Name: Psychics Collection on Letterman, Part 1 of 4: Lev Schneider
Uploaded: 2020-09-19T19:01:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Psychics Collection on Letterman, Part 1 of 4: Lev Schneider' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Psychics Collection on Letterman, Part 1 of 4: Lev Schneider' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-19. Transcript available.

Psychics Collection on Letterman, Part 1 of 4: Lev Schneider

Welcome back to the show, folks.
Tonight is international night, and my first guest is a mind reader who was
sent to Siberia
because he refused to use his abilities for the KGB.
We're happy to have him here with us tonight.
Welcome, please, the Kreskin of Russia, Mr. Lev Schneider.
Hey, how are you?
Nice to meet you, sir.
And you are going to be doing the translating for us.
What is your name, sir?
Николай.
Николай, nice to meet you, sir.
Ask Lev, first of all, tell him welcome to the show, and nice to see him,
and thanks for helping out here on international night and what have you.
Welcome back to this podcast, and I want to wish you a pleasure.
Good.
Now, you were a major performer in the Soviet Union.
You used to perform before crowds of 20,000 doing mind reading and so forth.
And then the KGB asked him to go to work for them?
And then did the KGB ask you to go and work for them later?
Yes, they offered him to work for them.
And you obviously refused, and now you're in this country, and we're happy to
have you here.
Now, how did you develop this ability to read minds?
He started to work on stage when he was 14, 15, and then he realized that he
felt in him that ability to read people's minds.
Yes, he does psychological experiments and also hypnosis.
Oh, so you do a little hypnosis.
All right, now we have a...
He does treatments.
Treatments, okay.
Hypnotic treatment.
We have an experiment that we're going to do in the studio tonight.
Is that correct?
Yeah.
Sure.
We have an experiment that we're going to do in the studio tonight.
Is that correct?
Yeah.
Sure.
He wants you to hide any object.
And he wants you to conduct his act, to lead him with your thoughts.
Okay.
And he's going to find the object.
All right.
Now, we...
Earlier this afternoon, about 3 o'clock, I actually hid a piece of property
somewhere in the immediate studio area.
And as I understand it, Lev is now going to have no idea where it is, and he is
now going to lead me to that object.
Is that correct?
Is that pretty much what we're going to do?
He has no idea what kind of object it is, and he doesn't know where it is now.
Okay.
So, I don't think we need you, do we, for this?
We don't need the interpreter.
All right.
You just stay here and be in charge of crowd control.
Now, what do you want me to do?
I just...
I grab you.
Yes, he wants me to take you, to take him by his hand.
Okay, now, let me see what we're doing here on time.
Do we, we want to do it now?
We get right to it?
Okay.
Okay, now, I concentrate on where I put this thing, right?
Right.
You tell him in your thoughts.
Okay.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
He wants to read more clearly.
More clearly.
I can't say anything, can I?
That'll ruin this whole deal if I talk, right?
Okay.
One more, one more, one more, one more, one more.
He wants me to work harder.
I'm sorry, he wants me to work harder.
He wants me to work harder, all right.
Okay?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Хорошо.
Хорошо.
Хорошо.
Хорошо.
Хорошо.
Хорошо.
Хорошо.
Еще.
Еще.
Еще.
Еще.
Еще.
Еще.
Еще.
Мысленно, но точно и четко.
Так.
Так.
Угу.
Угу.
Угу.
Угу.
Мысленно, но точно и четко.
Так.
So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so. Why is he here? Why is he here? Why is he here?
I don't understand.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Yes, yes. More, more.
Еще, еще, еще, еще, еще, еще раз, еще раз.
No.
Yes.
Okay, okay.
No.
Yes, yes, yes.
Еще, еще, еще, еще раз.
Еще, еще, еще, еще раз.
Еще, еще.
Еще, еще.
Yes, yes.
No.
Let's go.
Look.
Look.
He's sure. He's sure. He's sure.
Yes.
All right. Okay.
Excellent. Yes, it's a time of care that we hit earlier.
Very nicely done. Yes, sir. Very, very nice job.
We have to do a commercial, and then you're going to do another one for us if
we have the time.
We'll be right back.
In an age when the differences of nations should advance humanity without
dividing us,
it is only fitting that we turn to cheese as the glue by which one nation
sticks by another.
In that spirit, let us begin with France.
The electric excitement of gay Paris is captured in this tart, pungent, and
altogether daring cheese from France.
Blue cheese.
-Fage. -A bomb.
But first of all, tonight is the night of the great late-night manhunt.
And we're very excited.
Let me show you now and explain to you how this is going to work.
May we have the subject of our manhunt.
Bill Wendell is the subject.
Bill, how are you?
-I'm good. Thanks, Dave.
-Now, Bill, in your entire life have you ever been the object of a manhunt
before?
-Oh, no.
-Did you ever put in any time with a road gang, chain gang, that sort of thing?
-No, no, sir.
-Have you ever been chased by any law enforcement agency of any kind?
-Yeah, but never with dogs.
-Never with dogs.
All right.
And what have you done by way of preparing for the occasion this evening?
-I have here a shirt that I have worn, and if you'll just open that up later,
don't touch it.
-We can't open it now. Right. Okay.
-And just let the dogs sniff at that.
-Okay. So this was... you wore this for how many days?
-Uh...
-One day, Dave.
-One day. 24 hours. Okay.
And what are you going to do tonight?
-I am going to go and hide.
-All right. Where in the building? Is it on the sixth floor?
-On the sixth floor, but that's pretty big.
-Okay. How long have you been in this building, Bill?
-Oh, about 20 years.
-So you know every potential hiding place.
-Nook and cranny.
-All right, Bill. Bill will be the object of our late-night manhunt.
We're going to give you about a three-minute head start, right?
-I appreciate it.
-All right, Bill. Good luck to you.
-Thanks, Dave.
-Thank you, Bill.
-There goes...
-See, I don't know if we needed to see him jog.
Well, okay.
Bill now is the hunted.
At this time, let me introduce you to the hunters.
From Rensselaer County in upstate New York,
here are Dave Anderdonck and Rudy John
from the Rensselaer County Search and Rescue.
Gentlemen, if you'll come out here, please.
Oh, my God.
Wow. What your Toyota is this?
You're Dave?
-Yes, sir.
-Dave, nice to meet you. And Rudy?
-Rudy.
-Nice to meet you, sir.
What kind of dogs do we have here, Dave?
-We have bloodhounds.
-These are bloodhounds.
-Yes, sir.
-And what kind of work do you do with the bloodhounds for the Rensselaer County
Search and Rescue?
-Find missing people. That's our primary objective.
-Now, how does that work?
-Well, you have a missing person, and we will go to your residence, and using a
set article of the person that's missing, we will use the dog to be the key
instrument in finding this person.
-Uh-huh. And are you pretty successful with this?
-Oh, yes.
-All right. Now, normally, you would be in the outdoors tracking, right?
-Oh, yes, sir.
-But tonight, you're indoors. Does that present any problems for you?
-Well, it doesn't make it any easier.
-I see.
-Now, how does this actually work? Are they smelling, will they be smelling
Bill's scent off the floor like we do every day here?
-Wait a minute. All that. Or do they get it through the air?
-Well, being that Bill has just made this track recently, it'll be airborne, no
doubt.
-Airborne. Okay. Dave, what are the dog's names? Boy, this is a beauty, this
guy right here. Who is this?
-This is Moonshine.
-Moonshine, how you doing? And over here, we have...
-Brandy.
-Brandy, nice to see you. And are these guys, are they related? Male and a
female?
-No. -What do we have here?
-No, they're not related. They're both females.
-Both females. Okay. Now, what was the most recent tracking job you guys did?
-Well, a recent one was a man was missing from a nursing home, and the nursing
home personnel searched for four hours.
They didn't find this man. The police called us in. We found the man in 20
minutes.
-20 minutes. Great. So that's pretty good.
-And the man would have been, he wouldn't have made it over the night. He was
in bad shape.
-The same may be true for Bill if you don't find him.
Now, are you pretty confident that you and the dogs can pull this off, Dave?
-Oh, sure.
-Okay. How much time has Bill had for a head start?
-Two and a half.
-Two and a half. So he needed roughly three to four minutes.
So here is the shirt, Dave. Why don't you go ahead and prep these guys for the
search itself.
Now, I'm actually going to go with Brandy. Is that right, Rudy?
-I'll send him and he's finished.
-Okay. You'll do the scenting. I always have another guy do my scenting for me.
All right. Is there anything you can tell us about this procedure?
-Oh, this is the procedure the dog is taught from puppyhood, and it's a habit
that the dog has learned.
-Okay.
-And this is the way you start on a search.
-Okay. Let me know if I can be of any help for you, Dave.
-Okay. You make your dog sick. And you put on the dog's varnish.
What does he keep in there? Just a spare change and personal belongings, a comb,
maybe some toothpaste.
So, you know, if this thing goes overnight, he's ready.
-Come in handy.
-How old the dog is Moonshine?
-Moonshine's two years old.
-And how about Brandy?
-Brandy's eight years old.
-Brandy's kind of the older dog of the two. Hi, Brandy. How are you, honey?
-We'll fight you.
-Yeah.
-You put the harness on the dog, and the dog smells as hard.
-Okay.
-She's got it.
-That's it? So that's it right there?
-Fine. That's it.
-Okay. Now, tell you what, Dave, Dave, before you go over here, hold it, hold
it, hold it, hold it.
Before you do that, we got to do a commercial. We don't want to miss one action-packed
second.
-She's working right now.
-Okay. She's working right now?
-She's looking for this scent, and she's going to take off.
-Okay. We'll scent the other dog, and we'll be back after a commercial to go
find Bill Wendell.
We'll be right back, and we'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
-Hi, there.
We're back.
Look at the ear on this. You can make a briefcase out of these ears. Look at
the size of those.
All right, let me tell you folks what's happening. Bill Wendell has gone and
hidden himself somewhere on the sixth floor, and we've scented moonshine here
with an old shirt from Bill, and moonshine is ready to go. Right, Dave?
All right, and so Brandy needs to get a whiff of the shirt. Oh, how I envy this
dog.
And when she's all set, then we'll all go see if we can find Bill. He's been
gone about six minutes, and gosh, we're worried about the little guy.
Okay, Brandy.
-Hey, got it? -Okay, you got it.
-That was it. Now, what do I need to know to take Brandy?
-Just follow behind. Hang on. -Just follow behind. Well, I might be able to do
that. All right.
Who's going to go look for Mr. Wendell? A little more line?
Now, they're working all the time, aren't they?
They are.
Okay.
Well, I hope there's gunplay, don't you?
It'd be a shame to see Wendell get shot in the foot, wouldn't it?
Now, wait a minute. Brandy, you want to stay with the group?
-No, no, no.
Okay, we're going to look for somebody.
All right.
He may have gone this way.
This is the makeup room across the hall. Hi. How you doing, man?
We're looking for Bill Wendell. Have you seen him?
All right.
Well, now, they're both in here.
Hi, Moonshang. Nice to see you.
All right.
He'll follow this scent.
Wherever Bill's been.
Even an old scent will do, right, Dave?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
They're confused by this a little bit, aren't they?
I know I'm confused.
They are.
Okay.
And Brandy has decided to call it off.
Dog is retiring.
All right.
Oh, Moonshine's picking up a little speed.
All right.
They don't make any noise, do they, Dave?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you have to train them especially for this, or is this something that they
can do naturally?
Do they get along all right as a team?
Well, we don't usually use them.
I see.
Just big jobs like this, I guess you'd use them as a team.
These animals make good pets?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
We've got...
You want to see about going in here, or is that...
I should not smell his or not.
What kind of signals would they give you if they're hot here on something?
They'll show more aggression, and they'll want to move around.
But they don't get nasty, huh?
No, I don't.
