Name: Teri Garr Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 5: 1985-1986
Uploaded: 2020-01-03T23:04:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Teri Garr Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 5: 1985-1986' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-01-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Teri Garr Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 5: 1985-1986' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-01-03. Transcript available.

Teri Garr Collection on Letterman, Part 2 of 5: 1985-1986

Thank you, Paul.
We forgot to do this.
Let's do this really quickly.
We'll get it out of the way and then on with the show.
It's lucky number time.
We turn on the machine, mix up the numbers.
Our first number tonight, ladies and gentlemen, is seven.
Our second number tonight is six.
Our first number tonight is seven.
Two numbers.
Our third number tonight is three.
Tonight's lucky number, ladies and gentlemen, is seven.
Thank you very much.
Your prize should be arriving by UPS, so look for the big brown truck.
My first guest tonight is a very talented and delightful woman.
We're always happy to have her on the show.
She is about to have two films released.
One is Miracles with Tom Conte and Martin Scorsese's After Hours.
Please welcome back to this program Terry Garr.
You look terrific.
Thank you very much for being here.
You know, we missed you.
It's been a while, and we're always very happy to have you on the show, and
thanks again.
Thank you.
So?
So why do you want me on here?
I never have anything to say.
No, no, you always have plenty to say.
What have you been doing?
What's new?
I know you've got two movies coming up, the Tom Conte and Martin Scorsese.
Mm-hmm.
And another one.
What's the other one?
Island of the Bossy Women.
No.
No, no.
You made that up.
Yeah, no, I did.
No, that's not a movie.
It's a sequel from Planet of the Bossy Women.
Mm-hmm.
All right, I'm sorry.
You know, when I did that thing the other night, The Night of a Hundred Egomaniacs,
Henny Youngman came up to me, and he said,
Darling, you do these talk shows, you have nothing to say, you have no jokes.
You've got to think of some jokes.
Because he didn't know that I don't do that.
So I thought of a joke, and that was it.
Island of the Bossy Women.
Oh, that was good.
That was very nice.
There you go.
No.
Now, how was the big affair?
Did you enjoy it?
It was more than 100 stars.
It was like 300 stars, wasn't it?
Yeah.
Did you enjoy it?
Was it fun?
It was pretty much of a nightmare, I thought.
Yeah.
Yeah.
From what standpoint?
From every standpoint.
Let's face it.
I thought I would maybe be going there as, you know, as an observer.
I'd be able to watch this and squeeze some humor out of the whole thing.
But it lost the humor.
Did you feel sort of like kind of silly showing up at an event calling itself a
night of 100 stars?
And you sort of like the attitude is, well, I'm a star.
I should be here.
You know, that sort of thing?
Yeah.
Did that bother you a little bit?
No.
I didn't think of it that way.
You know what I mean?
I thought of it maybe.
And I actually, you know, I'm making a mistake talking about it now because now
people will know I'm on it.
But I thought I could maybe slip through and they would never have known I was
on it.
Because there was a lot of people and they all went through fast and you wouldn't
know that I was there.
Well, no, go ahead and talk about it because I think it's important to discuss
it.
Now that the world knows, yeah, I was there.
So if you see someone...
What did you do?
What was your...
Now, were you in a production number?
Did you sing?
Did you dance?
I was in the fashion segment section.
I modeled a Halston dress.
And all these...
There was this big section with all these people that are...
I don't know who these people are.
They are...
Well, they're stars.
What do you mean you don't know?
I know.
That's the problem.
They're Dynasty and Dallas and all those kind of people.
And we modeled clothes.
Except at the very end of this fashion thing, out comes Anne Margaret as the
bride.
Yeah.
Now, if I had known I was going to be background to Anne Margaret, I wouldn't
have done the number,
you know?
No, I wasn't asked if I would like to be the bride or even a bridesmaid.
You know?
I mean, I was just asked, would you want to be the...
No, I'm just kidding.
But the truth is, years ago, I danced behind Anne Margaret, you know, when I
was a chorus girl.
And I thought, now, wait a second.
I'm doing this again?
Oh, well.
It doesn't matter.
It was for charity.
Did you...
Would you do it again?
Would you be in it again?
N-O-P-E.
Yeah.
Means, you know.
Yeah.
But it's a good experience to have once in a while, don't you think?
Well, I think so.
Sure.
Do you know what I thought?
I thought it was like high school.
It was like there was the seniors and the juniors and the sophomores.
There was the Lawrence Olivier, Dustin Hoffman, De Niro crowd.
And then there was the Achievers, Linus Pauling, Helen Caldicott, and those
kind of people,
Christian Barnard.
And then there was the actors, and then there was the sluts.
Just like in high school.
Do you remember that?
Now, who would you lump into that latter category?
Who would...
Well, a lot of the gals that were in my dressing room, if we'd walked down 8th
Avenue on Sunday,
well, I think it would have spoken for itself.
Did you meet stars that you had always wanted to meet?
Well, a few people I did, yeah.
Like who?
Who impressed you?
Like Bob and Ray.
I talked to them.
Now, do they count as one or two stars?
You always ask that.
And the same thing about the McGuire sisters and all the Pointer sisters.
I know, it's a stupid thing.
They count as one.
Yeah, they do count as one.
They do.
But oddly enough, Henny Youngman counts as two.
I don't know why that is.
Now, were there any stars there who counted as a half?
Yes, there were.
There were quite a few.
In addition to Bob and Ray, now, who was a real thrill for you to meet?
Well, I liked meeting all those people that were, you know, the doctors and Dr.
Helen Caldicott,
and they have something to say.
I mean, and they're wonderful, too, because I sat near them in the rehearsal
time or whatever that was,
and we were all gathered there, and they observe it in a much different way
than the stars.
We don't observe it at all.
You know, this, we all, I guess we're in the Rockettes dressing room.
Oh, I just feel so awful coming and dishing the whole thing.
No, go.
Well.
Come on.
So, we get there, and everyone arrives in, like, full Kabuki makeup.
This is, like, 11 o'clock in the morning.
And I think, well, are we going to tape this now?
What's happening?
And then, they get in front of the mirror, and they never leave the mirror.
Ever.
Till 2 o'clock in the morning, before we go on, or whenever the hell, or heck,
it finally went on,
they were still in the mirror.
I mean, forever.
I wanted to look at them and say, now, doesn't there ever come a time when it's,
you go, okay, that's it.
That's as much as I can do.
There never came that time.
It was never over.
It was always more to see.
More to look at.
It was amazing.
We have to pause here for a commercial.
Now, when we come back, you want to talk to anybody on the phone?
Yeah.
Do you really?
Sure.
You don't have to.
Oh, I better not.
Okay.
We'll be right back with Terry Garfield.
Terry Garfield.
Now, what do you want to do?
We have questions here.
We can talk about this.
We can talk about anything you want, or we can go to the phones.
We have people holding here.
You don't have to talk to them.
They invested 50 cents to get through, so it's not like a big deal.
It's not like they had to put their car up or anything.
So, it's up to you.
We've never done it before, and it might go nowhere.
So, if you don't want to do it, we don't have to do it.
Okay, I'll do it.
But I'm not, I listen to anybody.
I listen to cab drivers and everything.
Sure, I'll do it.
But I don't know.
I'm not very good on the phone.
Well, neither am I, and neither are these folks either, as we saw earlier.
Okay.
But, you know, I'll just put it on there, and we'll see.
But just take a question, and we'll just see how it goes.
Okay.
It's an experiment.
Wait a minute.
Is this the one where you say, what's the answer to the trivia question?
You don't have to say that.
It's just kind of an icebreaker.
Okay.
Because there is no trivia question, right?
There is no trivia question.
There also is no lucky number.
Oh.
Yeah.
Now you tell me.
And they'll probably ask you, want to know about Larry Budd or something, and
then we'll screen
those calls and get rid of them.
Okay.
Let's go.
I'll just see who we have here.
Hello.
Hello.
Who is this?
Dave Saunders.
Hi, Dave.
Listen, I want you to talk to Terry Garr and be very nice to her.
Sure.
All right.
Find out where Dave's from.
What's your name again?
Dave Saunders.
Yeah.
Hi.
How are you doing?
Okay.
Where are you from, Dave?
Kent, Ohio.
Where?
Kent, Ohio.
Oh, by Kent State?
Yeah.
Where are you from?
Well, I used to live in Ohio.
Really?
Yeah.
Cleveland.
Land of the Cleves.
That's too bad.
Yeah.
Well, it's okay.
So, what's your...
Do you have a question?
No, no.
I have the answer.
Oh, you have the answer.
Yeah.
This is what we're looking for.
What is the answer?
Dick Clark?
What did he say?
I don't think he said Dick Clark.
Oh, no.
It's Clark Kent.
It's Clark Kent State.
Thank you.
We're going to hold right now.
All right.
Now, that was not too bad, was it?
No.
All right.
Well, maybe we'll do another one of those in a little while.
I was very nice to you, and I understand you're not feeling too well.
You have a little touch of a cold or something.
Well, I perked up, though.
Well, that's good.
Tell me about Miracles with Tom Conti.
What's that like?
Well, I don't know.
It was just a movie we shot in Mexico, and that's all I remember.
Boy, oh, boy.
Now, how long were you shooting the film?
Oh, three months in Mexico.
Ninety days, and you don't remember anything about the film?
I remember lots of trouble.
That doesn't make sense, does it?
I remember a great deal of problems, and that doesn't make sense either.
The people didn't speak English.
The Mexicans, the Mexicans, of course not.
The Mexicans, of course not.
The Mexicans spoke Spanish.
That's right.
So there was a lot of trouble in that area.
Everything from ordering food to ordering special effects to getting things,
you know, times and schedules and that kind of thing was a mess.
Yeah.
You speak no Spanish at all?
No, I don't.
No.
Now, what's the movie about?
You can tell us that.
I can't tell you that.
Not because I don't want to.
It's because I don't know what it's about.
And it was the movie in Spanish as well?
You know, that might be it.
That might be the reason.
Maybe not even be released in this country, perhaps.
No, it will be.
Yeah.
It's about, we get kidnapped, and we get taken to Mexico, and we have to land a
plane, and we have to run across the desert, and those kind of things, you know?
An action-adventure film.
An action-adventure film.
Very funny stuff.
And then you get this after hours, and then what's next for Terry Garr?
I don't know.
Then we're going into that famous gray area.
What does that mean?
You're taking some time off?
Well, there's a little, no, yeah, I'm taking some time off.
Yeah.
I'm sifting through scripts, um, between engagements.
Yeah.
I'm looking for work.
No, you don't need work.
You're a highly sought-after actress.
Really?
Now, do me a favor, come back and see us, because the last time...
What does this mean?
Well, you were nothing.
We were just...
Come back and see us.
Don't wait so long to come back and see us.
How very nice of you.
Because we all missed you.
You did?
Excuse me, Dave.
We like having you on the show, and we'd like to see more of you.
Excuse me, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, you too.
I hate to interrupt, because you're getting along so well and everything, but I
was just
thinking, Dave, about that scene from the movie Silkwood.
Is this a...
I don't mean to interrupt, but you know the scene where Meryl Streep gets
dragged along
by a runaway horse?
Yeah.
You know that...
You remember that?
Do you know, Dave, that she did that scene all by herself?
Yeah, I know, Paul.
You know that Terry Garr was not in Silkwood.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know why I thought of Silkwood.
Yeah.
Just, she looks so great and everything, and I just thought of...
You know, not that she reminds me of Meryl Streep, I just started thinking, but
Meryl Streep
did that, you know