Name: Jay Thomas Collection on Letterman, Part 3 of 4: 2001-2006
Uploaded: 2019-12-19T17:13:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jay Thomas Collection on Letterman, Part 3 of 4: 2001-2006' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-12-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jay Thomas Collection on Letterman, Part 3 of 4: 2001-2006' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-12-19. Transcript available.

Jay Thomas Collection on Letterman, Part 3 of 4: 2001-2006

Marissa Tomei, Academy Award winner, Marissa Tomei.
Star of the movie In the Bedroom.
In the Bedroom?
And there's already Oscar buzz about her performance in In the Bedroom.
I'm sure.
And it's a gritty motion picture, portrayal, depiction, dramatization of things
that happen in the bedroom.
Ooh.
I'm sure it is.
Lovely woman, and it's in theaters right now.
And here's another reason why tonight's show is so darn exciting.
I just can't imagine.
I don't even know.
When we have a show this great, it makes me wonder why there are even other
channels.
Because, listen to this.
You see the thing up there?
For the last three years in a row, our friend Jay Thomas comes in roughly this
time of the holidays.
I think it's, you know, like two or three days before Christmas.
And we have, on top of the beautifully decorated tree, we have the pizza.
Then we have the Empire State Building.
And then on top of that, we have one of Rupert G.'s meatballs from the Hello
Deli.
Jay Thomas comes in.
Is it Jay or Dave?
Is it Dave Thomas or Jay Thomas?
It's Jay Thomas.
Jay Thomas.
Dave Thomas is the guy from SCTV.
Oh, no.
Who's the guy with the hamburgers?
Well, that's Dave Thomas, too.
It's not that guy.
There's two Dave Thomases.
No, no, it's not that guy.
One Jay Thomas.
No, no.
I was thrown by the meatball.
Ah, that.
Jay Thomas will come in here.
And this guy is quite an athlete.
I mean, you wouldn't know what to look at the guy.
Well, honestly, he's built like a jockey.
Well, he's, yeah, he's compact.
That's right.
And he comes in here, and from right over there, he'll take a football, and he'll
knock that meatball right off the tree.
It's the most amazing thing you've ever seen.
Year up to year.
And what a way to kick off the holidays.
It's fantastic.
And he's here tonight.
It ain't Christmas till Jay Thomas knocks that meatball off.
I remember the first night at Abba, Vinny Testaverde was here, and he was
throwing balls, and he, oh, my arm's sore.
Missing, missing, missing, missing.
And Jay comes running in from the wings, picks up a ball, wings one, knocks it
over.
One shot.
Called the cops, and that was, uh.
I know.
All right, here we go.
This is going to be pretty good.
Time for the annual Late Show Holiday Quarterback Challenge.
And here he is, ladies and gentlemen, Jay Thomas.
Come on out.
How are you, buddy?
Thank you.
How are you?
Do you want to go?
Yeah, sure.
Now, we have the videotape of the last three years.
You know, hurry up, because I'm in the eighth race at Pimlico.
You know, the last time I was here, I'll show you what an ass guy really is.
I bring my 10-year-old son with me.
Nice kid, very nice kid.
Great kid.
Yeah.
Jason?
No.
So I bring my 10-year-old son.
Come on, guess another Jewish name.
And I say, he says, I want, for my birthday, I'd like to go with you to one of
the shows.
I go, so I get here, and they say he can't sit in the audience, because he's
too young.
Dave doesn't like.
No, no, it's not CBS.
Whatever.
Dave doesn't like.
No, there's insurance reasons.
You've got to be like Joe to sit in the audience.
I said, don't worry.
You will meet Dave after the show.
You will meet Dave after the show.
So I do the thing.
We do the thing.
Come back, and we come out.
And Dave, when he leaves here, it's like, you ever see when Bear Bryant left
the football
field with the guys with the Mounties hats on, and they would hustle Dave out
like this.
That's not right at all.
So my kid is here, and I go, here comes Dave.
I go, Dave, Dave, this is my son.
And Dave goes, oh, yeah, hi.
And he runs away.
And I said, listen, hold it a second.
Hold it a second.
I bring my son down here to meet you, 10 years old.
Do you want him to, he'll remember that you didn't even go back.
You didn't shake his hand.
He'll be devoid of any feelings for you.
Right.
And you turned around, and you went, he'll get over it.
That's what you did.
Did he get over it?
He did get over it.
Is he here tonight?
No, he's not.
All right.
Now, here, you think we're making this up.
Has it been three years in a row?
And believe me.
It has been.
I have no idea.
This guy has got a rifle.
He's got a rocket, got a cannon.
You know what?
I took a Percocet before I got here.
We're going to, look at the videotape.
Watch this videotape.
Here we go.
1998.
Take a look at this.
Bingo.
There it is.
1999.
Yes.
Beautiful.
This was one year ago.
Oh, my God.
All right.
Bam.
All right.
Are you going to throw?
I'll take a couple just for the heck of it.
You throw?
Let's see what happens.
I wish.
Have you been practicing at the house, Jake?
No, not at all.
Oh.
Wide to the right.
Wide to the right.
I'm nervous.
I'm nervous.
- Oh. - Now we're in trouble.
- Go ahead, Dave. - Now we're in trouble.
- Go ahead, Dave. - Now we're in trouble.
Go ahead, Dave. Finish it.
We're going to be here for quite a while.
Dave, pretend it's been live.
- Yeah. - Somebody call--
- Yeah. - Oh!
That's exactly a clean hit.
Let's take a look at this.
In the slow motion, instant free play.
All right, sure.
I think we've got to give you--
- Oh! - Wow!
Right on the money, though.
Very impressive. - But it wobbled.
- No, nice job. Nice job. Great.
- You want a souvenir? - Yeah, man.
Give one to our friend Joe right over there.
How about one for Joe? - Sure. Absolutely.
- Right there from Connecticut.
Right there. The guy on the orange. Right here.
- Who, right here? - Yeah. No, no.
- Move. Stand up, Joe.
Joe, come here, Joe.
Joe, that's a trick.
- Hit the tree. - Hit the tree.
- Hit the tree. - Hit the tree anywhere.
- Just hit the tree, Joe.
- Yes! - Come here, Joe.
Joe. Joe.
- Hit Dave. Hit Dave. - Jay Thomas.
- Jay Thomas, ladies and gentlemen.
This is Dave's son, I think.
- Nice going. - By the way, my son.
- You'll be right back. - I'll be right back.
- Thank you, Dave. - Thank you, Dave.
- Thank you, Dave.
- We'll be right back.
- We'll be right back.
- We'll be right back.
- We'll be right back.
- We'll be right back.
- We'll be right back.
- We'll be right back.
- We'll be right back.
- We'll be right back.
- We'll be right back.
- We'll be right back.
- We'll be right back.
- We'll be right back.
- We'll be right back.
- Here's the program tonight.
Gina Davis, the star of the "Stuart Little 2."
You know, the "Stuart Little," the original motion picture,
made $300 million.
- No kidding. - Isn't that amazing?
- Wow.
- It's about a talking mouse who drives a small car.
It made $300 million.
- Yeah. - Well, now, "Stuart Little 2."
How about that?
The lovely Gina Davis and Robert Plant.
That's the big program for you tonight, ladies and gentlemen.
- Yeah, it's on show. Great show.
- Now, we--
What is the date today, Paul?
Is it July 18th or something like that?
- Yes, I believe it's mid-July, yes, July 18th.
- You know what today is, by gosh?
- What?
- Today is my mother's birthday, for heaven's sake.
- Wow.
- Really?
- Mother's birthday.
- Happy birthday, Mom.
That's great.
- We should have had her on, like, the satellite thing.
You know how old she is?
- She's 81, isn't she?
- 81 years old.
And she looks fantastic.
Anyway, happy birthday, Mom, there in Indianapolis.
81 years old.
- Wow.
- So, July is almost finished, and we're--
we're, you know, right in the heart of summer.
And we thought, well, let's do something to make people
forget how miserable and hot it is.
And so, we got out--
Look at the beautiful Christmas tree.
- Oh, well, it is beautiful.
- It's the Late Show Christmas tree.
And every year, around the holidays, we have a tradition.
We decorate it with the pizza pie and the meatball on top.
- Oh, yeah, there it is.
And then, and then our old friend, Jay Thomas, comes by,
and we play the annual Late Show Holiday Quarterback Challenge.
And Jay has proven himself to have quite a cannon,
quite a rifle for an arm.
- Year after year.
- Yeah, and the idea is we throw the footballs at the tree
to try to knock the meatball off the top of the tree.
Well, every year, when we do this during the Christmas season,
he's unbelievable.
He's like three for three or four for four or something like that.
So, we thought, oh, what the hell, it's the middle of summer.
Let's do it tonight.
Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to our good friend, Jay Thomas.
Here we go.
- All right.
You know what we're doing, huh?
- Well, I, uh, but this is really stupid.
You know what it's like, Christmas in July, like the sale?
- Yeah, that's exactly what it is, sure.
- All right, you want me to go first?
- Like where you got that suit, the Christmas in July sale?
- You ready?
- I'll take a shot.
- Oh, you doing wet?
- Just give people an idea how tough this is.
- Okay.
Oh, nearly got it on the rebound.
Give me another ball.
- You could have hit it if you wanted to.
- Now, when are you going to jump in here on this?
- Oh, I'm going to do it right now.
- Oh!
Oh!
You may not need me.
- Finish it off.
Go ahead.
- Oh!
- Make Daddy proud.
- Wait a minute.
- Here, all right, all right.
Let me try it.
- You do it.
- Oh!
- I heard a--
- Oh!
- We have to pay for those.
- What?
- You don't get those.
- Oh, they want it back.
- Get it.
- All right, that's fine.
Jay, thank you very much.
- Watch this.
- All right, look out.
All right, now you're just showing off.
- Jay Thomas, ladies and gentlemen.
- Thank you.
- Ladies and gentlemen, here's tonight's top 10 list.
Let's try it right now.
Let's try it right now.
- Let's try it right now.
- Let's try it right now.
- Let's try it right now.
- Let's try it right now.
- Oh, they want it back.
- All right, that's fine.
Jay, thank you very much.
- Watch this.
- All right, look out.
All right, now you're just showing off.
Jay Thomas, ladies and gentlemen.
- Thank you.
- Ladies and gentlemen, here's tonight's top 10 list.
Let's try it right now.
We got a great show for you tonight.
Liv Tyler, is there a lovelier, a nicer human being?
Oh my, how beautiful.
Thank you very much, Bill.
There was a time when I thought maybe, thank you.
A guy from Cosby's just came up.
And there was a time I thought that, you know,
maybe Liv Tyler and I would be married
and live happily ever after.
- I remember, yeah.
- But there was one stumbling block.
You know what that is?
I'm five times her age.
- Her age, yeah.
She's in the new Lord of the Rings,
The Two Towers movies.
It's in theaters right now.
And then Jay Thomas will be on.
And Jay Thomas comes on as part of our tradition here
at Christmas at the Late Show.
You see, we have the meatball up there on the tree.
And this all started when we had Vinny Testaverde on the show
years and years ago.
And he was gunning footballs at the tree
and he couldn't hit the meatball.
And then Jay Thomas comes running out with a football
and he just, within one shot, like a rifle,
he just knocks the--
- Pow.
- Knocks the meatball off the tree.
- Yeah.
- And as we've been doing it every year and it's uncanny,
the guy comes out here, fires one, and bang, he gets it.
It's like it's laser.
It's like it's a laser-guided thing.
So Jay Thomas will be joining us on the program.
And also a favorite of ours, and this has been going on
for as long as we've been doing this show almost.
Don't you think, Paul?
- Yes, yes.
- Our good friend, your good friend, Darlene Love
will be singing Christmas Baby Please Come Home.
- That will officially announce the start of the Christmas season.
- That's right.
- Going to take a shot even before Jay comes out.
Are you going to take a shot?
- I'll take a shot, just to show you.
I won't--
I won't get anywhere near that.
- Whoa!
- I got nothing.
I got nothing.
He'll come out and he's going to be a bingo.
So, all right, hey, hey, wait a minute.
Hey, hold it, hold it.
The pep rally was last night.
Getting ready for the big game against state.
Cool.
You guys have a nice head look.
Okay, this is going to be exciting.
Every year, this time, our next guest takes a part
in a treasured late show tradition,
the Holiday Quarterback Challenge.
Is that what we're calling it?
That's pretty good, yeah.
He can currently be seen in a film enti