Name: Third Anniversary Special on Letterman, January 26, 1985
Uploaded: 2020-06-29T22:28:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Third Anniversary Special on Letterman, January 26, 1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Third Anniversary Special on Letterman, January 26, 1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-29. Transcript available.

Third Anniversary Special on Letterman, January 26, 1985

Saturday Night Live will be back next week with host Reverend Jesse Jackson and
musical guest Andre Crouch.
Now stay tuned for David Letterman's third anniversary special.
The following is an NBC special report.
This is New York's Lenox Hill Hospital, where each year close to 3,000 babies
are born.
And 13 blocks away, New York Hospital delivers another 3,700 babies every year.
Each of these babies is, of course, special, but during the next 90 minutes,
only one of them will be showered with wealth and fame beyond comprehension.
Because tonight is the third anniversary show of Late Night with David Letterman,
and the first baby born during this show will become the Late Night Baby,
the most powerful, most celebrated, most envied infant in history.
From New York, where rebel gunfire in the surrounding countryside cannot mar
our official celebration,
it's Late Night with David Letterman.
Tonight, it's our third anniversary show, with appearances by Eddie Murphy,
Steve Martin,
Jane Pauling, Billy Idol, and Bill Murray.
Also, Stupid Petrix, Dropping Stuff, You Were Male, and other golden moments.
And now, a man who's backstage putting rosin on his tongue gave it a lot of us.
And now, a man who's backstage putting rosin on his tongue gave it a lot of us.
And now, a man who's backstage putting rosin on his tongue gave it a lot of us.
And now, a man who's backstage putting rosin on his tongue gave it a lot of us.
And now, a man who's backstage putting rosin on his tongue gave it a lot of us.
And now, a man who's backstage putting rosin on his tongue gave it a lot of us.
And now, a man who's backstage putting rosin on his tongue gave it a lot of us.
And now, a man who's backstage putting rosin on his tongue gave it a lot of us.
And now, a man who's backstage putting rosin on his tongue gave it a lot of us.
And now, a man who's backstage putting rosin on his tongue gave it a lot of us.
Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to our, this is going to be our third anniversary celebration.
And we're so happy you could join us.
Now, tonight on the show, we are going to have highlights from previous shows.
And I think they're MASH, Taxi, and Mary Tyler Moore.
So, you're in for a wonderful evening of viewing.
But, you know, the one thing that I'm really proud of over the last three years,
the support from this network, NBC, has been unbelievable.
But sometimes you get the feeling that not all executives are going to the same
meetings.
I'm coming down in the elevator to the studio earlier this afternoon, and an
executive gets on.
I'm not sure of the man's name, I'm not sure what he does, but we know for sure
he's an executive.
And he says to me, well, I guess you're really excited, getting excited now,
aren't you?
And I said, yeah, as a matter of fact, I am.
And he said, me too, I really love the Pro Bowl.
So, we did some figuring out this afternoon.
In three years, we have done 502 shows.
There have been 3,800 commercials.
And 136 surprise walk-on visits by Bob Hope.
So, Friday night.
I'll tell you what, say hello to Paul Schaefer, and then I'll tell you what's
going on here.
Gentlemen, how are you?
Paul, nice to see you.
David, good to see you.
Three crazy years, three nutty, cuckoo kind of years.
And tonight, with the band, mention who's with the band tonight.
Oh, we were thrilled.
We got him.
He's ours.
Mr. David Sanborn.
David, thank you very much for being here.
Tonight, what we're going to do is we're going to take a look at things that we've
done over the last three years
that we think are well worth repeating or close.
So, we'll be doing that.
But, in addition to that, as you saw at the beginning of the show, the first
baby born during this 90-minute period
at either Lenox Hill Hospital or New York Hospital will become the official
late-night baby.
And, gosh, what a way to come into this world, huh?
So, I'll tell you what let's do.
Let's check in now with our remote crews and our correspondents.
First of all, we're going to go to Lenox Hill Hospital here in Manhattan at 77th
and Lexington Avenue
and our correspondent there from NBC's NFL 85, Mr. Bob Costas.
Bob, tell us what's going on there at the hospital right now.
Well, David, as you know, I'm standing on the sixth floor of Lenox Hill
Hospital
and right behind me, through these very doors, two women actually are in labor.
And the attending nurses have told me there is no way to guarantee that they
will deliver during the show.
However, in situations like this, Dave, you never know.
So, we'll be back to you throughout the program.
This is Bob Costas, standing watch at Lenox Hill Hospital.
Thank you very much, Bob.
And I know you'll do everything you can to lend a hand there.
Now, let's go to our second hospital.
This is New York Hospital.
It's located at 68th Street and York here in Manhattan.
And our correspondent there tonight and throughout the evening,
the voice of the World Wrestling Federation and host of TNT, Mr. Vince McMahon.
Dave, as you know, there are lots of mothers in New York City.
There is a mother, as a matter of fact, recently giving birth,
approximately 35 minutes, a little too premature here in New York Hospital.
Nonetheless, perhaps that baby may be disqualified.
Then again, there are some other ladies right back in that hallway
trying very, very hard.
This is such an auspicious occasion, as a matter of fact.
One of the ladies that just gave birth earlier on, Mrs. John Martino.
We may be interviewing the father, John Martino.
But right through this office, the former head of pediatrics
has decorated this office unbelievably
in hopes that we will have a very, very big birthday party here.
So we're very much looking forward to this hospital, New York Hospital,
being the one deemed having, of course, the late night baby.
All right.
Probably not a bad idea to have some oxygen standing by for Vince.
Okay.
All right.
There you have.
The scene is set.
The first child born at either of those hotels will stop the proceeding.
Why?
I keep saying hotels.
At either of those hospitals.
In fact, if you have a child that's going to be born in a hotel,
phone us now and we'll set up.
Okay.
So that's what's going to happen here tonight, hopefully.
Now, the next thing we're going to do for three years,
every Thursday evening on this program,
we have taken a few moments out to answer our voluminous viewer mail.
Tonight, we are going to show you a random sampling of our viewer mail
and the responses to said.
This is letter number one, and I'm not sure exactly when this came to us,
but it begins,
Dear Dave, you know how before a commercial break,
the technicians bring the audio down on your microphones
and they turn them up on Paul's band.
Well, invariably, this happens,
and you lean over and you say something to your guest.
Could you please let us in on what we're missing?
For instance, tonight, Julia Child was on.
What did you lean over and say to her?
This comes to us from Holly Barter, Alexandria, Virginia.
Well, Holly, that's a good question.
You know, we do turn up the volume on the band before going to commercials,
so we can all enjoy the music here in the studio,
but I really don't remember exactly what I did say to Julia Child that night,
so I think we'll just take a look at the videotape
and try and listen in on that conversation.
We'll be back with Julia Child.
Julia, how about a dance?
How about a dance?
Too bad Vince wasn't with us that night to break it up.
Now, letter number two begins,
Dear Dave, my boss thinks that you are pond scum.
Therefore, I must agree with him or I will lose my job.
Sorry.
Deepest regrets.
It comes to us from Jeff Weinrack, Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Well, Jeff, I can see why you would want to meekly agree with your boss,
but sometimes things don't work out quite the way we expect.
Take a look at this film entitled Getting Along at Work,
prepared by the Department of Commerce in conjunction with the National Council
of Churches.
Jeff Weinrack worked at Donorama, a small donut shop in Milwaukee.
One day, Mr. Kenyon, the manager of Donorama, asked him a question.
You know, Jeff, I think David Letterman is pond scum.
You agree with me, don't you, Jeff?
Gosh, should I stand up to him and tell him what I really think?
Or should I be a coward and go along so I can keep my miserable little job?
Well, of course I agree with you, Mr. Kenyon.
You're the boss.
And that, Jeff thought, was that.
But there were a few things Jeff didn't know.
He didn't know that Donorama is owned by Cake City,
which in turn is a wholly owned subsidiary of Snacks Unlimited,
a national distributor of chip and snacking cake products.
And Snacks Unlimited is a division of one of the largest conglomerates in the
world,
Planetary Services Incorporated.
And who is the chairman of the board of Planetary Services?
David Letterman.
Jeff was fired the next day.
So learn the lesson Jeff didn't.
Know who your real boss is.
Certainly words to grow by.
This brings us now to letter number three.
Dear Dave, I was thinking yesterday that a fab idea for you
would be for you to have a practical joke show.
This is from Sally Davis, Halstead, Pennsylvania.
I think Sally is referring to a program like TV's Practical Jokes and Bloopers.
Well, Sally, you know, coincidentally,
we have been kind of kicking around the idea of a show like that.
In fact, here's a little scene that I think you may be seeing right here on NBC
pretty soon.
Every day, our own Paul Schaefer walks right through this doorway here,
and then he goes down these stairs.
So we thought maybe it would be really fun to put a lot of grease on those
steps
and see what happens.
Let's watch.
Are you all right?
Oh, I think it's my spine.
Yeah.
All right.
Letter number four.
Dear Dave, what was the man outside your window on your December 3rd Monday
show?
He had a camera.
Sincerely, Barbara Barrett, Seattle, Washington.
We looked into this, Barbara.
Our show isn't the only production that uses this particular studio.
For example, NFL 84 is here on weekends, and you're not going to believe this,
but one night we actually caught a Japanese film crew in here trying to make a
low-budget science fiction movie.
Let's take a look at a scene from that film, and I think you'll recognize a
couple of things.
Oh, that massive radiation bomb that went off was very awful.
What will happen next?
It is the most...
All right.
Letter number five.
Now, this is an interesting letter.
Dave, are you really that goofy-looking?
Or are the studio cameras fouled up?
Randy Townsend, Evanston, Wyoming.
Well, you know, this is...
You know, I never really thought of myself as amazingly good-looking,
but I'm not sure that I would describe myself as, you know, goofy.
Hal, are we having difficulty with the cameras?
Could that possibly be the problem?
It seems a trouble, Dave.
We're not using that for the moment.
Are you all right, Hal?
I think so, Dave.
There's no one giving birth in there, is there?
Two women in labor, Dave.
Oh, my God.
I tell you what, Hal, even though we're having trouble with camera number three,
go ahead and put it on the air so we can see
if maybe that's what's causing me to appear goofy-looking, okay?
Okay, take her.
Okay.
Yeah, okay.
Apparently, that's the problem.
Okay.
We have one more letter.
Is that correct?
We're up to letter number six.
Dear Dave, last Thursday, the 22nd,
you had Liberace on your program,
when you cracked an egg with one hand.
If possible, could you show how that is done?
A very dedicated viewer from Pennsylvania.
Well, you know, you've touched on an important aspect of our show.
Such tricks as this do seem easy,
but in order to look good on television,
it actually involves a great deal of work.
To better explain, here comes another one of these.
Here's a clip from a short documentary
narrated by actor Mark Hamill
and produced by NBC in association with Futura Optics,
a division of Eastman Kodak.
Here we go.
One-handed.
Okay.
Like much of what we see on Late Night,