Name: Flan, a Rhesus Monkey, and More on Letterman, August 26, 1987
Uploaded: 2020-05-24T01:08:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Flan, a Rhesus Monkey, and More on Letterman, August 26, 1987' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Flan, a Rhesus Monkey, and More on Letterman, August 26, 1987' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-24. Transcript available.

uh let's go on to the next one i don't think there's any point in saying that
well an insider
says he thinks gary hart will be re-entering the race for the democratic
presidential nomination
uh and his feeling is that the man has been out of politics a couple of months
and he should be getting really horny by now so he'll be back in there
uh okay who's on the big show you're axing yourself there in the comfort of
your living room or den
and tonight we have jerry seinfeld sean young oh a very engaging young woman is
here did you meet sean
earlier paul i did have occasion to meet her before the show she's in the brand
new motion picture uh
which way's up no no way out no way out brand new film no way out with who she
had the last
apparently the last documented fun that anybody will ever have in the back of a
limousine is that
right in this particular picture well certainly and and apparently a big hit
big hit with uh gene stapleton hackman gene hackman
it's a it's a blockbuster this film anyway she's uh uh quite a wonderful woman
and also rena smaha is
here with her friends ladies and gentlemen and now here's one of our friends mr
paul schaefer paul
thanks thank you very much you know i met a guy on the street today and he said
he said i don't yeah
i don't have a chance to cast a show as much as i'd like to he says what is
with this letterman guy
why is everybody making such a big fuss over him what's so great about him uh-huh
i looked at the guy
and i said hey a cat comes out and does a show that's you know that's all i had
to say
okay well thank you very much paul for sticking up for me i certainly
appreciate that you know i
meant that from the bottom i appreciate it what uh what are we doing here
tonight oh this is fun let's
go into the control room right now and take a look at what hal gurney is
wearing tonight it's time once
again for what's hal wearing here we go into the control room at the massive
audio and video
control center there he is our own director hal gurney yes hal what are you
wearing tonight hal well
tonight dave it's the uh the blue shirt blue shirt tan chinos the tan chinos as
hal was calling them
brown actually yeah the brown loafers brown loafers so once again it's the blue
shirt the tan pants
and the brown loafers thank you very much all you look wonderful as always we
played uh baseball softball
in yankee stadium over the weekend uh cbs evening news we were defeated 14 to 4
and uh uh mayor ed
koch was there and it's still i can't understand exactly why was the mayor
there at this little game
in yanky stadium hasn't this guy got better things to do than show up at a
little uh picnic softball
game that little game that we were playing with cbs news yeah nothing about 20
people there right ed
cot shows up yeah he's i think he's getting bad advice let's uh what are we
going to do now let's uh oh
the top 10 tonight's category here it is the top 10 from the home office in scottsdale
arizona top 10
things overheard in a general electric research lab top 10 things overheard in
a general electric
research lab here we go number 10 wow look at that stuff burn number nine i
keep forgetting which is
ac and which is dc number eight are you crazy do you know how much a recall
could cost number seven whoops
number six watch what happens when i toss these bolts into the turbine number
five hey i think this is the
episode where they almost get off the island number four what we save on the
radiation shield we can put
into advertising number three the new guy developed a new long lasting
inexpensive filament kill him
number two the squid is no longer responding to the mind control ie
and the number one thing overheard in a general electric research lab here
comes the tour group put on your
pants
so
so
oh my gosh look what look what happened here it is right over here is that is
it okay let's just see
is it still is the thing still working excuse me could i have just a little
thank you very much
that's just uh whoops pardon me does it do we have any more out there
is that it okay so we just leave it right out here okay so it can enjoy the
rest of the show
okay yeah all right there you go can we see no that's no that's no good let's
oh here we have a little a little extra cable oh good that's disc it must be
disconnected
what's the disc it's a hot put it down we'll work on it can there's no way i
can connect it hal
no i don't that i don't don't recognize any of that
you're going to fix it we need somebody to fix this uh paul you got a mallet
over there yeah
i'll fix it up we got a guy who can fix it okay
just put that back there yeah okay now what do it no let's not do that if you're
if you're if
you're very quiet i think you can hear a conversation going on backstage no oh
there it is
uh well i don't know about uh the rest of this country but i know paul and
everybody on our staff
everybody here in new york everybody in nbc we uh we really got caught up in
that pan am game mania
for two weeks and and we were stunned on sunday when in the final game the gold
medal game for the
basketball championship the the united states pan-american team was defeated
for the gold medal
truly an upset by the brazilian team the final score was 120 to 115 this took
place sunday afternoon
in indianapolis and brazil defeated the united states in that game and we lost
the coveted gold medal so
i thought tonight i would i would do what i can do to see if we can't return a
little of the glory
to to this grand republic so let me paul do we have any dialing music we're
calling the brazilian
coffee house over on 46th street here in midtown manhattan
this is actually an area of new york known as little brazil and we have a menu
from this establishment
here and we'll see if we can't get some carryout food brought over to the
studio
uh yes sir my name is david letterman i'm calling from just around the corner
here at nbc we're doing
a television show can i uh can i have your permission to put your voice on the
air please
yeah okay good he'll talk to us what is your name sir alfredo alfredo nice of
you to spend some time
with us on the phone say alfredo did you see the basketball game on sunday
between the u.s and brazil
yes i did well you must have been pretty happy about that huh i saw the first
half uh-huh you saw
the first time are you brazilian alfredo yes oh well there you go and most of
the people who work in
the restaurant are they brazilian ninety percent well yeah you're just the guy
i want to talk to you
you have the oldest brazilian restaurant in north america you have the oldest
brazilian restaurant
in north america 1962 1962 it's a proud old heritage that dates back to the 60s
it's uh uh all right
now i tell you what alfredo uh we're we're gonna need some uh carry out food
what what is your minimum
uh delivery order delivery order yeah we don't deliver no no no no we we gotta
we want to spend a lot of
money here we want to get a lot of food over here so what would be the minimum
we could have uh uh
brought in oh fifty thousand dollars fifty dollars fifty thousand fifty
thousand yeah i'm only teasing
yeah i know you're teasing so what what would it what would it take to get the
food over here uh
fifty dollars a hundred dollars oh yeah no problem now which one fifty like brazil
we're dying for
money okay uh so i want to order a hundred dollars worth of flan okay
can you do that for us of course okay now you're going to bring this over as
soon as you can right
away okay now i wanted i want it brought over here by the tallest guy you got
working for you that's
about four four six the the tallest brazilian on the payroll it's about four
six all right now how
how long will it take you to get over here we're just around the corner on
sixth avenue uh how do you
want to interrupt how do i want to what him uh you want him in shorts or i i i
don't know how do you
want him dressed well put him in a kilt all right how do we want him dressed i
don't well you mean right
now the waiters do the waiters right now he's naked right and i okay just send
him over however
are you david letterman i'm david letterman just send send over the guy with
the food okay
what kind of food do you want i said i want a hundred dollars worth of flan
we'll get you a day in brazilian beer is that right what you want some brazilian
beer no i don't want
brazilian flan do you have flan there a plan what kind of plan do you want and
i don't it says here
and under your desserts on the last page here flan oh flan caramel custard flan
there we go i thought
they just say a plan no no no i have a plan and it includes moving back to indiana
but now listen
uh flan can you send us a hundred dollars worth of flan oh my god okay all
right get it over here
yes okay as soon as you can and the tallest guy you got over there you want to
get beat together
okay send it over what's the address huh we're at uh what's the address 12 12
30 rockefeller plaza
what floor six thanks paul sixth floor sixth floor sixth floor sixth floor what
room uh it's i don't know
look it's one of the few rooms doing a tv show right now
well we'll see it send it over okay bye bye bye
i just want to say something here paul yeah easy
we'll be right back
all right
our first guest tonight has come all the way from her home in las vegas to be
with us ladies and gentlemen
please welcome to this program rena smaha and her friends folks come on out
hi rena how are you nice to see you
break break break break break break break break break break okay very good that's
good
bravo come on all right
go the other way yeah all right get up here come on
bring it up here all right okay that's right
okay sit down all right say hi to everybody hi y'all out there
hey no wait a moment here he's uh he's not delivering he's not delivering flan
is he
not yet pick it up there what uh what is it here we go what what what here we
go all right here we go come on
come on you too huh all right
oh i love it i love it bravo very good say take a bow you dizzy little ding-a-ling
very good
spanish thank you okay yes david why don't you tell us what we have here okay
what we're having
here not a dog and a cat is it no this is a rhesus monkey this is sandy she's
five years old hi sandy how
are you can is it all right to touch sand yes of course you can go hi how are
you yes
sandy why don't you go get your chair down
stay over there bring it up here bring it up here good okay now max you want to
sit here oh you too huh
okay now uh sit down all right okay now you know we have the party later oh
yeah yeah okay
okay and quite a party it'll be too okay but now rena uh why exactly the day
well as you can see
david now what's the deal on why is that animal so obviously uh upset no she's
not upset what she is is
totally surprised and madly in love with you so come on over here and let's get
a patty on her and so
what she comes down i want that on the coroner's report look here watch watch
see uh-huh
yeah you want to hug and love him too go ahead come on what the hey come on now
she's don't let her do
do that oh what you're gonna do no okay okay she says come on she says look i
gotta love her
pat her pat her on the back around the back yeah
very much thank you okay okay okay now david why don't you help us and assist
us here with a little
bit of fun sure we're going to do they get along pretty well together very well
together we all get
along well together that's right you take the gun all right it's only it's only
a prop it's a toy gun
there are no bullets in here yet come on over here let's sit down right here
stand right there now
i'm going to place this candle on the top of max's head so pick it up there
again how old is max max is
about eight years old how old will he get does he live to a nice old age he
will live to be about
25 or 30 years old what depending on how it goes here tonight
uh-huh now on the count of three you will turn around and eat and shoot the
candle from the flame
at the count of three at the count of three i'll turn around okay okay ready
now one two
and three turn around shoot the candle oh wait a moment oh sorry try it again
okay ready
you're ready now max let's go it's been one of those nights okay ever since
come here come over here come here come here over here come here max come here
come here come here
listen you lost it you got to go find it it's got to be somewhere around here
we gotta be
oh hi sit down oh is it you have a little that's cute i don't believe it's a
little tail light
all right let's forget that let's forget that come on over here they're
mandatory on the 87s
you know you have to have that on the we're going to do the party later right
now geez right now
come on over here david let's go we'll try and hypnotize this monkey see if
that works come on over
here now i want you to stand in front of me right here all right now offer your
hand to sandy
okay paul are you busy
i'll be just try this one more time we're going to come over here i think the
animal senses that i'm
i'm a little nervous tonight nothing's going right and i'm a little nervous
offer your hand to the
lady like a gentleman she's
oh you're a big man it's a little monkey she's gonna she won't she's gonna leap
at me and pull
a vein out of my neck and kill me nope i won't let her do that okay hold your
hand out there let her
touch it pick it up sandy pick it up be nice
all right forget it stand up here we'll stand here now hypnotize it from this
point i'm gonna go wait
for the brazilian guy i'll be uh max sleep sandy sleep what is that don't be
silly come on get down
there what is that baloney all right let's forget it and go on to the tea party
you want to go to the
tea party go get the tea party we're going on to the tea party forget it come
on let's get a tea party
this is what a charming animal yeah glad you're still thinking kid all right i'll
be all right
i'll be right over here i'll tell you what david we're gonna let you try this
you want to pick a
take the drink and i'll let you serve the drinks all right i'll be serving the
drinks a couple of
glasses out here open the bottle that's right and pour a little bit over there
maybe you'll get some
maybe you won't oh gee all right all right here we go all right pour a little
bit in max's glass
pour a little bit in max's glass not you you'll get you'll get there that's
right pour a little bit in
sandy's glass quietly all right thank you that's good enough you know it's you
know it's all my
fault i'm just a little jumpy today i'm sorry that's right and i and i think
the animal senses that i'm
uncomfortable we're gonna make you stand over there while we share this banana
all right in peace wait a
minute do we all get bananas oh yeah okay now the small piece for you guys and
the biggest piece is
oops is mine okay all right put it there good you know you know rena we have
okay now sandy you want a little bit don't start that one here we go and they
make wonderful pets
they're they're great with infants i don't believe rena we have to we have to
we have to go i'm sorry
all right thank you thank you very much thank you for bringing the kids in we'll
uh we'll be right back
hi welcome back to the uh show and my apologies to rena and her her friends i
think it was probably my
fault because the animal could sense that i was uh a little jittery a little jittery
a little jumpy
because things aren't going that smoothly here tonight so we'll we'll have them
back on as soon as
possible right
all right he's here he has the flan come on in what is the gentleman's name do
we know we have any idea
come on in sir how do you do hi come here put it right down here just put it
right down there
what is your name louise nice to meet you louise thank you very much how much
do i owe you there
excuse me i say how much do i owe you there for the flan and so okay um how
much do i owe you what
what is it going to be i have a 10 over here uh-huh okay that's great it will
100 cover it louise
because we're a little strapped for time there's a hundred dollars come on over
here louise you're
going to help us out did you uh watch the basketball game saturday sunday the
brazilian the brazilian
are you are you in fact brazilian you are you are from brazil okay so you must
have been very very
pleased with the outcome of that basketball game on sunday oh yeah okay but we're
going to try and even
up the score larry let me have the ball there you go all right here we go you
and i are going to
alternate best out of three go ahead take one oh luis carlos from brazil ladies
gentlemen best out of
three alternate okay take it again take it again because he's he's not
accustomed to the uh court here
okay that's one all right let me try one now you just stand over there okay
okay all right even up even up best out of three here we go take it again
all right you know you don't need any monkeys over at the restaurant do you
okay okay your last shot your last shot this is your only chance to tie it up
right now
it's too bad all right all right so i have i won the competition
you don't know how proud i am larry bring bring the medal hey louise i'm sorry
thank you very much
you're welcome we have the medal thank you thank you very much okay it's done
it's over
well uh we'll be right back with jerry seinfeld thanks for your trouble bye-bye
you uh you folks here in the studio audience are here on a very special evening
uh years from now
you'll be able to tell your family and friends you know i was at the show that
caused letterman to retire
okay just a quick reminder the new guy will be here tomorrow night thank you
folks see everybody bye-bye

Flan, a Rhesus Monkey, and More on Letterman, August 26, 1987

uh let's go on to the next one i don't think there's any point in saying that
well an insider
says he thinks gary hart will be re-entering the race for the democratic
presidential nomination
uh and his feeling is that the man has been out of politics a couple of months
and he should be getting really horny by now so he'll be back in there
uh okay who's on the big show you're axing yourself there in the comfort of
your living room or den
and tonight we have jerry seinfeld sean young oh a very engaging young woman is
here did you meet sean
earlier paul i did have occasion to meet her before the show she's in the brand
new motion picture uh
which way's up no no way out no way out brand new film no way out with who she
had the last
apparently the last documented fun that anybody will ever have in the back of a
limousine is that
right in this particular picture well certainly and and apparently a big hit
big hit with uh gene stapleton hackman gene hackman
it's a it's a blockbuster this film anyway she's uh uh quite a wonderful woman
and also rena smaha is
here with her friends ladies and gentlemen and now here's one of our friends mr
paul schaefer paul
thanks thank you very much you know i met a guy on the street today and he said
he said i don't yeah
i don't have a chance to cast a show as much as i'd like to he says what is
with this letterman guy
why is everybody making such a big fuss over him what's so great about him uh-huh
i looked at the guy
and i said hey a cat comes out and does a show that's you know that's all i had
to say
okay well thank you very much paul for sticking up for me i certainly
appreciate that you know i
meant that from the bottom i appreciate it what uh what are we doing here
tonight oh this is fun let's
go into the control room right now and take a look at what hal gurney is
wearing tonight it's time once
again for what's hal wearing here we go into the control room at the massive
audio and video
control center there he is our own director hal gurney yes hal what are you
wearing tonight hal well
tonight dave it's the uh the blue shirt blue shirt tan chinos the tan chinos as
hal was calling them
brown actually yeah the brown loafers brown loafers so once again it's the blue
shirt the tan pants
and the brown loafers thank you very much all you look wonderful as always we
played uh baseball softball
in yankee stadium over the weekend uh cbs evening news we were defeated 14 to 4
and uh uh mayor ed
koch was there and it's still i can't understand exactly why was the mayor
there at this little game
in yanky stadium hasn't this guy got better things to do than show up at a
little uh picnic softball
game that little game that we were playing with cbs news yeah nothing about 20
people there right ed
cot shows up yeah he's i think he's getting bad advice let's uh what are we
going to do now let's uh oh
the top 10 tonight's category here it is the top 10 from the home office in scottsdale
arizona top 10
things overheard in a general electric research lab top 10 things overheard in
a general electric
research lab here we go number 10 wow look at that stuff burn number nine i
keep forgetting which is
ac and which is dc number eight are you crazy do you know how much a recall
could cost number seven whoops
number six watch what happens when i toss these bolts into the turbine number
five hey i think this is the
episode where they almost get off the island number four what we save on the
radiation shield we can put
into advertising number three the new guy developed a new long lasting
inexpensive filament kill him
number two the squid is no longer responding to the mind control ie
and the number one thing overheard in a general electric research lab here
comes the tour group put on your
pants
so
so
oh my gosh look what look what happened here it is right over here is that is
it okay let's just see
is it still is the thing still working excuse me could i have just a little
thank you very much
that's just uh whoops pardon me does it do we have any more out there
is that it okay so we just leave it right out here okay so it can enjoy the
rest of the show
okay yeah all right there you go can we see no that's no that's no good let's
oh here we have a little a little extra cable oh good that's disc it must be
disconnected
what's the disc it's a hot put it down we'll work on it can there's no way i
can connect it hal
no i don't that i don't don't recognize any of that
you're going to fix it we need somebody to fix this uh paul you got a mallet
over there yeah
i'll fix it up we got a guy who can fix it okay
just put that back there yeah okay now what do it no let's not do that if you're
if you're if
you're very quiet i think you can hear a conversation going on backstage no oh
there it is
uh well i don't know about uh the rest of this country but i know paul and
everybody on our staff
everybody here in new york everybody in nbc we uh we really got caught up in
that pan am game mania
for two weeks and and we were stunned on sunday when in the final game the gold
medal game for the
basketball championship the the united states pan-american team was defeated
for the gold medal
truly an upset by the brazilian team the final score was 120 to 115 this took
place sunday afternoon
in indianapolis and brazil defeated the united states in that game and we lost
the coveted gold medal so
i thought tonight i would i would do what i can do to see if we can't return a
little of the glory
to to this grand republic so let me paul do we have any dialing music we're
calling the brazilian
coffee house over on 46th street here in midtown manhattan
this is actually an area of new york known as little brazil and we have a menu
from this establishment
here and we'll see if we can't get some carryout food brought over to the
studio
uh yes sir my name is david letterman i'm calling from just around the corner
here at nbc we're doing
a television show can i uh can i have your permission to put your voice on the
air please
yeah okay good he'll talk to us what is your name sir alfredo alfredo nice of
you to spend some time
with us on the phone say alfredo did you see the basketball game on sunday
between the u.s and brazil
yes i did well you must have been pretty happy about that huh i saw the first
half uh-huh you saw
the first time are you brazilian alfredo yes oh well there you go and most of
the people who work in
the restaurant are they brazilian ninety percent well yeah you're just the guy
i want to talk to you
you have the oldest brazilian restaurant in north america you have the oldest
brazilian restaurant
in north america 1962 1962 it's a proud old heritage that dates back to the 60s
it's uh uh all right
now i tell you what alfredo uh we're we're gonna need some uh carry out food
what what is your minimum
uh delivery order delivery order yeah we don't deliver no no no no we we gotta
we want to spend a lot of
money here we want to get a lot of food over here so what would be the minimum
we could have uh uh
brought in oh fifty thousand dollars fifty dollars fifty thousand fifty
thousand yeah i'm only teasing
yeah i know you're teasing so what what would it what would it take to get the
food over here uh
fifty dollars a hundred dollars oh yeah no problem now which one fifty like brazil
we're dying for
money okay uh so i want to order a hundred dollars worth of flan okay
can you do that for us of course okay now you're going to bring this over as
soon as you can right
away okay now i wanted i want it brought over here by the tallest guy you got
working for you that's
about four four six the the tallest brazilian on the payroll it's about four
six all right now how
how long will it take you to get over here we're just around the corner on
sixth avenue uh how do you
want to interrupt how do i want to what him uh you want him in shorts or i i i
don't know how do you
want him dressed well put him in a kilt all right how do we want him dressed i
don't well you mean right
now the waiters do the waiters right now he's naked right and i okay just send
him over however
are you david letterman i'm david letterman just send send over the guy with
the food okay
what kind of food do you want i said i want a hundred dollars worth of flan
we'll get you a day in brazilian beer is that right what you want some brazilian
beer no i don't want
brazilian flan do you have flan there a plan what kind of plan do you want and
i don't it says here
and under your desserts on the last page here flan oh flan caramel custard flan
there we go i thought
they just say a plan no no no i have a plan and it includes moving back to indiana
but now listen
uh flan can you send us a hundred dollars worth of flan oh my god okay all
right get it over here
yes okay as soon as you can and the tallest guy you got over there you want to
get beat together
okay send it over what's the address huh we're at uh what's the address 12 12
30 rockefeller plaza
what floor six thanks paul sixth floor sixth floor sixth floor sixth floor what
room uh it's i don't know
look it's one of the few rooms doing a tv show right now
well we'll see it send it over okay bye bye bye
i just want to say something here paul yeah easy
we'll be right back
all right
our first guest tonight has come all the way from her home in las vegas to be
with us ladies and gentlemen
please welcome to this program rena smaha and her friends folks come on out
hi rena how are you nice to see you
break break break break break break break break break break okay very good that's
good
bravo come on all right
go the other way yeah all right get up here come on
bring it up here all right okay that's right
okay sit down all right say hi to everybody hi y'all out there
hey no wait a moment here he's uh he's not delivering he's not delivering flan
is he
not yet pick it up there what uh what is it here we go what what what here we
go all right here we go come on
come on you too huh all right
oh i love it i love it bravo very good say take a bow you dizzy little ding-a-ling
very good
spanish thank you okay yes david why don't you tell us what we have here okay
what we're having
here not a dog and a cat is it no this is a rhesus monkey this is sandy she's
five years old hi sandy how
are you can is it all right to touch sand yes of course you can go hi how are
you yes
sandy why don't you go get your chair down
stay over there bring it up here bring it up here good okay now max you want to
sit here oh you too huh
okay now uh sit down all right okay now you know we have the party later oh
yeah yeah okay
okay and quite a party it'll be too okay but now rena uh why exactly the day
well as you can see
david now what's the deal on why is that animal so obviously uh upset no she's
not upset what she is is
totally surprised and madly in love with you so come on over here and let's get
a patty on her and so
what she comes down i want that on the coroner's report look here watch watch
see uh-huh
yeah you want to hug and love him too go ahead come on what the hey come on now
she's don't let her do
do that oh what you're gonna do no okay okay she says come on she says look i
gotta love her
pat her pat her on the back around the back yeah
very much thank you okay okay okay now david why don't you help us and assist
us here with a little
bit of fun sure we're going to do they get along pretty well together very well
together we all get
along well together that's right you take the gun all right it's only it's only
a prop it's a toy gun
there are no bullets in here yet come on over here let's sit down right here
stand right there now
i'm going to place this candle on the top of max's head so pick it up there
again how old is max max is
about eight years old how old will he get does he live to a nice old age he
will live to be about
25 or 30 years old what depending on how it goes here tonight
uh-huh now on the count of three you will turn around and eat and shoot the
candle from the flame
at the count of three 