Name: Jon Lovitz, "The Peanut Song" on Late Show, March 9, 2000
Uploaded: 2020-01-26T20:01:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jon Lovitz, "The Peanut Song" on Late Show, March 9, 2000' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-01-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jon Lovitz, "The Peanut Song" on Late Show, March 9, 2000' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-01-26. Transcript available.

All right. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, you are in for a special treat. If there's
one rule in
show business, it's that John Lovitz plus a piano equals magic. So here he is,
the man himself,
John Lovitz. Thank you. Thank you very much.
Just this morning I woke up feeling mighty fine. When suddenly I noticed a rumbling
in my behind.
So I sat down on the toilet seat cause I wasn't feeling good. Oops. Gave a push
out of my tush and noticed
lots of blood. Ew. I know. What could it be inside of me? What could it be
inside of me?
It's just a peanut. Scratching my intestinal wall. Just a peanut. And it doesn't
feel good at all.
I went to the baseball game at the old ballpark. I had a handful of peanuts.
Now one is stuck where it's dark.
I chewed it up good and I chewed it up nice. And it went into my belly.
Then farther down it turned around. Got caught where it's smelly. Just a peanut.
Lodged inside might do. Just a peanut. And the hole is hurt for poo. Just a
peanut.
Man, it hurts like hell. Just a peanut. I think I swallowed a shell.
Now every morning I wake up. I can feel my little friend. Trying to work his
way out of my little rear end.
He works all day and he works all night. Through a big brown mess. But all he
ends up doing is carving up my pink flesh.
Just a peanut. Crammed in my canal. Just a peanut. Been there so long he's like
a pal. Just a peanut.
Thinking of him makes me grin. Just a peanut. I think I'll leave him in. I
think I'll leave him in.
I'll leave him in. Yes, I will. Yes, I will. Thank you.
Good bye. Don Lovitz. Thank you. Thank you. Don Lovitz, give me right now.
Just a peanut.
Thank you. Come on. Let's go, y'all.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.