest was here.
And Warren Zevon was supposed to be here, but was not here.
Warren was not here.
Warren was here.
But it was seven years ago this very night.
Well, congratulations.
You know, and I was thinking...
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm not doing it to bait you, poor people.
Lord knows you've endured enough already.
Seven years ago, I was 34.
Which makes you...
I'm 41.
41.
But don't you think 34...
Why is this network giving shows to punks like that?
34 years old?
I knew how to run a show at 34?
That is hard to believe.
Seven years ago, I was 17 years old.
And who would...
Why would anyone give this job to a 17-year-old kid?
I don't know.
Now I'm 53.
I don't know exactly how...
Thank you very much.
You're welcome back to the show.
Major League pitcher.
I don't want to say former Major League pitcher, because there's a good chance
you'll be picked up.
Sure.
Bill Lee is with us.
Now, Tommy was going to show us how he throws his slider...
Sinker.
Sinker, I'm sorry.
And have you ever thrown, like, a spitball?
Threw two of them.
Tony Taylor.
Threw them in Fenway Park.
First one, I struck him out with two men on.
Next time, he hit it in the screen.
Hit the dry side.
Took the cure.
Now, how do you...
Speaking of loading, how do you load one of those up?
Just reach down the back of your throat.
Uh-huh.
Put it right there.
And that'll do it?
Yeah, it slips right out.
That thing rolls right off your thumb.
Because it rolls off your thumb, the last point of impact is on your thumb.
It comes out of your index fingers, and it tumbles downward towards the knees.
Can't be hit.
Gaylord Perry made millions of dollars on it.
Now, but that wasn't a regular pitcher in your arsenal, huh?
No, I only threw it twice.
I did it to protest the fact that Jim Merritt was pitching against Gaylord
Perry,
and he got fined and suspended by Bowie Kuhn because he said afterwards
that he admittedly threw a spitball where Gaylord Perry says,
no, I never touch the stuff.
Now, it seems to me in this discussion, what I know of you,
that you're always sort of looking for somebody to go,
you know, just give you a little nudge so you can jump up and protest again.
Well, I just don't like people getting fined or stepped on because they're
honest.
Where the other guy who is dishonest skates through life, you know,
and makes millions of dollars.
Where Jim Merritt, who had arm trouble and couldn't get the damn ball to home
plate,
has to, you know, use a sleeve, used to wear a nylon sock over his arm
to keep it warm while he was pitching.
He had the same problem that Tommy John had, and he just,
they didn't have the surgery at that time to correct it the way they did John's.
Now, is this outspoken nature of yours going to prevent you
from playing another inning of American baseball?
Hopefully National League baseball.
American League has a designated hitter, and that rule stinks.
You don't care for that.
I will not play in the American League, and I'll go to Venezuela and work this
winter
and, you know, swim a lot, pitch a lot, stay in shape,
and hopefully I can get back in the National League, but I don't think so.
I don't have an agent or a lawyer, so I call all these guys myself,
and I say, hey, you know, I still throw them pretty good.
You know, I had a good year last year.
I said, do you want me?
He goes, oh, not at this time.
It's a form letter.
Our staff has said right now, we do not need you.
We're 25 games out of first place, but we, you know, no thanks.
What they need is hitting.
But all things being equal, it is possible for a guy to call up a Major League
baseball team
and say, come take a look at me, or can I drop by the park?
I got my own stuff.
Yeah, exactly.
Really.
That's one thing that's good about baseball.
They keep in contact.
You can go to certain camps and stuff like that, and they'll let you give you a
shot.
I hope that works out for you, because I think the game would be a lot less
colorful without the likes of you in it.
Now, Warren Zevon wrote a song about you.
Is this correct?
How did it go?
No, no.
How does it come that Warren Zevon writes a song about you?
I don't know.
He read a quote or something I'd said, and he thought it was really apropos,
so he wrote a song about it, and then they butchered it in editing,
and when it came out on the album, it stunk.
See, you're going to have to learn to have some opinions, Bill.
Well, you can't be straddling the fence like this all your life.
Now, what was the quote that Warren Zevon wrote the song about?
It said something about a long time ago.
I can't remember.
Can't remember.
Something about...
No, I don't...
That's it.
I don't read my own stuff.
I don't...
I fall asleep reading that junk.
But anyway, he...
He wrote a nice thing, and I told him that he was having a tough time,
but the time all he had was Dos Equis in his place,
and I said, you know, you've got to cut that.
If you're going to get it, at least walk down the hill and get it and walk back
up.
Do your heart a favor, and I think he did.
Uh-huh.
That's right.
So now he's back on the road.
Yeah, I think everything is okay there.
Thank you very much.
Welcome back to the show.
My first guest is here tonight, surprisingly so after the dilet routines,
but I'm glad he is.
He is one of the most respected and controversial singers and songwriters in
popular music.
He has just released a brand new album,
which, by the way, is getting excellent reviews entitled
The Envoy.
We're delighted that he's here with us tonight.
It's a real thrill for us now to introduce Warren Zivon.
Well, he went down and did a hit at his Sunday best.
Excited, my boy, they all said.
Excited, my boy, they all said.
Excited, my boy, they all said.
Well, he's just an excitable boy.
He took in the fall and show at the clock.
Excited, my boy, they all said.
Excited, my boy, they all said.
Well, he's just an excitable boy.
Excited, my boy, they all said.
Oh, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Hey, he took it as soon as he took the junior prom.
Excitable boy, they all said.
Excitable boy.
And he raped her and killed her, then he took her home.
Excitable boy, they all said.
Excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
And after 10 long years, they let him out of the home.
Excitable boy, they all said.
Excitable boy.
And he dug up the grave and built her cage with her bones.
Excitable boy, they all said.
Excitable boy.
Yeah, he's just an excitable boy.
Hey!
Excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Go, he's just an excitable boy.
Very nice, very nice.
This album, by the way, is terrific,
and congratulations on your success.
Tell me about excitable boy.
Is there any truth to the story
that this is in some way autobiographical?
The culinary part of the song.
The culinary part.
You actually rubbed a pot roast all over your chest.
Well, yes, I did.
Now, why, exactly?
Well, remember, there's an expression, isn't there?
Rub it on your chest.
I don't know, it came through my mind.
I felt enthusiastic.
I wanted to express my appreciation for this fine cooking.
Just slopped it right on?
Yeah.
Did you enjoy it?
The pot roast or the smearing part?
No, the actual part of rubbing it on your chest.
Tell me about the title song from the album Envoy.
It's about a whole different thing.
It's about Philip Habib?
More or less, yeah, it is.
Now, tell me about the origin of that.
Where does that come from?
Well, it originated with my natural desire, I think,
on my part, to play James Bond at some point in my career.
I've kind of built everything towards that, the album cover.
But I thought Habib was interesting, and I thought I was curious.
It seemed like a new role as Kissinger was State Department.
And I wondered how much power and influence in the field he had,
and how much contact he had with the administration,
which I suspect is probably little or none.
You write a lot of songs dealing with actual people
in actual contemporary circumstances.
Do you ever get any feedback from them?
No, I don't.
I avoid that as much as I can.
Oh, really?
Would you like it if Philip Habib wrote your letter,
and said, Dear Warren?
Oh, that would be tremendously exciting.
Yeah, yeah.
But it has not happened heretofore?
No, it hasn't.
You know, it does keep a pretty low profile.
Yeah.
It's following the Hot 100.
I'm not sure I am either, you know.
There's another record on here, another song on the record.
Hula Boys?
Hula Hula Boys.
Yeah, Hula Hula Boys.
Now, tell me what the chorus, or what the group,
what you're singing there in the chorus.
You really want to know.
Yeah, it's in Hawaiian.
We've kind of kept this under our hat, so to speak.
Well, is it, can you, you want to get it out from under your hat,
or should we keep it under there?
Sure.
It means sing the chorus.
Sing the chorus in Hawaiian.
It's a very nice touch.
That's what you said in a little phrase book.
Yeah, that's very nice.
So when you listen to it, what the group is actually singing is?
Sing the chorus.
Sing the chorus.
And we're going to come back and sing the chorus
and other things.
Warren Zivon will be here.
Out of the chorus is Paul Schaefer.
The gentleman is Warren Zivon.
Now, I want to ask you about another song.
The Excitable Boy, you're talking about digging a corpse up there
in the end of the song.
In fun.
Yeah, oh, sure.
It's always done in fun.
Well.
But now, there's another record, another song about digging.
You've written two with that general theme, haven't you?
Yeah.
Now, why is that?
Well, I am a coroner, you know, formerly coroner of Pitkin County, Colorado.
Really?
Yeah.
Ooh.
You're kidding.
No, I'm not kidding.
It was an appointment.
It was made by a friend of mine, an acquaintance of mine who ran for a city
counselor of Aspen.
And late one night in the Jerome bar in Aspen, you know, I asked him if I co