Name: Paul Newman and David Letterman Collection, 1982-2008
Uploaded: 2020-02-05T19:45:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Paul Newman and David Letterman Collection, 1982-2008' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Paul Newman and David Letterman Collection, 1982-2008' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-05. Transcript available.

Paul Newman and David Letterman Collection, 1982-2008

Thank you, Paul.
Hi, and good morning.
Yeah, generally speaking, I guess it's good morning,
and depending on what time zone you may be in,
excuse the preposition ending the sentence.
Thank you. Good night. Drive safely.
Coming up here in this half hour,
what a show we have assembled.
I forgot to mention this guy, the Worm Man.
Everywhere he goes, groupies, groupies, groupies.
George Schroda will be here, and also Richard Lewis.
First of all, you know, there are a lot of famous people
living right here in New York City,
and, of course, you read a lot about who they date
and where they eat and what they do for fun,
yet there are still a lot of areas no one dares talk about,
so we went down to the DuPont cleaners to file a report on dry cleaning of the
stars.
For most of the United States, it's a long, hard, cold winter,
and it gives you a lot of time to think.
And if our mail is any indication, what you folks have been thinking about most
is
celebrities and their dry cleaning.
Special problems, how do they handle it?
That's why we're here at the DuPont dry cleaners at Amsterdam and 70th.
This is the manager, Frank Waitman.
And, Frank, you get a lot of celebrities in here, don't you?
Oh, yes, quite a few.
Let's just start right over here in the corner with Paul Dooley.
Frank, tell us about his special dry cleaning needs.
Well, he comes in with regular dry cleaning,
such as that, a few times a week,
him and his wife, and nothing over...
Any stains?
Yeah, but they come out, they're regular, ordinary stains.
Do you do any invisible weaving or martinizing for them?
No, martinizing we don't do.
That's a trade name, martinizing.
Would he have pillows sanitized?
No, he hasn't as of yet, maybe one day.
A good rule of thumb, Frank,
how often should you have those pillows sanitized?
Oh, takes three or four years, maybe, before they really go.
Okay.
Marilyn Michaels, now, this is a woman who's very glamorous,
a lot of dressy clothing.
Mm-hmm.
What kind of problems does she have?
All different.
We're tailoring and such as that,
shortening and such as that,
and hurry-up clothing, such as that.
Okay, now, this was pretty exciting.
Paul Newman.
That, he don't come in here,
but the two ladies that are with him do.
Janet and Louise Arters.
Yeah, and they appeared in a film with him,
and they bring in quite a bit of cleaning also.
Again, anything that stands out in your mind
as being unusual or difficult?
Not really.
No, no.
Now, here, I'm pretty much,
it's been run-of-the-mill so far,
but we're Kid Creole and the Coconuts,
and they are odd costumes.
I'm guessing you got some,
you got your work cut out for you there, huh?
Every once in a while, we do.
Yeah.
And we've had a lot of other people
come in here from the show world.
They move on also, like everybody else.
Yeah.
Okay, you've been a great service to us, Frank.
Thank you very much.
Frank Wakeman, ladies and gentlemen,
answering just nearly everything you need to know
about the celebrities and the dry cleaning.
Thank you.
The heart and soul of the entertainment business
is celebrities.
TV stars, movie stars, you name it,
celebrities is what makes the world go round.
And we can only do so many celebrity interviews
on this program because it's 60 minutes in length,
but we find occasionally by interviewing audience members
who have, in fact, had little episodes
with celebrities in their lives,
we can increase your viewing pleasure.
So that's what we're going to do here tonight,
if any of that makes sense.
Hi, how are you?
Nice to see you.
We thank you very much.
Bob Rooney, ladies and gentlemen, you may...
Okay.
Is there someone here tonight
named Kelly McCallie?
McCallie.
Stand up, if you will, Kelly.
How are you tonight?
Fine.
You look very nice tonight.
Thank you.
Where are you from?
Stanford, Connecticut.
Oh, so in the region, so to speak.
Yeah.
And what do you do for a living, Kelly?
I'm a student.
And where do you go to school?
Southern Connecticut State University.
Is that a real college or one of those matchbook...
It's one of those matchbook ones.
No, no.
And what do you...
And did I ask you what you're studying there?
No, I'm studying journalism.
Oh, so one day you hope to be a...
I don't know.
A reporter or...
Possibly.
Or maybe a newspaper route, one of those.
Yeah, something like that.
Oh, now this would be exciting.
Kelly, and I think I know why,
you had a little episode with this particular star.
Tell us who you had an encounter with, so to speak.
I once rode in a car that had one time had belonged to Paul Newman.
Wow.
Now, you rode, you didn't drive the car, you rode in the car.
Yeah, I rode it.
All right, now tell us what kind of car this was, Kelly.
It was a Volkswagen.
Yeah.
And how did this happen?
How did this whole fantasy thing come to...
I was babysitting, and they brought me home in the car,
and it was Volkswagen.
They told me that it belonged to Paul Newman.
Oh, you mean, Paul Newman, you weren't babysitting for his?
No.
I was babysitting for someone else.
And they said, Kelly, we're running a little short of cash tonight,
but you know, this Volkswagen was once owned by Paul Newman.
Anything special about the car you remember?
Not really.
Yeah?
Did it change your life in any way?
No, not at all.
All right.
Well, good luck to you in your educational career, Kelly.
Thank you very much.
Rode in a car, driven by Paul Newman.
You did a very nice job.
Are you out of school for the summer?
Yeah.
Oh, good.
Have a nice vacation.
Are you folks ready for this?
Are you ready, Paul?
Paul, are you ready?
Doesn't feel like we've officially begun, does it?
It feels a little different than usual.
Yeah.
Kind of loaded.
But you're up there now.
Yeah, we're up here, and we're ready to go.
Just kind of go with it.
Is there a Rebecca Moore Moore Frye?
Rebecca Moore Frye.
Hi, Rebecca.
Nice to see you.
How are you?
Thanks.
And Rebecca, where are you from?
Westport, Connecticut.
Westport, Connecticut.
Near where I live.
New Canyon, right?
That's right.
And do me a favor, don't come by the house.
Okay.
Okay.
Rebecca, what do you do for a living?
I'm a supernatural performing artist.
Let's see.
Is there a John Bloodworth here?
John Bloodworth.
Now, what does that mean exactly, Rebecca?
Supernatural performing artist.
It means I use magic in my act.
Uh-huh.
And what kind of act do you do?
Where do you do it, more importantly, I guess?
Where?
Well, I'm doing Bitter End tonight.
I see.
A club here in the village, right?
Right.
Yeah.
And like a 20-minute act, 30-minute act?
I can do that.
And you use...
It's magic.
It's magic.
Well, sometimes.
Sometimes it's magic.
Other times it's ho-hum.
Well, I'm sure it's a wonderful act, and maybe Paul and I will come down there
tonight to
see you.
Oh, great.
Yeah.
Paul, she does a supernatural act.
Uh, it sounds like a supernatural thing.
Yeah.
Now, Rebecca, tell us about your brush with greatness.
Oh, well, this makes perfect sense.
I see the name here on my card.
Go ahead.
Tell the studio audience and the home viewers as well.
Yes.
Well, I lived in Westport, Connecticut, right near Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward.
That's right.
And we used to share woods with them.
The property was bordered on a mutual side by woods.
Yes.
And there was a river in between.
And we used to bring our dog, Irving, the Irish wolfhound, down in the woods
for walks.
And one time, we were down there, and we hear this, hey, get your dog out of
here.
And we turned around, and it was Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward.
Paul Newman screaming at the top of his lungs.
He was livid, wasn't he?
Yes, because our dog was about to pounce on them, because they were in the raft
on the river.
Oh, they were rafting down the river.
Wow, they have a river on their property?
Yeah.
Ooh, boy.
So then what happened?
So then they kicked us out of the woods.
Yeah, Paul and Joanne kicked you out of the woods.
But.
But there's more to that story, isn't there, Rebecca?
All right, go ahead.
Yes, I'm afraid so.
So, well, we pretended.
It's hot in here, isn't it warm in here?
Yeah, it is.
It seems awfully warm in here.
We have a lot of trouble.
Go right ahead, Rebecca.
Okay, well, we pretended to do as he said, but instead doubled back and hid in
the bushes.
I was shocked to see him open his sack and lower the weighted body of Eric Estrada
into the water.
No, that's plenty, Rebecca.
No, that's plenty, Rebecca.
Now, Rebecca, tonight we have a lovely gift for you.
You know we're going to Las Vegas in a couple of weeks.
Bill Wendell here has a bucket full of nickels.
Really?
That's right.
And you get one handful.
Reach in there with one hand and get as many nickels as you...
This will pay my fare back.
There you go.
Wow.
Thank you very much, Rebecca.
Nice job, Bill.
Nice meeting you.
Good luck to all of you.
Thank you.
One more?
One minute.
Okay.
I just didn't...
I knew Austin was a growth city.
I had no idea that there was 8 million people there.
Jim Muthersbaugh, is there a Mr. Muthersbaugh with us?
Hi, Jim.
Nice to have you here.
Am I pronouncing your name properly?
Close enough.
All right.
It is Jim then.
Okay.
Where are you from, Jim?
Fairfield, Connecticut.
Okay.
Tell us about your encounter.
Well, I was in Westport, Connecticut one day about six months ago, and I was in
the drugstore.
And I was buying a candy bar, and then came Paul Newman.
And he was buying himself a pack of gum, and put the money out, but he was
about five cents short.
So I reached in my pocket, and I loaned him a nickel for him.
That was very thoughtful of you.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
What is Westport now?
It's about two million, isn't it?
Yeah, we're growing, though.
We're growing.
But there's more to the story with you and Paul, right?
Yes, there is.
Okay, Jim, tell us the rest of this.
Later, out behind the drugstore, I spied Mr. Newman searching through a dumpster
for deposit bottles.
Then I realized the blue-eyed actor was down to his last cent.
Out of pity, I took him back to my home, where he cleaned out the gutters in
exchange for a crisp dollar bill.
That's very nice of you, Jim.
Nice meeting you.
Thank you very much.
Here's your bundle of newspapers.
We'll be right back with Michael Keaton.
He is here.
Mickey Mantle.
And thank you for our brother out there.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
We're back.
We're back.
So I understand that you were in hell for the last time.
We were in hell.
You know, the whole thing stinks because we don't have our writers here on this
show, and we've been without them for four months, and we're having to do the
show without the writers.
And so I come back today.
Today is the first show.
Yes.
The first show.
Guess what I hear from NBC.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Not a phone call.
Not a handshake.
Not a note.
Not a card.
Nothing.
Welcome back, Dave.
Thank you very much, Mr. Wright.
Private C. Wright.
But I mean, even...
Donald Peerstein.
Thank you.
But I mean, even...
Now, when I was married, even I was married for like 10 years.
That was some time ago.
Some time ago.
That's right, Paul.
Even after the divorce, my wife was kind enough to let me stop by for her.
So, and I just think that...
During the divorce proceedings.
Oh, no, this is after the divorce.
Oh, even after the divorce.
Yeah.
So you're saying...
So I'm saying, if she could do that for me...
Yeah, yeah.
At least the network could call...
Could something call one of these boneheads, pick up the phone, and call...
The day you're going back, unguarded, without your troops around you...
Nothing.
I get nothing from these guys.
Not even a basket of fruit?
No, I got a basket of fruit.
Oh, well.
But it wasn't from the Wright guys.
It was from Mysterious Department.
What is the name of the department?
Talent Relations.
Talent Relations.
I couldn't be more honored to get something...
That's pretty high up in the machinery here at NBC.
Well, that's what they're in charge of at Talent Relations.
Anyway, did I mention that the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers
are money-grubbing sc