Name: Trump Top Ten & Viewer Mail on Letterman, April 6, 1990
Uploaded: 2020-07-09T23:12:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Trump Top Ten & Viewer Mail on Letterman, April 6, 1990' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Trump Top Ten & Viewer Mail on Letterman, April 6, 1990' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-09. Transcript available.

David, you know, I forgot to tell you, I forgot to tell you that two nights ago
I went to Lombada night at Cafe Society Club downtown.
I went to observe it. It was great. I walked in, there was a receptionist there,
a gorgeous maitre d' and she said $5 covered charge for the dance floor.
So I said, well, I'm not going to dance. I just want to have a drink. She said,
you're not going to dance? I said, no, just a drink.
She says, fine. She says, just don't sneak out on the dance floor now. That
wouldn't be nice.
And I said, you know, if I, an old man my age, if I only had the strength to
sneak out on the dance floor.
To sneak out on Lombada. But Paul, tell us, what did you learn of the Forbidden
Dance of Love?
Well, you know what? There was nobody doing the dance. They were doing the Marenga
and they were doing the Bossa Nova.
And I said to the bartender, why is no one doing the Forbidden Dance? He says,
it's forbidden.
Now, wait a minute. You can identify those two dances, the Bossa Nova and the Marengue?
Well, I can identify them. You can spot them and identify them.
I heard the music playing and I figured they must be doing those. No, I can't
identify them.
The Forbidden Dance of Love. I don't think anybody's doing it. I just think it's
for goofballs, don't you?
Forbidden for goofballs.
Forbidden Dance of Love for goofballs.
Here's our top ten list. We've got a big show. We've got to get right to it.
You know, Paul, I'm sitting here as you're telling your little Lombada story
and I'm thinking that Brent Musburger is on the program tonight.
And there's a message in that situation for all of us. Any one of us could get
fired.
Boy, do I ever know that to be true?
Yeah.
Are you trying to tell me something?
No, no, no, no. I just, instead of actually paying attention to your Lombada
story, that's what I was thinking about.
I'm sorry, no, no.
Well, I don't blame you. I don't blame you.
You didn't miss much. Just, you know, it's forbidden.
The category tonight, top ten things overheard at the opening of Trump's Taj
Mahal, that big billion-dollar casino down in Atlantic City was opened last
night.
Were you invited to this, Paul?
Pardon?
Were you invited to the opening?
No, I, I, I, I must have gotten lost in now.
Top ten things overheard at the big opening last night.
Number ten, kindly take this gentleman's bags to room 1710, Merv.
Number nine, would you please sign this prenuptial agreement?
Number eight, I wonder if we'll catch a glimpse of the reclusive Mr. Trump.
Number seven, of course your credit's good here, Mr. Rose.
Number six, security, security.
Security, Ivana is on level five.
Number five, merciful mother of God with a single turn of the wheel, my life
savings gone.
Number four, which way to the Trump toilet?
Number three, I'm afraid we don't have a Yahtzee table, Mr. Quayle.
Number two, Yahtzee.
Yahtzee, the forbidden dance of love.
Number two, wow, I didn't know Dave Letterman could sing.
And the number one thing overheard at the opening of Trump's Taj Mahal, I'm in
Taj Mahal.
There he is.
Okay, we got a huge show.
We have to get right to it.
Let's do our viewer mail.
Friday is the night we answer our viewer mail.
And as always on Fridays, the presentation of tonight's viewer mail is being
assisted by the Puma 206 Access robotic arm.
Here it is.
Take it away, Anton.
Get ready for real television fun, ladies and gentlemen.
All the way from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, from the laboratories at Westinghouse.
It cost us $6,200.
Soon to be assisting in the delivery of the viewer mail.
There it is, the robotic arm.
It ain't over quite yet.
All right.
Letter number one.
Thank you, Willard.
Dear Dave, what do you do to get yourself prepared for a show?
Just curious.
Chris J. Reader, Charlottesville, Virginia.
I don't know, Chris.
I've never been prepared for a show.
I've never been prepared for a show.
I've never been prepared for a show.
I've never been prepared for a show.
I've never been prepared for a show.
I've never been prepared for a show.
I've never been prepared for a show.
I've never been prepared for a show.
I've never been prepared for a show.
I've never been prepared for a show.
I've never been prepared for a show.
I've never been prepared for a show.
I've never been prepared for a show.
I've never been prepared for a show.
I've never been prepared for a show.
I've never been prepared for a show.
I've never been prepared for a show.
I've never been prepared for a show.
I've never been prepared for a show.
I've never been prepared for a show.
I've never been prepared for a show.
It's the executives from CBS Sports.
Letter number two.
Here we go.
Was that only one?
That was only one.
I'm exhausted after one piece of mail.
Dear Dave, what would you do
if I gave you a million dollars?
Sincerely, yours, Laurie Ann Johnson.
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
Wow, a million dollars.
Man, what would I do with a million bucks?
Jeez, that would really be so good.
You know how I like my canned corn.
Letter number three.
By the way, those clowns were from the circus.
Nice plug.
That's nice of you to plug.
They're from the...
Clowns are from Clown Alley at the Ringling Brothers' Barnum & Bailey Circus,
which is in town at Madison Square Garden through April 29th.
Seems to me like clowns from the circus ought to be enough.
It's unlikely that there would be more than one circus in town at any given
point.
I suppose that's true.
I suppose that's true.
Dear Dave, by now any fool knows that there is no real glass behind your desk.
The sound of breaking glass by way of pencils and note cards was cute but old,
so just bag it, okay?
Cam Chang at Cherry Hill, New Jersey.
Well, Cam Chang, I'm sorry you don't like the breaking glass sound anymore.
I tell you what we'll do, though, just for you.
We're going to try something new.
We'll have the machine here throw a pencil through the window,
and we'll try a new sound effect back there instead of the breaking glass for
Cam Chang.
Can I get you some primatine mist?
Oh, here we go.
What are we doing?
No, we're not done yet, are we?
No, we're not done.
Which one?
Here we go.
Letter number four, ladies and gentlemen.
Man, this robotic arm makes things so much easier.
Hey, Dave, you see that guy in the center section of the audience?
Oh, about four or five rows up, three or four seats from the right?
No, not your right.
The audience is right.
No, next to him.
The guy in the pinstripe suit?
Yeah, you're right.
Him.
Isn't that?
No, I guess not.
Never mind.
Sorry.
Sincerely, Kevin Gallagher, Brooklyn, New York.
Hal, I'll tell you what, maybe this guy knows something.
Let's try and follow these instructions.
So it's in the audience, center section, four or five rows up.
Three or four seats from the right.
No, not your right.
The audience is right.
No, next to him, the guy in the pinstripe suit.
No, isn't that?
Yeah, right there, isn't that?
No, I guess not.
I guess not.
I guess that's not as large.
Sure looks like it, though.
Too bad.
All right, well, there's your green nail for the middle of the night.
We've got a wonderful program here for you.
We'll see you next time.