Name: Top Ten "When Spoken or Sung by" Collection on Late Show, 1994-2010
Uploaded: 2019-11-16T22:40:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Top Ten "When Spoken or Sung by" Collection on Late Show, 1994-2010' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Top Ten "When Spoken or Sung by" Collection on Late Show, 1994-2010' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-16. Transcript available.

Top Ten "When Spoken or Sung by" Collection on Late Show, 1994-2010

Ladies and gentlemen, it's me, Dave Letterman. I'm your TV pal.
Dave Letterman, your TV pal!
Thank you.
I have here tonight's top ten list. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm your TV pal.
I have to get that kid in a daycare center.
From the home office in Sioux City, Iowa, the category tonight in the top ten
list,
words that sound great when spoken by world-famous actor James Earl Jones.
That's the category tonight, words that sound great when spoken by James Earl
Jones.
And here to assist in the presentation of tonight's top ten list is James Earl
Jones.
James?
All right, how are you?
Oh, sure, you love him, but I'm still your TV pal.
Dave Letterman, your TV pal!
Okay, category tonight, words that sound great when spoken by James Earl Jones.
Here we go.
Number ten.
Mellifluous.
Number nine.
Parisimilitude.
Number eight.
Guppy.
You said guppy!
Number seven.
Sulishnaya.
Number six.
Butros, butros, butros, butros, butros, golly.
My favorite world leader, by the way, butros, butros, golly.
Number five.
Neosinophrine.
Number four.
Number four.
Pinhead.
Number three.
Mujibur and set of jewel.
Number two.
Heebie-jeebies.
And the number one word that sounds great when spoken by James Earl Jones.
Oprah.
Yeah!
James, it's a pleasure to have you.
Thank you very much.
Happy to see you.
How about that?
Love it.
Yes, sir.
Yeah, I like that in my own self.
That was pretty cool.
James Earl Jones.
All right.
From the home office in Sioux City, Iowa, tonight's category,
top ten words that sound romantic when spoken by Barry White.
Top ten words that sound romantic when spoken by Barry White.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, to assist in the presentation of tonight's top
ten list,
here he is, the maestro of love, Barry White.
Here we go.
Top ten words that sound romantic when spoken by Barry White.
Number ten.
Jazzercise.
Yes, sir.
Now, we're getting somewhere.
Number nine.
La, la, la, la, la, la.
Gubernatorial.
Number eight.
Baby.
Ooh, baby.
Doohickey.
I thought Doohickey would have been a little higher up.
Number seven.
We're in heaven.
Dweeb.
Number six.
Bite me
Number five
Prime time catastrophe
Bite me
Four
Gingivitis
Number three
Pataki
Number two
Give us number two
Big ass ham
Big ass ham sounds romantic regardless of who's saying it. And the number one
romantic word when spoken by Barry White. Here we go
Oprah
The category tonight ladies and gentlemen from the home office in Sioux City,
Iowa. Listen carefully. Top ten things that sound better when sung by a barbershop
quartet. Top ten things that sound better when sung by a barbershop quartet.
And here tonight to assist us in the presentation of this list, the West Chester
Airs.
The West Chester Airs. Gentlemen, come on in. Here they are.
Come on in. Here they are.
Top ten things that sound better when sung by a barbershop quartet.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
Number nine.
Hey, does this look infected to you.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
Number nine.
Hey, does this look infected to you.
We're not wearing underpants.
We're not wearing underpants.
Number eight.
Lansico is nico.
Number seven.
My friend Jimmy.
Was crushed by a giant squid.
Number six.
We're freezing our asses off in me.
Oh, you babies.
Get a hold of yourself.
Come on.
One more outburst and I'll clear this courtroom.
Number five.
Let him in in person.
You're one ugly bastard.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, boys.
Must kill quartet.
Number four.
Number three.
Give me your wallet or I'll kick you in the groin.
Yeah.
And number two.
Good Lord Almighty, this taxi cat smells like urine.
This is no kid's birthday party.
Run for your lives.
And the number one thing that sounds better when sung by a barbershop quartet.
Bite me.
Bite me.
Bite me.
Thank you, gentlemen.
Nice job.
Have a terrific weekend.
Thanks for your help.
Nice to have you here.
Good luck to you, sir.
Thank you.
The West Chester Ayers.
Just for a second there, Paul, didn't you feel like you might be in Shakey's?
I loved it.
Ladies and gentlemen, from the home office in Liverpool, England, the top ten
category tonight,
top ten words that sound cool when spoken by London's town crier.
And now, here to assist us in the presentation of this list, the town crier
himself, Peter Moore.
Thank you very much, Peter.
Thank you very much, Peter.
The queen would like her cape back.
Thank you.
We're going to do that joke all night long.
Here we go.
Top ten words that sound cool when spoken by London's town crier.
Number ten.
Knickers!
Oh, I'm just praying that knackered is on here.
Number nine.
Barker lounger!
Number eight.
Bitchin' dude!
Number seven.
Snoop Doggy Dog.
Richard, do you have to be somewhere?
Number six.
Zha Zha!
Yep.
Number five.
Lipo suction!
Number four.
Yabba Dabba Doo!
Number three.
Mojibar and Senegal!
Number two.
Wonder bra!
And the number one word that sounds cool when spoken by London's town crier.
Number one.
Crappy American talk show!
Yeah!
You know, I'd be offended if I wasn't so knackered.
From the home office in Grand Rapids, Michigan, the category tonight, top ten
words that sound cool when sung by an opera singer.
Top ten words that sound cool when sung by an opera singer.
And ladies and gentlemen, here now, and ladies and gentlemen, ladies and
gentlemen, here now, to present tonight's top ten list from the Metropolitan
Opera, please welcome Marilyn Horne.
Marilyn.
Marilyn.
Here we go.
Top ten words that sound cool when sung by an opera singer.
Number ten.
Testosterone!
Number nine.
Isuzu.
Isuzu.
Bravo!
Number eight.
Groin.
Groin.
Po.
Groin.
Po.
Number seven.
Navratilova, navratilova, navratilova.
Navratilova.
I think that might be Wagner.
Number six.
Ibuprofen, ibuprofen, ibuprofen, ibuprofen, ibuprofen, ibuprofen.
Number five.
Pin-head.
Yeah.
Number four.
Obersitis.
That old bursitis.
That old bursitis.
That old bursitis.
That old bursitis.
Number three.
Ging.
Rich.
Ging.
Rich.
Number two.
Newark, New Jersey.
Newark, New Jersey.
Newark, New Jersey.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, the number one word that sounds cool when sung
by Marilyn
horn.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Number one.
"Falvoline."
"Falvoline."
"Falvoline."
"Falvoline."
"Falvoline."
"Falvoline."
"Falvoline."
"Falvoline."
"Falvoline."
Very nice.
Our pleasure.
It's a pleasure.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Good to see you.
Marilyn Horn.
Ladies and gentlemen, from the Metropolitan Opera.
Thank you, sir.
Nice job.
We'll applause now for a commercial announcement and be right back.
The top ten list, ladies and gentlemen, from the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska.
The category of tonight's top ten list on our special commercial-free show, "Top
ten things that sound cool when sung by a barbershop quartet."
That's the category.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, helping with tonight's presentation of the top
ten list,
please welcome the Westchester Ayers Quartet.
Folks, come on in.
Yeah.
The category, once again, top ten things that sound cool when sung by a barbershop
quartet.
Here we go.
Number ten.
"President Bill Clinton has pasty white thighs."
Number nine.
"You make a very handsome cellmate, Mr. Menendez."
Number eight.
"I'm sorry, my Rottweiler, threw up on your Persian rug."
Yeah.
Number seven.
"We never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever had sex."
"Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever had sex."
"Huh."
Number six.
"We really hope Drew Barrymore takes off her shirt again."
Well, are you kidding me?
Once she sees the outfits, she won't be able to help herself.
Number five, ladies and gentlemen, number five.
"Last night we saw a man doing a Macarena."
"So we beat him to a bloody pulp."
That's right.
"That's right."
"This portion of the Break Free Show is sponsored by Cheap."
Oh, okay.
"Makers of Grand Cherokee, Cherokee and Wrangler."
All right.
"Cheap, there's only one."
Listen, if you're gonna do that all night, and I get the feeling you might be,
vary it.
Figure out a way to vary it, all right?
A little something different the next time.
Different.
Thank you very much.
Back to the top ten list.
Top ten things that sound cool when sung by a barbershop quartet.
Number four.
"That red-haired announcer is the world's most annoying man."
Yeah!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Forgive me.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Number three.
"Call 911."
"Call 911."
"Call 911."
"Someone shot me in the ass."
"Someone shot me in the ass."
"Someone shot me in the ass."
"Call 911."
"Someone shot me in the ass."
"Call 911."
"Someone shot me in the ass."
"Call 911."
"Someone shot me in the ass."
Number two.
"Why are we so happy?"
"Because we're very drunk."
"Yeah."
Well, sure.
"Why are we so happy?"
"Because we're very drunk."
"Yeah."
"Well, sure."
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
"Well, sure."
And the number one thing that sounds cool when sung by a barbershop quartet.
"Hey, everybody, try to guess which one of us is dead."
"There you go, ladies and gentlemen."
"Great job. Thank you again."
"So much luck for air."
"Thank you, gentlemen."
"Okay."
The category of top 10 things that sound creepy, creepy when they're said by
John Malkovich.
Fine actor John Malkovich.
And here to present tonight's top 10 list, ladies and gentlemen, John Malkovich.
John?
John?
John?
John?
Good to see you.
John?
Good to see you.
And...
Looks to me like John is wearing one of my shirts.
All right, here we go.
Top 10 things that sound creepy when said by John Malkovich.
Number 10.
Does this look infected to you?
Number nine.
I put my jammies on all by myself, mommy.
Wow.
Cool.
Number eight.
You mean I get all these great funk classics on just one compact disc?
That's right.
That's exactly what we mean.
Top 10 things that sound creepy when said by John Malkovich.
Number seven.
Senator Hillary Clinton.
Number six.
I can provide references from my last hospital job.
Number five.
Nougat!
Number four.
I love you, Ted Danson.
I believe he's making up his own entries.
Number three.
Your glasses will be ready in about an hour, Ted Danson.
Number two.
Johnny likes bunnies.
And the number one thing that sounds creepy when said by John Malkovich.
Who wants to be a millionaire?
John Malkovich, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back with the eight-year-old kid who saved the life of his
school principal.
Come on back.
The category tonight from the home office.
Top 10 things that sound cool when spoken by James Earl Jones.
Oh, the famous actor, a fine actor, a lovely man.
Top 10 things that sound cool when spoken by James Earl Jones.
Okay, here we go, ladies and gentlemen.
Is he here?
Where is he?
Oh, he's got to be here.
Yeah, he should maybe bring him up.
Yeah, bring him up.
There's James Earl Jones.
What if I had just done the list?
He's standing in the wings.
I completely forget that he's here and I just read the list.
And then we'd add a duck pecking stuff out of his mouth.
James, nice to see you.
Thank you very much.
You said character.
Yeah, like that guy that was here earlier.
Top 10 things that sound cool when spoken by James Earl Jones.
Here we go, number 10.
I can't believe it's not butter.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I can't believe it's not butter.
Yeah.
I can't believe it's not butter.
Yeah.
I can't believe it's not butter.
Yeah.
I can't believe it's not butter.
Yeah.
I can't believe it's not butter.
Yeah.
I can't believe it's not butter.
Yeah.
I can't believe it's not butter.
Yeah.
I can't believe it's not butter.
I can't believe it's not butter.
I can't believe it's no