Name: Jay Thomas Collection on Letterman, Part 4 of 4: 2008-2014
Uploaded: 2019-12-19T17:47:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jay Thomas Collection on Letterman, Part 4 of 4: 2008-2014' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-12-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jay Thomas Collection on Letterman, Part 4 of 4: 2008-2014' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-12-19. Transcript available.

Jay Thomas Collection on Letterman, Part 4 of 4: 2008-2014

all right then uh oh this is so exciting and it warms my heart we didn't get a
chance to do this
last year because of that horrible uh writers guild strike that went on and on
and on uh so
it's been a year or so two years since we've seen our next guest it's always a
pleasure to have him
on the program it's a cherished holiday tradition it's called the holiday
quarterback challenge
for the 10th year ladies and gentlemen please welcome back i mean is there a
funnier man in
the world no sir jay thomas no absolutely not he has his own uh sirius xm radio
program here he is
jay thomas everybody
thank you wow thank you wow thank you you know uh how are you hey nice to see
you nice to see you
too merry crispy how you doing how's that radio gig going by the way it's going
very well we had a lot
serious xm thing people wanted me to turn on you and throw the ball right at
your head that's what
i don't know why what have i done it's a vicious group of individuals oh my god
yeah you're over
there with uh our buddy howard howard stern i'm over there i actually do his
show on fridays you do his
show i do the show on fridays i'm like the i'm like the uh the the uh the uh i
don't talk a lot of
sex and stuff i don't but now you mean i'm like the announcer with no sex you
fill in for howard
or are you actually just a guest on the show i don't know what you call that i
fill in i'm the
howard stern of uh of friday mornings on 101 yeah do you do you have a studio
in your home like big
stars do or do you have to go to a place to do the show i go to a place to do
the show i thought you
had a big studio in your home i don't have a big home anymore dave well i'm
sorry what do you mean
what god's sakes i appear one time and this is about it for me do you ever
think about me one
time the whole year except for this i think about you all the no you don't just
want to go home
that's all i want to do now um oh i'm gonna kill you in addition to the uh
tradition of knocking the
meatball yes off the tree right there's another part of the tradition which i
love and to me this is
the best single best tv story ever told sure by a celebrity on tv well of
course
i think you're supposed to applaud now you idiots
my god what i wouldn't i wouldn't antagonize the audience now after what we've
just lived through
all right ready oh yes i am ready
i lived in charlotte north carolina when i was a disc jockey and i used to open
uh dodge dealerships
uh with the lone ranger i would go around and open dodge dealerships now when
you say the lone
ranger it was the real clayton moore the actual clayton moore he took it very
seriously he was very
stoic uh we would go uh he had the guns he had the the sky blue outfit he had
the hat he had the mask
kid the whole thing and and and and we would stand he wouldn't tell us many
things once i asked him
if tonto really meant stupid in spanish and that's why they call the indian tonto
and did kimosabe mean kiss my ass in navajo didn't want to say yeah so took it
very seriously
very seriously always dressed met the children he was the lone ranger i was a
long-haired guy
my friend mike martin and i would go behind the dumpster during the appearance
and we would get all
herbed up right and we would continue to be herbed up as the appearance went as
the appearance went
so as the appearance drew to a close we were not sure where we were what planet
we were on or what
what we were doing the horny body was and we didn't even know what car dealership
we were at after a
while so i was just about to get my old beat up volvo to go home and it and and
they didn't have a ride
for the lone ranger to get back to the red roof inn uh which was on moorhead
boulevard so he turns
to us and he said could you someone give i said we'll give you a ride back so
we put him in my old
beat up volvo and he sits in the back and he's the lone ranger got the mask he
got the mask and the
hat and the whole thing and he had to like hold his guns to get into the car
you know and he sits in
the back of the car like this and mike and i are trying not to act stoned so we're
like we're going
about you know four miles an hour down you know we're not saying a word we stop
it's you know five
o'clock traffic this middle-aged guy in a buick in front of us he he stopped
and all of a sudden he
wants to get out of the traffic he backs into the car i can hear my headlight
crash and he pulls away
and he and he runs away and i go my god he busted my car up so i we got to
catch it so i pull out in
my volvo and i begin to chase him we got five cylinders i'm chasing him you
know and in the
back the lone ranger is just in the back like this stoic not saying a word just
in the back like that
just like that we chase this guy in the buick and we we pull in front of him
like that and mike and i
both jump out and we go hey man you crashed into our car back there he says i
did not i said yes you
did so mike gets up yes you did man so we're all saying that to him and he says
oh really why don't
you call the cops who do you think they're going to believe me or you two hippie
freaks and the lone
ranger gets out of the car and he says they'll believe me citizen and the guy
says i didn't know it was
you didn't know you didn't know it was you all right we gotta go over here now
yeah that's a great
story let's go over and knock the uh meatball off the thing sure here we go
now let's uh roll the montage here's how it all began let's go back down memory
lane 1998 there's
uh vinnie testivert as 1999 i can't read the thing thank you 99 look at this
unbelievable through the
years it's been 10 years 2001 bang right on the money you're just like the girl
like a laser there
i think i got one oh and then last year well that was two years ago oh here's
last year take a look at
last year there you are sitting at home close to the strike what did i what
that was me last year at
home now do i get the throw yeah you you take three shots and then if you don't
have it all get in
all right you're ready here we go ladies gentlemen oh we got the girls again
right nice to have you
back good to see you how you been okay there's one everybody look out there's
two whoa man
oh give me one more give me one more yeah thank you dave yeah buddy thank you
thank you thank you
thank you thank you there he goes how about that boy we'll be right back with
mickey rorick everybody
hi i'm lieutenant corey lever deployed to ali base iraq i just want to say hi
to my wife
britney and my three little ones kylie brendan and bailey in great falls montana
i love and miss you
guys happy holidays great falls montana the electric city uh ladies gentlemen
continuing now with our
program featuring a late show holiday traditions a cherished tradition here at
the show is the annual
holiday quarterback challenge that's right the quarterback challenge
for the 11th year please welcome back a very funny gentleman and let me ask you
a question is there a
funnier man in america than j thomas i don't think so the host of his very own
serious radio program here he
is mr j thomas thank you very much for uh being on the show 11 years it's just
right you know what the
response is there is a funnier guy than j thomas it was pretty friggin quiet in
here
jay it's the holidays is there a bigger group of ass
hey no oh jay oh my it's the holiday wow what is what is wrong with you well
you're here once a year
could we try it again perhaps i don't know i don't know i was very upset now jay
let's try to put this
behind us well i'm back there it's all i have all i have left why don't you
explain yeah uh the uh
origin the genesis of the quarterback challenge well what happened was is vinnie
testaverde uh was
here and i had bet a lot of money on a playoff game for the jets and i was so
excited to be here and
you said hey we're gonna knock a meatball off of the christmas tree he said
come back and you said
throw it yeah so i go in the back and i'm i call all my friends i go i'm gonna
go on with vinnie
testaverde so the time came and no one says anything to me so biff is back
there now no one knows me and
i go hey um whatever your name is i i need to go out there he goes no you're
not and he shows me a list
i go no no dave said for me to that's right come out be part of the fun and
they're throwing it and
he's missing it and all this this is vinnie testaverde right nfl quarterback
right can't get anywhere
near the beat nobody and and and biff goes you can't go out there and i swear
to god i go
and i fake him and he goes that way and i ran out that's the truth and when i
come out i'm like
my eyes are huge and you go oh jay yeah come on sure yeah so biff was chasing
me so
i grabbed the ball and i i bam and i hit the thing first shot the crowd goes
nuts i meant and
like a laser guided rocket my 10 year old son is in the back and vinnie testaverde's
wife is wearing
like an animal fur coat and uh my son starts saying my daddy beat vinnie my
daddy yelling
and she goes sit down you little bastard and so so the next day
i call my bookie and i go this guy can will never win another game yeah yes and
that was it he was
done true story right wow now wait
i can't get over the fact let me apologize to each and every one of you i think
it's about time that's
just what i was gonna say because in a few moments i may have to tell us funny
story and i would i don't
want you to be angry prior to the telling very few i don't know why i said that
yeah steroids i i don't
know why i said yeah it's how long have you been in show business anyway that's
not the first move you
make no it's awful isn't it it's awful i don't know why i haven't gone now let
me ask you another
question over the years and i think this happened why are you back there i have
to keep turning like
i mean you're here you're here once a year if you were to come to my house and
i would sit in the
living room would you be
you know you know what that's called well no it's called upstaging no no no so
it makes no
no it makes me have to go here's what it here's what it is what is it no what
is it well i mean
i almost twisted my back what's talking what's more important my comfort or
your comfort well that's
true you're comfortable uh okay so all right well now that you have the
audience firmly in your
corner oh i do i have my hand part of the uh
i don't part of the tradition of you being here for the holidays and the
quarterback challenge
the story about you working for a small radio station in a southern town that's
right that's right
and um and i had told this story only privately it's the best story i've ever
heard and it was
christmas about 10 or 12 years ago and i come out with my little story planned
and you said give me
a gift and i said what is it tell me this story about you and the lone ranger
and i had never told
it publicly so um i i worked for a small radio station it was actually big in
the area big ways it was called
w-a-y-s and we would open the car dealerships and back then i was one of the
few white guys with a
with an afro i had the big giant afro and we would open the car dealership and
so a guy um named pickle
more pickle more we have a picture by the way of pickle more with the lone ranger
uh this picture's
never been shown before that's pickle that's the lone ranger and that's the car
dealership that's a used
dodge truck there's the lone ranger clearly a sense of humor right right that's
pickle more uh his
daughter sent that to us so i want to thank i know her name is sweet relish i
don't know what her last
name is so i go to the thing and i'm talking and doing the remote and come down
and get an oil change
and buy a truck and the whole thing and the lone ranger is there and he's and
the kids are coming
he's got the guns and everything else my friend mike martin uh who's in the
record industry uh he
comes to visit me and he's got the long long hair and the big stacked heels and
the and the tight jeans
like a like a bay city roller and so he gets me and we go o