Name: Kamarr Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 2: 1990-1998
Uploaded: 2019-12-24T17:55:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Kamarr Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 2: 1990-1998' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-12-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Kamarr Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 2: 1990-1998' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-12-24. Transcript available.

Kamarr Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 2: 1990-1998

You know, whenever you see our next guest on the show, you know one thing for
sure, some
big star had a really bad cold.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome K-Mar, the Discount Magician.
You know, K-Mar, sometimes we joke like that and we make fun and so forth, but
we're really
always happy to have you with us.
Thank you.
We've been together since 1983.
Well, not necessarily together.
So now you have your anniversary again.
Here we are.
Okay, K-Mar, take it away.
Knock us down.
Okay, two birds.
I want everybody to help me.
This is the night of the anniversary of David Letterman.
That's right.
Two birds.
Here we go.
The magic word is alakazam.
What's the two birds?
Alakazam, everybody, please.
There it is.
Did you say it?
Once more, alakazam, go.
Wow, wow.
Wow.
Wow, wow, wow.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Now, David, if I, now there's no gimmicks.
If I have time, we're going to make, we're going to make gimmicks.
There's no gimmicks.
That means the birds are actually dead.
David, there are no gimmicks.
We're going to make this rabbit disappear if we have time.
Oh, sure.
I think we have time to make the bunny disappear.
We have time?
I don't know.
Do we have time?
I have beautiful things for you.
Okay, well, whatever you want to do, Kimar.
I'm going to do the encore for you.
The encore.
Okay, you're running the show.
Beautiful piece of equipment.
All right.
Here we go.
Is your own electricity good?
All right.
Now, David, come over here.
Kimar's home shop.
What do you want me to do?
I want you to be comfortable, David.
I don't want any harm to you today.
Check on the birds, will you?
Sit down, please.
Lie down.
All right.
I want your head to be comfortable right here and your legs over the board.
Okay.
Take your jacket off.
We don't want to wrinkle.
Thank you, sir.
Don't wrinkle the jacket.
Yeah, that's...
Ladies and gentlemen, David, let him in.
Okay.
Lie down, sir.
What the hell?
I just got here?
Lie down, sir.
All the way down.
Take your time to hurry up.
All right.
No, no, no.
I want your head on the board.
I don't want your head back.
Don't shout at me, please, David.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
How'd you like that?
All right.
Let's move it up to 40, and I'll do 20.
What is next?
Now, David, oh, my God.
I don't want you to make any stupid spasms in your body to spoil the trick.
So I'm going to cover you.
Take this.
Take it to the other side.
Be nice with David.
Be nice.
That's it.
Okay, David.
Stay on the medication, right?
We have here, ladies and gentlemen, an election show.
Man.
K-Mar, is this like a reenactment of your honeymoon or something?
No.
David, pull up your thing for a second.
What do you mean pull up my thing?
You're back.
I want to put this through.
Up all the way.
Hey, hold it.
Wait a minute.
There's a battery pack back there.
You might electrocute us.
No, we're okay.
Kathy, push them out.
What do you mean we're okay?
We're okay.
Yeah.
The towel.
Oh, the towel.
Yeah, get the towel.
Get the towel.
Look at the towel.
Where's the towel?
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
You forgot the towel?
What is that supposed to be?
Well, we don't want you to be dirty.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
With the blood.
So we've got to do it.
What the hell is under there?
You know, this doesn't fit.
It doesn't fit.
It doesn't fit.
Well, squeeze.
Squeeze a little bit more.
Oh!
Squeeze, David.
Okay, just like that is good.
Just like that is good.
It's not even on.
It's okay.
Do you know the damn trick?
Just like that is good.
Okay.
All right.
Yes.
Oh!
Don't move, David.
Just move.
Don't move, David.
Oh, hold it.
I need it.
I need my gloves.
I need my gloves.
Where's my gloves?
Thank you.
Oh!
Oh!
Sorry!
Sorry!
Yes, yes.
Thank you.
Okay.
Get me out.
Get me.
Get away from me.
Just get away from me.
This looks like the cover of The Post, doesn't it?
No, we don't have time for another trick.
No.
No, what are we doing?
Oh, we have to go away.
We'll be right back.
All right, we'll be right back.
Okay, so I'm cleaning my rifle, see?
I thought I emptied the chamber, but there was like a shell left.
And that guy is goofier than he ever was.
Let's see.
Oh, oh, it's time.
It's the time.
Is the lobster here?
Okay.
Ladies and...
I look like I might have dinner at John Gotti's house.
You know it's been a good show when there's blood on the notes.
As a special treat for young and old alike, all the way from Webster Shellfish
Farm in Freeport, Maine,
ladies and gentlemen, to sing Blueberry Hill, please welcome Simon the Singing
Lobster.
Hey, no, that's you.
That's not the lobster.
Try it again.
Wow.
Stay tuned for NBC's...
Stay tuned for NBC's...
Oh, the things in the white.
Stay tuned for NBC's...
Oh, God.
I've lost it.
I've lost it.
We got it!
All right, welcome back to the show.
Now, look, here's one.
Look, Personal is the name of this book, and look at what it says here.
Can we see this, Hal?
This is unbelievable.
Redheads wanted for coffee and conversation.
What is going on over there?
Uh-oh.
Wait, did we hear it or not?
There you go.
Ladies and gentlemen, one of my guests, one of my next guest's most amazing
tricks
is that he somehow convinces us to have him back on the show.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome K-Mar, the discount magician.
K-Mar.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
He's got like an owl or something.
Come on.
Oh, he's got a big kind of fish in there.
Ah, K-Mar, nice to see you.
K-Mar, this is Meg Parsant.
This is my assistant.
This is K-Mar.
Oh, this is your assistant?
I don't know you're a magician.
I have my assistant right here.
All right, nice meeting you.
This is K-Mar.
Be careful.
Oh, very, very nice, big time.
Oh, my hands are weird.
There you go.
Take a bow.
The fish.
All right.
Now, get rid of that fish.
You know what kind of fish is this?
Well, it's been very near some radiation, some powerful radiation.
All right, K-Mar, let's get to the tricks.
You know how long they live?
Those fish?
Yeah.
In your hands?
In your care?
200 years.
Maybe an afternoon?
200.
David!
On the way to the gig.
David, are you ready for a good magic show?
Sure we are.
Okay, you always do.
K-Mar, try not to startle Meg.
Okay.
She has laryngitis.
David, listen to me very carefully.
Okay.
I always prepare something spectacular for you the last one.
Now, you're a big man, so I brought you a big man.
I'm an enormous man.
I have the strength of 10 men.
And I'm a small, so I have a small.
I'm 6'8", 220.
When you say K-Mar, the whole, it was full of applause.
Yeah, and we talked him into coming back.
Come on.
Oh, yeah.
They love me.
They love me.
Okay.
Now, we're going to make a cake because I heard it was your birthday.
You enjoy cake?
It was your birthday, all right?
That's right.
So what's more beautiful to make a cake?
In April.
Better late than never.
Yeah, that's right.
All right, all we need is some eggs, some ingredients, a little magic, and a
little imagination.
Here we go.
Now, I want you, David, stand over here, hold your hand like this, like a
waiter, because
I'm going to give you the plate with those real eggs.
Meg, you can hold one.
Oh, good, Meg.
All right.
Now, hold it over here, please.
Just like that.
Oh!
What happened here?
K-Mar, you cut up.
I am.
You clutch.
You clutch.
I am sorry, David.
That's a discount.
That's a discount trick.
Careful, though.
Don't slip in there.
Come right over here.
You break yours, too?
Meg, why you break yours?
Oh, shut up, K-Mar.
I didn't tell you to break yours.
Okay.
Put a little flour, David.
A little flour.
A little flour here in mine.
A little flour in there.
Salt.
Oh, excuse me.
I'm sorry.
It's going to pay for the dry clean.
I know.
All right.
A little salt.
Yeah.
A little salt.
A little pepper.
Geez, you're overdoing it on the pepper.
What are you nuts?
How about a little lighter fluid?
And a little lighter fluid.
Sure, K-Mar, of course.
K-Mar, when you bought this trick, did you read the instructions carefully?
Oh, now we need an egg again.
What?
Now we need an egg again.
We need another egg.
Okay.
All right.
Well, like this.
Would you please reach inside because he's afraid the little mouse in there.
With the clean hand, the other hand.
Thank you very much.
Oh, just the clean one.
Thank you.
Oh, it's an egg.
Would you please break it in there?
All right, Meg.
Go ahead and put it in there.
All right.
Hey.
Now, David, you break this in over there.
What is this, K-Mar?
Like an exploding egg or something?
No, no, sir.
No more jokes.
It's not going to take my hand off, is it?
I apologize.
That was a mistake over here.
Somebody did this backstage.
Okay.
You have the light?
You smoke?
No, I don't.
I'm sorry.
You have the light?
His assistant is here.
All right.
Wow.
David, watch this.
The camera watches.
Up.
Oh.
I'll watch a little more fire, David.
Oh, wow.
Now, I'm going to cover the first one, David.
And I'm going to produce the cake.
And the other one will produce another cake.
Ali!
I'm sorry.
What was that?
Ali.
What did you say?
Oh, no.
What does he say?
Oh, I made a mistake.
I made a mistake.
Kathy, what happened to the cake?
Kathy, what happened to the cake?
Instead, we have...
Oh, my God.
Look at what I have.
Wow.
Wow.
Happy birthday, David.
All right.
Wow.
Unbelievable.
Ali.
My birthday was two months ago.
Barely than ever.
What can I do?
You didn't tell me.
Nobody told me.
April 12th.
We're now in the middle of June.
Nobody told me.
Could you please pick up the other one, David?
Okay.
Here, watch yourself.
Take it up.
Careful, David.
Take your time.
Hurry up.
Oh, happy birthday.
Wow.
Hey, David.
David.
Come here, David.
Come here, David.
Wow.
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah.
Now...
I wouldn't eat that if you put a gun to my head.
No, David, it's very tasty.
Watch, it's very slip, uh, slip, uh, over here.
Yeah, okay.
Maybe we can eat the cake after the show.
All right, K-Mar?
I'm hungry.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Good idea.
Get K-Mar full of sugar.
Watch yourself.
Watch it.
Watch it.
Oh, man, this is very dangerous.
Come on, we're coming now to the most fantastic part of the show.
Find that hard to believe.
This is the Houdini pillory.
The Houdini?
The Houdini pillory.
No one ever escaped.
No one ever escaped.
Not even David Capuchel.
No.
How much time do we have?
We have one minute, K-Mar.
Here we go.
Well, get inside, and I'm going to make your head small, and you will vanish.
No, I'm not.
Come on.
I don't want to...
No, I don't want to get in there.
I don't want...
Come on.
Let's attack.
Okay, David, here.
David, please.
We need you here.
We need you.
Very gently, David.
Now, you might want to point out this is genuine plywood.
That's right.
Put your head gently, David.
I don't want to hurt you.
Okay, like this.
Very good.
Now, once...
I have a lot of lower back pain.
Okay, like this.
Wait a minute.
All right, that's close.
You have to bend down, David.
Okay, all right.
Now, we've got to put the locks, and once we put the locks, he will never,
never get out
his head.
Okay, let me have your hand, sir.
Well, uh...
Thank you very much.
Put him there.
Another one over here, so no way he can escape now.
All right, David.
Ladies and gentlemen, the beauty...
All right, you're still going to come off.
Put your hand over there.
David, please, behave.
Behave, David.
All right, here we go.
Okay.
Now, what are you doing?
I don't want to...
You're putting...
Okay, Meg, come over here.
I'm going to put this to protect the secret, and your head.
It will become smaller, David.
Okay.
Push your head gently back.
Very gently.
Push back.
Yeah.
Push back.
Come on, got the push his head.
It didn't fit.
Take your time.
All right, ladies and gentlemen.
Whoa.
She escaped.
The chains are there.
Unbelievable.
I actually hear people in the audience booing.
Booing.
That was it?
Was that some kind of trick?
Yeah, I don't know.
An elephant?
Yeah, maybe.
I was here.
He only did the soul trick.
What do you expect?
Who was here?
Zig, if you don't know, you had a few months, you did the soul trick.
Yeah, yeah.
That's big for the show like that.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
But anyway, the main thing is that you escap